Jeongguk locks himself away on his dorm room that night.

When he came stumbling upon the door hours earlier, hands shaking and mind a whirlwind of emotions, his members had asked him what was wrong. He couldn't answer, all he knew was that he needed space and he needed to think think think--

It was all too much and all too soon.

Beside him, his phone battery is at the edge of shutting itself off at 4%. He doesn't need to know that the lock screen has a barrage of several missed calls and multitude of message notifications from a certain someone, but he's painfully aware of the fact.

He hadn't meant to leave like that, but the onslaught confession caught him off guard. Everything he fears came back to him through that simple I like you; Jinwoo, his words, their past, his present. He couldn't manage to say anything, not with the thoughts that ran in his head, and the words that came out of his mouth was not what he had meant to say.

It was too late to take it back now, anyway.

Jeongguk has always been bad at feelings, bad at expressing himself, and what happened with Lisa is just the living proof that he needs to improve those certain aspects of himself.

Closing his eyes, he releases a sigh and places a hand over his face.

Things went shitty tonight, he thinks. Maybe if he sleeps this off, things will go back to normal tomorrow.

* * *

Things did not go back to normal the next day.

As it turns out, sleeping didn't fix everything. Jeongguk still wakes up feeling flummoxed, guilt chipping away his conscience as his mind finally catches up on yesterday's happenings. He'd left Lisa there in her apartment, alone, wondering why the hell she wasn't good enough just because he didn't think his response through.

He groans and tosses and turns on his bed at the memory. Fuck, he was so stupid. So so so fucking stupid.

It's hours later until he finally rises from the confines of his duvet, and Jeongguk takes a moment to just stare at the plain white ceiling and think.

Well, what now?

Now that Lisa's feelings are out in the open, what now? What should he do?

The initial plan had been to reject her, but somehow, recalling Lisa's disappointed and embarrassed face last night prevents him from doing so. There's just something about Lisa's usually bright eyes morphing into rejection that makes his gut churn, makes his heart sink. He knows he needs to do something, but he doesn't know what.

Just as he reaches over to grab his phone from the night stand, a set of frantic knocks pounded through his door and Taehyung suddenly barges in, bed hair and drool and all.

"Gguk," he rasps, and Jeongguk stands up, alert. "Jisoo's here."

Oh. Oh God.

"Lisa's Jisoo?" He clarifies, although he knows that she definitely is here. There's no other explanation. She must've heard from Lisa about what happened and has come to rip his head to pieces.

Taehyung nods, forlorn. "Yeah, she's... I don't think she's in a great mood."

Shit. Jeongguk scratches his cheek while standing up from the bed. "Okay, uh, just tell her to wait a bit. I've got to wash up and get ready."

With shaky hands and a too-fast heart, he manages to get to his bathroom and make himself presentable. Jeongguk washes his face and brushes his teeth under three minutes, and he spends the remaining two minutes pacing back and forth in his bath tub.

Jisoo has always treated him well, ever since she and Taehyung started hanging out years ago despite his very... interesting opinion on Queen of Disaster back then. If Jisoo knew that Jeongguk used to look down on them, she never mentioned it nor treated him differently.

That's exactly the reason why he starts fidgeting as he makes his way to the living room, where he knows she's waiting.

He finds the older sitting alone on the love seat, a finished cup of chamomile tea placed on top the coffee table. Jeongguk bets that Taehyung gave it to her for her to calm down, but the visible frown and the evident downturn of her mouth is proof that it didn't work. Fuck.

"Um," he squeaks, squeaks out of all things, "h-hi, noona."

Jisoo's eyes narrow when she finally looks at him. Jeongguk tries to meet her gaze, and yet the guilt doesn't let him. He can't look at her now when all he remembers is Lisa's face. "Sit."

He suddenly feels as if this is Jisoo's dorm and not his.

Just where the hell are the others?

Nonetheless, he takes a seat across her, trying to prevent himself from making any noise. For what, he doesn't know, but he thinks that if he so much as push the coffee table Jisoo would hear and would pounce on him while sinking her teeth into his arm.

