December. Niki didn't think the pandemic would last that long. Parang linggo-linggong may masamang balita. Naka-quarantine pa rin ang buong bansa kahit magpa-pasko na. Sabi ng iba niyang kakilala, mas maluwag daw sa probinsya. But she couldn't stand her family. Mas pipiliin na niyang malungkot siya araw-araw kesa palagi siyang galit.

She hasn't posted in a while. Medyo nauubusan na siya ng ideya. Yung audience niya, they want more of Andy. Gusto ng mga ito ng content na either si Andy ang nasa video o magkasama silang dalawa, which was a bit annoying because it was supposed to be her channel. It should be all about her.

Kinuha niya ang phone mula sa gilid niya.

Uuwi ka sa pasko? She typed. Saka isa-isa niyang binura ang mga letra. She sometimes wishes she could go back to the time before they kissed. Hindi siya sanay na mas nakakausap niya si Andy sa text, lalo na kung nasa kabilang kwarto lang naman ito. Pero iyon na ang realidad nilang dalawa.

She decided to not send the message. He was probably already asleep anyway. May pasok pa ito kinabukasan. Siya lang naman ang maraming oras na pwedeng aksayahin.

Nang sumapit ang Nobyembre ay mas lalo siyang nahirapang makahanap ng trabaho. She finally decided to just be unemployed for the rest of the day. Bihira na rin kasi ang nagha-hire kapag patapos na ang taon. Niki thought she would have more luck early next year.

It would have been nice if she could still tell Andy about her worries. Alam na alam nito kung ano ang gagawin o sasabihin para mapagaan ang loob niya. But because she did something that created this riff between them, she couldn't burden him with her concerns. Tuloy... nagkulong na lang siya sa kwarto at nagmukmok maghapon. Ah, she hasn't eaten anything since morning. Kanina pa nangangasim ang sikmura niya. She should probably eat something.

–

Andy pushed Ponkan off of his chest. Nagyeyelo na yata ang buong kwarto niya sa sobrang lamig. He turned the AC on earlier at noon and he adjusted the temperature to make it colder. It was only open for 30 minutes, pinalamig lang niya ang kwarto. Nakalimutan na niyang ibalik sa usual na temperatura. Nangangatog tuloy siyang bumangon.

Ponkan protested when he got off the bed. Susunod pa sana ito sa kanya pero mabilis niyang naisarado ang pinto. He was walking with his eyes half-closed, he didn't notice he was not alone.

Napahawak siya sa dibdib nang makarinig ng kaluskos.

"Sorry. Nagulat ka ba?"

Niki was standing in front of the counter. Dahil madilim sa kusina, hindi niya ito napansin. She was opening something.

"Anong oras na?" tanong niya rito.

"Past twelve."

Niki opened the light underneath the overhead cupboard. Inilagay nito ang nakabukas na tupperware na may lamang pagkain sa loob ng microwave. Andy wanted to ask if she was just about to eat. Hindi ito lumabas ng kwarto maghapon. Sigurado siyang nalipasan na ito ng gutom, but he really needed to pee.

He sprinted to the bathroom and did his business. Pagkalabas niya, nakabukas na ang ilaw sa kusina. Niki has already transferred the food onto a plate.

"Kain," yaya nito nang dumaan siya.

Tumikhim lamang siya at dire-diretsong naglakad pabalik sa kwarto niya. But something stopped him from entering the room. How long has it been since the last time they were comfortable around each other? Magpapasko na, umiiwas pa rin siya kay Niki.

All because of that one moment...

Andy closed his eyes and let out a sharp exhale. He turned around to face her. Tumigil ito sa pagnguya nang makita siyang nakatingin.

"Hey, Niks." He averted his gaze and scratched the side of his neck. "About what happened before..."

Niki put her utensils down. Muli siyang bumuntong-hininga. Maybe he should not have said anything. Maybe it would sort itself out. Pero magpapasko na kasi. And her birthday would come after. How would they celebrate those occasions like this?

"I know it's eating you up," she told him. "So why don't we just... forget it ever happened?" Ngumiti ito sa kanya. "At since hindi na sya nangyari, wag mo na 'kong iiwasan, okay?"

Andy gave her a forced smile. Right. Forget it ever happened. Hopefully, that would magically stop his brain from repeating the same scenario every night before he goes to sleep.

–

"Uuwi ako sa Pasko," bungad ni Andy sa kanya pagkadulog niya sa hapag. The morning after, kinakausap na siyang muli nito. He cooked breakfast and knocked on her door to tell her it was ready, like he used to do before. Sabay na uli silang kakain.

