There is a list of newly instituted rules hanging on the walls of the Gryffindor common room. Dolores Umbridge has been made the High Inquisitor... and no one is better for it.

"Are you kidding me?" asks Ron, scoffing, standing in front of the list.

"Oh dear," Hermione is saying, arms crossed, holding a book to her chest. "This is ridiculous?"

Harry approaches the group. "What's up?" he asks.

"Oh, nothing, just, you know, Umbridge being a fucking dictator!" Ron exclaims, red in the face.

Harry rolls his eyes. "Please, Ron it can't be that bad." He pauses, reading the list on the wall. He blinks, blanking. "Oh shit."

"Yeah! Yeah, 'oh shit' is right!"

Hermione puffs out her cheeks with clear exasperation. "Language, both of you."

"No," replies Ron. "If the correct word ot use in this situation is shit, I'm going to say shit."

"It's so vulgar," says Hermione.

"Tell me what's worse. Saying fuck, or Umbridge's list of rules."

"I'm not say that! Ronald, be sensible."

"Don't call me Ronald!"

Hermione stares at him. "It is literally your name, though."

"That doesn't mean you should call me it!"

"Oh, but Ronald sounds more mature," says Hermione, longingly, as if wishing for aversion of Ron that was in any way mature.

Harry tunes them out as he reads through the rest of the list.

As I, Dolores Umbridge, the newly instated High Inquisitor, am given new authority, I am given the opportunity to present new rules. All following rules will be enforced and followed, or consequences will befall both student and staff. Please read over the list carefully.

1.) Quidditch teams can and may be suspended if one or more of their members receives two or more detentions. Suspension final decisions are up to the High Inquisitor; not Head of House.

Harry thinks that is a sour deal, having a made up position just have more power than the Head of Houses just because she said so. What type of authority that deserves to be respected is absolute?

It's a shame that Harry's already gotten more than one detention> he wonders if this rule was made specifically for him. As he keeps reading, he wonders if most of them are.

But that's absurd. Dolores Umbridge wouldn't create a completely arbitrary set of rules, enforced by the entire staff of the castle, just to fuck with him.

... Would she?

2.) All classes will receive an Inquisition, a performance review of both the students participating in the class and the staff themselves. If the staff fails an Inquisition, the High Inquisitor will ask for their removal. If enough students are remarked upon in an Inquisition, the High Inquisitor may implement new disciplinary programs.

"She's got to stop talking about herself in the third person," Harry remarks. He rereads the rule, frowning. "Do you reckon Hagrid will be alright?"

"He'll be alright. He can handle anything. He's Hagrid," says Ron, proudly, but for some reason Harry is not so sure.

Harry also wonders what type of medieval torture type shit she's thinking of for those 'disciplinary programs.'

3.) All homesexual activity will henceforth be disbanded, both in public and in private. If you suspect someone to have committed a homosexual act, please report it to the High Inquisitor.

"Now this one's definitely targeted," says Harry, thinking of the way Umbridge called him a renowned gay man.

4.) All talk or practice of spirituality or religion, outside of Ministry approved religions, will henceforth be disbanded. If one is suspected of such activity, they may be admitted to a disciplinary program.

"I'm pretty sure this one is just a human rights violation," says Harry, pointing to it.

"And what's with all this 'disciplinary program'?" exclaims Ron, huffing. "What does she have in mind? Having us write lines?"

Harry grimaces, but hides it quickly. "I'm sure," he mutters. In all likelihood, probably.

5.) No pets. No exceptions. Purging on all remaining pets and animals will begin in one week from this list's postage.

"Now she's just being mean," says Harry, thinking of how he'll have to get Hedwig to stay at Grimmauld Place for a while. He'll miss her, but hopefully these rules won't last long before Dumbledore or someone decides they're nonsense.

"This is insane," says Ron. He sounds genuinely upset about it, genuinely worried, while peers of theirs are standing around laughing about it, not quite grasping the severity of the situation.

"Last time we saw the Ministry get this bad in regards to Hogwarts was in our second year, and even then it wasn't like this. No. This is some new evil." Harry reads and rereads the list of rules and is given the impression that this is a battlefront; this is the Ministry's own type of war. The War on Hogwarts.

"It's tyrannical," agrees Hermione, tightening a strand of hair around her finger, as if to vent her frustrations. "But, not to worry, I have a plan."

Harry laughs. "Of course you do," says Ron, rolling his eyes, but he sounds relieved. He pauses for Hermione to continue, waiting for her to unveil her brilliant plan, and frowns when she says nothing. "I don't suppose you'll enlighten us with what it is, yeah?"

"Not yet," says Hermione, smoothly. She corrects her grip on her book, which only now does Harry realize reads Attorney and Law: Lawsuits 101. "I'll need to iron out the details, of course, before I put any real work into it, and I wouldn't want to do myself the embarrassment of failing because I started a plan I didn;t finalize."

"You won't fail," says Harry. He grins. He is filled with love. "You're Hermione Granger."

Hermione flushes red, but says, "This is why I won't fail, this process."

"Well, whatever your plan is, give 'em hell."

"Oh, yes," says Hermione, and she does smile when she says this, "I plan to."

From her look in her eyes, if Umbridge didn't deserve everything she has coming her way and more, Harry would almost, almost be afraid for her.