Title: Nikah
By: ninja2143
©2013
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"Do you know someone who I can buy? How about you? Can I buy you? 'Coz I will buy you," he once asked me on a text conversation some years ago.

"No. I'm very expensive," I replied. I think that would be one of the things a girl will tell a boy when talking about things like that. "You cannot afford me." Of course, you'll play hard to get.

"No matter how expensive you are, I'll save up for you. I'm going to start saving up and I don't care how long I have to wait just to be able to afford you. Even if it takes a lifetime just to reach that price..." up to that part, my heart was fluttering because of his flattery words. I mean, I think I'm going to faint because of that. But much to my dismay it ended up like this. "That price of that pain reliever I'd like to buy. Guess why I have to save up too much just for a pain reliever?" What?!!

Ughhh. He had this way of ruining moments like this! He's so annoying hence he got this reply from me. "I'm sorry but I'm priceless." Just to piss him off too. If I am priceless then he can't afford me ever because that just means I'm very much expensive that no one can afford me. Like ever! And duh, I am not for sale! "Why do you need that pain reliever anyway?" I couldn't help but wonder myself.

"I see. Then I don't have to buy you anymore because you don't have a price. I can have you for free," I could just imagine him grinning while typing this message. Like srsly, he is the most annoying ever I just don't want to associate myself with him! Just you wait and see, you jerk. "Nah, I don't need to tell you about that pain reliever since you're priceless." He added in which to this point I never learned what the pain reliever is for.

Anyway, this was like a few years ago. It's when I was still immature and innocent. When I still didn't know what life is really all about. When you still believe that fairy tales have happy endings, when love is so simple and achievable and when you think that talking with opposite gender is all right.

Yes, I am a Muslim. I was born and raised as a Muslim, Alhamdulillah (All praise is due to Allah). And that conversation above happened when I was still ignorant (not that I'm saying that I'm very much knowledgeable now, Asthagfirullah (I seek forgiveness from Allah), no I still have a lot to learn that's why we must seek knowledge from cradle to grave according to our Prophet Mohammad SAW) and don't understand much about my religion. Or shall I say when my imaan (faith) was so much weaker that I didn't mind doing those things (e.g. being friends and hanging out with non-mahrams (men not permissible to marry me such as father, brothers and immediate uncle), not covering myself properly, etc.) But Alhamdulillah, I'm done with the jahiliyyah (ignorance) stage of my life, In shaa Allah (if Allah wills). May Allah forgive me for those days I've lived with ignorance and may He expand my knowledge further. Allahumma ameen (Amen, Ya Allah).

Anyway, I know I shouldn't recall that time but it just came across my mind this morning when I woke up. I've already forgotten about that and I don't know why it suddenly appeared in my memory box. Maybe I should repent more for what I did. Ya Allah, forgive me. In shaa Allah, that will never happen again. I'm sincerely asking for Your forgiveness and may You grant me it, Ya Rabb (Lord of all that exists).

"A'isha, what are you murmuring about while closing your eyes?" My Dad asked when we are set in the dining table. It was dinner time and we're just about to start eating.

"Nothing, Dad, just making a du'aa (supplication)," I replied. Dad is an ustadh or someone who teaches about religion, more of like a teacher in school. He teaches Islamic studies in the uni. How I managed to sneak behind his back few years ago was a wonder, really.

He nodded though he doubted me. Well, he knew me too well I guess. But hey! I was really making du'aa.

"Mom, look how Dad doubts me. He thinks I'm crazy just because I'm closing my eyes will making a du'aa." Mom just shook her head in amusement. Growing up as an only child is lonely, I know. But that also means having your parents all to yourself and having them like your siblings. Not that I treat them like my siblings but you know, I grew up having them as my friends so we joke around, stuffs like that. But of course, I still respect them so much. As a Muslim kid, we are taught to be obedient to our parents, young or old...student or professional, married or not.

My father cleared his throat. "Anyway, A'isha, when you were at school the whole day, some people came---" I groan mentally. I know where this is going...

"Let me guess, Dad," I know it's rude to just cut into your parents' sentence but ugh, this topic... I despise it so much. "Somebody's asking my hand for marriage?" My father didn't say a word instead he just nodded. "Ahh, really. I hope you told them you're not ready to marry me off yet. Because Dad, I don't want to get married."

"A'isha dear, you know very well that you need to get married. It's not proper for growing lady like you without a husband," my mom said. "You're not getting any younger."

"I know, Mom. It's just that I'm not ready yet. I want to finish school first. And perhaps get a nice-paying job. But marriage... We'll come to that." I said.

"When, A'isha? You've already rejected five marriage proposals. And this will be the 6th one... what are you waiting for?" my Dad couldn't help but wonder.

Yeah, what was I waiting for? I'm very much eligible for marriage. In fact, marrying at an early age is better and advisable in order to avoid fitnah as early as that. Why, A'isha?

"Perhaps, dear, are you waiting for someone?" my Mom asked.

The question threw me off guard. Me? Waiting for someone? Pfft. I have not been communicating with anyone except for my girlfriends so who would I be waiting for or of the sort? Really, sometime my Mom is silly. Smh mentally. "No, Mom. What makes you think that? I'm really not just into marriage as of the moment."

