Mahmud

What Zahra said opened my mind.

If I started believing that she is right, and that what I am is a gift and celebration of the Divine rather than a curse, maybe I can actually begin to manage my powers rather than tie them up inside me.

But how do I tap into my powers when all my life I've desperately tried to shove them down?

My powers are brought on by intense emotions, I know this, but I've never quite learned how to control the ones involving dreams. I recall a time my mother had a horrific dream that she confided in me.

I'd been truly concerned for her, and in an instant I knew that she was going to miscarry her baby. I told her.

My gaze turns to Zahra, she stands in my apartment in her human form. That form in my apartment is enough to send all of my emotions up in the air. Zahra's fiery passion for survival, and her undying spirit, her lack of shame over who and what she is.

I wish I had her confidence.

"Zahra, have you ever heard of one of your kind marrying a—a man?" I ask, already my face is heating up.

Why am I asking her this? What good will it do?

She turns to look at me, her expression is surprised, eyes wide, lovely mouth slightly parted.

"What do you mean, Mahmud?" she asks. Normally it's easy for me to read her. She's bold and brash in the way she speaks of things.

"Nothing, it's just... I wondered if horse shifters only marry their own kind?" I stammer sheepishly.

I'm being so stupid! How could I ask her this question. She's probably laughing at me in her head.

"My parents were both horse shifters," Zahra says, she peers at me suspiciously. "But I have heard of others of my kind who married humans."

"What happens if they have children?" I ask her.

"The children are born with pointed ears, they are often faster than normal humans, yet they cannot take on an animal form," Zahra explains.

"Have you ever longed to be with a male... who is of your kind? To take a husband horse-shifter?" I had to know more.

"None exist as far as I know. That man in the cloak..." her voice trails. "If that man had known what I truly was, he'd have killed me without question, I believe he's succeeded in annihilating us. Except me."

"There are none left of your kind? Even in Aura?" I ask.

For some reason the thought of a tall, strong, and handsome horse-shifting male who can run alongside my best friend is bothering me.

That's because you wish you weren't just friends, an internal voice tells me.

"Why are you so curious about all of this?" Zahra asks, cocking her head adorably.

"Well," I suck in a breath and pause, then say, "I want you to stay with me. You're--you're family to me."

"Family?" Zahra says with a giggle. "Do you see me as a sister?"

"No," I say it almost immediately. "I can't explain it. But I feel like we belong... together."

Zahra's merriment dissipates and she furrows her brow in thought. "I think so too, Mahmud."

A sigh escapes me, and I realize I can't talk anymore about this. "Are you hungry at all? Do you need anything?" I ask her.

"I need to freshen up, where is your lavatory?" Zahra asks, her cheeks redden.

"Second door," I say, pointing down the hall. "I'll make us some tea and ask the gods for help in interpreting the dream. In the morning we shall go to king Raman."

Zahra walks down the hall to the lavatory and I walk to my kitchen to light the stovetop and put the kettle on, as I watch the fire light up, a vision overcomes me. I see King Raman's dream play out. The stallions fighting. The sandstorm taking them from them. Nothing left for either stallion.

You are the sandstorm. You will overthrow the king and you will be king of Kanan and Bandul. You will grow in riches beyond that of any king on the eastern sands. All will honor you. All will bow to you. Raman will fall. King Cyrus of Bandul will fall. You must choose whether to show them any mercy to the wicked who run these kingdoms, but take care, underestimate yourself and you will lose everything we are giving you, trust yourself and you will bring peace and prosperity to these lands.

The sound of the kettle boiling brings me back to the present.

How can this be true? It can't be true! Not to mention an answer like this will anger King Raman beyond comprehension.

Zahra returns to find me standing over a whistling kettle doing nothing. "Are you alright, Mahmud?"

I'm not alright.

"I know the answer," I tell her. Thank the gods for the relief of having a friend who I can say anything to!

"And?" Zahra sits down at the table. "But before you do, can you do something about that kettle before it deafens me?"

I remove the kettle and decide to first prepare the tea while I gather my thoughts. "Give me a moment."

Zahra waits patiently as I pour into the ceramic cups and add honey and tea in the strainer. I've chosen a calming tea as I normally do for bed. I set the cups on the kitchen table of my apartment and sit opposite of her. This feels so normal. As if I've done this with her before. However, I know I never have.

Zahra takes the cup and brings it to her lips, I reach to stop her, my fingers lightly touching her hand. A delightful thrill goes through me at that simple touch. I do my best to ignore it. I touch her everyday in her horse form. Tacking her up, riding on her back, cleaning her hooves, brushing her main and tail, and washing the sand from her coat after a long day on the trail. Being around her in this beautiful human form is extremely distracting.

"Zahra, it's hot," I say. "Be careful."

"Oh, yes," Zahra stammers the words, her eyes meeting mine. "It's been so long since I've had tea. My mother used to make it for my father and I before bed. It's funny, my father used to say the same thing to me. I'm always in such a hurry with everything."

I smile at this thought, but then I remember the vision.

"The dream is about me," I say quietly.

"What?" Zahra's face lights with surprise.

"It's going to sound absurd," I tell her, unsure if she'll laugh in my face at the mention of I, Mahmud, my family's shame, a secret magi who should have been executed long ago, would dare to aspire to be king.

Zahra reaches for my hand now, taking it in her own. "You can tell me. Nothing you say is absurd to me."

"I'm destined to be the next king... not just of Kanan, but of Bandul. There will be nothing left for Raman or King Cyrus."

Zahra's grin is huge. "Oh my gods, Mahmud! That's wonderful!"

It's my turn to be shocked. "What?"

"You'll make an amazing king!" Zahra exclaims, rising from her seat, the energetic horse side kicking in that I know so well. She practically paces my small apartment. "You're better than any of these awful people in charge how call themselves men! You'd change this entire country for the better!"

"It can't be true though, can it?" I ask, shaking my head. "I feel silly even thinking it."

"Feel silly all you want, but I'm totally going to help you get this done!" Zahra says.

"What about Raman? What am I going to tell him?" I ask.

"Yeah, he's not going to be too happy about the idea of losing everything to you," Zahra murmurs, she settles back down and sit back in her seat to take a tentative sip of the tea. "Why can't you lie to him?"

"L-lie to him?" I ask her.

"Maybe all these other magi he approached told him the truth, that he would be usurped," Zahra says. "That's why he executed them. Because they told him what he didn't want to hear. That's his personality, he's not the type that wants any sort of news that puts him out of power."

"You could be onto something," I say, taking a sip of my own tea. "We'll need to come up with something that makes sense considering the content of the dream."

"Great, but can we do that tomorrow? I'm beat," Zahra says. "I don't think I can think another rational thought."

Especially after what she had to go through in the courtyard...

"You can sleep in my bed, I'll take the couch," I tell her.

"Silly, you won't catch cooties sleeping next to me," Zahra says with a wink. "That bed is plenty big for the both of us."

"Who am I to argue with that logic?" I ask with a chuckle.