Silence hangs in the air then. Jisoo doesn't start talking though Jeongguk could feel her eyes sweeping over him, scrutinizing his every move. He tries to make himself smaller by hunching his shoulders, dropping his eyes to the table between them as a sign of surrender. He's ready to be yelled at, scratched, anything, just as--

And then she sighs.

"I'm not mad at you." Jeongguk's head snaps up so fast that it sends a piercing pain down his neck. Jisoo is leaning back on her chair, playing with the loose thread of the cushion. "Well, I am mad, but not as much as you expect."

"What do you--" his voice is raspy, "why?"

Jisoo shrugs. "I know I should be, what with how you treated Lisa and all." She emphasizes her name and Jeongguk tries his hardest not to flinch. "I was ready to come here, guns blazing, I had a mental speech about you acting like an asshole, but then I thought, that would be unfair to you now, would it?"

Jeongguk shakes his head. "No, I deserve it. I've been nothing but--"

"Nonsense, Jeongguk. I know that everything you do has a reason. I just don't want to--" she makes a wild gesture with her hands, "--act all childish, you know? I don't want to jump into conclusions and assume things about a matter which I'm not involved in. I want to give you the benefit of the doubt."

Well. That sounds like an indirect jab.

Jeongguk still remains speechless.

It gets too quiet that the older finally straightens up and actually looks at him with determination. "Look, Jeongguk, I've seen how fondly you treat her. I've seen the way you put her first than yourself. I've seen how you stare at her when you think she's not looking, almost as if it seems like the world is blue and gray and she's the only one bursting with color."

"We're soulmates. That's how it's supposed to be," he reasons, but it doesn't stop the bile that rises in his throat. His body knows he's lying, but he's not about to admit that. No.

"And I just want to know," she ignores him, "what happened? You were both doing so well, especially during that dinner. I've never witnessed Lisa write as many love songs as she did these past months. Imagine my shock when she came to my apartment last night, wet and cold from the snow."

Instantly, concern crawls up to Jeongguk's spine. "What? Is she okay? Is she sick?" Damn it. He's always reminded her to wear her winter coat whenever she leaves her place, even going as to far as hanging her coat right next to the front door with a post it note just so she won't forget. So forgetful, he thinks.

One of Jisoo's brows quirks with amusement. "She's fine, don't worry."

He blinks. Wait. "I wasn't worrying th--"

"What you need to worry about is your relationship." He shuts his mouth. Jisoo sighs. "Now, I know I just said this is a matter I'm not involved in, but I would like to add a little outsider advice, if you want to hear it."

Jeongguk nods.

"Stop denying," is all she says.

The response comes out faster before he even thought about it. "I'm not denying anything."

"You literally just did, Jeongguk."

"I don't--"

The older stands up in a blink of an eye. "Stop. Think. Reflect. It'll give you a peace of mind, trust me."

He could only watch it confusion as she leaves, the cup of chamomile tea standing alone on the small table.

Jeongguk isn't denying anything, is he?

* * *

It starts in the little things.

The day after Jisoo had given him that talk, Jeongguk rose to a new day with a heavier weight atop his shoulders, and an even heavier baggage under his eyes. His members don't mention anything about it, afraid to poke the barely there walls that the youngest has placed around himself so that his feelings don't spill. Feelings are complicated. They're stupid. They hurt.

(And Jeongguk, despite his outburst, is hurting.)

His day goes like normal. Go to rehearsal. Write a line or two here and there. Vocal lessons. Drink coffee from the fucking coffee machine just outside the meeting room. He tries to act normal as possible--he does, but the façade that he's built nearly crumbles when he walks in onto Seokjin playing the guitar in Namjoon's studio.

The sounds of guitar strings takes him back to a few nights ago--when Lisa had played the chords of a certain song and Jeongguk had sung to her, the both of them cocooned in their own little world where all he knew were stars and the sound of her voice.

It felt like a lifetime ago.

Before Seokjin could even catch the way Jeongguk's expression morphs into that of shame, the youngest has already fled from the room, leaving the guitar behind.

* * *

Texting is really not Jeongguk's favorite thing to do. He just doesn't get it; why text when you can just call? Alas, Hoseok hyung was persistent that Jeongguk should text him rather then dial him when his package from Amazon arrives at the dorm, because apparently the elder is busy the entire day that he doesn't have the time to answer calls.

