They get back to Bella's house to find that Billy Black and his shadow, Jacob, have shown up. They know Bella is dating Edward and they're her to rat her out to her dad. Finally, the hero of this story has showed up.

Oh wait. Charlie's not home. *facedesk*

Bella and Billy face off. Billy tells Bella it's not a good idea to spend time with Edward. A hearty round of applause for Billy.

The Blacks leave. Charlie comes home. Bella drops the news to him, very abruptly, that she's dating Edward. Charlie—I quote the book here—looks like he's having an aneurysm. As he should. And he doesn't even know Edward's a vampire.

But then he goes along with it because he severely lacks a spine. Literally all he does is sit in the background and eat fish.

Edward comes to pick Bella up even though they spent the entire day together already. Bella thinks he looks like a "male model for a raincoat." Once Charlie is out of earshot, Edward says that Bella smells even tastier in the rain.

Y'all I had precious little brain cells to begin with and I have lost so many to this book. *wild sobbing*

Then—this just keeps getting worse—Edward is tired of Bella's anxiety over his driving and such, so he TAMPERS WITH HER MEMORY to make her forget.

The vampires play baseball which is really weird and random. Bella watches Edward run and it takes her breath away. Also she doesn't even know what a strike is.

Then, I kid you not...these other vampires show up because they SMELLED Bella, like male dogs tracking a female in heat. They're here to eat Bella.

*nudges Bella forward* Eat up