(WARNING: it's about self harm and stuff so please don't read if it triggers anything, I write what I feel to cope.)

If you struggle with depression, I'm sorry to hear that and wish for you to seek help weather it's needed therapy, a family member you trust and so on. I write poems about depression and all that comes with it to cope with my own mental health. If you get triggered in any way or don't like such topics, then be so kind as to skip ahead to the next chapter. Be safe.
New poems will always be placed at the bottom

***

"Fire.

The one thing I fear and the one thing I crave to feel against my skin

The burning sensation lasts longer than other tactics with a mix of discomfort and relief

As I look into the fire, I whisper with a shaky breath...

"please... Help" "

***

"I hate that I don't hate pain,
I hate that the thick red liquid and metal like smell is so calming,
I know it's quite alarming,
The sharpness to my skin,
Gives me guilt just like a sin,
The sting when it is over,
Makes me want to stay over,
The day that I had planned to leave,
And that is all I wish to Achieve..."

***

"Streaming red,
Pounding head,
Screaming mouth,
Hope of death"

***

"Pebbles dropping from my sleeve,
Thinking about how I should leave,
A flower pot I am right now,
"stay alive" I wonder how,
Infections looking now appealing,
As the flower wilted, screaming,
Grammer getting out of line,
As I go where the sun don't shine..."

***

"Pillow behind my back and pen in hand,
I write and hope that you'll understand,
In darkness I shall sit and wait,
Hoping that someone else can relate,

Another truth or lie I've told,
Do I really hope others have felt this cold?
Familiar pain and agony,
It's bitter sweet, at least for me... "

***

"Blood on my clothes,
From where nobody knows,
A blade I keep safe,
As I stay awake,
The cuts on my arms,
Might cause some alarms,
But the hell in my head,
Makes me wish I were dead"

***

"A bloody secret is what I keep,
A lie because my problems they leak,
Out onto others whom I adore,
I know that only guilt is enstored..."

***

"Between these four walls of silence,
Death keeps calling my name,
The rope of guilt chokes me,
It's always the same,
Cut at your skin,
Too loosen the rope,
Feel blood on your hands,
And taste at your throat..."

***

"Blood on sheets from cuts last night,
So very close,
Almost gave up the fight,
Barely eat and barely sleep,
My body aches,
The scars cut deep..."

***

"Heavy body blurry vision,
I have come to my decision,
Skipping food and sleep and care,
Its self destruction, I am aware..."

***

"I'm sorry.
I fear and I cry,
I leave not to die,
I try but I fail,
My mind is too frail.
If I wouldn't have left,
I'd have nothing left,
The abuser abuses,
He does as he chooses,
And all I can do,
Is hope he doesn't hurt you,
I've lost now a week,
But I am too weak,
To care about time,
It's bitter like lime.
I was locked without key,
The cold haunts me you see,
It's stupid but true,
Now I don't have a clue,
What should I do?
My wounds do not hurt,
It makes me want to hurt,
I feel to dead to breath,
It's scary to leave,
The comfort of sleep,
The sleep was so deep...
I'm blasting songs hoping I go deaf,
Maybe the fear will then kill itself..."

***

"Old friend, same pain,
Searching for something to gain,
Cutting up my skin in pieces,
Saying "This is pain that eases",
Words that don't make sense to me,
Is all my blurry eyes can see,
Strip me of my one last breath,
one last time,
Do not let this poem end without a-"

***

"With blood on my dress,
And tears in my eyes,
I found out that happy was nothing but lies,
I don't want to stay in this world anymore,
They say "just keep fighting"
But tell me what for?"

***

"I can stand the pain, I can stand the sensation,
Of the metal slicing skin,
But a lack of communication,
That I can not take,
Lack of trust,
That makes my heart ache,
Why do people get close,
If they are not gonna stay?
In the end its just me,
In this rot either way,
Am I wrong?
If I am correct me,
For I have a long list of people who resent me,
I don't know who I am or want to be,
But that doesn't matter,
Cause this pain is always with me,
So metal I will use,
To get satisfaction,
Through my own abuse..."

***

"Depression want me to kill myself,
Anxiety wants me to save myself,
Depression numbs me to death,
Anxiety scares me to death,
Depression makes me analyze the voices,
Anxiety makes me analyze the choices,
Depression keeps me asleep,
Anxiety keeps me awake,
Depression keeps me from leaving the home, cause: lack of esteem and motivation,
Anxiety keeps me from leaving the home, cause: lack of motivation and safe situation,
But one thing they have in common, they are breaking me down,
To coping I'm drawn..."

***
Newest update:

"They thought I stopped,
I never did,
They always thought,
That I got rid-
Of the tool,
That drowned red sorrow,
But I'll still use it,
And if tomorrow,
I move from you,
Or pull away,
Know I hurt,
To kill the pain..."

***