"A'isha, these guys asking your hand for marriage, they don't mean you any harm. I don't entertain somebody who wants to ask your hand in marriage if I don't know who they are and how well they're doing in our deen (religion)," my father said in an exhausted way. Why were they so eager in me getting married? Personally, I don't want to leave their abode and be separated with them yet. I still want to be their princess and want to be under their care for few more years.

"Dad," I said in the most childish way I could. "Are you really that eager to throw me out?" I asked pouting.

My mom had to restrain herself from smiling at my behaviour.

"I know this matter is closed when you start acting like that," Dad said sighing of defeat. "I might not entertain anymore suitors in the future, A'isha. You'll grow into an old bat."

"That sounds okay, Dad." I said chuckling.

Few days later, the topic was not anymore opened. And I busied myself over the upcoming finals. The semester is coming to an end and my graduation is getting closer as seconds tick by. Alhamdulillah, I have managed to crawl throughout my four year-course without so much distraction. Well if you're wondering how, it just depends on you, really. If you emit that aura of OFF LIMITS nobody would dare think of approaching you in a disrespectful way. If you cover yourself properly, nobody will think about you with ill intentions. If you lower your gaze, you are avoiding fitnah and any more attention from men because men can get attracted to you even if it's just a split-second of eyes-to-eyes moment. And do not show any sign that you are interested in them because they'll bite into it no matter what. So yeah, it all depends in you and your strong will power of living a peaceful life.

"A'isha my love, I heard from my mother that you rejected yet another marriage proposal. How cruel can you be?" asked my bestfriend Rahma. We're just fond of calling each other in endearments such as My Love, Honey, Darling etc.

"Rahma darling, I'm in the middle of studying, must you ask nonsense questions like that? C'mon, you still need to teach me that topic I missed last time," I said avoiding her question.

"Well, same old, same old," she said and dropped herself next to me. "I'm so tired of studying, my love. Can we have a day off?"

"Darling, we can have lots of day off when we finish school. Let's not engage into slack times."

"Fine..." she said and grabbed something to study. We just sat there studying the lessons I don't think I'll ever need for me to attain jannah. Insert roll eyes here. Why go to school, right? Sometimes, marriage do enters my mind. That is when I get too tired of studying and then I end up thinking I'll end up getting married anyway and I won't be doing much. I'll just take care of him and our children and if you look at it, we don't learn this at school. We learn this inside our house. What I should focus when I get married is not work but family. It should be my first priority. And I together with my husband, we'll strive hard to attain jannah. We'll pray together, go to pilgrimage together, and all sort of things that together applies. So why study and go to school?

And then I shake my head for drifting that far. Graduation and job, A'isha, okay? I hate drifting off like that.

"Hey, have you heard who's back in town?" Rahma asked all of a sudden.

"No, is it someone important that I haven't heard of?" I asked not really interested.

"Well, my love, it's none other than Ahmad Azzam. I don't really know him but I heard him from some girls who are gossiping in the loo." Oh yeah, that's right, Rahma moved here only four years ago when she started college so she doesn't know about people from my high school life. Well except those who also studied in the same uni.

Wait, Ahmad Azzam? Back from where? LOL, I don't even know where he's back from. Haven't heard from the guy since high school graduation. He just disappeared you know. Which is a good thing because hadn't he, I wouldn't think everything will still be same with regards to my present life. And what, he's back? So was that why he invaded my memory few days ago? Because he's coming back? But really, that's unnecessary. What's the connection, you know?

"Rahma, darling, you sounded as if you guys knew each other well that you are so excited about his coming back," I said.

"Well, those girls are just so excited it's also exciting me. I don't know what's with him but those girls, just the sound of his name, I think they'd swoon right then and there. Really, who was he?" she asked curiously.

"Just a guy from the past." I answered.

"Just a guy from the past...," she animatedly repeated, "from whose past? Theirs or yours?" she asked feigning innocence.

"What do you know?" I asked starting to suspect that she knows about this topic even before. I actually hate this topic, it comes next to marriage.

"Well, sometimes Hanifa just mentions things..."

I growled. That Hanifa!

"I just bit my tongue while on my way. Are you guys talking about me?" and speak of the devil. My bestfriend ever since when we're kids hence the information she knew.

"That's shirk, honey." She mouthed 'I know.' "And why did you mention Azzam to Rahma? You guys are talking behind my back." I couldn't help but be annoyed. Just a little though.

"Well, she promised not to tell anyone. Besides, honey, that was just the past," Hanifa assured.

"Exactly! The past hence it must be put behind us," I reasoned out.

"Now that we're at it, tell me more about him," Rahma pleaded ignoring me.

"That would be gossiping, besides there's nothing to know. I don't know him now." I said as a matter of fact.

"Well, Azzam, from what I heard from those girls is coming back from his Islamic studies in Madina. I heard he's already a hafidh (one who has memorized the Qur'an) and is now on his way to become an alim (scholar), Mashaallah. He just got back for vacation," said Rahma.

