Time: After Prime Empire, before season 13

_______________________

Lloyd's P.O.V.:

"Unigami will choose your opponent. Fighter 2 will be..."

I was up for anything this game could throw at me. Morro, Pythor, my father, I was ready for anyone, anyone... but you.

When I saw your face I froze. I couldn't believe it.

"Lloyd." You said.

The sound of your voice filled my head with memories, but somehow the ones that haunt me never came to mind.

"H-Harumi?"

"It's good to see you again." You lied, but I believed you.

"How?" I walked closer to you.

"Did you miss me Lloyd?" You asked.

Yes, yes I do. I do miss you, all the time.

"I think about you so much. Sometimes I wonder if things could have been different, maybe in another time or place?"

I wonder that too. All the time. Every single day. That's what keeps me up at night. What if you really loved me like I did you?

"Maybe we can be together again? You and me."

I'd really like that, nothing would make me happier.

But just like old times, you take your sword and run it past my chest. In the game, the pain feels different, but what hurt the most were your words.

"You left me Lloyd!" You shouted, inching closer with your sword. "All the people you save, and where were you when I needed you? WHERE WERE YOU?!"

You were right. I wasn't there for you. Where was I when you needed me? I didn't have the answer.

Your sword cuts deep, but your words cut deeper. I do what I can to fight back, but I can't bring myself to hurt you. I try to fuel myself by thinking of all the terrible things you did to me. Trying to destroy my friends, bringing my father back, all the pain you put me through, but it doesn't work. We stand there, sword against sword, when you say.

"Lloyd, I don't have long, but I just want to tell you, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. If you could only give me another chance?"

You sounded so sincere, I can't believe that I believed you.

"Harumi? Is it really you?"

It felt like the whole world stopped spinning for a moment. I took a minute to stare into your lying, manipulative eyes. I wanted it to stop. I didn't want to fall under your spell again, but I think I'm still under it.

"Harumi, what did we do the first night we were alone together?" I asked. I had to know if you were real.

"Watched the sunset? Listened to music?" You guessed.

"We went to the canals of Ninjago City to give food to the poor." My frown turned into a look of anger. "The real Harumi would have remembered that."

I wish I never met you, so that I would never have to do what I was about to do. We took one last charge at each other, I managed to get in the last hit and won the keytana for my friends, but in the end you got the best the of me. I dropped to my knees and fell into complete darkness...

•••

Now that everything is back to normal, I can't get you off my mind. I keep thinking about what could have been. What would have happened if it had actually been you? If you had actually wanted to change? If you had actually loved me?

What's done is done, there's no use looking back on the past, it's too painful to look back anyway.

But why? Why does it still hurt? I thought I was over you. After everything you did to me, why am I still in love with you? Why can't I just suck it up and move on? Why do the good memories of you overshadow the bad ones? Why do you keep doing this to me? How am I supposed to get over you if I can't talk to you, or see you, or hear your voice? How am I supposed to say goodbye?

I sit on my bed, staring at your picture. The look of your face, I can't decide if I still like it. You've worn so many masks that you never showed me your true self, or maybe you did and I just didn't want to believe it. I convinced myself that you could change like I did. I tried to make you my friend, but I guess that doesn't work for every enemy.

If you were still here, I would still be trying. I would try and change you, try to make you see that I was sorry for what I did to you. Try to make you see that there was a better way to do things. Maybe I could have shown you a better way, made you come over to the good side so we could finally put everything behind us and be together forever.

But like Master Wu always says, you cannot teach those that will not listen, and everything I said to you just went through one ear and out the other. I wish my ears did the same to you so you couldn't manipulate me anymore, but no, I would still be under your spell, doing everything you ask of me like your own little servant. You would give me the freedom to fight back, because you know I never would. Stuck in the same cycle until we die.

I just wish that we were on the same side.

"Lloyd?" I heard Nya knocking on my door. It snapped me out of my thoughts but not my mental state.

"Come in." I told her.

She came into the room and saw me on the bed. She saw how tired my eyes were. I haven't been sleeping much since we all came out of the game.

"The guys and I were about to watch a movie, do you want to join us?" She asked me.

"No thanks." I frowned. "I'm not in the mood."

"Lloyd you haven't left your room in a week." She stated. "We're all getting worried about you."

"I'm fine." I lied.

"You are not fine. Have you realized you haven't eaten anything in three days?"

"Whatever just leave me alone please." I said as politely as I could.

"I know you still miss her." Nya frowned. "I was there remember? I saw everything. It wasn't her, it was just a simulation."

"Well it was very realistic." I sighed as my stomach growled.

"Are you sure you don't want to join us? We've got pizza and later Zane's gonna make banana splits." She offered. She knows that I can't resist bananas and chocolate, but even that fails to excite me.

"No thanks." I sighed.

"Ok, now I know you're not ok."

Nya gave up on the movie and set next to me on the bed. She noticed the picture and took it out of my hands, placing it back on my nightstand.

"Hey! Don't touch that!" I yelled as I picked up the picture and hugged it.

"See, I was right." She said.

"Right about what?"

"You can't let her go."

I looked at the way I was holding onto your picture and my arms started loosening up. I looked at my sleeves knowing the scars that I put there. I realized that she was right. If I can't let the stupid picture go, then how am I supposed to say goodbye to you?

I screamed and threw the picture on the floor. At that moment I just lost it. I wanted to punch something but I didn't want to hurt my friend in the process. I grabbed a pillow and screamed into it to keep me somewhat sane.

"Lloyd?" Nya got my attention.

"Why am I still in love with her?" I turned away so she wouldn't see the tears in my eyes. "After everything she did to me, why do I not hate her?"

"Because you had feelings for her, and feelings don't just disappear."

