She didn’t sleep. Maybe it was because of the way her body would react to his breath and his touch. Maybe it was guilt for her actions or maybe it was disappointment. Maybe all of those things combined kept her up at night but every time his hand reached for her exposed skin, the last two would fade away. Regret and guilt would be replaced by the need for more and so when he’d move even a bit away from her, those feelings would grow again. Like fire in the rain, that grew and lit off repeatedly. Caught in between a need and a sin.

She’d check the time, numerous times during the night. It was at 5am that she found the strength to roll away from his hold. She didn’t want to be in this room when the sun took it’s place on the sky, that would make it all too real for her. She changed into her clothes, somehow even as a shirt, he fit perfectly around her. She was cursed to have him on her back, whether it was metaphorical or literal. It didn’t take long before she saw his figure getting up, his hands pulling her back on his chest. She looked in the mirror, seeing clearly for the first time the crime she had committed. Why did she like it?

She was scared that if she said anything, she’d ruin it. They’d fight and they’d hurt each other. So she said nothing, she kissed him. One last taste of her favorite drug and she left his room like a thief. She almost made it to her room but as she made a turn on the hallway, she heard an odd laughter coming and she was met with an even odder sight. Neymar, On the floor, pale and half asleep with a very joyful Verratti by his side.

She approached them slowly, pulling down her hoodie. Neymar looked like death, while Verratti was laughing like a teenage boy.

“What’s going on here?”

Neymar moved a little in the sound of her voice. Verratti’s eyes beamed with excitement, his finger pointing at her. “IT’S MISS COACH!”

Taylor looked at Neymar, who seemed to be regretting all his life choices, she knelt beside him “ney?” she tried but he wasn’t really responding. Just humming. Verratti started pulling on her arm to get up but she wasn’t strong enough to hold both and she was more worried for Ney. He was completely out of it. She reached in her pocket for her phone and called Kylian.

“Miss me already—”

“I need help. Now. Neymar’s room.”

Kylian hanged up and went to find her. A few minutes later he was by her side. They gave each other a knowing look and he tried to get Verratti up while Taylor searched Neymar’s pockets for his key card. She found it and used it to open the door. Neymar, whose back was laid on the door fell backwards “SHIT” She yelled and bowed down to keep his head from hitting on the floor. She put his one arm around his neck and tried to get him up with all the strength she had. Kylian had already laid Verratti on the couch so he came to help her. They put him on his bed, taylor even tucked him under the covers while Kylian was taking of his shoes. She looked around the room, found a big bowl with pop corn next to the TV. She threw the pop corn on the garbage and left the bowl on the floor by his side. She Helped him lay on his side.

“when you throw up do it on the bowl. Last thing we need is for the maid telling stories of cleaning your puke.”

“I was mean to you.” Said Verratti from the other corner, lazily pointing at her. Kylian went back to him.

“What the ‘ell happened?” he asked, giving him a light slap.

“hey we were just drinking man! By the way don’t worry about the issue, I spoke with Ann—” Kylian stepped on his foot. Verratti screamed in pain. She looked at them for a moment before her eyes returned back to Neymar.

“Ney, are you sick?”

He nodded “JW gonna write about this, hm?” he poked her nose. His eyes half open. She took hold of his hand.

“JW won’t be writing about anything for a while.”

“I missed the penalty.”

She shook her head “is that why you’re like this?”

Neymar didn’t get to answer, his expression changed completely as he leaned forward, ready to puke. She lifted the bowl up to him, helped him hold it while his system was letting go of everything he had drank that night. She was looking away the whole time, her eyes finding Kylian’s. He rushed to her, replacing her hands on the bowl with his own.

“You don’t need to be here for this. Go to bed.” He said. But she refused. When Neymar was done she went and threw the puke on the toilet, flushing it down. Kylian joined her there. Taking the bowl from her hands again. “ill take care of them! Go!”

“Kylian, I got this. I just needed you to help me carry them.”

“This is not the first time one of us is cleaning each other’s shit. Junior has done the same for me, so has Marcus.”