"Kelan?"

"Sa 19."

Isang linggo na lang pala. She kind of expected Andy to go home for Christmas. Ilang buwan na nitong hindi nakikita ang pamilya nito. He misses them. She couldn't blame him. He used to make a point to come home to his family every week before the pandemic. Hindi lang ito nakakauwi kapag magkikita sila.

"Ah... hanggang kelan ka dun?"

"Not sure yet," sagot nito. "Gusto mong sumama?"

"Ha?"

"Baka one month ako dun. Mag-isa ka lang dito pag nagkataon."

One month. Sumandal siya sa upuan. Myles also left home for Christmas vacation. And then, the pandemic hit the following year. Hanggang sa hindi na ito nakabalik and she was forced to live alone for a few months. It made her worry. Paano kung may mangyari na naman next year at hindi kaagad makabalik si Andy? She would be alone again.

"Dadalhin mo si Ponkan?"

Napangiti si Andy sa tanong. "No."

"Oh. Okay." At least he would leave the cat. She won't be completely alone. Siguro makakapag-bonding din sila ng pusa habang wala si Andy.

"So hindi ka sasama?"

She gave him a sheepish smile. Kapag umuwi siya, wala siyang tutuluyang bahay. She would never spend Christmas with her family. Ilang taon na niyang hindi nakikita ang mga ito at ayaw niyang baguhin iyon. Kapag kina Andy naman siya tumuloy, kasama niya nang ilang linggo ang buong pamilya nito.

They would surely spoil her. Tapos wala man lamang siiyang madadalang regalo o pasalubong para sa mga ito. Saka baka malaman ng parents niya na umuwi siya at puntahan pa siya ng mga ito kina Andy.

She would rather stay in Manila with Ponkan. "Hindi na siguro. Dalhan mo na lang uli ako ng pagkain."

"Okay," Andy replied. Hindi na ito namilit.

–

The weekend before Andy went home, lumabas silang dalawa para mag-grocery at mamili ng regalo. Niki felt a little jealous when he bought so many gifts. Para sa mga inaanak at kamag-anak at kaibigan nito sa probinsya. Swipe lang ito nang swipe ng card. Walang ibang bills na inaalala. Habang siya, tipid na tipid dahil wala pa ring trabaho.

Andy also bought groceries na madalas binibili tuwing Christmas season. Iuuwi rin daw nito sa bahay ng mga magulang nito. Niki insisted that she would buy her own food since Andy would not be eating any of it, but Andy was feeling generous. Truth be told, Niki was relieved that she wouldn't have to pay for groceries during the Christmas break. But she knew she would still be spending some money on deliveries.

May mga ilang recipes naman na naituro sa kanya si Andy dati. Recipes na madadaling sundan. They did some cooking lessons for her vlog and the videos were still online so she could follow the instructions from there.

They ended up rolling out two carts full of gifts and groceries.

"May pera ka pa ba for next month?" biro niya nang makalabas sila ng supermarket. They began unloading the stuff into the big grocery wagon Andy also bought earlier.

"I already got my bonus," he replied, wiggling his eyebrows.

Niki groaned. "Kainggit...."

"Next year, meron ka na rin uli. Sure yan."

"Hay... sana."

After transferring all the contents from the carts to the wagon, Andy pushed the wagon on the street towards their building. Tinulungan niya itong iakyat ang mga pinamili nila sa hagdan. It was a good thing na bihira na lamang ang umaakyat-baba ng buildings at limitado ang pwedeng sumakay ng elevator. Silang dalawa lamang ang nasa loob noon nang umakyat sila.

"Are you sure you're not changing your mind?" Andy asked when they stepped out of the elevator.

Niki wrinkled her nose. "Maybe next year."

"Di mo sila nami-miss?"

"Don't start," she warned him.

"Okay. Sorry."

–

Since Andy wouldn't be spending Christmas with Niki, they both decided that they would celebrate the night before he went home. Andy cooked some tacos and made nachos and ordered chicken wings tapos ay nanuod silang tatlo nina Ponkan sa sala.

Niki couldn't tell him that she was anxious of him going away for a few weeks so she just drowned her feelings with alcohol. There was no need to worry Andy. Ayaw din niyang pigilan itong umuwi. It would be unfair to him and his family to keep him in the city just so she wouldn't be alone on Christmas.

"Yung gift ko pala sa 'yo, iiwanan ko sa loob ng closet ko. Sa pasko mo na buksan."

