"What the fuck, Jess?"

Callie's voice broke the silence and forced my gaze away from Harry's sister Gemma.

"I.. I...," I stammered.

"Not cool, Jess," Sarah said, shaking her head at me with an annoyed look on her face.

I turned back to Gary. "I'm sorry," I whispered, feeling heat rise in my cheeks. "I shouldn't have done that."

"No, you shouldn't," he said bluntly before turning away from the group and walking towards the door that led back to the public area.

I stared after him, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Harry stride past me without a word, Gemma in tow. My stomach lurched and I longed to reach out and touch him, but I no longer had the right.

"Harry," I called, but he ignored me and carried on. Gemma turned her head to look at me and gave me a brief smile of acknowledgement as she passed me, and my stomach gave another lurch at what might have been. If I wasn't such a complete bitch.

I turned and followed Gary out through the door and saw him making his way through the crowd, a few feet up ahead. "Gary!" I shouted. "Wait!"

He stopped and turned around, a hurt look on his face. "What is it?" His voice was abrupt.

"I'm so sorry," I said. "What I just did - that was nasty and horrible and you didn't deserve it."

"You're right, I didn't," he said. "What's got into you Jess? I never pegged you as the sort of person to play games or use people."

"I'm not," I said desperately. "I can't believe what I just did. I wish I could turn back the clock. I feel terrible, Gary. You're my friend and I don't want to lose you and I really wouldn't blame you if you never spoke to me again after that."

Gary looked at me for a moment. "I - I like you, Jess. But please don't use that to your advantage in a feeble attempt to make your ex jealous. It's not fair on me."

"I'm so sorry," I whispered again as a tear fell down my cheek. "I deserve a slap for the way I've just behaved. I'm not usually such a bitch, honestly."

"I know you're not," Gary replied. "I don't like this effect Harry Styles has on you. You've changed, and not for the better. It's a shame."

"I'm sorry," I said, aware I was repeating myself but not knowing what else to say. "I think... I think I'm just going to go. Back home. I'm being a dick and I need to sort myself out. Sort my fucking life out."

We stared at each other for a moment. Another tear slipped down my cheek.

"You don't need to leave on my account," Gary sighed, pulling me into his arms and giving me a hug. "I don't hold a grudge."

"Thanks, but I need to get away from here," I sniffed. "I don't want to bump into Harry again. He looked ready to throw something at me just then. I haven't got the energy for another screaming match, not in public, and certainly not in front of his sister."

"His sister?" Gary frowned.

"Yeah, the blonde girl I thought he was getting cosy with back there... that's actually his sister, Gemma."

Gary gave a low whistle. "Bloody hell. You don't do things by halves do you?" We turned around and began walking back to the VIP area.

"You need to make your mind up about Harry Styles," Gary said, suddenly.

"I know," I sighed.

"No, I mean it," he said. "It's always going to be all or nothing with him. You've got to decide either to trust him completely, without any doubts, or walk away and don't look back."

"Err, I don't really think I have the option anymore," I said. "I ended it with him, and he's just watched me throw myself at you. I doubt I'm in a position to be calling any shots."

Gary raised an eyebrow at me. "Did you see the way he just looked at you? He was devastated. He obviously still cares. But I reckon you need to do some serious grovelling if you want him back. Do you want him back?" he asked.

"I don't know," I said, my lip trembling. "Nothing's changed. I still won't be able to deal with the pressure from the media. That's ultimately what it boils down to. I'm not strong enough."

"You are one of the strongest people I know!" Gary argued as we showed our passes to security and made our way back to Sarah, Callie and James. "You don't take shit from anyone. Why would a bunch of photographers be any different?"

"It's not them personally," I said. "It's the stuff they write about me and Harry."

"So don't read it," Gary shrugged.

"Yeah that's what Harry said, too," I muttered.

"Well isn't he the one to listen to? He deals with it on a daily basis."

As we approached the others Sarah caught my eye and looked away uncomfortably. I could tell she was still pissed off with me for using Gary so mercilessly and I didn't blame her. "Sorry everyone," I said, miserably. "What I just did... that was inexcusable. I've apologised to Gary. I don't know what came over me."

Sarah gave me a half smile and Callie put her arm around me. James looked as though he couldn't care less.

My phone began to ring and I pulled it out of my pocket. My breath caught in my throat. Incoming call - Harry Styles.

My heart started thudding as I answered it timidly. "Hi, Harry."

"What the fuck was that?" he hissed. "Are you trying to make me feel like shit?"

My body felt like I'd been punched. "I'm so sorry," I said softly, moving away from the others so as not to be overheard. "I don't know what I was doing."

"I think you knew exactly what you were doing. I get it, alright? You've moved on. There was no need to flaunt it in my face like that, with everybody standing around watching. Were you trying to give me a taste of my own medicine or something? Well it worked, thanks. I thought I meant more to you than that, even if it was only as a member of fucking One Direction."

I wanted to defend myself but my tongue seemed stuck to the roof of my mouth. I needed to set him straight, to explain, but the words wouldn't come.

