Someone has fed static under my skin. My leg starts to bounce the moment I have the car parked and can remove it from the accelerator though I dull it before it can infest Cece too. They've got their hands deep in their pockets, eyes flitting around the car park.

I decided this to be the best place: Weatherspoon's. In the same way that you introduce dogs in neutral territory, I didn't want to do this anywhere with history. So Spoons it is. Cause no one that's right in the head goes there.

It's not meal time so Cece won't have to struggle through eating on top of the anxiety I know they're knotted in, nor will it be too full.

My chest blooms the moment I clock Joe. She's talking to the bartender though she already has her pint in hand and don't notice us until I greet her. Teeth gems sparkle in her smile. She hurries over, forgetting her pint, and her arms slide around me; hugging her back is all I can do to not float to the ceiling.

'I'm so happy to see you,' I whisper. 'Thank you for doing this.'

'Of course. Thank you for trusting me.' She mimics my whisper until she steps past me with a smile. 'Hi, Cecilio.'

Their lips move but whatever greeting they had intended on, it's inaudible. They linger several metres behind us, looking like they might pull their head into the collar of the black button-up they borrowed from me.

'Did your train trip go okay?'

He shrugs.

'What if I go grab us a table and you order?' She pulls her hand from mine and I reluctantly let her go though I know she has the right idea about leaving Cece and me alone for a bit.

Joe is handling this like she's not got a hint of nerves in her body. Cece, on the other hand, might actually turn into black matter. Once they judge Joe to be far enough, they scuttle to my side and do their best to hide behind me.

'It'll be alright. We don't gotta do this today if you're not ready.'

Cece shakes their head. And though they remain mute and hunched over, some of the shadow fades from their aura. They shift closer to me, a lean to tell me to continue. So I take the step I need to reach the till, Cece following at a slight delay like a companion NPC in a videogame.

Since it's a quiet moment, the server is waiting for us and it's a little awkward to only greet her now. I order myself a tea and turn to Cece.

'Hot chocolate,' they whisper. Finally given up pretending to like coffee then. I order the hot chocolate as if the server didn't hear Cece herself and dig out my wallet.

Cece stops me. 'I can pay.'

'What?'

'I sold some art online.'

They dodge my baulking and dig out loose cash from their pocket because obviously, a wallet is too uncool. Swear down, everything he does is designed to give me an anxiety attack.

I pick out my loose-leaf tea from the collection while Cece waits for his chocolate and I nod at the display on the counter. 'D'you want one of these drawing kits?'

'Those are for kids.'

'You are a kid.'

The server returns with their hot chocolate and a kind smile. 'You can take one if you like.' Is she just this good at her job or did Joe tell her about the situation while waiting for us? The latter, probably. Joe has become very talkative with strangers lately.

'I don't–' they start but I've already grabbed one.

Cece nails his focus on his cocoa to make sure he don't spill any of it. I let him determine the pace we walk at until we get to the round table by the window Joe picked for us. Of course, she thought it through to pick a round table so that we aren't divided into different sides the way we would be at a rectangular one. I sit beside her and Cece sits beside me, each of us easily able to face each other but also look out to the street when wanted.

Cece glares at me as I set the colouring pad in front of them but they barely last a minute before they're drawing. Even with shit crayons and kids colouring pages, they manage to create pure masterpieces.

They seem to want to be left out of the conversation, given the right to listen and calibrate, so I ask Joe about her day and her feelings about starting the internship next week.

Even Cece's head snaps up when it's my turn to speak.

'I've decided to go back to uni.'

I expect to crumble under their shared shock but all I need is a single breath to regain my composure. 'To study summat different. Maybe with plants. You've inspired me, both of you, being brave enough to figure out your own path.'

'I've inspired you?' Joe repeats. Like that's the most difficult thing to imagine.

'Yeah. I think I might do some courses at Open University. I like my job so it's not necessarily that I intend to switch careers but I wanna learn summat for me and not for money or success. Though I'll quit Spectrum. NutriLents pays me well enough and I can't work all the time.'

Cece stares at their drawing, hand frozen mid-stroke. Joe stares right at me. I can't wipe the grin off my face; speaking it out loud has only cemented it as the right decision.

'That's cool,' is what Cece finally says and resumes colouring.

Joe takes my hand. 'Brilliant. I'm excited for you.' The affirmation has barely left her before she frowns. 'I feel bad for Sasha. We can't both leave.'

'There are other bartenders in this city.'

'None as pretty as you.'

            I avoid leaving them alone as long as I can but eventually, I do have to take a piss. Of course, the toilets at Spoons are on the other side of a fucking maze, too. I rush back without drying my hands only to halt once I'm on the staircase and spot both of them still at the table. Condition: Stable.