Whatever.

So when the delivery guy deposits the package in their front door, the youngest grabs it swiftly and takes it to the kitchen counter to be placed. He takes out his phone and scrolls in his messages and-- oh.

lalisa

Her name seems to glare at him even if it's within the screen. There are several unread text messages, all of which are from her, and he tries not to read what's written despite seeing the words please and sorry in the preview.

God. Jeongguk's heart physically hurts. He has the sudden urge to open their messages and scroll up and read their previous conversations--his body and his heart craving for the one person he lo- likes, and to just reminisce all the times when they used to be happy together.

Fuck. How is she doing now? Is she eating well? Does she take her Vitamin Cs? Does she manage to feed the cats regularly? Is she--

Stop, he thinks. Jeongguk, stop it. It's not important.

He has to close his eyes for a moment to focus and take a couple of deep breaths.

It's not the time to think about this. Whatever they had is all over as soon as he left her apartment that night. It's gone. Nothing will come back.

With a deep sigh, he searches for Hoseok's contact and texts him as promised.

* * *

Isn't it just funny when you're in a situation wherein you promise yourself to not think of a certain person, and then when you see something mundane--like a cat or a Spotify playlist or even a goddamn donut--you remember them? It's as if they're hiding in back of your mind and appearing only when you think you've got your life figured out.

Jeongguk tries to ignore these signs. He avoids eating donuts. He closes his eyes whenever he sees a cat. He deleted his Spotify app and listens on Melon instead. He even went as to far as deleting her phone number! So why--why is he still feeling like this? Why does he feel so... so confused and so hurt when he doesn't even--

He doesn't even--

"Earth to Jeongguk!"

Said man flinches, nearly dropping his phone in the process. "Yes?"

"I asked you if you were feeling fine. You look a little pale," Jimin replies from across the practice room. They've been practicing a few dance routines for their upcoming recording next week, and to be honest, Jeongguk has been feeling a bit out of it. "Are you okay?"

Sure enough, when he places a hand on his forehead, he comes in contact with droplets of sweat. "I... I guess I am. Just feeling cold though, and my head kinda hurts. It'll pass soon, I'm sure."

His hyung frowns, but nods anyway. "If you're feeling unwell you can always tell us, yeah?"

A slight throb on his head makes him wince. "Yeah. It's no problem."

Except it is a problem, which is why the members find him crouching on the floor hours later, holding his head in his hand and it just hurts. Everything fucking hurts. His vision is blurry, his head is pounding, his back aches.

There's a chatter around him--his hyungs, no doubt--and they seem to be arguing over something that he can't just grasp onto. A hand suddenlylands on his shoulder.

"Gguk, when was the last time you saw Lisa?"

"Three weeks ago," he answers without a beat. There's nothing in his mind but the pain he feels and it's fucking up his thoughts. All he wants right now is his soulmate, not anyone else. Just her.

Soon, the argument grows louder, Taehyung being the loudest of them all. They seem to come into a decision and eventually, Jeongguk finds himself being supported by two people, he doesn't know who, and they slowly make their way towards the company parking lot. He's aware that he's being deposited in a car's backseat, but he can barely keep his eyes open as the car starts and they begin exiting the company building.

He doesn't know exactly when or how but they've somehow managed to get to Lisa's apartment complex and to her floor--a fucking miracle, really--and then the pain eases when they finally stop in front of her door which means... she's here.

Wait.

Oh God. Wait.

"Should we knock?" The person in his left says, and Jeongguk blinks blearily as his eyes adjust. The black spots have started to recede and his vision becomes clearer when he turns his head to the left. Belatedly, he realizes it's Seokjin. "Do you want to go in, Gguk-ah?"

"I don't... I don't think so." He shouldn't even be here. Lisa probably hates him now, and there's no way she would want to see him. He should just go and leave, forget this ever happened, and pretend--

"Gguk." It's Taehyung on his right, holding his arm. Jeongguk looks up to see him looking at him weirdly, an unknown emotion flitting in his eyes. "I know it's not my place to tell you what to do, but you're already here."

It's as if he's reading his mind. "Hyung, she probably hates me. I can't do it."