“Taylor!” that was Neymar calling. She rushed back to his bed. Ignoring Kylian completely. When she knelt by his side again, he looked at her like a puppy “im sorry.” He mumbled. She wanted to cry just by seeing the pain in his eyes.

“It was just a penalty Ney. It doesn’t define you. Messi has missed lots, he is still the goat.”

“Why are you two together?” asked Verratti suddenly. Referring to Kylian and Taylor.

Kylian looked threateningly at him “Why aren’t you asleep yet?” he asked but it was more of a threat. Taylor on the other hand just kept her eyes on Neymar. Stroking his back. He started drifting of the way drunk people do. She could hear Kylian and Verratti bickering behind her.

“People are writing articles about you, you know!” said Verratti. That’s when she finally looked at him, narrowing her eyes.

“what articles?”

“Dunno.” He mumbled, getting more comfortable on the chair. “m sorry I was mean to you. I’ll make it up.”

She scoffed and returned her attention back to Ney. He looked like a kid. Kylian knelt behind her, placing his hand on her shoulder.

“ill stay here, go to your room.” He whispered and she twisted her head to look at him. Their faces so close to each other. He gave her a comforting smile. He squished her shoulder, holding himself back from kissing her head. “he’ll be fine. Promise.” She very subtly leaned back on him, both of them giving what little they could give to each other without being too obvious. His lips brushed on her hair. He helped her stand up and showed her to the door. She lingered there for a while, her eyes darting between Verratti and Neymar. They were both asleep now.

“Call me if anything happens.”

“I will.”

“make sure he doesn’t choke on his puke.”

“yes Ma’am”

She tried to look at Neymar again behind Kylian but he stepped in front her, blocking her view. He looked down her and then looked at the door, motioning for her to leave. She nodded, Kylian brushed his fingers with her before she turned around and left them alone in the room. Kylian rubbed his face with both hands and went to check on Neymar, who had started coughing again.

He tapped on his shoulder “you ok man?”

He nodded. Opened his eyes. Kylian got up, but his entire body froze when he heard him speak again “don’t fuck with her” he mumbled, His face half molded on the pillow. Kylian looked at him. Even in his state, his sentence came out as a terrifying warning. He didn’t continue the conversation. He laid on the other side of the bed, his head laying back on the wall. A heavy breath leaving his nose. Making a mental note in his head to talk with Verratti in the morning about the articles.

AIRPLANE – NEXT DAY

They tried to avoid each other as much as they could in the airport, usually caught up in conversations in different and separate groups. Taylor had her eye on Neymar the whole time, he’d barely look at her. When they got on the plane, Taylor went to put her handbag on the cupboard over her seat, suddenly she felt Kylian’s front on her back. His hands reaching for hers, as he helped her place her bag there. He gave her a little unnecessary push with his front on her ass, bringing them closer together, and let out an unnecessary breath on her hair. Meanwhile his fingers lingered a little too long on hers.

“thanks” she whispered.

“no problem.” He said and moved away from her. She took the seat next to the window, watching as the team members walking in the small hallway. She put up her head when she saw Ney and called for him.

“sit with me!”

Neymar seemed hesitant at first but sat next to her, getting comfortable. There was an awkward silence between them. She started tapping her leg on the ground, making sounds with her mouth to fill it.

“rough night?” she asked.

Neymar snorted, looking down like a guilty kid. She smiled and nudged him on the shoulder. “are you embarrassed of me?” she asked. He shrugged his shoulders. “Junior, come on! You know how many times Trish had to drag me home after drinks?”

He looked at her, raising his eyebrows “zero?”

She opened her mouth to seem offended. But closed it again because there were really not that many times. She looked away. “ok fine maybe not that many.” He laughed, laying his head back. “but that’s not the point.” She returned her gaze to him “I may be your Coach but I’m also your friend. You’re allowed to be drunk around me. I’m not Galtier. And… you know… the reason you decided to drink. It’s not worth it.”

He scratched on his nails. “it’d be a good article. Neymar jr. Fails again.”

“Don’t do that to yourself please.”