"There you have it. No need to ask us when you now have the answer," I said but deep inside, that hafidh and alim part did catch my attention. I mean Mashaallah, I didn't know he had a plan on pursuing Islamic studies lest becoming an alim. He was so easy-go-lucky back then; he was even in a band! Music!

Well, I guess people really do change. Good for him, really. I couldn't help but be happy of what he's become. Subhanallah. I couldn't help but be amazed of this shocking news.

"You know what I think why he's back?" Hanifa trailed on. Rahma automatically bit into it.

"What? What?" Rahma asked.

Hanifa giggled. "I think he's back to look for his bride-to-be."

I swallowed. I don't know why.

"Mashaallah, whoever that girl will be, she is so lucky. Not anybody could find a good man like Azzam," said Hanifa. "And Azzam's good looking, I must admit. I guess he even got more handsome now that he's grown mature."

"Quite a catch, I say," said Rahma.

"Yes, honey. He is," Hanifa agreed.

Weeks passed by with the news of Azzam back spreading like a virus though I haven't seen him physically. Not that I'm dying to see him anyway. But Hanifa's deduction of the reason why he came back was indeed true. He was really looking for a wife and I heard he found one already. I heard. Well good for him. He can finally settle down and get his deen completed. It is said that marriage is half of a man's deen. But why am I even thinking about him? It's just a waste of time.

I should be thinking of my graduation tomorrow. Yaay! So finally, school will be over and I'm free! I'm free to do anything! In the meantime, I decided to watch a movie just to relax my mind.
I picked this foreign movie and I don't get a thing as I am not familiar with their culture. But I started to get engrossed when I learned how religious the characters are esp. the guy (who by the way also bears the name Azzam. Like really?) Subhanallah, just one of those ideal Muslim guys. And the girl – such an ideal Muslimah. Mashaallah The movie is all about marriage too. It showed how the two leads struggled to find each other's destined partners until the two finally got married after such long time of waiting. To think that girl got married to another guy first and the guy was continuously looking for his wife-to-be after being rejected few times. But the point there is if you two are meant for each other, then you will end up with each other no matter what. Just let Allah SWT work His mysterious but perfect ways, in shaa Allah, everything will be alright.

I finished the movie with a smile in my face. I mean I was so satisfied with the movie that I kept on thinking what would happen had I accepted one of the proposals? Would I also live a happy married life? What would it be like to be with your husband – your other half?

I don't like it but I had this sudden surge of feeling of wanting to get married. I mean, this feeling, it just happened unexpectedly. Maybe this is what they say that it comes to you naturally when you finally wanted to settle down. And they say that marriage will come to you when Allah SWT knows you're ready for it.

Well, is that time now? I mean it was so sudden. Maybe it's just a momentary lapse of my sanity. But no, this is different. I have fantasized weddings and marriage before but those were just purely imagination. This one I'm already looking beyond the future. Children, grandchildren, me and my husband together working hard for jannah.

Quickly, I bolted up into a sitting position and was on my feet and did an ablution. I did what I know I should do in times like this. Seek Allah's help. So I prayed two units of prayer with the aim of seeking answers from my Rabb. After my prayer, I was calm. And my feelings are still the same. You know that moment after praying and seeking help from Allah, you suddenly know what to do. Allahuakbar (Allah is the Greatest). Alhamdulillah for the enlightenment.

The next day, after I was ready...with my graduation gown in my arms, we all set for the car outside. But before we could reach the door, I held them back.

"I suppose we still have 30 minutes. Mom, Dad, can I talk to you for a sec?" I asked.

They were expectedly surprised but all they could do is nod and lead me to the couch where we all settled.

"I know I have caused you distraught about me rejecting marriage proposals, and I am truly sorry for that." I started.

"What's this all about?" my father asked implying impatience. Sometimes he's like that.

But I couldn't put into words what I'd like to say because in a way it's embarrassing that right now, I'm going to be the one talking about marriage. Maybe this is the karma from rejecting all those guys' proposals. But whatever, I've already asked Allah's SWT help, what more can I hope for?

"Well, I'm thinking that now that I'm going to graduate in few hours, I think that maybe, perhaps... most probably..."

"Enough with your mumblings, A'isha. Get to the point or we're going to be late for the ceremony," my mom fidgeted in her seat. Really Mom? You're more excited to graduate than me.

"Well, I'm just thinking...I realized that maybe it's already the right time for me... to... you know... get married." My father laughed suddenly. I think this was even more good news than me finally finishing my 18 years of education.

"You've made a good decision, Aisha." I sighed with relief.

"Thanks Dad. And I permit you to select the suitable husband for me as compensation for the headaches I've caused you whenever you have to turn down those proposals. As you have said, Dad, you don't entertain suitors unless you know them carefully so I trust you and Mom to pick a good husband for me. In shaa Allah, he will be for me and we'll go along well together." I said.

And I didn't expect my mom to cry. Aww, really? I mean the graduation ceremony hasn't started yet and she's already cried? Phew. "Our princess is growing up."

"Mom, I'm grown up already. Like I'm graduating in a few," I said cracking a joke.

"Okay, if that's what you wish."

