She is so wasted. I think I have to carry her into the room. I picked her up. I wouldn't say she's as light as a feather, but yes, she's light, and I can smell her booze.

The hiccuping is getting ridiculous. "Water. I need water."

"Y/n, y/n. Stop moving, I may drop you. You want water right? I will bring you some."

I placed her on the sofa and brought her a glass of water.

"Here. Have some water."

"I want water.. gimme water," she coughed.

"This is water, have some." Aish, this girl.

She spilled the water all over her face and neck. The droplets ran down her neck and into her cleavage. I don't want to admit it, but that scene was giving me a hard time controlling myself.

No, no, stop thinking about that Tae, you have to treat her wound first. I sat near her and opened the first-aid kit and started treating her wound.

"Tae-tae, your hands are cold, but they're really soft. I love them," she sighed and started to rub my hands on her face.

What is she doing? And what was this new name, 'Tae-tae'? This is dangerous. I have to bring her to her bedroom. otherwise I can't control myself.

We reach her bedroom. I place her in bed and was about to leave when she suddenly grabbed my cold hand with her warm ones.

"Sleep with me."

"Wh-what are you talking about?"

She pulled me towards her. Now I am on top of her. I can hear her heartbeat and the sensation of other things as well.

"You have beautiful eyes, Tae-tae. Your eyes always make me nervous," she says and traced my face with her warm hands.

"Y/n please stop. Don't play with me."

I was at my limit, but she didn't stop. Fuck it.

I couldn't control myself anymore. I kissed her cheek, and she hugged me tightly. I bringed my lips down her soft ones. She returned it sloppily but passionately. I can taste the alcohol from her lips. This is my first kiss, but I don't mind sharing it with her.

I started to kiss her neck slowly. At this point, I can't think of anything. I'm not sure what I am doing. Somewhere in my head, a voice tells me to stop it but I couldn't.

"Ah, Tae," y/n let out a moan.

The sudden sound made me come to my senses and I pulled away from her.

What was I doing? Get a grip on yourself, Tae. Don't do something you'll regret later. I left her room and went to mine.

I lost my control for a second. Why did I kiss her? I don't love her, so why? I'm not sure about that, but I'm sure about one thing. I don't want this marriage. I don't want love.

I lost my childhood to this so-called love. My mother loved my birth father so much that she was okay with all the beating and abuse. Even when he started abusing me, she remained silent and never left him, because she loved him. I paid the price for her toxic love.

After my birth-dad died, my mother fell in love with my current step-dad. He was such a good man. I thought maybe we could lead a happy life because they were in so much love. But I was wrong. My mother left this world. My dad lost his sense and became an addict. He forgot that he had two children. I had to take care of him and Jungkook.

I had to fill in the place he had forgotten. At the age of fourteen, I had to work in my dad's office, and with the help of his personal secretary and other reliable employees, I stopped the company from crumbling. The love he had for my mother nearly ruined him and everyone around him.

I still remember that day, the day when he raised his hand on Jungkook. When I came back from school, I saw the scene. He raised his hand to slap Jungkook. I could see the shocked expression on Jungkook's face. He was just a child at that time. He must have been scared.

I saw myself in him. I didn't want him to have the same fate as me. I knew how horrible it was to have an abusive father. I knew I must stop my step-dad. So I did. Once he came to his senses, he cried so hard. After that day, he changed. He stopped drinking and started to work on the company. That still doesn't change the fact that he always looks empty. He still couldn't forget his wife, my mother.

Love ruined everyone's lives around me. I will not love anyone in this life. I don't want love.

Tomorrow I will do what I have to do.

Thanks for reading.

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