To my surprise, they're even having a conversation, and rather than hurry over, I switch to lingering as long as I can so I won't interrupt. I can't help but eavesdrop though—literally can't, the pub is too empty at half two.

'I know it's hard,' Joe says as I decide to order another tea. 'I had a lot of trouble with eating in the past—still do, sometimes. My ex was controlling and even if she's not in my life anymore to criticise what and when I eat or what I look like, it's hard to shut out her voice. But I do, most days.'

Cece's response is all but enthralled at the thought of having found another human person who they relate to. 'Her voice tells you not to eat?'

'Yeah.'

'How did you get rid of it?'

'Your brother's voice is much nicer.'

I almost melt. I have to place my tea back on the counter so I don't spill it on my quivering hands. That's nowt compared to when Cece agrees, 'Yeah. It is.'

I never dreamed someone could speak so kindly about me behind my back.

Joe clears her throat. 'I'm glad you came to meet me today. I know this will be a lot for you to adjust to but I just want to say that I'm not here to take your brother away from you. He needs you. I don't think you realise that but he needs you.'

A beat of silence. Then, the scratch of Cece's voice. 'I don't wanna get in your way.'

'You won't. We wouldn't even have met if it wasn't for you.'

They both laugh, Cece with a tinge of guilt at the memory of their spa break-in.

The laughter has evaporated when they speak again. 'You can't let him give everything. He always gives everything.'

I finally curb the desire to cry enough to turn with my tea just in time to see Joe nod. 'I know.'

She catches my eye as I approach. She must have noticed me the moment I appeared on the staircase but the change in her line of sight makes Cece clock me too. Joe has moved my old mug out of the way before I can place my new one down.

'Actually, Cecilio, I got you a gift,' she announces once I've sat. 'It's not me trying to buy your affection or anything like that, I just couldn't help myself.'

Despite their bonding seconds before, Cece is as apprehensive of the wrapped box as he always is, even with the matte black paper I gave Joe. Under the table, I reach for her hand, a non-verbal thank you for encouraging Cece and for being so nice to me and to them and for being here and for getting them a gift and for existing. For existing and choosing to do it beside me.

The tears re-pearl in my eyes and her lips tug into a smile. Joe squeezes my hand.

'You got me Legos?' Cece's anxiety is cast away with the same rip and scrunch as the wrapping paper. 'I've always wanted Legos! Look!'

They thrust the package at me to show the insect models on the front, so excited they don't even notice the fact that I'm about to cry. Their focus glues onto the packet and I know they itch with the urge to start building them right here. I know cause it's exactly how I felt.

My Lego flowers are placed at the centre of my kitchen table at home though soon the table beneath them will change. We'll need a bigger one. One with more than two chairs.

'Cheers, Joe. This is the best.'

Cece places it on the table, angled so that he can keep looking at the product photo while they drink their hot chocolate which, by now, is cold chocolate. They're gonna be alright. Everything is going to be alright.

Fact: I've got Cece. Our relationship isn't beyond repair. They think of home as home. They love me.

Fact: I have the best friends in all the world who I love from my deepest roots. They love me.

Fact: I love Joe.

Fact: Joe loves me.

Conclusion: I am the luckiest person alive.

A relationship with her turns out to be the opposite of the grovelling and flash floods I managed glimpses of with other partners. My desperation to love isn't going to drown her; she can hold all of it, float in it with ease and point out clouds to me. And Joe doesn't drown me either, doesn't ask me to tear out the garden and offer it to her as a gift, doesn't ask me to kill the flowers that aren't hers. The string of hearts grows around the geraniums and even the orchids.

I can't promise these flowers will never die. Actually, there's pretty much a guarantee that they will—nowt blooms forever, it's not how nature works. But there are flowers that thrive in every season. New ones will take their place. There will always be something that grows.

Joe and I will nurture a peaceful future together. It's a mundane love. I will love her as casually as a flower loves the sun.

THE END

Notes

So we reach the end. Thank you to everyone who read this book... Even though it's really long 😅. I hope you have enjoyed the journey.

This story includes a lot of identities and experiences outside of my own. If any of the representation felt inauthentic or incorrect, I am very open to feedback on that so I can improve for the future.

If you want to see more of these characters, I have a book about Cece as well. I am currently rewriting it so all the chapters aren't available yet but I am hoping to finish the edits soon. Warning: This is pre-character development for both Cece and Nikki so they're kinda insufferable (affectionate). Read at your own risk XD

I also have some bonus chapters on google docs that you can access in my writer's corner in the FreeTheLGBT discord server. Server link: https://discord.gg/U7R8EeMamC

For those of you who aren't in the server and don't get plagued by me sharing every social media post I see that reminds me of my characters, I have to share some of my favourites for Nikki here (I also have a lot of these on my Pinterest board):

Thank you for your support on this story! And I will hopefully see you in the next one :)