I spent the last week staying with Jay at the monastery so Sensei could help me control my power. Before we could train with the power, we had to find out its origins and understand all that I was capable of. That entailed lots of research and mediating. Then, I had to work with Lloyd since he was the newest to control his power and since it was most similar to mine. As of yesterday, I could form a ball of light in my hands and make the light in the room turn on or off at the flick of my wrist. It was kind of cool to use my powers, but I still wasn't completely on board with the idea of them.

I had left two days ago and was enjoying sleeping in my own bed again and living in my house - alone might I add, but being lonely wasn't always fun. My parents were still out of town and were supposed to return tomorrow and they still didn't know what happened to me two weeks ago. And when they returned I would have to talk to them about my powers and ask them for information about all my powers.

But today, I was sitting at my desk at work after a day of school, since I had finally returned, and I was utterly exhausted. I forgot how draining school was and it was only my second day back. I saw K/G/N at school since she had also returned, but no one else had. I know C/G/N was supposed to return tomorrow, and Z/G/N a few days after that, but there was no word on when L/G/N was supposed to go back. We all had a groupchat named First Priorities of THE Ninja but we hadn't been very active since we all went through our ordeals. Some times we would randomly text at some point in the day a "How are you guys all doing?" message but the responses were never that deep. I would usually text back a "I'll be better tomorrow" and K/G/N would send back "therapy didn't help today. I'm not having a good day" but she wouldn't expand on it and no one would pressure her.

C/G/N usually responded with "I'm fine, or I will be" and Z/G/N's message of choice was: "Tomorrow is a better day. We are all here."

L/G/N never responded. I'm sure her phone is off.

I know she left the monastery a few days ago and it was hitting the ninja in different ways. Jay said he missed her jokes and spontaneous games of hide and go seek, but he felt more for Cole and Lloyd and kept his distance. Out of all of us, Z/G/N were probably the most okay out of the group, but I had escaped nearly on my own and had a new power to handle, Z/G/N was actually tortured. C/G/N would send us updates on the case of the boy who kidnapped her and it was strange because though she went to Laketon, the rest of us went to Fairmont and knew the boy who hurt her. In fact, I shared three out of seven periods with him. It was surreal. But K/G/N was the only one going to therapy. Z/G/N relied on Zane and her mom and L/G/N kept to herself, but I had no one. My parents weren't home and I didn't want to worry them and I felt bad for bothering Jay when he had to help me with my powers just days ago.

But today, I sat all alone at my desk at work while carelessly messing around with unscrewing a part for a car that I had been assigned. I really didn't care what I was doing and the more I messed with the screw, the more I realized that I was not getting anything done today. 

I wanted to lay down.

I wanted to pull the covers over my head and lay in my bed for hours without interruption.

But I haven't been sleeping lately and probably wouldn't tonight. Jay, however, slept better when someone else was laying next to him. I offered to sleep in the guest room at the monastery so he could have the room to himself but he insisted I sleep with him and he was out in five minutes every day. I was not.

"How are things going?" a voice interrupted and I looked up quickly to see my boss. I smiled and held up a screwdriver, "Working hard."

He grinned, "How have you been, Y/N? Things seem different."

I pursed my lips and paused. Was it really that noticeable? People at school haven't said anything, but have they noticed? I'm close with Mr. Davis. I tell him a lot about me. He knows about my living situation. He knows me.

I sighed, "Things have been different. I've gone through some life changing stuff the past two weeks and I'm just trying to move past it."

His face fell and he patted me on the shoulder, "Moving past it won't work if you're still holding on to it, Y/N. If what happened was truly life changing, like you said, then you can't just forget it happened. You have to accept it and find out how it can change your life for the better, and then, and only then, will you be able to move on."

I nodded in understanding, feeling suddenly thankful for Mr. Davis. "You aren't going to ask me what happened?" I wondered, feeling curious as to why he wasn't. He shook his head and turned around to the station next to me that belonged to my good friend who worked tomorrow. "No," he simply replied, then collecting a few notebooks off the desk and piling them into his hands, "If you wanted me to know, you wouldn't have referred to it just as 'life changing stuff,'" he explained. "You would have explained."

I glanced down at my desk in embarrassment and then noticed my phone silently ringing on the table with a picture of Jay smiling all goofy with a screwdriver hanging from his mouth - like an idiot. "I'm not going to ask you to tell me, Y/N. It's your decision and I don't expect you to tell me. Just know that I am here for you to ever rant or talk to, and you don't even have to tell me the full story. I can give advice without overstepping my boundaries."

I looked back up and smiled. I was glad he wasn't pressuring me to tell him anything, and I was glad that if I wanted to I could tell him anything. My parents never asked me about my personal life. Only a few questions like: "How's Jay? How are you? Good? You look nice, new shampoo?"

"Thanks, Mr. D," I beamed, giving him a fist bump. He gladly returned it before turning away and beginning to walk into the hall. "How's the boyfriend?" he asked at the end of the hall, watching me grab the phone from the desk. I smiled, "He's doing great."

"Helping you through that life changing stuff, I hope?"

I nodded, "Every day."