“What would JW say? Would he celebrate the win?”

She laughed, leaning on the window “I’m sure he’d find some things to complain about. A team much below yours got 4 chances and scored. We could have ended this match 5-0. We still lack connection and yes, we were good but only cause they were weaker. So, what are we really celebrating? There’s still a lot of work to be done.”

Neymar smiled. “there she is.”

“point is the blame isn’t yours Ney.” She made sure to look in his eyes while she spoke “a penalty is a 50% chance. Anyone can miss and anyone can do it depending on the circumstances. Losing penalties is the least of this team’s problems. You and Kylian worked pretty well Together.”

He nodded. There was something else on the tip of his tongue, she could see it.

“You two are getting better along too, aren’t you?”

She nodded, keeping a straight face “yeah. He’s more cooperative now.”

All he did was smile and put his headphones over his head. Somehow she knew exactly what he was thinking but pretended not to.

×

Taylor got up in the middle of the flight to go to the bathroom. Her eyes met Kylian’s as she walked passed him and behind the curtain that led to the bathroom. There was a small space people could wait in case there was someone else inside. The lock was green, so she opened the door and went inside. She bowed in front of the sink, threw water on her face.

He started cracking his knuckles. Contemplating whether he should go behind her. Everyone seemed to be occupied with other things. Hakimi was watching a movie next to him, most of the others were as well. He stood up and went to find her. If anything, he loved seeing her trying to hide his affect on her in front of everyone else. He waited for her on the small space, hiding his figure behind the curtain and hoping no one would come along before she was done. And done she was, a few minutes later, her eyes widening when she saw him in front of her as she opened the door. “hi” he smiled. His body blocking the exit by the way he was laying on the door. She looked at him up and down, tried to squeeze passed him but he kept moving his body in the same direction as her. Two times was enough to annoy her.

“not the time.” She warned.

“don’t worry. Wasn’t gonna fuck you on the sink.”

She scoffed, pushing him on the chest to make space for her to leave. He stood in front of her again. Leaning his head down, she locked eyes with him, only until his gaze diverted to the level of her lips, licking his own.

“Come sit next to me.”

“are you crazy?”

“I’ll get Hakimi to sit with Ney.”

“No!” she said quickly. Then she looked away from him, tapping her foot on the floor “I think Ney knows. I don’t know how much or how but he has started picking up on things. I shouldn’t have called you last night.”

“if you didn’t, we’d have a story on our heads about a drunk Verratti and Neymar on the hotel hallways.”

“Better than assistant coach fucks star player—” there was a turbulence, causing her to fall flat on his chest. He gripped on her arms, to keep her straight and leaned harder on the doorframe to keep them both up. She let out a shaky breath, her fingers cycling around his arms, able to feel his veins, same way she had last night. He made a step forward, pushing her deeper in the bathroom, leaning in to kiss her. Their lips ghosted over each other’s, an invisible string pulling them closer together. One of his hands dropped to her hip, she could feel his touch too well over her skinny leggings.

“Star player knew exactly what he was getting himself into. It’s fine.” He whispered in her lips.

“I was talking about Neymar.” She said, keeping a straight face. But she broke into silent laughter when she saw his eyes darkening, his expression stiffening. She grinned, slapping his hand off her ass. Her shoulder bumped on his as she finally walked passed him. Proud of herself for his reaction. He bit on his tongue, twisting it in between his lips.

She went back to her seat, but the one next to her was empty. She searched around for Neymar. Found him to Hakimi’s side. Deep conversation with him, Messi and Ramos who were sitting on the seats behind them. Neymar was sitting his knees on the chair, facing Messi. He waved at her “ill be back in a sec” he said. Taylor thought she had gone numb. She didn’t respond. She just went and sat in her seat, searched out of the window for a way out. Sitting on the wing seemed like a better choice now. She took her blanket and covered herself with it. Laid back and closed her eyes. Maybe if he thought she was sleeping, Kylian wouldn’t annoy her. She heard him seat beside her, even chuckling but she didn’t move and he didn’t speak which was good. For a moment she thought he’d actually let her be. Be decent for ones.