He can't. He really can't.

Taehyung sighs, about to convince him, when Seokjin interferes. "How about this, we'll go back to the parking lot and wait there 'til you feel fine again, but if you're not there in ten minutes, we'll go back to the company building. Is that okay?"

The two younger ones blink at him in surprise. Huh. That was actually reasonable.

"We'll wait for you, hm?" Seokjin breaks them out of their little bubble. With a small smile, he pulls Taehyung towards the elevator, "Goodluck, Jeongguk-ah. Choose what makes you happy."

When the footsteps of his hyungs disappear and all that's left is him in front of Lisa's apartment door, his anxiety maximizes. His soulmate is just at the other side of the door. All he has to do is to knock and get things over with.

He feels like he can almost hear her going out and about inside the room. She's just so close, just a hair's breadth, what would happen if he'd just open the door and--

No. No.

He can't.

Last time he saw her, he left her nothing but a broken heart. Lalisa probably doesn't want to do anything with him anymore. He'd left her right there with no explanation whatsoever. She most likely doesn't want to see him again but. But. A nagging feeling claws its way in his throat, urging him to just-- just knock on the goddamn door because whatever might be waiting for him on the other side might be worth it.

(And Lalisa is always worth it.)

So. Before he plagues his thoughts with further more fear, he knocks.

The seconds go by slowly, too slow, that his teeth starts to hurt from how much he's clenched them and his fists start to burn with how much he digs his nails into his palms and then suddenly, there's footsteps and--

She's here. She's here.

The door opens a little while later, and Jeongguk's breath nearly gets caught in his throat because Lisa is suddenly right there and she's... she's different. She's not the Lalisa he knows. It's her, but it's not her. There are prominent bags under her eyes, her face bare and sallow, and her hair is in a messy ponytail and she looks so... unlike herself.

"Um," he starts intelligently, because what else could he say? The panic rises inside him and he adds, "I. Um. Lis--"

"Get inside," she cuts him off, voice hollow. Lisa leaves him at the open door, heading to the living room where she plops down on the single chair and opens her phone. There's no greetings, no jokes, no hugs. There's none of her shrill laughter, none of her obnoxious Spotify playlist echoing around the apartment, no sweets or candies above her coffee table. It's like the apartment's empty.

Fuck.

He quickly removes his shoes and places them neatly in the little cabinet by the entrance. Slowly, he sits on the couch and makes it a point to sit as far from her as possible, just so he could avoid prolonging the awkwardness. It's too quiet, and he can hear his heart beating as it attempts to settle down.

"I, uh." He doesn't know what to say. What do you even say after you've broken someone's heart? Without any choice, he goes for the cliché. "Are you okay?"

Gods. Sometimes he just wants to bury himself alive.

Lisa sighs. She shrugs and when she replies, it's in an impassive tone. "Well. I just got my hopes up and then got dumped by the person I like so," she shakes her head, "I'm definitely not."

A pang hurts Jeongguk's chest at the reminder. "Listen, Lali, I just--"

"Are you still hurting?"

He stops and stares at her. Lisa levels him with a blank gaze. "What?"

"You came here because you're hurting, yeah? Does it still hurt?"

Jeongguk blinks and realizes that there's barely any pain anymore. Not since he'd arrived in front of her door. "Um... no, it doesn't."

"Good. I think it's time for you to leave."

The way she said it-- it's so... emotionless and so direct that it makes his head spin. This isn't his Lisa. She doesn't talk like this--she doesn't even sound like this! Jeongguk tries to meet her eyes at her, get a good look on her face to see what she's truly feeling but there's nothing there. Not even a tilt of her lips or a raise of her brow. Nothing.

Still. Seokjin hyung says that he should do what makes him happy, and from that moment on he realizes he has to make things right, just so he could get that blank look off of her face. He'd to anything to catch a glimpse of those playful eyes, or even just a tilt of her lips. So, with a nervous heart, he shakes his head. "Lali, wait, I think we have to talk about this."

She dismisses him by waving him off. "There's nothing to talk about, Jeongguk."

