Minho looked adorable in pyjamas. Bacon and pancakes against light blue, the standard model with a little folded collar, buttons and too-long sleeves. His hair was messy and his expression was grave, not amused. Really, really adorable. I'd never seen what he wore to sleep — he was always under the blankets by the time I'd arrive, and still unconscious when I'd leave.

He looked at me, and his pupils shot up, gently floated back down. An eye roll. He did it perfectly. He sat down next to me on the edge of his bed.

"Don't say it," he muttered. As if I could find a single flaw in this picture. No, all I could see was beauty — all I could feel was love, reverence. I couldn't describe how much I loved him after the day we'd had, and now this. I felt like a worm, drowned and trampled on a damp mid-February sidewalk.

"No, it's cute," I said.

He took the bottom of his shirt and pulled, pointing at a strip of bacon. "Is this how you see me?"

I was horrified for a second, and then realized he was making fun of me. I laughed and smothered it with my hand over my mouth.

"More like a pork chop," I said. "A delicious, irreverent pork chop."

"If I were you, I would've eaten me already. There're no good barbecue places in Forks."

"You're weird, you know that?" I kissed his cheek.

I heard a creak from the top of the staircase, just outside Minho's room. Charlie.

"Charlie's coming." I vanished and rolled underneath the bed. Minho turned the light off, yanked the blanket over himself and lay down.

His father peeked in — stayed just long enough to make sure Minho wasn't a row of pillows — and then pulled the door closed.

I army-crawled out from beneath the bed and slipped under the covers with Minho. Only inches apart.

He smiled when he saw me. "Hi."

"Hi. Is this okay? I can give you some space—"

"Please, please don't give me space. I have too much space already."

I closed the distance between us, pressed my lips to his. "Is that what you meant?"

"Sure." His lips were still puckered.

I kissed him again, hand on his back, pulling him closer under the blanket. He held the back of my head, fingers in my hair. I never wanted this second to end.

And then he parted his lips. We broke apart, cringed to the opposite sides of the bed. The fire in my throat, violent thoughts in my head, ringing in my ears, it all came back so much more biting than before.

"Sorry," Minho murmured.

"It's okay," I said quickly, "sorry." I held my breath, counted from 1 to 100 and back to 1. My throat was nearly spasming. I waited for it to subside before I spoke again.

"We've been together for a day and that's already happened twice."

"I'll try to keep it to myself next time."

"No, it's my fault. I'll try to be stronger. It's good, um, practice, for future." It wasn't unthinkable, to kiss him, to be that close. Now I was doing it without hesitation. Probably a mistake.

"Will it get easier for you?" he asked.

"I think so. This is all new to me."

"It's new to me, too."

"You're good at it."

"I know." He smirked. "So. You're in my bed."

I started shaking a little, embarrassed. "Uh-huh. It's comfortable."

"I'm pretty sure Charlie bought the mattress, like, millions of years ago."

"An approximate number."

He laughed. I couldn't describe the elation I felt every time I made him laugh.

"You know, I just assumed vampires can't tell when something is comfortable or not."

"We can, actually — though both sitting and lying down are unnecessary. I guess it's just a little gift of luxury."

"Do you have a bed at your house?"

"Not now, but I have before. It's a good place to get thinking done." But it was depressing — laying on something meant to be slept on, yet being incapable of sleeping, unable to remember the beauty of it. I gave it up when the feeling became too pervasive, a constant reminder of humanity just out of reach.

"Vampires." Minho hesitated. "Do they do some of the same stuff other people do in beds?"

I didn't understand. I still felt bummed out after the thought of that stupid mattress. Had Minho forgotten that vampires couldn't sleep?

Oh.

My mouth fell open, and then spread in a gigantic smile.

"Is that what you're asking?"

"Maybe. Are you gonna answer the question?"

"Your sex question?"

He thumped me in the stomach with a tiny fist. I started cackling.

"Go to hell," he ordered, and then, "Yes."

"Okay, okay. The answer is, yeah, vampires do that. We have the same... desires... as humans, though they're hidden under more demanding ones." Death over pleasure. I hated my own kind. "But they're still there."

He bit his lip, skin pinched beneath his teeth, and let it slip back into place. I wanted to bite it for him.

"Are they there for you?" he asked. "Could they be there for, um, us?"

That was the question. The answer wasn't no, but it wasn't fully yes, either. I assembled my thoughts, censuring whatever I could, laid it out like a presentation. When in doubt, overanalyze.

"Minho, your happiness means a lot to me. I really, truly hope I can make you happy, as happy as you make me. In an emotional sense, you know? So, to that end, it would — of course — be my pleasure to make you happy in a... physical... sense as well."

"Oh," was all he said in response.