Then her entire body shivered. Her eyes opening wide. Her breath getting hatched on her throat. His fingers crawled on her thigh. His hand hidden under the blankets that they had very comfortably lay over them. She didn’t look at him, she couldn’t even blink. She was scared that any reaction would lead to dangerous sounds coming out of her mouth. She didn’t have to look at him to know that he had that smug expression on his face. He didn’t stop of course. His hand continued going higher and higher, pinching on her skin a few times, stroking it others. She liked it. When it got too close she dropped her hands where his was but over the blanket. She looked at him. He was looking on his phone, unbothered, like there was actually zero connection between the two at that moment.

“are you out of your mind?” she hissed. He didn’t respond. But his hand moved down, closer to her knee now. He gave it squeeze, it felt more caring than his last touches but she knew he must be laughing on the inside. He slipped his fingers under her knee, holding her like any boyfriend would hold his girlfriend in the drive home. He finally looked at her, an discreet smile on his lips. Her phone buzzed a few seconds later and she turned it over to look at the screen. A message from him.

S

he shook her head, scoffing. Closed her phone screen and ignored the message. He squeezed tighter on her thigh. She closed her eyes, trying to fight the urge to hold his hand under the blanket. Truth is she liked it, and as long as his hands remained on safe distance from other parts of her body, then she didn’t want him to let go. He was counting on that. She put her hand under the blanket searched for his while looking at the clouds outside the window. When she found it, she let her fingers wrap around his. He accepted it, too quickly, turning his hand, so he’d hold her better. No one knew. No one could see. But he was drawing circles with his thumb on her palm and she was enjoying it.

The reached Paris in the afternoon. Everyone had a different car waiting for them to drive them home. Before Taylor got into hers, Galtier came up to her.

“We need to talk.”

She hesitated “everything ok sir?”

“Come by my office tomorrow morning. 10 am.”

Logically speaking there was no reason for him to know and there was no reason for her to he worried. But she was terrified. “Is it about the match against Pays De Cassel?”

“Not really. But we’ll discuss that as well. I’ll wait for you.”

She nodded as he left to go to his car. She watched him leave, her eyes falling on Kylian among everyone else. She smiled at him and got in her car. They drove her to the animal-sitting center she had left Luna at first. God, was she happy to see that little angel. Luna head bummed her on the hand when she went to pet her the first time, get warmth reminding her of the only thing that felt like home in this city. She took the cat back to her house, the driver helping her carry all her stuff before leaving her alone in the small apartment. Luna ran across the familiar floors, jumping on the desk and the bed, making herself comfortable on the pillows. She laid beside her, telling herself that she’d take care of the suitcases in the morning. She petted Luna with her finger, Luna in response started biting it and scratching it playfully. She smiled.

When she looked at her phone she was met with Kylian’s message again. She hadn’t deleted the notification so it was still there. The invite was still open. She was tempted. Tempted to feel his Temperature on her body, on her mouth, on her… she closed her eyes.

Kylian unpacked all his stuff. He had nothing better to do anyway. When he was done he dropped himself on the couch, hand hanging over his head as he laid back. He thought about texting her again or calling her but he didn’t want to push it. He was scared that any wrong move would bring the paper house they had started building, down. He doubted she was going to come to him, so he was prepared to go to sleep alone.

Then his phone buzzed. Her name popping on the screen. He picked it up, looking up at the ceiling, while answering.

“Can I help you, coach?” No answer. He smiled “just calling to hear my voice hm?”

Another moment of silence.

“Galtier wants to talk to me tomorrow.” He could hear the worry in her voice, even from the phone.

“Its probably nothing.” He tried to reassure her.

“Hm…”

He wished he could find the right words. He wished he could be by her side.

“Come here.” He whispered lazily on the phone. Too lazy to plead and also half knowing he doesn’t have to. His invitation not at all suggestive. If anything it came out as a solution to whatever was worrying her.

“can’t.” She whispered back “need to stay with my child.”

