Mahmud

"You bring shame to your family, freak," Jakkar sneers as I walk past him carrying a load of my father's spices back to my house from the docks of Kanan.

Jakkar's sister is with him, and she laughs with her brother at me. "I cannot believe your father once spoke to mine about betrothing us."

"Sister, do not even speak of such a thing!" Jakkar laughs uproariously as he says it. "Why, that would be like marrying you to a donkey!"

My face burns red at the insult, and suddenly a whirlwind rushes at Jakkar and his sister, knocking them off their feet.

A spluttering Jakkar curses and struggles to get up from the dust.

My eyes widen.

Gods, what have I done?

The whirlwind sucks back toward me, and I drop Father's spices and run. I can't be discovered on top of everything else. Father will give me a beating for leaving the spices, but that's better than being outed as a magi.

It's dinner time when I make it home and I rush to my seat at the table.

Father is already deep in his drink. He won't notice I lost the spices until tomorrow.

"Your friend, Jakkar, successfully trained his stallion and his father is holding his Kantaran celebration tomorrow," Father says when I sit, his expression as unimpressed as his statement. "Do you know what that means, Mahmud?"

I can't look Father in the eye. He's right. I'm never going to train Luna and thus I'll never be considered a man of the Kanan who brings honor to his family. This just adds to my list of disappointments I bring my family.

"That means you are the only boy in Kanan to have an untrained filly," Father says, pounding a fist on the wooden table we're sitting around.

"Rosh, he trains with that filly everyday," Mother defends me, but at this point I can't stand even her excuses for me. "He's bound to ride her soon enough."

"Is it that demon in you that keeps you from bringing us honor?" Father rages, ignoring my mother. His blazing eyes fix on me. "Somedays I wonder if the gods torment me so because I didn't follow their willing when you were born."

"I'm sorry, Father," I say. "I never wanted to bring shame to the family of Rosh."

"The least you can do is go outside and make yourself useful! Muck out the stables, every last one," Father dismisses angrily, swigging a long sip of his mead. "I pray to the sun god everyday that your mother gives birth to a son who can make me proud."

Father drinks for many reasons, but I'm the chief one. I'm his only son and the embarrassment of his life.

I'm ever in his debt because he didn't drown me the day I was born like our law orders: Purge yourselves of any magi born among you, they are demons in human form and will bring nothing but sorrow to their people.

I sneak some of the mead out of the kitchen into a large mug on my way out, repeating that law to myself as I go out to the stables. I walk into Luna's stall and shut the door behind me. With mead in my hand I stand next to Luna and pat her neck.

She's a beautiful filly, black as midnight with a crescent moon mark on her forehead.

The sun god must know I don't deserve such a creature in my care. Perhaps that is the reason why, no matter how hard I try, I cannot break her and bring honor to my family.

Luna lets me rub her neck or lead her about the grounds, but has never allowed me on her back. In only a week there will be a race and all of those who were given their first horse at the new year will be expected to participate in it. Every boy in Kanan will be expected to be there to race, and after it is finished, they will be presented to the King of Kanan as true men.

Except for me.

If I cannot break Luna I won't have a future here. None of the young women in town will even take a glance my way, their fathers would never give anyone in me to marriage. I will not own lands, as I am not considered a true man and will rank among the women in our city.

No rights to speaks of.

Like, Mad Kan who lives outside the citadel screaming obscenities.

I take a long drink.

Luna nickers and nudges my hand with the mead as if questioning what I'm drinking.

I hold out the cup toward her so she can sniff it. She snorts and shakes her mane.

"What? It doesn't smell good to you?" I ask her with a chuckle, giving her a playful shove. Humor is my only escape from the drudge my life is.

Luna shakes her head again and trots over to the window of her stall to poke her head out, gazing at the moon wistfully with her big, sad, hazel eyes.

"You miss being wild, don't you?" I say with a sigh. "It's not right. It was a mistake to bring you here."

Luna doesn't acknowledge me and I continue to drink. As I drink gazing at the wild filly cooped up in this stall, it bothers me. It bothers me to a maddening level.

"There's got to be a better life than this, huh?" I mutter, for both of us.

Suddenly I find myself just as hopeless as my filly looks. The strange dreams, the occasional, unexplained control of elements I have to hide, the knowledge that I will never be accepted here.

It's all too much.

If they discovered I was a magi they'd behead me, but that sounds a better option than my current future.

"C'mon, Luna," I say, gulping the last of my mead and throwing the mug on the ground. I gather a lead rope and halter and return to adjust it to her sleek face.

She gazes at me as if questioning what I'm doing.

"Let's go," I say with a grin. "You're going to run free."

I leave the stable with Luna, walking her to my house, tying her at the door and collecting a blanket, rope, and one days worth of bread and water to carry with me.

Lastly, I find the engraved knife my father uses for sacrificial offerings and slip it into my belt.

My father is too drunk to care and my mother is too distracted by my father to notice me leave.

I hoist all my supplies into a sack and carry it over my shoulder, untying Luna and walking out into the streets of Kanan.

Something good must come of my existence. After I free Luna, I shall sacrifice myself to the sun god at dawn, on the mountain of Goran.