"Aww... you bought me a gift? Which one?"

"Wala dun sa binili natin," sagot nito. "E di nakita mo na."

Niki scrunched her nose. "I don't have a gift for you yet, though."

Nagkibit-balikat ito. "Okay lang."

"But I think I can make one for you." Niki gave him a sheepish smile. She could crochet something. Tutal marami pa naman siyang yarn. It was a hobby she tried to start for her vlog but some of the yarns ended up becoming Ponkan's toys because she got bored with it. Gusto kasi niya ay magaling siya kaagad kahit kasisimula pa lang niya.

Sumandal siya sa balikat ng kaibigan. Pareho silang nakalupagi sa carpet. Andy was holding Ponkan down para hindi nito lundagin ang mga pagkain na nasa coffee table. He was taking small sips of his mule. Hindi raw ito maglalasing dahil maaga itong aalis kinabukasan. He was letting her get drunk, though, which was a bit unusual.

"Two months na lang pala ang aabutin ng ipon ko," pag-amin niya rito. "After that, I'd have to choose between keeping a roof over my head or my belly full."

"Pautangin kita?"

Ngumuso siya. "Sinalo mo na nga yung rent e. Pati yung kuryente at tubig. Pati groceries."

"But you'd get penalized if you can't pay the amortization on time, di ba? Baka magkaproblema ka pa."

She sighed. "Kaya sana next year talaga may work na uli ako."

Andy shrugged his shoulders. Iniangat ni Niki ang ulo nang bahagya. Andy then raised his left arm and put it on her shoulders.

"You'll be fine. As long as I'm here, you'll be fine."

She gave him a pleading look. Andy let out a laugh and touched her forehead with the bottom of the beer bottle.

"Seryoso yung offer ko, ha. I'd get mad at you if you won't accept my help."

"Kaya mo ng 5 months na advance payment sa bahay?"

"Ako pa?" tanong niya na may kaunting yabang. "Marami akong pera!"

"I-one year mo na kaya?"

"Fine. Gusto mo two years pa. Pero may interest. Since we're friends, hindi tataas ng 16%."

"Wow."

"Per annum."

Bahaw siyang tumawa. "Wag na. Five months na lang."

Andy raised his beer. "Deal."

–

Niki woke up at around 8AM. Hindi na siya nakapagpaalam kay Andy kaninang madaling-araw dahil tulog na tulog siya. Siya halos ang nakaubos ng mga alak na ininom nila kagabi. He probably had to carry her back to her bedroom because she didn't remember walking in there. She was pretty sure she passed out on the couch.

Kinapa ni Niki ang phone. She opened one eye to check the notifications. There was a message from Andy, sent just 10 minutes ago.

From: Andy

Kakaalis ko lang. Di na kita ginising. Lasing na lasing ka e. I'll come back with food. Don't miss me too much.

Gising na ko, she typed. Bumalik ka rito nang makapagpaalam ka.

When Andy didn't reply, she got up to go to the bathroom and check on Ponkan. Kung talagang iniwan ito ni Andy sa pangangalaga niya. She was not expecting it, but there was food on the table. Breakfast. Nagmadali siya pagpunta sa banyo para maka-ihi at hilamos. Tapos ay saka niya binalikan ang mga pagkain.

Bukod pala sa breakfast, may mga naka-tupperware din na pagkain. May isang tupperware ng spaghetti sauce. May banana bread na nakalagay sa aluminum trays. There was a note taped on the fridge next to the counter.

I made you food. Should last you a few days. The rest, nasa freezer. Kaya mo nang lutuin yung iba. Call me if you need help.

Niki checked the freezer. May naka-tupperware na karne. Naka-marinate. May lalagyan din na may lamang lumpia. Sa ref naman, may isang tupperware na may lamang salad. There was also adobo. And menudo.

May isang box din ng chocolate cake.

Niki ran back to her bedroom to get her phone. She took pictures and videos of the food in the kitchen, Saka niya tinawagan si Andy.

"Good morning. Nakita mo yung breakfast?"

She didn't know what compelled her tears, but she just suddenly started sobbing. Rinig na rinig niya ang pag-aalala sa boses ni Andy.

"What's wrong, Niki?"

"D-Did you spend the whole dawn cooking all this food?!"

Narinig niya itong tumawa nang mahina. "Yes. So dapat walang matitira dyan pagbalik ko."

Niki sniffed. "Thank you... ingat ka sa byahe."