Fact: Joe looks good with a dick.

That's all I have to say about it.

It's even more hot that she chose a cotton harness that looks like an average pair of boxer briefs rather than one of those thong-style ones. The other benefit is that it has a pocket for a bullet vibe; we've barely started and Joe's breaths are already getting heavy.

I've had partners in the past say they can feel it, that somehow their brain temporarily connects to the toy, so as I settle between her legs, I handle the dildo like I would any real penis. I'm sure to maintain eye contact as I kiss exactly where I know is most earth-shattering. The taste of silicone is intoxicating in its own way, the defiance of it. The brown plastic is rendered with rich shadows and highlights, veins textured onto its surface.

I may never give her what she needs in the love and relationships department but what I am good at is sucking dick. Never let it be said that I'm entirely useless.

Her hands rest on the back of my head as she praises me, eyes locked with mine. Her pupils spill like ink into the cognac of her irises. 

The sight is too much for me and I pull the cock out of my mouth, unbothered by the lube and my spit that smear across my cheek. Wrapping my hands around it, I reach down to stroke myself in sync but Joe nudges my hand away. 'Not yet.'

So I dedicate myself to her orgasm. It's not hard; I barely press the bullet vibe against her clitoris while worshipping the dildo before she unravels.

Joe drops onto the bed. 

Giggles bubble out of her, rising through the orange glow of her sunset light to join the stars on the ceiling. I wipe my face on my forearm and adjust my position between her legs, waiting for instructions, but her laughter fades. She's dragged into the same recesses she got lost in the first time at Caleb's party. She reaches for her sternum but she still hasn't remembered to put her necklace back on and has to caress the skin where it would be instead.

'You alright?' When there's no response, I ask, 'Are you feeling guilty?'

'Maybe a little. But more like when you go to a party and you have so much fun and then go home and you're like "why the hell would I say any of that, I should never speak again" type of thing.'

'Okay.' I trace an infinity sign on her thigh, kiss the side of her knee, trying to coax her focus from The Hermit tarot. 'In this case, I'm thrilled you came to the party and said everything you did and I think you should do it again. A lot of times. As many times as possible.'

Exhaling a laugh, Joe cranes her neck to look at me. 'Why are you still on the floor?'

'Dunno. I were waiting for permission.'

She stares. 'Well... Get off the floor.'

I lie down beside her when she taps the bed. We're so close that her hand barely has to move to fall onto my chest. She outlines the plain gold-plated chain at the base of my neck, then maps the way along the thinner chain to the compass pendant Shayna and Desmond gave me as a graduation gift. She toys with it.

'D'you want to stop?' I ask.

'No.' The answer is so immediate that I can't catch my heart before it skips. Joe's gaze journeys up my neck, over my lips, along my nose, and meets mine. 'Do you actually like it or are you just doing what you think I like?'

After the intensity of our eye contact a minute ago, her inability to look at me now stings. 

'I like it. Actually.' When she don't seem convinced, I add: 'I can tell you about all the sex dreams I've been having about you if that'll convince ya.'

This finally catches her attention, though mostly thanks to confusion. '"All" the sex dreams? Have there been a lot?'

'Nah, I mean, probably one a week since we met.'

'One a week?'

'Maybe two.' Defence: 'I've got a vivid imagination.'

She looks at me with genuine surprise. She fidgets with my necklace again. 'I hadn't realised you... I mean, I got that there was attraction but I kind of thought... I don't want to be another person who treats you poorly. It's important to me that you also feel good when and after we have sex. Please don't only do something only because you think I'd enjoy it.'

'I feel good,' I affirm. 'Serving makes me feel good. Especially someone as perfect as you.'

'I'm not perfect.'

'Agree to disagree.'

Joe smiles, the colours from her tooth gems drained under the orange light but still sparkling. 'Can we snog for a bit?'

I hover my grin over her breath. 'We can snog forever if ya like.'

Joe's palm flattens on my sternum at the same time that her lips press to mine. She kisses me with a relaxed ebb and flow until we've slid into the depths of desire again. Until I hook a thumb under her jaw to find the sweet citrusy hints of tea still on her tongue.