"Did you plan this?" he demanded. "Getting backstage passes from Grimmy so you could come and rub my nose in it? I didn't think you were manipulative but bloody hell you've just proved me so wrong."

I finally found my voice. "Oh God - Harry... it wasn't like that... I'm not... Gary's not... Grimmy offered me the tickets, I had no idea you were even in the country, I assumed you were still in LA. You said you weren't home until June."

"Yeah, well, I came back."

"I saw you with your arm around Gemma," I blurted. "I didn't realise who she was until it was too late. I thought... I thought she was your girlfriend or something..." As I said the words out loud I realised how ridiculous they sounded.

"You expect me to believe that?!" he exploded. "You know everything about me, Jess! You follow Gemma on Twitter! So don't pretend you didn't recognise her."

"I swear it's the truth," I said as I began to cry for the millionth time in a month. "And I'm not with Gary, not in that way. We're just friends. Maybe not even that anymore. You've got to believe me."

"Grow up, Jess," Harry spat. "Stop playing games."

"I'm sorry," I sobbed, but I heard the disconnect tone and realised he had hung up on me.

I couldn't lift my head up to look at my friends, because I knew they were all probably just as annoyed with me for what I'd done to Gary. I shoved my phone in my pocket and went over to where we'd left our bags. I grabbed mine and slung it over my shoulder. I needed to get away from here.

"Jess, what are you doing?" Callie said, appearing at my side.

"I'm going home," I said, barely able to focus through my tears. "I'm really sorry. I've been an absolute cow. I just want to be on my own. I'll be alright, I just need some time."

"Was Harry really cross?" she asked.

"He was furious," I said. "He thinks I'm going out with Gary. And he didn't believe I didn't recognise Gemma."

"Who's Gemma?"

"The blonde girl he had his arm around - that's his sister, Gemma," I explained.

Callie's face drained of colour. "Oh God, Jess, I had no idea, I just assumed it was some tramp he'd brought along with him," she said. "Fuck, I wish I hadn't jumped to the wrong conclusions."

"It's alright, you weren't to know," I sighed. "I didn't recognise her either until after I kissed Gary and she turned around so I could see her face. I wasn't expecting Harry to be here, let alone with his bloody sister."

"Call him back and explain," Callie urged.

I shook my head. "He's furious. He's never spoken to me like that before. Don't get me wrong, I deserved every word. But I can't listen to that hatred in his voice again. It hurts too much. I'm just going to get the train to my mum and dad's. Calvin's there this weekend. I just want to get away from everything. I think it's best if I cut all ties with Harry and avoid all contact with him until I'm over him."

Callie nodded. "I understand, babe. Call me when you get there OK? Be careful."

We hugged, and I turned away and quickly walked out of the VIP area, across the grass and out of the gates back towards the station.

I boarded the next train to Cambridge and once I'd sat down I texted Calvin.

To: Calvin: Room for one more at home this weekend?

From: Calvin: I suppose. Thought you were living it up in Norwich with Nick Grimshaw?

To: Calvin: Change of plan. Pick me up from the station at 4.30?

From: Calvin: ok

My phone lit up suddenly with another call from Harry. I was desperate to hear his voice but I couldn't take another row. And I was determined to stick to what I had said to Callie about cutting all ties. It was for my own good.

I diverted the call and switched my phone off, and spent the next hour staring out of the window, wondering how my life had become so fucked up.

As the train approached Cambridge station I switched my phone back on in case Calvin had texted me. It pinged repeatedly as I waited for the carriage doors to open and I glanced at the screen. 3 new messages from Harry Styles. I cleared the notifications from my screen without opening the texts. I couldn't bear to know how much Harry hated me or how angry he was. As I stepped onto the platform and walked towards the exit my phone began to ring again - it was Callie this time. I ignored it, and as I saw Calvin waiting by the underpass I felt tears spring to my eyes.

"What's happened? What's he fucking done now?" he asked as I fell into his arms sobbing.

We walked to the car and I told him everything on the drive back. Calvin was silent as I explained the full story, from Taylor Swift to Gemma Styles. We arrived at our parents' house and once we were safely inside we sat in the kitchen at the breakfast bar and had a cup of tea while I tried to get my tears under control.

"Are you in love with him?" Calvin asked.

I opened my mouth to scoff and deny it, as I was so used to doing, but something about the look on Calvin's face stopped me in my tracks. I looked down at my tea. "Yes," I muttered.

"Yes what? Say it properly."

I gave him a confused look. "Say what?"

"Say how you feel."

I closed my eyes. "I love him."

Calvin sighed and rolled his eyes. "I love all hot women, Jess. Are you in love with him? Be honest. Admit it out loud, just for once."

"Yes! Alright? I'm in love with him! There, I've said it. Are you happy now?"

"Are you happy now?"

"No," I said in a small voice.

"Why not?"

"Because I miss him. And because he hates me, and rightly so. I've hurt him."

"Is he in love with you?"

"I doubt it," I said. "I've treated him like shit. I didn't mean to, but I still did. And he's never said it, so I presume not."

"Do you want to be with him?"