He smiled knowing it was just an excuse. “bring her with you.”

Silence.

“that’s too much work, just to see you.”

“I can come”

Taylor was on her bed, laying, same way he was. She bit on her thumb, his suggestion sinking in. Maybe if she kept allowing him taking the initiatives, she could pretend there was nothing she could do about it. Maybe if he came over to her, she wouldn’t really be doing anything wrong.

“been running out of cat food actually.” She said innocently. Heard him laughing on the other side

“Can’t go out walking in this cold.” He said.

“no.” she hummed. But it was more of a yes.

Taylor kept typing and erasing the same message that said that she had changed her mind. She did it about 10 times, until it was too late to send it because she heard him knocking on the door. Sitting on the edge of the door, she looked at her door. Her body frozen in her position. Another knock and she knew she didn’t have a lot of choices. She left her phone on the bed and made her way to the entrance of her apartment. A heavy breath leaving her chest as she opened the door. A tired Kylian, leaning on the frame with his arm while holding a full bag of cat food on his hands. She laughed, it seemed like the only right response because they were tragically funny. He smiled, looking down at her. She met his eyes with anticipation. Suddenly all her worries replaced by his perfume, by his whole demeanor and his presence. A light opened in the hallway alarming them that someone was coming up the stairs. She snatched on the threads of his grey hoodie, pulling him in her house and pushing the door closed. They both stumbled on their owns steps, only stopping when taylor, crashed on her desk, his head falling closer to hers and all she could look at was his lips.

“Such a small apartment.” He mumbled, grinning.

“Shut up” she shot back, realizing she was still holding on the threads. She pulled him down, her lips crashing on his, he dropped the bag, letting it crash on the floor. Didn’t hesitate to kiss her back, deepen the kiss. Hold her hips to pull her closer and she could feel him in between her thighs. Her hands crawled under his hoodie, taking it off and throwing it, somewhere in the room. Then they crawled under his shirt, coming in contact with his skin. He hissed at the coldness of her hands, biting on her lips. Both of them realizing that they should probably take a breath. They looked in each others eyes, heavy breaths and knowing stares. He smiled, cause he had never seen her like this before. His fingers traced on her skin under her shirt. His bottom lip hooking on hers and pulling it upwards. Then kissing the area under her eye, then her nose. Her hands moving up to his arms, stroking his veins, his biceps, like she was making a memory of how he felt. His lips went down to hers again, this time kissing her softer. It was gentler. it was more honest than any kiss he had given her before. His touch changed. Any other time he would have picked her up, thrown her on the bed and hovered over her.

Tonight, was different, she could feel it. He wanted to take his time, so did she. He held her more carefully, he didn’t rush it. She stood still while he was taking control, giving in to him as he pulled the shirt over her head, only thing she had to do was raise her hands, bring them on his shoulders when he was done. He lowered his head to her neck, the spot he knew would make her, his for the night. And surely when he kissed on it, she let out a moan, a beg for more. He made a few steps backwards, taking her with him and sat on the bed, while she stood in between his legs.

He kissed her stomach, she felt his tongue on her skin, his teeth almost biting her on the same spot. His kisses continued on a straight line. While his hands pulled her skinny leggings off, he pushed her hips to him and she sat on his lap, legs and hands tying around him. Her breast on the most comfortable level for him to leave kisses now. Under and over her bra, on her collar bone. Her head dropping back, as she accepted all of his gifts for the night. She leaned forward, his knee scraping the space in between her thighs. Her hands, held his entire face, she pulled her head up again, looking in his eyes and leaning her forehead on his. He pushed her hair behind her ear, his hands holding on her face the same way she was holding on to him. Their noses touching, their breaths synchronized.

She pulled off his shirt, threw it on the floor behind her and moved closer to his know bare chest. Her hands circling around his shoulders and her head bending, hugging him as tight as she could, to feel every single curve in his body against hers. To feel his heartbeat. His fingertips, caressed her spine, moving up and down her bone while his mouth made a home in her neck and shoulder. She tilted her head to kiss the back of his neck. It seemed this night, this moment could last forever. She hoped it would. Hoped she could stay down this rabbit hole with him for the rest of her life.

