Sirius POV

Monday, January 16th

5 days until the full moon

God I can't stand those grimy Slytherins. That greasy nosed git...

I push the door of the dorm open, automatically looking at Remus' bed first. The worst part about hating him is that I don't. I kick off my shoes, falling onto my bed without a second thought. It welcomes me with warm blanket hugs as always, giving me a decent sleep for the next hour until James wakes me.

Something prods me in the back and I lift my head. "What?" I grumble.

"Peter's still asleep," James mumbles incomprehensibly.

Rolling onto my back I can see him clearly. A towel draped loosely around his waist with a toothbrush sticking out of his mouth. Toothpaste foams in his mouth, a small drip on his chin. I chuckle lightly, noticing that his glasses are still fogged up from the steam. "Thanks," I tell him. I grab my towel, hurrying to the bathroom before Peter. Last time I waited too long and was stuck waiting outside the door listening to a one man concert of the Weird Sisters latest album.

The water hits my bare chest with a light burn from the heat, running down my body. Dipping my head under the shower head, it feels good. It feels like a million raindrops falling onto my face. Despite the fear of storms most people have, I found them soothing. Something magical and beautiful in the heart of it all. It reminds me of Remus in a way.

Resting my arm against the tiled wall, I lift my face higher to let the water run down my neck. There wasn't a moment I haven't thought about Remus. Just the image of his face brings my erection to life. Cursing, I let my head fall as I reach my hand down to grip around myself. My eyes squeeze shut when I stroke it once, replacing my hand with the image of Remus'.

He's still asleep when I return to the dorm. Lately he's been a wreck - though I'm partly to blame. Peter's awake now, humming a tune to himself while combing his hair out. Mary and him have been dating for a while now. I have to admit, they're kind of cute together. She's very small, length and width and exudes a sweetness, so much so that whenever you're around her you're inclined to be nicer. It's bizarre. Especially to me. But she does Peter good. More than I could with Remus, apparently.

I snatch James' belt since he had taken mine accidentally, searching around for my tie.

"Lily's birthday is coming up," James says. "What should I get her?"

When I look at over at him, I notice Remus is awake. His hair is much like James', sticking up in all sorts of ways like he'd just gotten off a broomstick. "Who cares?" I mutter, tearing my eyes from Remus before he notices.

"I do! Peter?"

Peter shrugs his shoulders. "I got Mary a candle and took her to dinner over the break for her birthday," he says.

"Get her some flowers," Remus suggests.

I stand in front of the mirror and can't help but look in his direction through the reflection. My face stays impassive, not a flinch of emotion to be seen by him. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of know how I felt. That was way too vulnerable.

James says something to do with roses and I scoff. "Or I don't know...lilies?" I reply evidently. Her name was Lily for Merlin's sake! Remus starts to get up and I can't bear the awkwardness to come. "I'll be in the Great Hall." I hastily tighten my tie and grab my robes.

Tuesday, January 17th

4 days until the full moon

The only class I sit beside Remus is in Potions. Other than that I can avoid him for the most part. Normally I'm one of the last to get to class with James because he always forgets something in the dorm, but today I was one of the first. The only other person in the class are a few random Slytherins and Lily Evans.

"Hello Sirius," she greets flipping her book shut.

"Hey Evans," I reply.

I've only gotten to know her this year, but as far as I'm concerned she's brilliant. Kind of annoying at times, but for the most part she's the reason I'm passing this class. And she doesn't give me weird looks like Amelia does. Shit, I mean Abigail. You know, who cares at this point. I can see why Prongs fancies Evans so much. If I was straight I probably would too.

Marlene McKinnon is next to enter the class, bringing Lily into a conversation about some Hufflepuff bloke she's been talking to. I flip open my textbook to some page and start to sketch a few things out of boredom. It's like a sixth sense that makes the hair on my arm stick up, makes my heart race just a beat faster. Remus walks in and naturally Abigail has her hands all over him. I bore my eyes intensely on my book just to insure that we don't make eye contact. I guess I concentrated too hard because the next time I look up, James is sitting in Avery's seat.

"Prongs, when you'd get here mate?" I ask surprised.