Nya touched my arm trying to get me to turn around. I flinched in pain because of the cuts I put there this morning.

"Are you alright? Did I hurt you?" Nya asked.

"You didn't, she did." I frowned.

"You're bleeding Lloyd." She noticed the sleeve of my green suit starting to turn red. "Let me see."

She pulled up my sleeve and saw the cuts on my arms, a few of which were bleeding. I thought she was going to judge me, or call me weak or stupid, but she looked more concerned than anything else.

"Hold on, I'll go get you some bandages." She said.

She left the room for a few minutes and came back with a first aid kit and a slice of pizza for me to eat. She cleaned me up and dressed my wounds.

"Nya, are you going to tell the guys?" I asked nervously.

"Not unless I feel I have to." She sighed. "I know you don't want anyone to worry about you and put you under all that pressure. If you're willing to let me help you then I'll cover you for now, but if this keeps happening I'll have no choice but to put your safety first."

"I understand, I'll try to keep it under control." I promised, even though that's what I've been trying to do since I got back. "Thank you."

"I'm only going to keep this a secret if you're willing to let me help." Nya said. "Promise me you'll tell me the next time you want to..."

"I will, I promise." I told her. It felt kind of relieving to have someone I could talk to about this with.

"Now eat please something, you're starving." Nya insisted.

"Ok, ok." I agreed and started to eat the pizza.

It honestly was pretty tasty, and my stomach definitely thanked me. I haven't eaten anything in days. Maybe talking to someone was helping a little.

"You know Lloyd, I think you just need some closure."

"Closure?" I questioned.

"Yeah you know, a way to say goodbye. Maybe then it would be easier to move on."

"But I don't want to forget her." I admitted. "I know she did some terrible things to me but for some reason I want to remember. Ugh I'm such an idiot!"

"No one said you had to forget Lloyd. Moving on and forgetting are two different things. You just need a way to except the fact that she's gone, that doesn't mean you can't remember her."

"But I..."

"I know it's going to be hard, but once you get it, I promise you'll feel so much better."

"You really think this will help?"

"I do." She smiled. "Trust me, once you put it all behind you it'll make it so much easier, you'll see."

"I'm willing to try anything to make this go away, even just a little bit." I admitted.

"Well harming yourself isn't the way to do that." She looked at the bandages on my arm. "It would be the same as giving up, and I know you Lloyd, you don't give up."

"Then how do I get that closure thing?" I asked.

"Well there's no one way to do it, but you should do whatever works for you."

"Like what?"

"I don't know Lloyd, that's something you have to figure out for yourself." She frowned. I kept starring at the picture. "Are you going to be ok for now?"

"Yeah, I think I just need some time to figure things out." I sighed. "Thank you Nya."

"Of course." She smiled. "And from now on, you need to tell me if something's bothering you. Deal?"

"Deal."

"Thank you, now please get some actual sleep. You look like one of those zombies from the game Jay likes." She joked.

"Ok I'll try." I laughed. "Good night."

"Night."

I looked at the picture one more time and then forced myself to put it in the drawer of my nightstand. I thought that would at least be enough to get you off my mind at least the rest of the night so I could sleep, but it didn't work. If anything it made me miss you even more.

I had to face facts, I was broken. My heart was shattered by you and the rest of me along with it. If I didn't find a way to get closure soon, then I was worried that I would destroy myself.

I decided to get up and head to the bathroom. I took a knife with me. I know I shouldn't have, but I felt like I deserved this. I'm the one who let you die. I should have saved you the first time. It's all my fault.

•••

I woke up and I was in the hospital. There were blood stains all over my clothes and I felt lightheaded and dizzy. My arms were hurting me too.

"Mr. Garmadon? Are you awake?"

I looked around for the person who was talking. Once my vision cleared, I noticed a young nurse in the corner. Her scrubs were covered in my blood and a green bandana in her long brown hair.

"Yes." I answered her question. "Why am I here?"

"According to one of your friends, she found you passed out in the bathroom with a knife in your hand and you were covered in blood." She read off her chart. "We tried normal treatments, but nothing worked."

"Then how am I alive right now?"

"Because I wasn't going to let you die." She smiled. "I'm Kira and I used healing powers on you."

"Why would you do that? I wanted to die."

"Because sometimes we think we want one thing, but we're really just looking for a way to escape something we think there's no answer for." She said. "Am I right?"

"Yeah." I sighed.

"So why don't you tell me what this was about?"

"Why would you want to hear my story?" I asked.

"Because sometimes people just need to be heard." Kira smiled and set down. "Now, do you wanna tell me why you ended up here today?"

"Well it all started with my father..." I began.

I started to tell her everything from beginning to end. How I became the green ninja, how I had to fight my own father, how Harumi used me to resurrect him, and all the other hardships I had faced since I became a ninja. Not only was Kira listening, but she seemed intrigued by my story.

"...and that's pretty much everything." I finished. "I'm sorry I've been talking so long, it just feels so good to get this off my chest."

Kira looked at her watch. "Oh, I didn't even realize it was this late."

"I'm sorry." I frowned.

"No no, it's alright. I just needed to tell your friends how you were doing. Will you be ok for a few minutes?"

"Yeah, I think I'll be fine now." I smiled. "Thank you."

"My pleasure." She winked.

She left the room to go get my friends. As she left I couldn't stop thinking about Kira. She was so pretty and caring and helpful and willing to hear my story. In the end I was happy that saved my life. This was what I needed to happen. I needed her.

A week later...

In had been a week since the hospital and I was feeling much better both physically and mentally. Kira gave me her number and said I could talk to her anytime I needed to. Talking to her was really helping me cope with everything I was going through. I still had a long way to go, but for the first time in my life I felt like everything was gonna be ok.