"It's not that simple," I sighed. "In an ideal world, yes. A thousand times yes. But it just doesn't work. I wish it could be different, but it can't. I won't allow myself to trust him because of who he is. And right now I don't have the option anyway because I ended things and then kissed another guy in front of him to try and hurt him."

"And it worked," Calvin mused.

"Yes, thanks for reminding me," I said, shifting on my stool.

The doorbell rang as my phone pinged with another text. Maddie came clattering down the stairs to answer it and I heard high pitched female voices squealing in the hall.

"She's having some friends over," Calvin explained, and we rolled our eyes at each other. I looked at my text.

From: Callie: Where are you? Did you go to your mum and dad's?? CALL ME xxx

To: Callie: I'm safe. Don't want to talk, switching my phone off. I'll speak to you later xxx

I saw the earlier messages from Harry still waiting, unread, but I couldn't bring myself to open them. I wasn't sure I ever would. "I'm going for a soak in the bath," I told Calvin, who was staring down at his phone thoughtfully. He didn't answer as I slid off the stool and dragged myself up the stairs and into the bathroom. I sat on edge of the bath as it filled up and my phone pinged with a Facebook notification.

I glanced at it and saw Calvin had tagged me in a post:-

Where do broken hearts go? Home to the 'rents, apparently!! - with Jessica Bradshaw and Maddie Bradshaw - at The Bradshaw House.

"CALVIN!" I screamed. "DELETE THAT POST YOU FUCKING ARSEHOLE!"

I switched my phone off furiously and threw it on top of my towel before pulling my clothes off and getting in the bath. I couldn't believe Calvin would mock my misery like this. So much for being an understanding big brother. He just couldn't resist taking the piss.

I fumed quietly in the bath for nearly an hour before Calvin banged on the bathroom door. "Are you trying to turn yourself into a prune?" he called. "Hurry up! I want a shower. I'm going out with some old mates in a bit."

"Have you deleted that stupid Facebook post?" I shouted back.

"Yeesssss," he said, exasperatedly.

"Good," I snapped, hauling myself out of the water and wrapping my towel around me. "Because I will check."

"Feel free," he said in a bored tone as I opened the door and glared at him. "It stinks of girls in here," he moaned, wrinkling his nose.

I rolled my eyes. "Do you know how childish you sound?"

"Is there fucking glitter in the bath?" he demanded, looking over my shoulder at the water slowly draining away.

I shrugged. "I used one of Maddie's bath bombs, so probably."

"For fuck's sake," he muttered, disappearing inside and shutting the door in my face.

I went into my old bedroom and opened my overnight bag that I'd brought for Norwich. I pulled on my leggings, and old tshirt and Harry's Green Bay Packers hoodie (that still smelled faintly of him, seeing as I'd refused to wash it) and went and lay on my bed with my back to the door, staring at the wall. I could hear Maddie and her friends squealing in the lounge downstairs and I heard Calvin getting ready for his night out in his old bedroom across the hall.

It reminded me of old times, before Calvin or I had moved out. This was a regular Saturday night in the Bradshaw house, apart from me moping around over a famous singer I'd had a one night stand with. I mentally shook myself. I needed a night off from thinking about Harry.

The doorbell rang again and I heard the sound of the front door opening and Maddie and a couple of friends standing on the front step chatting to what sounded like some teenage boys.

"Jess? Dinner will be in about half an hour. Are you coming down, love?" my mum called up the stairs.

"I'm not hungry," I called back.

"You should eat something, sweetheart," she called. "Even if it's just a little bit."

"I'm fine, honestly," I said. "I'll get something later if I change my mind."

I lay there for another ten minutes or so, listening to the sounds of my family going about their everyday lives. Calvin stuck his head in my room. "My mate Tom will be here in a bit," he said. "Remember him? He fancied you all through school. We're just going into town for a few drinks. Why don't you come with us?"

"No thanks," I said without turning round, and I heard his footsteps retreat.

The doorbell went again, and Calvin bounded down the stairs to answer it. I heard male voices in the hall for a couple of minutes, and Maddie and her friends squealing.

"Jess!" Calvin shouted. "Come down here."

I ignored him. I couldn't be arsed speaking to Tom. He was a nice enough guy, but I wasn't in the mood for dealing with Calvin's mates tonight. Especially if they were off out on the pull. They would be all excitable and cocky, like a litter of labrador puppies.

"Jess, love," my mum called.

"I'm really not hungry, Mum!" I yelled.

"Can you come down here for a minute?" she called back politely. I gritted my teeth, furious at Calvin for roping our mum into this. I didn't answer, hoping they'd get the hint. After half a minute I heard Calvin's footsteps on the stairs and I closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep. I heard Calvin pause in the doorway, and then knock on the open door. I stayed still, facing away from him and ignored him, silently sending him hate vibes.

Then a voice that definitely wasn't Calvin's said, "You're wearing my hoodie."

A rush flooded through me and I sat bolt upright and turned towards the voice that sent chills down my spine. Standing in the doorway, his hands shoved into his pockets awkwardly, was Harry Styles.