"Lalisa, I'm so--"

"No. Don't. Don't say you're sorry,"  she cuts him off before he can even begin. This time, Lisa settles near the kitchen counter, back facing him as she fiddles with something atop it. "It's not your fault anyway. We're just soulmates. Soul-bonded, nothing else. I don't know why I expected more from you. If anything, it should be me that's sorry because I gave meanings to things that didn't actually mean anything. So, yeah. I think this is the last time we'll be seeing each other anyway, so thanks for everything, I guess."

Jeongguk frowns and stands up from his seat, alarmed at her last words. Last time? "What do you mean?"

Lisa finally faces him and Gods. She's still the same. There's nothing. "I found a surgeon that specializes in breaking soulmate bonds in Europe. A bit pricey, but the process involves doing a brain surgery so it'll take a little while for me to recover." While she says those words, everything in Jeongguk just freezes. "Nonetheless, the times we spent together were one of my best memories, so thanks so much, Jeongguk. I'll never forget it."

Lisa wants... she wants to cut off their bonds. Their very essence--their only connection. "What?" he whispers pitifully, eyes wide and fingers twitching in his sides. "You can't do that."

"What do you mean I can't?" Now, she's frowning. The first emotion she's shown all this time and yet, it doesn't calm the storm in his heart. "The process is safe. There's been proven--"

"No, no. I meant-- you can't break the bond!"

"Why not?"

Because breaking the bond means breaking the only thing that's kept them together. And if the bond breaks, Lisa had no reason to stick around him anymore and they wouldn't see each other again and she'll find someone else, someone better and a bit more open and honest, someone that's not Jeongguk and he--

"Lisa, you can't because I... because I like you."

The world pauses. His soulmate now finally looks at him, clearly dumbfounded and evidently shocked. Jeongguk can't believe his words either, all that time spent trying to forget her was just thrown to the side as his real feelings finally come to the surface and it's actually... freeing. Terrifying, but freeing.

"Wow." Lisa blinks multiple times and shakes her head, not believing him one bit. "Jeongguk, you can't just--" she gestures vaguely at him, voice breaking, "you can't just come back to me if you feel like it."

No, no, she's misunderstanding. "I know, I just--"

"And you're only realizing this now? When I told you I'm willing to break the bond?" A scoff leaves her lips and she slumps against the counter, covering her face with her hands. "If you'd told me this days ago... God, imagine what kind of difference it made." The way she says it; fragile and broken and dejected, breaks his heart.

Jeongguk steps closer, fueled by his recent admission. "It was hard for me, Lali."

"Still." She rubs her face and oh--she's crying. A couple of tear streaks have been rubbed into her skin and she's red all over. "If only you'd been a little early."

"I just wasn't ready, okay?" He reasons, getting defensive all of a sudden. Why does everyone wants him to rush into something he wasn't ready for? "I felt confused. I felt scared and anxious and I didn't know what to do. It was my first time liking someone else for a long while and I didn't know how to deal with it!"

"Did you ever stop to think about what I feel?" She finally snaps, a tear escaping her eye. "I thought there was something there and yet you... you just left me hanging and didn't talk to me for days! You didn't even explain, and now you're back here telling me you like me because I told you I was breaking the bond!"

"It's not like that and you know it!"

"Then what is it?!" Lalisa's voice rises, frustrated as her fists stay clenched by her sides. "I don't understand you. I don't even know if I believe you. It's all a mess to me right now and I can't think straight. Just... please. Stop this--stop whatever you're trying to do. Please. Enough."

He wants nothing more than to hold her close, and Jeongguk feels defeated because he can't. Maybe he never will. "Lis. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

She sniffles and stares at him challengingly. "If you're really sorry, would you be willing to be with me now?"

He stops. Is he? "I--" Jeongguk doesn't know what to say. Is he truly ready? It's been years and he'd admitted he likes her and yet... "I don't know."

At that, Lisa chuckles cruelly. "See? You only like me because it's convenient for you."

He quickly shakes his head. "That's not what I meant." She has to hear his side first. She has to or else it'll all go down to shit. "Lali, please listen to me--"

"I mean, this is the least you could do, you know?" Lalisa wipes a tear from her cheeks. "I don't know if you've realized, but in the time we've been together, I barely asked for things from you. I don't have a fuck buddy like you do. I don't demand to spend time with you, I don't complain when we're too far away for so long even if it hurt. I endured all the pain and waited for you to come to me because I was patient. I understood. I didn't want to give you a hard time."