"Couldn't bear another day with her, Pads," James says. "No offense Moony." Remus shrugs his shoulders. "I swear she doesn't own a damn textbook! One more, James move your arm I can't read, and I think I would've stuck my head into the cauldron."

I think James has complained about her every single time we get out of Potions since the first day of class. Couldn't blame him, it'd rather fall off the Astronomy Tower than be sat next to her. Sneaking a glance over at the table, I can see her peering at the other's books to get the answers down.

"Where do you come up with those ridiculous nicknames?" Lily asks suddenly.

Shit. There was the obvious answer we all were thinking. But I wasn't going to spill the beans to Evans. I look to James rather than Remus, trying to get an idea of what to say. Of course none of us were on the same page:

"We were drunk," James blurts.

"Peter," I say.

"We found them in a book," Remus answers.

"Peter found them in a book when he was drunk," James explains. Blimey. Maybe Abigail would fall for that but Evans can see right through us. She's too smart for her own good. If I could slam my head against the wall right now I would. I catch a glimpse of Remus who is staring at the table. It's so awkward I can't imagine what James and Lily are even thinking right now.

Lily makes a face but doesn't press the subject more. "You're all idiots," she mumbles.

"No need to tell us twice," James replies.

"Can you pass me that ink bottle?" Lily asks.

I reach for the bottle and hit hands with Remus. Fuck. He pulls his hand away so fast that I grab the bottle and slide it across hastily to avoid another mishap. I want to be mad at him. But I can't. Now I just have to wait it out until he breaks up with her. If he ever does...

Wednesday, January 18th

3 days until the full moon

Remus has been MIA since lunch. It shouldn't concern me, but it does. I know we're not talking to each other at the moment, but just the absence of his presence puts me in a mood. Peter said something about taking him to the Hospital Wing which puts my mind at ease. I find myself thinking of him more and more no matter how many times I try to distract myself. As I round the corner to meet the guys at the Great Hall, Frances is in another showdown with Lisa Ward. As bothersome as Frances can be, I can't help but feel protective over her. She's like the little sister I never wanted.

I draw my wand, inserting myself into the scene. "I told you to back off," I say slightly more aggressive than intended. This girl just doesn't get the damn clue to stay away.

"This doesn't involve you, Black," Lisa spits. I could just knock her teeth out right now. But Remus would be mad if I did that. Well he was already mad at me...fuck. He just always finds a way to come into my mind.

"If it involves Frances it involves me," I tell her, winking at Frances. "I swear Ward if you even touch her you're good as dead to me."

"I'm so scared. You and your brother are a bunch of hypocrite mudblood lovers!"

"Keep his name out of your filthy mouth."

"Expelliarmus!"

I push Frances out of the way shouting, "Protego." The spell bounces away and I cast, "Densaugeo!" Lisa slaps a hand to her mouth as her teeth start to grow when Snape appears, Regulus not far behind him. Snape's wand is pointed at me now and I grunt, circling around slowly to look for something to help me.

Quickly I point my wand upwards shouting "Relashio!" just as another spell hits me square in the jaw. My head whips to the side and I can't feel anything. I open my mouth slightly and my eyes water from the excruciating pain radiating from it.

The light fixture unhooks from my spell and they leap out of the away as it comes crashing down. I back up to bear the blow, keeping Frances tucked behind me for safety. One of the shards of glass flies up, cutting my cheek deeply. I grimace, bringing my hand up. Blood drips down my fingers when Professor Flitwick appears from the Great Hall.

"You five!" he shouts pointing at us. "Follow me, now!"

"Sirius," Frances gasps, clutching my arm. "Your face!"

I can't speak, or really move my head at all, but I put my arm around her slender shoulders to comfort her. "I'm so sorry! I was just mouthing off to her and -" I put my hand over her mouth and she giggles, leaning into my side. "Thank you."

Flitwick walks with Lisa up ahead while Snape and Regulus are dragged behind. As I walk up the next steps I can see them out of the corner of my eyes. Snape grasps Regulus' arm tightly, yanking him forcefully.

"Get off me prick!" Regulus growls, backing away.

Snape keeps his hold and Regulus winds up his hand, socking one right in Snape's eye. He lets go of Regulus' hand to aid his eye, which no doubt is turning black and blue soon.