"Sorry, was that Gibberish? I mean, I really, really, really want to — I just... I'm nervous."

"It's okay. I mean, I want it... you... too."

"Good to know. But I need to tell you, it's... not how it could be. Not what you're picturing, probably."

"What do you mean?"

"It would be too close, too... distracting. I can never lose control when I'm with you. But, like, I would... we can... um, just you..."

"All right then."

"Sorry." I hated that I could never give myself to him — wholly, without a safe distance. I wondered when he would get tired of me and my fine print.

"You're really apologizing?" he said.

I caught myself. "Right. I'm not sorry."

"Good save. Hey, thanks for humouring me and my stupid question."

"It's not a stupid question. Kind of appropriate, actually. I'm in your bed."

"I guess so. I'm happy you're here."

I shifted closer to him, took his hand and tangled our fingers together. "I am, too."

He did the same. I brushed his hair back, combed it into a little ponytail on the top of his head. He literally moaned 'meow' as he yawned.

"Are you tired?" I asked.

"Yeah. I woke up early this morning."

"You can sleep."

"I'll miss your voice."

I kissed his cheek one last time, laying my head close to his. I pulled the blanket off me, tucked it between us, a barrier, and made sure he was wrapped up tightly. I hummed the melody of his song, tapped Chan's bassline on his back. He was smiling as he fell asleep.

~ * ~

His steady breathing, his heart, his hair against the pillow. For hours I listened, kept rubbing his back, slower and slower until I was sure stopping wouldn't wake him. I hated to leave but I wanted to change my clothes — I had grass stains on my elbows and knees from the meadow. I would be back within ten minutes.

He was curled up, so I didn't have trouble untangling myself from him. I tiptoed to the window and paused to look back. He was still there. I climbed out his window, crouched on the sill... and looked back again. Still there.

I ran at full speed from his house to mine, past my brothers, and into my room. I struggled into new clothes, tripping over myself, and raced back downstairs. I was so close to making my escape, but something popped beneath my feet. I jumped into the air — startled, fingers in my ears.

When I opened my eyes, I saw I had stepped on a balloon. They were everywhere, littering the floor. There was a banner over the front door — 'congratulations for not screwing it up.' Heartwarming. It was in Seungmin's handwriting.

I turned to see my brothers standing around me, noise makers in their mouths. They all blew at once.

"Jesus!" I stuck my fingers into my ears again. "What the hell is this?!"

"It's a party, yellow belly." Haseong honked in my ear. "I was at Party City."

"You have a boyfriend!" Hyunjin shrieked. "You kissed him! You're in love! When's the wedding? It's not up for debate, I'm in charge of planning it. I promise I won't screw it up like I did last time." He gasped and nearly fell over. "You should bring him over so we can meet him!"

I flinched. "I should what?"

"He's a part of the family now," Chan said. "We've heard so much about him yet we haven't even met him. Bring him over — we'll talk, laugh, give him a tour, pal around."

"Isn't it kinda soon to meet the family?"

"Isn't it kinda soon for you two to be together at all?" said Seungmin.

I rolled my eyes. "I just think it might be a huge mistake."

"Why don't you want to introduce us?" Jeongin's puppy-dog eyes were square on mine, dimples and pout full throttle. I had to look away.

"I just feel like... I'd always had him halfway, before we were together," I said. "Now every moment feels a million times more precious."

"It's an afternoon, dramatic-ass," Felix said, arms crossed over his chest. "Guess what? He'll be there, too. Just throw us a bone."

You know we're gonna keep bugging you about it till you give in, Haseong thought.

I groaned, the sound of defeat. "Fine. I'll ask him tomorrow. Don't get your hopes up — Minho doesn't like people."

"No, you don't like us," Changbin said.

"I like some of you."

"We'll be very gracious hosts," said Chan.

"Will you be decent?"

"What do you mean?"

"Will you wear something other than that hoodie?"

Chan looked down at the baying wolf on his black hoodie. He looked back up.

"But this is my favourite hoodie."

I made a whiny sound.

"Fine," he muttered. "I'll wear something else."

"And Hyunjin," I said next. He stopped dancing and looked at me, frightened. "Do not hug him, understood?"

Look, you gotta meet me halfway. You guys are my only friends and I have a hug quota to meet. Do you know how difficult it is to meet that quota, Jisung? Do you?

"Dude, we all know about your hug quota. I cannot stress this enough: you will find yourself at the bottom of the godforsaken ocean if you cross me."

"Bottom," he giggled. I glared. "Okay, okay! Understood."

"Is it only Hyunjin who's not allowed to hug Minho," Haseong asked, "or does that apply to all of us?"

"It applies to all of you — why do you wanna know?"

