"I though it was over,
But it looks like it came to this,
What goes around comes around,
After all...
In a cycle we have our fights,
In rotation we pin the blame,
On everyone and us,
We all know it hurts too much...
To stay...

I'm a sucker for pain,
And a sucker for a happy ending,
What part do I play?
The bruised and the broken,
Or the only one woken up by Faith?
The one who can save,
Or the one who needs saving,
They both give me pain,
Am I insane, to say that I don't know,
That I don't know...
If "happy" is what I want...
If "crazy" is what I am...
If crying is all I can,
Then why is this smile on my face, when I'm...
With you..."

***

"At every little thing they ask,
I put up my defenses,
Not knowing why my eyes they water,
Always in the same places

Anger, sadness, feel betrayed by everything I knew,
Nothing is the same except for maybe our own moon,
But it still changes...
It always changes...

The world keeps on turning,
I know that I'm not winning,
I lay still,
Not knowing where to go,
I lay awake,
forgetting about tomorrow,
Laying drenched in my own sorrow,
I don't want too speak,
cause my lungs won't let me... Breath..."

***

"I am caught Between two forces,
What will happen,
When I look at it and don't feel tempted?
Tears fall as I watch the tool that started my habit,
My addiction,
I'd just be left without a way to cope,
The sickness would remain,
But the way to deal with it would dissolve,
What do people who don't have this even do?

How?

How long will it hurt when I do it and hurt when I don't?
Why can't one side accept me?
I don't accept me either,
But it is because no side will,
Getting pulled like a rope that doesn't break,
Either side not letting me go,
Neither side knows if they should give it there all or keep it even,
Holding me still above the hole,
Knowing that if I fall,
I'd die there...
No one would want to pull this rope up after I'm gone,
Neither recovery nor sickness..."

***

"I'm sick of the crying I engage in,
I'm sick of the lying that they feed me,
Neither side is safe and neither side wants me,
This isn't healthy,
But since when have I ever been healthy?
One side says let go, one says hold on,
I've tried both and none of it's working,
The rope around my neck is loose enough not to choke,
But tightened hard enough to hurt,
It's like waiting for judgment,
Not knowing where you'll end up..."

***

"My heart yearns to the place I've never been.
This cold cave echoes empty, the light is so close, but yet so far,
silky Grass and clouds of cotton,
I want to leave,
to the place of freedom I shall wander...

I broke free,
but on my way,
I saw that both clouds and grass remained.
The earth will always have grass,
the sky will always have clouds,
and I will always yearn,
for a place I've never been... "

***

"A spark I have heard of,
A spark filled with hope,
A spark that is real, not some minor joke.
I do hope to find it,
Yet is it enough?
To walk blindly through darkness,
Will I end up with less?

Maybe that's fine,
Less is more anyway,
Will the spark give my heart hope for a better day?"

***

"What do I gain,
By being sane?
What will I do,
When me and sadness are through?
Can smiling be real?
Is it really ideal?
What will I get,
When I say that I'm set?"

***

"Why is it weak too say "I care?",
People whisper words and stare,
Like being warm just like a goat,
Not knowing that in darkness you need a coat,
Kindness in the light is weak,
But in darkness it is all we seek..."

***
"I love...
The thought of color,
But this Grey past haunts my will...
I love,
the sound of ticking,
But I think my time stands still...
I love the way that kindness can be shown in many ways...
Even if I'm not the one that kindness should be spent... Upon...
I could find so many reason for me not too try,
But even so I love how people's passions make me cry...
The art and all the beauty,
It's confusing me with pain...
But this ache it isn't something that I'd ever call...
"mistake"...
I'm aware of what that is,
Point too me I know it's true,
But maybe I could borrow some crayons,
So that I can feel it... too..."

***

"The world is a mess,
Tells us how to dress,
Wants us to be thin,
But why should it win?
Forget the world and see,
That we can let it be,
All the messy norms,
Are just winds forming storms,
No need to please them,
No need to cry,
No need to flee,
No need to hide,
We'll help you on your way,
So that you can see the day,
When you will look in your Reflection,
Without having this obsession... "

***

"Like dominoes we hit and fall,
Everyone thinking,
"Guess I'm worthless after all",
But that does not mean that it's over,
We stand back up and fight for closure..."

***

"Like a house of cards we take some time to build,
Might fall,
Might bend,
But it's fine,
Cause soon we'll see the day,
And learn to keep our monsters at bey..."

***

"Texting and ranting and talking bout life,
Is much more fun than playing with a knife,
Talking from sunrise and talking till night,
Gives me a reason not too give up the fight..."

***
"It's all just... Starting over,
I have less than what I started with,
in my newly cleared mind,
With many blurry thoughts,
And just little time left,
Too put it all together,
Or too watch it fall apart,
I'm not going to stand there empty handed,
I say that,
but even so,
the tears flee too leave me,
"what will I have left!"
I cry and try too find a reason,
Stay alive, stay alive,
"Why is life so hard!?"
I scream,
Not knowing how too function,
In present days, past time,
None of it makes sence,
Too me,
Not who I was or who I am is there a me to be...
Is there... A me...
Who Will... Be... Free?"

***