After that touching moment, we rushed to The Dome where the graduation ceremony was going to be held. I was feeling ecstatic because of the graduation and the marriage thing even though I'm not getting married yet. It was just nice to get that out of my system and it's good having to tell your parents what you really think. I always tell them about what I think anyway.
The graduation ceremony ended declaring us as graduates of this school year and yeah! Good bye school and see you real world. Red caps are thrown up and so many hugs and kisses in my surrounding. All those hard works paid off as finally it's over. Though I was very much going to miss H University and my friends and teachers and my favourite places in the campus and all of it!

Rahma and Hanifa found me and we all excitedly squealed at the realization that school days are over! We practically jumped up and down. Dad and Mom came to us telling us to get a picture as souvenir and we willingly obliged.

I don't know about these two girls but I think Rahma is going to pursue a master's degree abroad (which she invited me and I'm still thinking about it though due to the recent developments of my life decisions I think I'm going to have to refuse her invitation) and Hanifa is going to get married with her fiancé. I mean that is sweet. She always wanted to have a family even before. She's going to finally have it. The funny thing is that... I used to always wonder why she wanted a family while I was so supportive of Rahma's dream but now... Ugh. People change. And what's horrifying is that it just happens quickly as it could get. Hn, creepy.

Dad made a reservation for us in a fine dining restaurant to celebrate the day. We were eating and talking once in a while about the graduation and my plans. I was happily talking about how I might consider pursuing a master's degree just like Rahma in the future. Not now. Or maybe just put my degree into use, get a job and earn money.

Suddenly though, this man in his late 50's, I guess, came up to us and greeted my father. "Assalamualaikom (Peace be upon you)! Ah, Abu A'isha you are here! With your family," he exclaimed.

"Waalaikumissalam (And Peace be upon to you as well), Abu Ahmad. Yes, yes. You can join us if you want. We are just having a small celebration. My daughter, A'isha graduated from school today, Alhamdulillah."

"Oh is that so? Alhamdulillah. Events like this just make me think that we're really getting old, my friend. When we look back, they were still infants in their stinking diapers, now they're grown-ups," the man said. Well true, time flies so fast. "Congratulations, A'isha."

"Thank you, Uncle. Alhamdulillah," I said nicely though this is the first time I met him.

Soon, he excused from us to go back to their table saying about a family of this girl waiting for him as he was arranging a marriage for his son. Well, everybody just sets off for marriage, don't they?

"That old man Farhan Khalid. We go a long way back. He used to say he'd never marry now look at him arranging his own son's marriage," my Dad laughed. There must be a story behind that.

"Khalid?" mom asked. "Is he perhaps Sahara's husband?" probably one of her friends in her charity organization.

"Oh yes, yes. They have a son, probably the marriage they are arranging, Ahmad Azzam. He came back from Madina; the kid's a hafidh and studying to be an alim, Alhamdulillah. What great joy it must have been for the two," my Dad stated. What?! That was Azzam's father? And Azzam's really going to get married? Somehow this pain in my chest... Just kidding, LOL. "Sometimes I wish I have a son too, send him abroad to be a hafidh, a sheikh---"

"Am I not enough for you, Dad?" I asked.

"Of course, you are more than enough, dear. It's just sometimes a father wants a son as a company. That's why you need to get married so that I can have my son, alright?" he said.

"So that's why you want me to get married? To have a son? Really, Dad, you're hurting my feelings..." I joked.

"Yes. So we must quickly find a husband for you." He didn't even deny. Ah, my Dad.

Several weeks have passed; I finally got a job. Well, Alhamdulillah I got this job in a company where I could use what I have learned in school. It pays me decently and it doesn't expose me to a dangerous environment, if you know what I mean. I got my own office there so I have my privacy. I mean not bad for a first job and to think I'm just a fresh grad.

One day, I got home from work. This day was unusual, it's like something's going to happen. Either good or bad, I don't know. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. Dinner again and we talked about trivial matters. Though I notice Mom and Dad are awfully silent than usual. There were gaps in their story. There's something going on with this two. And before I could even ask them about it, Dad beat me to it.

"A'isha, my dear. You're getting married in few days." He broke out. Without preamble. Wow.

My first reaction was "What Dad? Without consulting me first?" and I realized how absurd must that have been. I mean I just gave them my permission right? I guess I must have forgotten about marriage because of my work. "I mean, why so soon? When did this happen?"

"Today, a friend came to visit me this morning and you might get surprised of who he was." My chest tightened.

"I don't want to know, Dad. Well, I don't wanna know yet. Uhm, I think I need to be alone and think," I said and excused myself.

I didn't expect for the news to be this... heavy. I mean I didn't expect it would be hard to grasp. Thinking and fantasizing about it is a whole lot different than it is actually happening. No! I think I'm having cold feet. Can I reject the proposal again? Just the thought of it makes me nervous. But I've already given my word to Dad and I'm sure he already accepted the proposal that's why he said I'm getting married. Now I can't let them down and put them into humiliation, can I? That would make me the worst daughter and I'm better dead if that'll ever happen.

Oh. What have I gotten myself into? I can't just undo what I did right? I can't just take back what I've said to my parents during my graduation, now can I? Ahh! I think I'm going crazy. Tawakallah (I put my trust to Allah). Qadrullah (This is the plan of Allah).

