(Shayla's POV)

I'm swimming, in an unclear, dark, endless abyss. One I want desperately out of. My body won't listen to me, an all I can see is the dark...like I'm falling. The scenery slowly changes, to a cold dark room, with only one light in it..

(dream/flashback)

It's a room I recognize all too well... cold and dark, with one lonely light, and a window, that you can see the next room from, or more importantly, that they can see me through. There's a lone chair in the room, under the light. A poor man that I do not know, is bound and gagged to that chair. I'm a little distance away from him, and someone is standing next to me.

"It's time you prove yourself to us little girl." the cold hard voice whispers in my ear and I shiver at his words. I know what he wants me to do, and I hate him for it. I hate this man next to me, the man who took me off the streets, and adopted me. He tells me to call him father, but I know I'm just a tool to him, a young trained tool.

I turn and look into his ice cold blue eyes, meeting his gaze. There's no life in those cruel eyes, he's so cold, it's almost like he has no soul. He grins at me, a sadistic grin, and I know he's enjoying this, forcing me to do his bidding. "You know what happens if you disobey me... it will happen again, and I can't guarantee you'll live this time." he says, grinning at me, and I shiver, recalling last time I wouldn't do it. Him and one of his goons beat the shit out of me, to within an inch of my life. I had woken up with a bunch of bruises and broken bones, and fractured ribs. I was alive, but barely. That's what happens when you don't follow orders. It's kill or be killed, survival of the fittest.

He takes my hand and places a gun in it. "If you don't do it, one of the boys would be glad too...though I can tell you they will make it more painful and slow. They won't be quick like you." he adds, his sadistic grin widening.

I hate him. He gave me a no win situation. I either kill this man I don't know, and give him a quick death, or get the shit beat out of me, and let one of the guys do it. I know he's right too. They won't be swift, they will purposely shoot him to where he bleeds out, dying a slow painful death. Shit. Kill or be killed... It isn't really a good excuse for what I'm about to do though is it? God I disgust myself. I don't want to do this, but I don't want to die either.

I gather my composure, and pretend to be the ice cold bitch he wants me to be. I look at him, smirking. "Well you gonna breath down my neck while i do it or you gonna go watch like everyone else?" I snarl at him, meeting his gaze. His eyes shine with approval, and he turns to leave. I feel my stomach turn in disgust.

I wait till I hear the door close, and I slowly approach the man. I feel the weight of the cold metal in my hands, and I walk over to him. When I'm close enough that he can hear me, I speak. "I'm sorry for this, but it's better me than someone else. I promise to be swift." I whisper, then lift the gun to his temple. I close my eyes as I pull the trigger, and I open them a few minutes after the shot rings out. I hate myself for this.

The door opens, and my adopted father and his goons come in, him grinning."Congrats, your one of us officially." he says, smiling cruelly at me. His men give me smiles and thumps on the back. I fake smile, then make excuses as I run to my room, locking my door before I finally collapse. I try to fight the tears, but they fall anyway. I killed someone. If I didn't I would have died too, but I killed an innocent man. I hate and disgust myself, but there's no turning back. Kill or be killed.

(End of dream/flashabck)

I startle awake, my eyes finally opening. Shit. It's been awhile since i had that dream, I think bitterly, running my hand back through my bright red hair. I look at my hand, realizing there's an iv in it. I look around the room, realizing I'm in a hospital. I look over at a slumped figure, sleeping in a chair. "Eiki?" I ask confused.

His eyes open at my words, and he smiles at me. "Hey Shay, glad you're finally awake." he says, looking at me.

I nod."Yea. How long have I been out?" I ask, looking out towards the window in the room. I can't meet his gaze, with the memories still so fresh in my mind.

"Two days. Hey what's wrong? you look like you've seen a ghost." he asks, concerned.

I shake my head. "Just memories, some demons will always haunt you, no matter how much you wish they wouldn't. Some never go away." I answer vaguely, still looking out the window of my room. I know he knows, out of everyone, with him I've shared some of it. Still doesn't mean I have to like it. I look at him out of the corner of my eye, and see him frowning at me.

"It was a long time ago Shay. Whatever you're remembering, it wasn't your fault. You did what you had to do to survive in the world you were thrown into." he says quietly, and i finally turn to look at him.

"It still doesn't change the fact that I did some really messed up and unforgivable shit Eiki." I say bitterly, meeting his gaze.

His eyes widen."You had no choice. There was no way out for you. If you left the place you were watched, and you couldn't trust anyone there, how were you supposed to get help to get out? There was no way. You survived, that's all you could do." he says, trying to convince me that I wasn't to blame.

I shake my head. "I could have let them kill me, prevent some of the shit I ended up doing for them." I mutter.