"Good! That's what he's there for, Y/N. Now I'll leave so you can answer your phone," he laughed before stepping away, leaving me chuckling before pressing the green button on my phone and lifting it to my ear. "Hey! You really left me hanging for a while," Jay said with an evident pout at the end of his statement.

"I was talking to my boss, Jay," I smiled, moving the screwdriver to the edge of the table and leaning back in my chair. "I have a job, you know."

Jay sighed, "Yeah yeah, you're an actual adult, I get it."

"It's a hard life, Jay. We got to start somewhere."

"Ugh, I know. Living is hard, I get it. I fight bad guys and in return I get nearly nothing."

I giggled, "Rough life."

"Truly," he sighed. "Anyways, I wanted to check in. How was your first day back to school?"

I rolled my eyes, "Nothing special. Some of my friends helped me get back in the swing of things. My sick excuse worked great but I have a lot of makeup work and I'm more tired than usual."

"Is any of this exhaustion about your new powers and what happened two weeks ago?"

I stayed silent for a moment, trying to see the hidden question Jay was really trying to ask. "It might be. I mean, I'm obviously thinking about it a lot. But you're not asking me about that for just any reason. Does any of this have to do with L/G/N leaving the monastery and going back to her aunt's?"

Jay sighed from the other end and I heard him shifting, likely moving around his bed to get comfortable. I was jealous. "Lloyd didn't make a huge deal about her leaving and said it was for the best or something, but Cole is pissed because he feels like he didn't ask his sister enough about what he could do to help. So we all talked and realized that we've all been asking you guys about how you are and what you need to move on but we haven't asked how we can help. Sometimes moving on right away isn't the right thing. Sometimes you need to think about it and try to accept it."

I nodded, "Mr. Davis said something similar."

"And what do you think?"

"About thinking and accepting everything? Accepting that I was kidnapped after leaving your house and how no one heard my screams and I felt like I was going to die? How I hear stories about girls that are kidnapped off the side of the street and murdered o-or worse and they are never found until it's too late? How I could have been one of those girls? How I was trapped in a warehouse and threw a wrench at my kidnapper as he tried to kill me and then revealed some powers I didn't know I had to my boyfriend and all his friends and then had to learn how to use them while trying to forget what happened?"

Jay didn't respond. I don't know how he would respond. I didn't mean to say all that but as I started speaking I couldn't stop and everything just came out. "I think I have accepted a lot of it, Jay."

"All but your powers, Y/N. You might have accepted being kidnapped and being hurt, but you haven't accepted your powers."

"And I don't think I will until my parents give me the answers I need, Jay. They aren't home yet, and I need answers."

"And you deserve those answers. But like I said earlier, I want to help you in any way I can. My brothers and I have been in similar situations but we've been training and fighting for years. We never imagined us finding people we care about would put them in situations like this. We're hurting, too. We wake up with nightmares and have nights where we can't sleep and we all feel like we aren't good enough to protect you guys, but what helps us through everything especially in these past few weeks is talking to each other and asking each other what we can help with. If Kai is having an episode where all he wants to do is punch a bag for hours, we ask what we can do for him and usually he just needs to vent and hit a pillow instead of a bag. I'm not saying talking is the answer to everything, but it works for Kai most times. And for Cole, he usually needs space. So if he's having a rough day about L/G/N or C/G/N, usually we ask him how we can help and he just asks for a silent monastery for a couple hours and he sits somewhere in silence while we all make sure we don't disturb him. I don't want you to feel like we don't know what we are doing. This is uncharted territory for us all but we've had enough rough days to understand."

I was stunned. Jay loved to talk, but a lot of times it was useless information with some solid points. But this was profound. Jay was hurting, and I had been so caught up in my pain that I didn't realize it in him. Not only him, but his friends. I never realized that even though we went through hell individually, the ninja went through hell not knowing where we were and knowing they couldn't do anything to help us. 

They didn't want to assume what we needed because everyone is different. Cole likes it silent. Kai likes the conversation. Different. We need to ask for their help. Or they need to ask us what they can do to help. They don't want us to go through this alone or even feel like we have to, but they don't want to do the wrong thing. They're scared. Petrified. They are human, after all.

"You want to know what I need?"

"Yes," he responded. "Just tell me how I can help you, what I can do to help you accept this and move on."

I pondered for a moment. I know Kai asked K/G/N yesterday what he could do for her because she was having a rough day. She texted us later. She said she didn't know what he could do for her, but when he showed up, she realized she needed him to just be there. 

I didn't want Jay to be there all the time for me. I had stayed with him the past week asking him for help constantly. Even if he said he didn't need space, I'm sure he did.

"I need..."

I stopped. What did I need? What did I want? I didn't know.

"I need to talk to you."

I heard movement on the other end of the phone and I could picture Jay sitting up. "I would love to talk to you, Y/N."

I smiled happily, a blush rising on my cheeks. "About my powers? Could we talk about that?"

Jay was smiling. I could tell. I could feel it.

"Yes! Yes, I would love to talk to you about your powers! I could talk to you all day about your powers! I can do that, I-I can help you with that!"

"And later... could you help me talk to my parents about my powers?"

There was an airy laugh on the other end of the phone and I grinned, "I would want nothing more than to talk to your parents with you about your powers. If it's what I can do for you, then yes, I will do it."