After thinking it through the whole night and of course asking help and guidance from Allah SWT, I told my parents what I think about it the next day. I told them how nervous I felt and how scary I am now that I'm entering a sacred thing like marriage. They told me it's going to be okay. Everything's going to be alright and it's normal to feel nervousness when things like this comes. But still.

Finally, couple of days before the wedding, the whole family of the groom was set to visit us. You could imagine my dread and nervousness when I learned about it. To this day, I still don't know who's going to be the groom. I mean I couldn't bring myself to ask them about it since I cut into my father's sentence again. I should've asked them that evening. And now the curiosity kills me.

What if the guy turned out to be monstrous in nature and feature? Oh, horrors! But my father picked him so it's alright. Need to trust Dad. I was just staying in my room until they call me. But I heard a car already pulled in our garage. I guess they're here already. I could just sneak in the windows to see who it was but the windows in my room are not facing our garage. Ah, really, this is torture!

"A'isha," a knock was heard on my door after about 30 minutes. Dug.dug. boy was my heart beating so loud I think it's gonna crush my ribs. I opened the door to see my mom beaming at me. "Your fiancé is waiting downstairs. Care to join us, dear?"

I swallowed and nodded slowly. My feet leading me to the staircase. Actually, my mom was mostly pushing me as my feet won't move. "Mom, I'm nervous."

My mom just laughed. "It's going to be okay, dear. Trust Mom, okay?" I nodded.

Really this suspense, even the guy's back was on the staircase so I still haven't figured out who he was when my feet landed on the bottom of the steps.

"Oh there's my daughter, A'isha. A'isha, come and meet your soon-to-be in laws and your fiancé." My father said.

The first I noticed, after giving up on recognizing the man from his back, was his mother who was smiling at me kindly. I think I have seen her before though I can't quite figure as all these thoughts are rushing to me. I can't think properly! My heart is still drumming inside my rib cage.

I smiled back though. And then the father, I guess, stood up and boy was I so shocked when I saw who it was. Mr. Farhan Khalid! Azzam's father! Could it be? But Azzam is getting married! Why would he be here? Don't tell me I'm going to be a second wife?! What? So soon?! Nooo! I am so confused right now!

To make it much worse, the guy also finally was in his feet and slowly, like a slow motion, he turned to face me. I managed to refrain myself from dropping my jaw in awe at this man before me. Though I know my eyes got bigger the moment I realized it was... "Azzam," I couldn't stop myself from muttering.

He was smiling at me like some psycho. But I must admit that he really looked striking with that smile of his. I mean Hanifa was right, she was always right. He became more handsome. Gone was that tall, lanky guy from my high school days. Standing before me was... the epitome of...

"Asthagfirullah." I inaudibly mumbled as I lowered my gaze before I could continue any longer. He's not my husband yet. But can I just say...he really has a striking appearance.

Wait! How is this guy in my house? I don't understand! All of this just doesn't make sense! Somebody please make me understand!

My mom led me to our seat and she positioned me between her and Mrs. Khalid who was gazing at me lovingly which was overwhelming me too much.

"What a lovely daughter you have, my friend," Mr. Farhan said. "My son here says you two went to the same high school together?" he asked.

"Yes, uncle," I answered politely. What else had he said?

"Well, that's good because now it won't be too hard for you to get to know each other," he again said. Hmph, quite the opposite. I don't know him anymore. But I couldn't just say it out loud, can I?

"This is making me happy, you know," Mrs. Khalid said beside me. "I've always admired your daughter, Aminah. So beautiful, kind and modest. If you must know, I always observe her whenever you bring her to our charity events and, Mashaallah, she is so lovely." This is overwhelming me too much. "And I have always hoped my son, Azzam, would find someone like her to marry, and now, I've just gotten my wish."

"Thank you, Sahara. I'm happy to know your thoughts about my daughter and this marriage," said my Mom

And then the topic shifted to Azzam. They talked about what he studied in the most prestigious Islamic university in that Madina and all. Three more years and he'll be able to finish his studies too. So that means, after the wedding he's going back there. Somehow, I don't like the idea. I mean... ugh, whatever. If it's for the deen and for Allah's sake, then okay fine. I'll let him go far away from me.

I couldn't look at him all this time. The entire time my gaze was lowered, I don't know, maybe I just got used to it. Well it was better this way you know. We're not yet married.

But I listened to every word he says. And his voice is still the same though it's more mature to hear now. It's deeper than I can remember. And sometime during their talk, he laughed and it was melodious to hear. I sighed mentally. How can this all seem so funny to me?

I mean honestly I wasn't in any way in love with him before. I was just playing with him, nothing too serious. He was the one who was after me and I, usually and most of the time, just ignore him. I reply to his text messages but that was all. I was looking for fun back in those days. Asthagfirullah. Now I am going to marry someone who was like a joke to me before. Was this my punishment for behaving that way in the past? This can be cruel when you look at it closely. How am I going to face him after the wedding? To think that I have replied to his messages before? I made him think I also have feelings for him when wallahi (By Allah), I didn't have any. He might think I'm a flirt for doing that. I'm dreading what will he do and say to me by the time we get married. Will he tease me to death about how I responded shamelessly to his messages?