Her fingers skate around my waist. A jagged shock of need shoots through me when she presses the plug deeper into me though she gives me no time to recover before she shoves me onto my back to climb on top of me.

The weight of her cock on my stomach as Joe grinds against my erection is enough for my eyes to roll back. I force them to stay open—if I miss the way she looks at me just now, I'd never forgive myself for it. Lust pours out of her but there's a depth of summat sweet in it–

Stop it.

Reminder: I'm her friend. Reminder: She's in love with Tamsin. Reminder: I could be anyone else in a body like this and she'd look at me the same.

'What position do you want?' I ask before the fissure in my chest can grow wide enough to drain my arousal.

'Why is it always what I want? What about what you want?'

'I told you, Joe, there's nowt you could come up with that I wouldn't want. I will suck your toes if you ask me to.'

The dew on her lips catches the low orange light as they stretch into a smirk. 'You can't say things like that. My ego is already inflating from doing this.'

Pushing myself onto my elbows, I angle my face parallel to hers. Our breaths are ragged and with the proximity, we have no choice but to inhale each other's want. Slowly, I peel my gaze from her mouth and fix it on her darkened eyes.

'What if I like your ego inflated?'

I'm close enough to feel the heat of her blush.

The uncertainty, maybe even peripheral shame, recedes and determination settles in its place. It's the sexiest thing I've ever experienced in my life.

Well, it is until a second later when she says, 'I want it from behind,' which is the sexiest thing I've experienced in my life.

I crawl from under her to comply, but Joe pushes my arms out from under me so that my face and sternum press into the beach towel we spread on the bed so we don't have to sleep in lubed sheets like last time. The authority she does it with rakes pleasure through every nerve ending.

Anticipation drags each second into aeons.

Every sensation is dialled up when I can't see what she's doing. Swear down, I feel the buzz when she increases the speed of her bullet vibe even when she's nowhere near me. I bury my face in the towel as she eases out my plug. Then she's in me and bliss blankets me.

Except she moves much, much too slow.

'Joe,' I say through gritted teeth. 'Harder, please.'

'Be a good boy and have some patience.'

I bite down my complaints. I need her to move faster. I've been training for this since our shopping trip; we don't need to waste time on the "easing into it" part. But Joe seems to enjoy the lazy rhythm, tracing my skin like time has frozen and she wants to memorise the texture of it. She drags it on for minutes, could be hours, giving just enough to keep me wanting.

Until she stops and tells me to beg. And I do.

It's not long until my body ain't a body at all but a cluster of buzzing atoms barely held together by a ribbon of wanting to please her. Because Joe keeps telling me "not yet, not yet" and I pride myself on my ability to follow instructions. Each command adds to my pleasure.

Pleasure which is triples when she says, 'Gosh, you're so hot when you bite the towel like that.'

I stroke myself faster and Joe mirrors the speed. Pulling my knees further apart, she pushes me lower and the shift in angle has stars bursting across my vision.

'Joe.'

The rest of the syllables scramble but she must understand because she grants me permission. 'Go ahead.'

She eases me through my orgasm before she pulls out and drops onto her back. My consciousness floats somewhere above my body as I watch her palm the vibe against herself until her body winds tight, each muscle taut, and then puddles. Joe turns off the toy through the cotton of her harness.

Turning to me, she offers a dazed grin. 'Did you like it?'

'Did I like it?' I repeat, though my bliss fails to muster up the incredulity I intended. My eyes barely stay open. 'I liked it a lot.'

Joe rolls onto her side, the dildo flopping onto the back of my thigh. 'Me too. A lot. It gave me such a confidence boost. Does that make sense?'

'Not enough of a boost to stop asking that,' I tease.

I cup her cheek, warm from her blush. Joe smiles against my thumb. I can give her this. I'm good at this. I'm helping her get over her ex, to prioritise her pleasure, to become confident and self-assured again so that she'll be able to date whoever she eventually catches feelings for.

Whoever it is, they'll be the luckiest person on Earth.