The fight in his mouth instantly simmers down and melts into his tongue. His head hangs low because she's right. She's all of those things and more.

"And now... with everything I've sacrificed, you still want me to consider what you feel? What about me then, Jeongguk? What'll happen to me if we keep on acting like this? I'm not just going to wait for you forever. I've been patient, yes, but now my patience has reached it's limits. I've endured all three weeks of physical, mental, and emotional pain you've given me, and now I'm done with it. I don't want to do anything with you anymore."

Jeongguk feels a sting behind his eyelids. He doesn't know what to do but stand there as he lets her words sink into him.

Lisa clears her throat. "I'll be leaving for Europe in three days. The bond will be broken before you know it," she tells him, back to her deadpan tone. "If you have nothing else to say to me, leave. Out. Now."

And he leaves. Just like that.

Jeongguk walks to the parking lot and surely, Jin's car wasn't there--which is fine. Because as soon as the suffocating lavender of Lalisa's apartment leaves his nostrils, he already knows what to do.

Belatedly, he realizes he's crying, his cheek wet from the onslaught of tears he didn't know he'd shed. He wipes it off with the back of his hand and pulls his phone out, instantly typing in Hwayoung's contact.

ME:
you're right

you've always been right
8:22PM

Closing his phone, Jeongguk looks around him and takes a deep breath. Lalisa may have told him to leave her and let her be, but that wasn't going to be the end of it. The end of them. He's not so easily swayed.

If he's being honest, he hadn't realized how much he's been reeling in until he'd seen the impassive look on Lalisa's face. It wasn't her, not even close, and to see her in such a state just made him want to... care for her so deeply that the consequences be damned. For one moment there, he hadn't even thought of Jinwoo. He only thought of her--of how much he wants to hold her and take care of her and comfort her and just. Be with her. The stars in her eyes have dimmed, almost faded into black, and Jeongguk wants nothing more than to make them shine again.

And now when he thinks of all these things, there's really no denying, is there?

He has feelings for her.

He has feelings for Lalisa.

No matter how much he tries to hide it, it's there. It's always been there. Ever since he started listening to her ridiculous Spotify playlists, when he tries to pluck out the unpluckable cat hairs from her shirt, when he brings her food and drinks that could send an elderly man into a heart attack. It's always been there. Jeongguk just didn't want to admit it.

He likes her, and now he has to do something about it.

The night may have ended badly, but the determination in Jeongguk's mind only strengthens as he hails a taxi cab to head to his dorm, a plan already forming in his mind.

* * *

The sky is crying.

Jeongguk leans forward and stares resolutely at the thick droplets of rain as it falls down the pavement just outside the convenience store he's in. He'd taken a break from practice, going to the nearest store just so he could replenish his strength with something other than the shit biscuits Namjoon gave to him a while back, and a cigarette stick or two.

Sighing, he checks the time and sees that it's nearing 12am in the evening. Briefly, his mind wanders to his soulmate, wondering what she's doing at this very moment. It had been two days since their supposed last meeting, and Jeongguk thinks it's safe to say that he's finally made peace with his feelings, albeit difficult. It had taken him a long conversation on call with Hwayoung (who, by the way, found her own soulmate), a lecture from Jisoo, a bunch of comforting words from his hyungs, and the memory of Lalisa's tear-stained cheeks.

So now... now, he can say that he's ready. His plan for this evening isn't really that intricate; he would just be going to his soulmate's apartment, explain his side of the story more clearly, and try to patch things up from there. Whether Lisa would choose to stay with him or have the bond cut off, it doesn't matter--well, it does, because Jeongguk really fucking wants things to work out so he'll do everything in his power for it to happen but...

But if Lisa doesn't want to, he won't force her to. It'll be hard, but he'll be fine. Eventually.

Cracking his neck from left to right, Jeongguk leaves the store and hails a cab, pulling his mask on his face in the process. It's a good ten minutes from here to Lisa's apartment complex, but he can wait a little more.