I admit there was a possibility that I might like him in the end. I mean who wouldn't swoon to his romantic and cute messages before? But fortunately, he disappeared before we even came to that.

What I'm wondering is that how come he is at my house when he's going to get married to somebody else? That arrangement back in the restaurant. But I didn't saw him back there, did I? Unless he has another brother? But I heard he's the only son? Ughh, this is ought to kill me sooner than I think. I just wish this will all be over so that I'd get my answers.

Soon, thankfully, they left. Finally, it was over. Now we're just going to wait for the day of marriage. Horrors! Thankfully, our parents are the ones who are going to make all the preparations. All I have to do is to show myself, 5 days from now.

Ya Allah, this is all making me nervous. I decided to tell my bestfriends to come so I could break the news to them. In less than an hour, they were rushing in my room.

"What's up, my love?" Rahma asked.

"You would not believe what I'm about to say," I said as an intro.

"We won't? Why bother telling us then?" Hanifa asked being sarcastic.

I sighed ignoring that. "I'm getting married."

They all gasped in genuine surprise. "You, what?!" Rahma asked.

"You're getting married? Whatever happened to 'I don't wanna get married yet?'?" Hanifa asked. Right?

"Well, it all happened too quickly," I started and told them the rest of the story how I suddenly wanted to get married and told my parents about my opinion about it. "So they found me someone after few weeks."

"Really? Wow! Your parents surely work fast!" Hanifa commented.

"Now that's just half of the story, my dearests."

"What? There's more to it?" Rahma asked again. I nodded. "Gimme a break."

"The one they found was... you wouldn't believe it..."

"Get to it, woman!" Hanifa said impatiently.

"Ahmad. Azzam. Khalid."

"You're kidding." As expected, they were even more shocked at the revelation. The two cannot speak for minutes. And if this was another situation, I would've laughed at their reaction. But this was no ordinary situation. I am in as much shock as they are.

"Well, Mashaallah! Alhamdulillah for you, my love. Uncle and Auntie found a good man for you," Rahma said recovering first afterwards.

"Yes, I agree. Subhanallah, I can't believe you're getting married! So soon! And with Azzam. Allahuakbar. I'm eager for Allah's SWT perfect plan for you to unfold before my eyes," Hanifa stated.

"But this is making me uneasy." I said and told them the reason why – our past.

"Well, honey, just look at the brightest side. It was Azzam. Be thankful it's not another guy because that will surely break your husband-to-be's heart. And besides I know Azzam will understand. He's a good guy," Hanifa assured. I'm calmed somehow. "And duh, Azzam should be thankful he's going to end up with you. You're a jewel. Remember that."

"I know, thanks, sisters. I could have never been glad that you two are always here for me. Thank you," I said and we all hugged.

"I'm getting excited for you, my love. I swear," Rahma squealed in between the hugs.

"I'm happy for you too," Hanifa said. "Look now. You're going to get married ahead of me!" she said. She's to get married next year, after her fiancé comes back from South Africa who was studying there.

Before anything else, I asked my Dad for clarification about what happened in the restaurant. I mean, was Azzam the one they've arranged the marriage for? But it turns out it was not Azzam, it was his cousin whom Mr. Farhan considers as his own son since he lost his father. Mr. Farhan went with his sister for the marriage arrangement. So that's how it was. That was a relief.

The day came slowly yet quickly. And each day, the anxiety grows. I wish I could just stop the time just before it struck midnight. Wouldn't that be cool?

All the preparations were set. The ceremony will just be held in our house – our lawn specifically. There are few guests as possible (e.g. close friends, families and not too distant relatives from each side.) I am clothed with a white gown with accents of red jewels and sparkling things but not too sparkly as I have requested. My head covered with a veil the same color as that of the gown and of the same design. My gown was designed not to show a lot of curves and not loose also. Just perfect, the one where you can be most comfortable with. It reaches down to the floor covering my white stiletto.

I stay inside our house where my groom will come and pick me up. And my heart was beating so loud out of nervousness as time passes by. I hope they'll just lock the door and won't let Azzam in. Lol

"Are you okay?" Hanifa asked. "Breathe, honey, breathe." I did. And we laughed. "Honey, it's just a wedding. It won't bite you. And remember, marriage is beautiful," she added.

"How do you know when you're not even married?" I asked not out of curiosity. It just came out of my mouth as a response to what she said.

"Just look at your own parents, A'isha. Was their marriage not a beautiful one? Do you not envy them how they grew old together and still love each other?" she asked. Well, I do. Just one of the reasons why I want to settle down and have family on my own.

"Ikr."

"Omg. They're so coming." Rahma, who was more frantic than me, rushed from peeking at the window.

"Bismillahirrahmanirrahim (In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful)," I muttered with all my heart. I made a du'aa for all of this to be made easier for me and it worked as the anxiety slowly died and all I could feel was anticipation. Anticipation on how my groom would look like, on how this whole thing will turn out and what's gonna happen the moment he opens that door.