"I don't want there to be any miscommunications. Your neck vein is popping."

I covered my neck with my hand and continued. "Changbin, we all know you're a weirdo, but please try to control it around Minho."

"I'm just being myself!"

"Exactly his point," said Seungmin.

"And you."

Seungmin whipped toward me, miffed.

"Don't make snarky jokes. Don't talk. Suppress your personality, just be flat."

"Like your high notes?"

"Yeah, that, don't do that." I turned to Felix. "I know you think you'll be friends with Minho or whatever, but that doesn't give you permission to be clingy."

Ha! You telling me not to be clingy. That's like a horse telling a cow not to be a horse.

"Did you hear what I just said?"

Dude, who knows what we'll get to talking about tomorrow! Current events, deep emotions, you know, best friend stuff. Maybe embarrassing stories — he's known you for a hot minute now, I'm sure he has plenty of 'em.

"Felix, I swear to God, you pull something and I'll tell him you stole Queen Elizabeth's corgi."

"You bastard! Jeongin asked for a dog and I'd be damned to hellfire before I'd disappoint him!"

"I never asked for a dog!" Jeongin yelled.

"Don't fight, I hate it when you fight!" Changbin squeaked.

"Can I go?" Seungmin asked.

"This is still a family assembly!"

"I think we're all getting a little riled up here," Chan said gently.

"You're acting stupid," Haseong added.

"Jisung started it," said Felix.

"I'll finish it," I said back.

"You wanna go, pop tart?!" Felix took the studs out of his ears. Hyunjin and Changbin took his arms, held him back, and Seungmin grabbed the scruff of my neck as I swung my pathetic fists. Chan jumped between us.

"Nobody's fighting tonight," he said. "Though it would be kinda funny."

"Chan," said Haseong.

"Right. There's no need to fight. This is about Minho, innit? We all care about him — some of us to weird extents. If Minho wants to make our acquaintances, it'll be a low-key get-together, all about love and family and brotherhood. Amirite?" You better back me up or I'll, er, send you to your room.

I nodded. Felix jerked his arms back and mumbled an affirmative.

"I have to get back to Minho," I said. "See you tomorrow. Or not." I sprinted out the door.

"At least check in!" Haseong called after me.

I was halfway through the forest when I realized Felix was following me.

Admit it, if it weren't for those bunch a pacifists, I would've kicked your flat ass.

I stopped and turned back to him. He dropped into a battle stance, fists up.

"Why are you still talking to me?" I said. "Looking for a fight? An apology? I'm sorry, okay?"

You really think me a weasel, don't you? I... I don't like fighting with you. It feels, I dunno, gross.

"Then why do you poke me? Why do you goad me on? You're ignoring everything that's eating me alive to keep living in your fantasy world where Minho will become a vampire, be your best friend, and everything'll work out in the end. Don't you understand that we're not gonna get a happy ending? Do you understand that?"

He blinked once. In theory, but I don't know what that has to do with this.

"You're unbelievable. How on earth did I get stuck with you?"

Look, I'm happy you and Minho are together now. You deserve that, Jisungie. But it hasn't affected the endgame. Whether you're dating or not, it's inevitable. It hasn't changed. And whether he consciously makes the decision or not, it's his future... one of them.

Christ, my stomach hurt. I had to hug it. "Neither will be his future, I won't let them."

For a hairless lapdog, you sure do have a God complex.

"Unbelievable," I snapped. "Just let me get back to Minho. I have a personal crisis every time I talk to you."

Dude, you're not just gonna leave like this! I'm sorry. I'm trying to make shit right.

I rubbed my face in my hands. I didn't like fighting with him, either. I spoke quietly, eyes down.

"Sorry. I wish we could see eye to eye."

We can if you look up.

"You're pushing it."

Sorry. He smiled. See you tomorrow.

"Or not." I pivoted and disappeared through the trees. Felix huffed in the distance.

I ran back to Minho's house and climbed into his room. Thank God — he was still sleeping, curled up, snoring softly. I lay down by his side and waited for him to wake up.

-----------------------------------

sooo i've been thinking. i have this list of songs, a playlist kinda, for daybreak and nightfall and all such derivatives. there are nine songs, and there are nine chapters left in nightfall, so.... i'm gonna start recommending one song per chapter! :D

here we go, song #1 is...

Vanic - Save Yourself (ft Gloria Kim)

this one is SO minho. the lyrics are basically 'you're hiding yourself away but i'm gonna be here for you.' plus an amazing voice and beat drop etc. i found this by chance and i'm just so glad i did! alice bishop ✅ approved!

(click the external link if you wanna listen -- it's below the 'to be continued' block, to the right)

you guys recommend songs too, i'd love to listen to them!

see you next time ❤︎