Madam Pomfrey greets us at the door instantly with a scowl pressed on her face. She hates me, I know it. Her nails dig into my arm as she hauls me into the Hospital Wing. Wriggling against her, she only tightens her grip scolding me, "Mr. Black!"

Madam Pomfrey shoves me down onto the bed when I catch the long lump under the covers across from me. Remus. "Mr. Black sit down!" Madam Pomfrey scolds, holding my arms down. "Drink!" Just looking at the bottle of Skele Gro makes me want to vomit. She tips the cup back in my throat and the pain somewhat alleviates.

"A duel!" Professor Flitwick explains. "Hexes flying, and Sirius blew up the chandelier! These five!"

"I'm innocent!" Regulus argues. "I was just standing there!"

"What the hell were you thinking?" Madam Pomfrey mutters scrambling around. "Dueling in the middle of the corridor! I'll have the Professors here any minute now to decide your punishments." She grips the handle of her push cart and storms out of the room.

The second she's gone I stand and storm over to Regulus. The feeling in my jaw starts to come back slowly and I can barely speak. "You," I grit through the pain.

"I didn't do anything!" Regulus harshly whispers at me. "You saw!"

"Stop." I swallow with difficulty, reaching out and pulling his left arm out. Sliding up his sleeve, I'm relieved to see it's still bare. "Stay away from them."

"Just because you backed out doesn't mean I have to."

The doors open again and I prepare myself to hear a never ending lecture from Professor McGonagall. But what walks through the door is much worse. Abigail. Her eyes already narrow in on me as her stupid blonde ponytail swings wildly. Remus moves slightly when she approaches. Does she ever take a break? It's like she's glued to his hip. They're talking and I can't bring myself to look away. Aside from my family, I don't really hate anybody. But she was making it pretty hard. Remus catches my eye and his face blushes. He pushes her hand away and I can't help but smirk. Just by the way his eyebrow twitches I can tell that he's mad. They're fighting in hushed tones when she kisses him. His lips barely move against hers, but I can make out the last of his words: "Love you, too." He meets my eyes again, defeated. He knows I'm right.

Thursday, January 19th

2 days until the full moon

My sketchpad lays open on my unfinished drawing of Remus. I haven't touched it since that Sunday morning we fought. Walking across the room, a small mirrored box shimmers against the light. It's wrong to snoop, I know. But something draws me to it. The small box rests on Remus' nightstand amongst his many random things: A small figurine of Big Ben, his copy of The Outsiders, his camera. I miss him, his touch, his laugh.

My hands carefully lift the lid of the reflective box and pull out a handful of polaroids. The glossy cover is smooth against my fingers as I go through them. Most of them are...me. He always takes pictures of me, so I'm not exactly sure why I'm surprised to see them. One in particular stands out. It's far away, but I know it's me. Sitting under a tree by the Black Lake sometime in fall I assume, from the colors of the trees in the Forbidden Forest. That day rings a bell - the time he asked me why I pushed people away. Initially, the fear of my parents reigned over me. Running away was drastic, maybe even daft, but they aren't a threat anymore. But I'm still afraid... Remus was right. I am a coward.

I stuff the pictures back into the box when the door opens.

"Hey mate," James says tossing his broom onto his bed.

"Hey," I reply cautiously. Before I know it, the words slip out. "I'm gay."

James freezes before he can fully get his jersey off over his head. His eyes stare me down, but I can't tell exactly what he's going to say. I'd never said that out loud before. James pulls his jersey off all the way and rubs the sweat off his face. "So you like guys?" he asks.

"Uh, yes."

"Okay." He carries on with changing. "Can I ask another question?"

"Sure."

"On a scale of one to ten, how attractive am I?"

My chest falls with a massive relief. "You git," I joke throwing a pillow at him.

James laughs as he dodges it. "Hey! I'm just saying - as my best mate you're obligated to be my wingman! And now I know that if you think I'm attractive, then Lily must think the same!"

"Prongs, you're an idiot."

"An attractive idiot."

Rolling my eyes, I close the lid to Remus' small box.

Remus was wrong. I'm not a coward. Not anymore, at least. I'd wait a lifetime for that boy to come to his senses if it meant I get to be with him in the end. No matter how many walls I can put up I'd still push them down for Remus. Because I love him.