"Assalamualaikom," his deep baritone voice sounded from the other side of the door. My heart swelled for no reason. Oh my, this is it. May Allah SWT make it easy for me, for us.
All of the girls who are in my room responded "Alaikumussalam." I did too but in a much lower voice I don't think I heard it myself. Rahma was the one who slowly opened the door revealing a group of people behind it.

There stood my parents, his parents, some remarkable people and of course him on the lead. His lips perked up in a smile. The smile that's gonna melt your heart. He slowly advance to me and stopped midway. I saw him set one glance at my parents who nodded at him encouragingly. I guess they're ready to hand me to him.

With that, he continued to advance and stopped again, this time in front of me. The room was silent I think I could hear my heart beating. He held out his hand for me. His hand looks perfect. Wait. Not that time to think about his hand, A'ishah.

I casted a long glance at my parents, my mom was crying silently, and they nodded at me urging me to go on and accept it. So I, using all my strength, slowly lifted my hand from my lap and met his. He held my hand tight for a couple of second as if he was telling me 'You're mine'. That's when I for the first time looked at his eyes who were smiling at me. He leaned forward to kiss me on my forehead, his lips are so soft I might as well just swoon in my wedding day.

Before I could even study his expression further, my mom came up to us and hugged me tight. Guess they finally realized what they'd just done. My dad too hugged me and I didn't notice I was already crying. All the realizations hit me. I am no longer under their care. I am no longer going to be living in the same roof as them. All those realizations that tell me I just got married. Their daughter is married.

We got through the drama, eventually. The walima (wedding celebration) will be done right after the ceremony). After few moments inside the house, Azzam led me to our lawn where we are welcomed by the visitors. Our high school friends were there also, some unfamiliar people who might be his relatives or friends.

Anyway, the point is all of our friends are here. They hugged and greeted us. Because of the guests, I can't pay attention to my husband who is also as busy as me entertaining guests and all. He however managed to whisper something to me. "I kept my promise," he said. And I knew what he meant. Thanks to my memory which did all the magic for me to remember that text conversation. It took every ounce of me to stop myself from saying "I know right," because that would be somehow awkward. It's as if I was waiting for him then.

After the event, after everyone has come to greet and taken picture with us and after everyone went home, we were left alone with my family. The parentals agreed that as newlyweds, we're to stay our place for the meantime.

My mom helped me out of my gown and I changed into a much comfortable dress while we left my father and Azzam talking in the living room.

"Mom, what do you think of Azzam?" I asked while I brush my hair down. The curler did a good job as it won't straighten back to its original straight form.

"Will it matter of what we think of him?" she asked back as she stood behind me. She took my brush and she did the brushing.

"Of course, Mom. Very much," I said looking at her through the mirror.

"Well, from the short time I have known of him, he's a kind and respectful lad. I see how he respects your father whenever they talk. Because if you must know, he spends time with your father while you are gone for work." Really? He goes here whenever he wants to? But of course I didn't say that out loud. "Your father, as I can see, is very fond of him. And you know your father, he doesn't warm up easily to somebody if he's not worth it."

I nodded. "You're right."

My phone beeped. Rahma's been texting me ever since she left after the ceremony.

"Well, I guess I should leave you now. If there's anything you two need, you tell us."

"I know, Mom. Jazakillahu khayr (May Allah reward you with goodness) for everything," I said and hugged her. When she left I sat on my bed and focused on texting with Rahma. She's asking a lot of questions and updates on what's going on. This woman. Just she wait 'til she gets married and see how it'll turn.

I was getting sleepy, I don't know why, when I heard a knock on the door and opened slightly. It was Azzam. And this is going to be the first time we're going to be alone in a room. I don't know what to think or feel. Oh for goodness' sake, it's just Azzam.

I set my phone down beside me and watched him enter. "Assalamualaikom," he said and I replied in a soft voice. I stared at him taking in his features. Gah. I didn't wanna be that blushing bride. This is awkward. Stop gawking at him, A'isha. "So..." he started which I doubt if he's really going to say something out of it. Just a normal introductory part, I presume.

He remained there standing staring at me. "What?" I asked.

He smiled at me. "Nothing. You just look stunning." Stunning. Wow. My hijab was already off and my make up was already removed. Stunning. I rolled my eyes while I knew my cheeks blushed. He chuckled nervously. Wait, nervously? "Did I come too late?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" Why is he late?

"I mean, you know coming back home and only asking for your hand after all these years," he said.

I couldn't stop myself from laughing. "You're talking as if you were gone for at least a decade. When you were just gone for four years." Nope, I'm not counting the years. "Give me a break," I sounded like a lover scornfully waiting for his man who never returned for some time.

He was silent for a moment. And for a second, I pitied him for what I did. I just want to mask the nervousness I'm feeling right now.

"While I was in Madina, all I could think of was maybe somebody has gotten to you already and I would be too late when I come back. I can hear news there, how you are sought after by men who wanted to take you as their wife. You don't know how happy and relieved I am at the same time whenever I hear afterwards that you turned all of them down," he said. I want to take back how I acted. I mean, that was so rude of me. Here he was narrating his life there while I was giving him a hard time instead. Bad, A'isha, bad. "When I learned you're graduating, I couldn't wait to get home and look for you and ask you to marry me before I would be too late. I just had to take my chance after I hear all those rejected marriage proposals. You told me before, you'll not marry until you finish school so I waited. I don't stand a chance of you accepting my proposal. I mean, I know you don't like me," he chuckled and then sighed. "I don't know what happened but here we are. Married."