"If you didn't do it, someone else would have." he scoffs. "Someone with no mercy. At least you offered that." he adds.

"I appreciate what you're trying to do Eiki, but it doesn't change things. I can't change my past. No matter what I do as a cop now, doesn't make up for all the shit I did back then. My soul was beyond saving before the cops pulled me out of there. Hell, it still is." I add bitterly, looking back towards the window once more.

"Don't say that. Don't think that Shay." he says sadly, and a pang of guilt tugs at my heart.

"I'm sorry Eiki. I just. Sometimes I hate myself for what I've done. I disgust myself." I say quietly.

"I thought you had moved on from your past." he whispers sadly, prompting me to look at him.

I shake my head."I've gotten better, but I never truly moved on. No matter what, it will always haunt me a little." I admit.

He nods."I guess you're right. So you ready to come back to work?" he asks, changing the subject, and I give him a grateful smile.

"After my screw up are you sure I'm even wanted back?" I smirk at him playfully, trying to lift the mood.

"Of course, don't be silly. Besides, you get assigned a partner for this case. Aren't you curious to find out who Kirisawa partners you with?" he ask, giving me a playful wink.

"Shit. Shit, who is he putting me with Eiki? Please tell me it's you. You're the easiest to get along with." I say, feeling the panic rising in my chest, as it tightens.

He laughs."You'll just have to come in and find out. Whoever it is though, at least give them a chance though, okay? Promise me Shay, you will give them a chance."

I roll my eyes at him. "Fine. By the way your talking, I'm guessing it's not you, and I probably won't like it." I mutter.

"Just go home and get some rest, you'll find out tomorrow. They are releasing you today." He says, before he turns around and leaves. That little shit couldn't even give me a hint? Dammit.

The next day, I stand nervously outside the door to the second unit. Shit shit.. I take a deep breath, and open the door. Everyone turns to look at me. I smile shyly, as I walk in, taking a seat between Eiki and Asano, like last time.

"Welcome back. You ready to start?" Kirisawa ask, as cigarette hanging from his mouth.

I nod."Yup, doc gave me the all clear." I say meeting his gaze.

"Good. You're on the bombing case, since you're our only witness. So what do you remember?" he ask, his dark eyes searching mine.

I frown."Honestly, since the explosion, it's a little fuzzy." I answer sheepishly.

He nods. I hear gasp from the rest of the group.

"Seriously you can't remember anything?" Tennoji yells, and I cringe.

"How useless." Kyobashi mutters, shaking his head.

"Loud..."Asano mumbles, completely confusing me.

"Hey guys come on, it's not her fault!"Eiki chimes in, defending me.

"Quiet down dammit."Kirisawa yells, and everyone shuts up. "It's my understanding this is normal, and she could regain her memories. Right Hanai?"

Hanai nods."Something will trigger her memories eventually yes."

Kirisawa nods."Okay then, so, I want you on this case Slaven. So you're partnered with Tennoji." he adds, and my heart sinks. Really? i get stuck with the asshole... great.

I look at Tennoji, whose glaring at Kirisawa. " Really? You're sticking me with miss useless no manners?!" he scoffs, giving Kirisawa a really dirty look.

"I'm in charge so yes, unless you want to leave and go to another unit." Kirisawa threatens, and Tennoji's gray eyes widen at the threat.

"Useless really? It's not like I wanna work with you either Asshole." I snap at Tennoji, and Eiki shoots me a glare. I sigh.

"Both of you will work together end of story."Kirisawa says, looking at both of us.

"Fine, lets go miss no manners."Tennoji says sarcastically, as he gets up.

"Stop calling me that elevator boy." I snap, getting up and following him.

We reach the elevator to go to the garage. "Look were stuck with each other so lets just deal with it. And please stop calling me that." I mutter.

He looks at me."Fine. Little mermaid." he says grinning.

"The Fuck? little mermaid? That's even worse!" I yell at him.

He starts laughing."Well you won't let me call you the other one, and your hair kinda reminds me of Ariel from the little mermaid." he says, still laughing.

"Yea well your hair is only a few shades darker there merman. And I'm no where near as innocent as Ariel was." I add, smirking.

"Merman? really. And oh really? You're right, your foul mouth would prolly frighten poor Ariel there, New York." He says laughing.

I raise an eyebrow."New York huh? hmmm guess it could be worse...elevator boy." I say, as the elevator opens and we start walking through the garage.

"Look Red, stop calling me that." he says, glaring.

I snort."Red? well maybe I should call you that too..Seeing as your hair is only a few shades darker." I add, smirking.

"Nope. It's official, you're Red or New York, thus you can't call me Red" he says smirking at me.

"I'll have to think about it." I tell him, as we both get into a car.