I picked up the next book more reluctantly. This one would be torture, I knew it now. I looked up at the slab on the wall, it looked different now, there a new piece to it I didn't note before. The young priest beside the heir. Citlali.

"Many years, little brother," I murmured. "So many years, your memory has tortured me. I finally have you again," I looked at the book in my hand. "And yet I don't. It's not the way you wanted it to be."

I opened the book the familiar scene.

I was twenty-two now, Citlali had recently turned eighteen and succeeded in becoming a priest in training at the temple of Metztli. He had been acting strangely around me, like he was trying not to be anywhere near me. He would appear like he had ants biting him, he wouldn't look me in the eye like he used to, and trip over his words endlessly.

It was bothering in an instant but I didn't push him to tell me. We were brothers, if it really bothered him, he would tell me in his own time. Right?

I consulted Uncle about it though.

He took a long time thinking of an answer. "I'm not very familiar with such behavior. But it sounds like Citlali is conflicted over a pressing matter." he said after his long silence. "He may just need some time to think it over by himself."

I wasn't comforted by it but I understood. I nodded and left his chambers to think on my own. I wandered to the city garden where I found Aunt singing to the children like usual. I remembered listening to her when I was little, wishing Mother would sing to me but knew it was impossible. I took some fruit kindly offered by some other children that were harvesting with their mothers, making sure to thank each of them plenty.

My arms filled, I made my way back to the palace. Leaving the gifts with some servant to prepare for later, I strolled the halls. I wondered what could be conflicting to Citlali to that level of bothersome.

I remained in the palace that day.

The next morning I was ushered to the temple of Tonatiuh. It was reminded to me that I had to promise loyalty to our main god for plentiful years to come.

The High Priest glared at me harshly. He must still be bitter about Citlali's trial for choosing the goddess than the god. I held my head high, showing no regret in supporting my brother.

My gaze settled on the golden icon of Tonatiuh. It was intimidating. A minor priest stood off to the side holding a wrapped bundle carefully. I knew inside the bundle was a knife. Cutting my palm for a god I don't full heartily respect didn't seem like a good idea now.

I spared a glance at my uncle's right hand were I knew a thin scar remained.

I stopped before the icon, the red jewel eyes glared down at me, daring me to run away like a child. I could barely hear the High Priest speaking his words to Tonatiuh over the rushing blood in my ears, then I was offered the blade. It was old but well tended to, I took ahold of it's battered leather wrapped handle and went to one knee before the statue.

The High Priest began speaking again and I answered without registering my own words, my mind was on the blade and what I had to do and why it felt so wrong. I stared at myself in the knife's reflective surface, I recognized fear and confusion in my own eyes but there was one more that I couldn't identify. I bothered me.

"...Then bring down the blade upon your hand and swear your utmost loyalty to the gods." The priest commanded.

I held up my right hand close to my body before holding it out to the statue while I raised the knife with my left hand. In one swift motion I slit open my palm and watched as my blood pooled into beads. The High Priest grabbed my wrist and held my hand over the foot of the icon, letting my blood drip from my open palm to the golden platform. The faint sting of the after shock shook through my arm, it was a surprisingly enjoyable feeling, and watching the red liquid leave it's proper place was just something else. Finally, I was allowed to take my hand back and the minor priest the formerly held the knife wrapped a clean cloth over my cut.

Clapping sounded behind me, pulling me from the odd sensations engulfing me.
I turned around to face the watching people, Uncle had a proud smile on his face as did the other priests. Only the High Priest still scowled at me.

The rest of the day I couldn't stop thinking about that small ritual. How it all felt wrong, the sensations it came with, that one final thing in my reflection. I was awfully confused and lost.

"Brother?" Citlali's voice startled me out of my thoughts. I looked at my surroundings to find I hadn't left my corridor of the palace.

"W-what brings you, Citlali?" I asked pushing away the maze I had created in my mind to focus on my little brother.

His face took on a soft shade. "You didn't visit the previous evening or this afternoon." He spoke. "I became worried."
I smiled at him, Citlali was a caring and sweet young man.

I looked at my covered hand then back at him. "I'm sorry to make you worry, little brother." I patted his head. "You seemed busy with your own worries the day before and today I was busy in my own confusions." I explained.

His eyes seemed to widen a bit when I mentioned him busy with his own troubles. It was an interesting look he had.

Then he shook his head. "There wasn't anything to worry about." He claimed.
He wasn't tripping over his words today and he wasn't avoiding to meet my gaze.

I gestured for him to follow me as I strolled to my chambers. He seemed a bit reluctant but he followed nonetheless.

"Do you mind if I ask you something?" I asked as we settled into overstuffed cushions on the floor.

"Of course not." He answered quickly.

I rubbed my chin thoughtfully as I thought of how to word my question. "Well," I began slowly. "In recent days you have been acting strangely." I noticed him tense in his seat. "I've waited quietly for a few moons now and curiosity has gotten to me. You don't have to explain anything though, if you are uncomfortable." I finished softly.

It was silent between us. It wasn't normal for there to be silence.

He stood up suddenly and walked to the door that led to the palace gardens across from the door that led to the corridor.
I let him be for a moment or so before standing up myself and joining him. Neither of us said anything for a long time.

"I love you," Citlali said finally. I thought to answer but before I could say anything he spoke again, "But not as a brother."

I could only stare at him bewildered. I had only heard rumors from the servants that men would lay with one another and a few women would do the same. But Citlali . . .

"I know it's not proper," he said, his voice starting to crack, his body racking with held back sobs. "I fight with myself daily since these feelings began and I had difficulty facing you, but I couldn't ignore you, Ah Kin."

My own eyes widened. He never said my name since we first met, I was always Brother. Even when he talked about me to the priestesses, Brother.
It was different. It was right.

This morning's events came to mind how it felt wrong. But Citlali saying my name felt right.

He was now openly sobbing. I did what I always had, I gathered him up against me and together we sat on the steps until he calmed down again. This time he still clutched my robes tightly in his hands, he still buried himself against me as he tried to hide from the world, but he was calm, and I continued to hold him like I always had.

"I . . . I understand if you don't want to be near me anymore," he spoke again finally, "but please just let me like this for a little longer."

I looked down at him. He wasn't the little boy with big eyes that whispered secrets I remember. He had become my pride and joy, the only reason I enjoyed free times from my tutors and family, the only reason I could smile after my mother's bitter words. He wasn't just my little brother, he was my Citlali.

Thinking that I tightened my hold on him. "I never not want to be near you." I murmured to him. "My little Citlali."

He lifted his head from my chest and stared up at me. His eyes red rimmed and raw from his tears still captured me. I wiped away the muck beneath his nose with my sleeve. 

"It will take time for me to adjust to this," I began this time. "So bear with me until I can say the words with the same meaning." I combed my fingers through his hair.

Citlali lifted himself up and leaned forward. His eyes closed slowly as his lips met mine. His lips were soft against mine, I shifted my hold on him so he could lay against me. And we just stayed like that, our mouths connected, like lovers.

Am abrupt clatter sounded from in my chambers startling both of us. It was one of the younger menservants, my own, he had a stunned look in his eyes.

I raised a single finger to my lips in sign for this event to be silent. The boy nodded firmly in response.