I hugged my knees closer and placed my head in between the crooks of my knee. "Maybe you're lucky." I joked. I mean come to think of it. By the time I agreed to the marriage, he was the one who came up to us right after that. Subhanallah. Allah SWT surely plans perfectly.

"Or maybe," he said sitting on the bed as well, "Allah SWT finally answered my prayers." I can't help but smile at that. He did not fail to make my heart swoon.

"Why did you disappear suddenly? You could've at least left me a text message that you're off to god-knows-where while I was left wondering where you were all these years. You owe me that at least as a friend."

"So you were waiting for me?" he jested grinning. I almost forgot his playful side.

"Oh please, I was just curious why you suddenly disappeared. I thought you were dead."

He laughed. "No, I just had to leave abruptly or I'll lose my scholarship in that university. And besides, I learned something that made me leave without telling a word."

"Oh? And that is?"

"Must we talk about the past? I've learn to forget them and I choose to live by the moment, here with you."

I eyed him intently. And I think I knew what he learned. "You knew, didn't you? You knew that I was just playing with your feelings before."

He nodded. And I hated myself for what I did. It was my entire fault then why he had to leave and why I have to yearn for him to show himself all these years. Tears started to swell in my eyes so I hid my face. I feel like such a monster. "A'isha," he said my name after such long time. I love how it came out. "You must know that I am not mad at you or some sort. I was just hurt despite my easy-going stance. And I thought I should forget you for what you did. But I couldn't. You seem to be engraved in my heart that all that it screams for is you. I couldn't forget you."

"I'm sorry, truly. I shouldn't have done that under any circumstances. I'll forever be ashamed of what I did. I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I said.

I didn't notice when he was finally close to me and held my face. "I've forgotten about it and so you must too. Clear? We should start a new life putting the past behind us."

"I must be the one lucky. You know after all these years you still came back for me."

He smiled. "We're both lucky to have each other, finally. Alhamdulillah," he said.

"I should thank you for bearing patience and asking me in your prayers. I promise as a return to be a good and loyal wife to you," I said sincerely.

"No, thank you."

We smiled at each other. "Do you want me to prepare your bath? I mean it's been a long day---"

"I've taken you as my wife, alright? I have not taken you as a servant so please stay still; I think I can find my way to your bathroom which happens to be just there," he pointed the door to my own bathroom, "on my own."

"But I'm glad to be of service to you after you have taken me as your wife," I half-joked, half stated as a matter of fact. "And I insist."

"Fine." So I left him and went to the bathroom. Later I emerged out of it just to see him holding my phone out. "Your lover is asking for you." I didn't know if he sounded jealous or so.

I gasped. It was Rahma phonebook-ed as R, just her initials. And then her message was flashed on the screen. "What's going on, my love? Having fun? <3"

"It's Rahma – my bestfriend. I hope you didn't have any ill thoughts about it though it would be possible---"

"Hush, wifey, I trust you," and he winked. "I was just jealous that some people already called you 'my love' before I could do so. If you must know, I'm a possessive husband."

I released a sigh of relief and laughed afterward. "Well I must tell you that my bestfriends and I call each other on these endearments, unfortunately for you."

"Well, we'll find a way." I had to laugh a little. He is finally on his feet. "Wait for me, okay? Let's pray together."

"Of course," I said and watched him as he made his way to the bathroom.

I still have a lot of questions in my mind that I wanted for him to answer. But in shaa Allah, we got all the time in the world to talk about those. Besides, I'm dying to know what the pain reliever was for.

For now, I'm thankful that this day has come. Before, I can't imagine myself being married to someone. It's hard managing myself alone, what more if I get married? Wouldn't we get enough of each other? I know marriage is not all sweet and romance, there are tough times too. And thinking about that makes me want to step on the brake and not go through it. I hate being stressed.

But look at how it all turned this way. Had I not agreed to this, I would not have the chance to feel this contentment inside of me. I wouldn't be looking forward to tomorrows with my husband. Alhamdulillah for the perfect timing. Alhamdulillah for this chance for us to get to know each other more and for me to start loving him in the right way. For the sake of Allah.

Indeed we should wait for Allah's plan for us. We should not rush into things. We should not act ahead of what is really destined for us. The love we feel when we are still young, we can never be sure of how it will quickly fade. Once I've read a book which a character once said "I could perhaps reason with the poor girl, speak with her of the folly of young love, how swiftly it fades in the face of life's harsh reality..." well it was true.

Let us just be patient, let us not rush ourselves into falling in love, let's have sab'r because truly Allah SWT rewards those who are patient.

After sometime, he's out of the bathroom drying his hair. He was smiling at me like a little boy. And I couldn't help but smile back. I sighed. I sighed because I can see in his eyes our brighter tomorrow in shaa Allah khair (goodness).

----Alhamdulillah. Barakallahu feekom.----