* * *

"Sir. Please, I kindly ask you to leave the premises," the concierge tries for the nth time, frowning when Jeongguk stubbornly shakes his head. He couldn't believe it, but Lalisa had apparently banned him from entering the apartment complex and now he's here with two security guards behind his back, embarrassed and frustrated to the core.

"I'm telling you, I'm her soulmate! She won't ban me from coming here," he insists, although he knows it's fruitless. "Call her now and ask her. She'll tell you the truth."

"Sir, I'm telling you again--Miss Manoban has told us to not let you into the complex. I apologize, but there's nothing we can do."

Jeongguk can feel the looming presence of the guards behind his back, but he persists. "I'll pay you. How much do you want? I'll give you anything, please, just let me in." Gods, he's so desperate, but he's willing to do anything. Anything just to be with her at this point.

The concierge gives him an offended look at that and nods at the guards.

Soon enough, he's being literally thrown outside the building, the rain seeping through his clothes as he stands pitifully against its strong presence. The concierge gives him another annoyed glare, and the guards close the door on his face.

Just like that.

Fucking hell!

Shivering from the cold, Jeongguk hurries off to the side to find shelter and shakes his wet hair. Fuck, Lisa did hate him then. She really is going to Europe tomorrow and she's going to leave him and everything between them will be over as soon as the bond is removed.

He groans, frustrated, pacing back and forth beneath a sad excuse of a waiting shed. The rain still reaches him and it gets his clothes wet, but that doesn't matter. What matters now is that he has to think of other ways to get through the guards and talk to her.

But how? What else could he do? Thinking about it makes him even more exhausted.

Tired, wet, and defeated, he slides down to the floor, bringing his knees up to his chest for comfort. 

Minutes pass by, and he remains slumped against the waiting shed. He's so, so, so worn out, he still has practice tomorrow and another demo recording but he can't just leave because Lisa--

"Jeongguk?!" A shrill voice reaches his ears, and he blinks to remove the rain stuck in his eyelashes. "What are you still doing here?"

Wait.

"Lali?"

"You're going to get sick, you idiot! Where's your umbrella?"

He rubs his eyes and stares at the lone figure approaching him. Short black hair, small face, long legs--that's her. That's Lisa. "I don't-- I don't have--"

"Oh my God. Here, you can have mine. I'll get something real quick. I'll be back, okay?" She says hurriedly and hands him the umbrella she was holding. Lalisa turns to leave, but he catches her wrist just in time. 

He has to do it now. There's no other time but now.

"Wait," he rasps as he attempts to stand up. His heart is threatening to leave his chest with how nervous he becomes. "Wait, Lali. Let's talk first."

"We can talk as soon as you're dry, now let me--"

"No, no, let's talk now." He pulls her closer, and Lalisa willingly goes to him with a concerned expression in her face. Jeongguk positions the umbrella so that they both won't get wet, and takes a deep breath. "This'll just be quick, promise, just... just hear me out."

Lisa must see something in his eyes, because after a moment of silence, she nods.

The air grows thick with tension.

Jeongguk figures it's now or never.

"Before anything else, I just want to apologize for all the hurt I've caused you," he starts shakily, looking at her collar bones instead of her eyes. " I know I can't take it all back, and I admit that I've just been thinking about myself this entire time and I haven't even considered you. I'm an asshole, I know, but I'm really, really sorry, Lali. I didn't mean to hurt you like that, but I did and look where it got us now."

Releasing a whoosh of breath, he nods to himself. "I'll be honest with you. I didn't want anything other than friendship to blossom between us." A flash of hurt passes through Lisa's face. "I've told you about Jinwoo, didn't I? About what... happened."

She nods stiffly. The rain grows louder. "You did. I remember."

"Ever since we broke up, I haven't dated anyone else. He left me with a lot of baggage, Lali, baggage so heavy that I thought I would never be able to be with somebody else. Every person that I've found myself attracted to, my mind would always go back to him and how he treated me and I automatically just..." He sighs and shakes his head. "Everything comes back to me in clear detail, and then I'm back to square one."

Jeongguk's no good at explaining things, but he somehow hopes that Lalisa knows what he means. Hopes that she still understands him, despite this newly formed wall between them.

"And so I found myself involved in one night stands. Fuck buddies--Hwayoung. Those people were my outlet. There's no feelings involved, no attachments, so it was rather easy for me than jumping into committed relationships without fixing myself first. But..." He gulps. Holds Lisa's umbrella tightly within his hands. "You came. You came into my life and honestly, you got me fucked up."

Now this makes her snort loudly. Jeongguk looks up to see her laughing behind her hand, eyes crinkling in mirth. He rolls his eyes and bumps her shoulder with his. "Okay, okay, go on."

"At first, it was just soulmate responsibilities. Hanging out because we need to, talking to each other because we should," he says, brows scrunching together. "But... somewhere along the way, it developed into something deeper. I don't know when, how, or why, but it did. It did and yet I ignored all the signs. Told myself that it's just because we're soulmates and nothing else. I never paid it any mind because feelings are a complicated matter. What if you turn out to be exactly like Jinwoo, or even worse? What if I don't deserve you? What if we end up hating each other?"

"I'm not like him, Gguk-ah," Lisa murmurs softly, her hand coming up to caress his cheek gently. "I'm not him. I could never hate you."

Jeongguk leans into her touch, looking down in shame. "I know. I know, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for realizing all of this too late, for acting like a dick, for leaving you when you needed me. I was confused and utterly terrified, but that doesn't explain the way I acted. You are not Jinwoo, not even close, and you never will be. You're amazing and kind and genuine and you deserve everything in the world and I just treated you like that. I'm so sorry for everything, Lali."

Lisa pulls him into a hug, and he buries his face into the crook of her neck, inhaling that familiar lavender that he missed so much. "I'm sorry, too. I should have let you explain."

"It's fine. I deserved it, anyway," he mutters as he nuzzles into her neck.

They stare there for a little while longer, embraced in each other's arms, the pitter patter of the rain the only sound around them.

Jeongguk finally pulls back, just slightly. "Are you leaving for Europe tomorrow?" The reminder brings another painful pang to his chest, but he ignores it in favor of Lisa.

"It depends." She shrugs as she begins to comb his hair.

"Depends on what?" Hope blooms in his chest.

"On what you think about feelings," she replies. Lisa suddenly looks unsure, biting her bottom lip as she looks at anywhere but him and Jeongguk... Jeongguk has seen this look countless of times that he already knows what it means. She's nervous. "Do you think they're still complicated?"

Jeongguk nearly laughs. Lisa gazes at him, face worried. "Feelings are scary."

"They are," she breathes out. 

"And feelings are complicated. And dumb. And they hurt. But, Lisa," he stops. Takes a deep breath, and finally allows himself to touch the stars. Just this once. "Do you want to complicate things with me?"

The stars stare back at him, brighter and bigger and they're suddenly spilling to her cheeks in the form of tears that he manages to catch with his hand. "Jeongguk, what--" She blinks in disbelief. It takes a few moments for the meaning of his words to sink in, and when it finally does, she whispers a hopeful, "Together?"

Inching forward, Jeongguk places a soft kiss on the crown of her head. "Together."

The smile he gets is blinding.

It'll be an arduous journey, but with Lisa, he knows everything will be worth it.

When Jeongguk thinks of soulmates, he doesn't think of intertwined fingers under cherry marmalade skies, not the drinking in each other's warmth nor a moment of solace in between each other's arms.

Instead, he thinks of coffee-colored eyes, soft, pillowy lips, and round cheeks. He thinks of stray cat hairs and the smell of faint perfume. He remembers torn tshirts and a messy apartment. He hears the thrum of a bass and rambunctious laughter. He pictures stupid, immature pranks and endless teasing.

He thinks of her. Of Lalisa. 

Of the future they'll fill with the brightest stars to come.

THE END.

* * *

a/n: aaaaaaaand that's the end of night songs to aphrodite! this book is my baby huhuhu to see her finished is like seeing my child graduate. i tried a different writing style for this one, less descriptions and a more lax kind of writing, so i hope u guys enjoyed this! thank u so so so much for reading <33 no more sequels for this one, but eventually liskook gets their shit together and they have a few rough times but they get through it. comment ur thoughts !!

caly x