When he laid her on the bed, she started playing with the chain round his neck. His eyes staring deep in hers, while her other hand reached for the threads of his sweatpants, untangling them.

And the night burned warmer, their bodies getting as close as humanly possible. When they were done, they gazed at each other’s eyes for what felt like hours. His fingers getting tangled in her hair, hers tangled in his chain. She never minded being on her own but this… this felt nice too.

He woke up by her voice, speaking words in a language that sounded like French but could swear wasn’t French by her accent. Her voice was followed by a ticking sound. He opened his eyes, the sunlight cutting through his eyes.

“THAT’S NOT WHAT I SAID!” She yelled from inside the bathroom. He raised an eyebrow, confused. He got up, putting on his sweatpants and walking over to the bathroom door. He could listen more clearly now and yes she was actually trying to speak his language. Random words, speaking them to her phone. He opened the door, to find her sitting cross-legged on the cap of the toilet. He shit his mouth in a thin line so he wouldn’t laugh.

“une table pour deux personnes, s’il vous plait” she said in the microphone.

“Wanna get me out on a date?”

She jumped up on her feet, her phone almost dropping from her hands. “stop doing that—”

He grinned, pushed himself off the door and walked over to her. “tell me in French and I might.” He shrugged, approaching her in a threatening way. His hands snaking around her back, she was already dressed and ready to leave.

“je…”

“hm?” he prompted. How did her murdering his mother tongue sound so blissful in his ears.

“Je veux tu—”

“moi?” he asked, pointing at himself and pretending to be surprised.

She narrowed her eyes “oui?”

He smiled, leaning down to her lips. “Que veux-tu de moi, Taylor?”

She snorted, already confused by his accent but she played along “stop. Je veux tu… stop?”

He laughed, she blushed, her fists bumping on his chest. He kissed the embarrassment away. “La nuit dernière était incroyable.” He whispered in her lips “On devrait le refaire. Un peu plus souvent.” She pushed him away.

“You’re doing it again.” She reminded him, a little annoyed.

He smiled “do you want me to drive you at campus?”

“Hilarious. I’m getting an uber.” She walked passed him, out of the bathroom. He watched her and mirrored her.

“I used to drive you before this was a thing.” When he stepped out of the bathroom, Luna jumped on his sweatpants, trying to catch the threads. He hissed when claws cut through the fabric on his skin and knelt down to pet her.

“You have to go back to your house and change.” She looked at the desk for her keys. “catch” she said and threw them at him. He caught them before they hit his face. “lock the door before you leave. Bring me the keys back at campus.”

“because that’s not at all suspicious”

“Is it too optimistic of me to think that you won’t do it in front of everyone else?” she walked to her bed, checking that she had everything on her bag.

He smiled, getting up and coming up behind her. “You’re anxious.” He whispered.

“I don’t wanna be late!” she said, slapping his hands off her and hanging her bag around her shoulder. She turned around to look at him.

“Are you always rushing out like this after sex or is it just because of me?”

“im not rushing.”

“Yeah you are. You rushed out in the hotel. You’re rushing out now because your appointment is not for Another 2 hours.”

“I don’t wanna be late.” She repeated.

“You’re always late.” He reminded her, looking in her eyes. She gulped. Funny, how he could see right through her in the morning. He leaned in, about to kiss her under the morning light, when there was no darkness to hide, when everything was true. Her fingers trailed on his abs, she pulled away quickly, looking up at him.

“Lock the doors.” She whispered in his lips “feed the cat. Make sure no one sees you leave and be at campus at 11 sharp.”

“Or what?”

“ill figure out a punishment.” She smiled and slipped away from him. He bit on his tongue when he heard the door close. It was followed by a meow, the little kitten in between his feet, begging for food. She scratched on his legs again, making him kneel down.

“You scratch as deep as your mother.” He mumbled, petting her under her neck.

GALTIER’S OFFICE — DAY

Taylor waited outside. Her feet tapping on the floor until Galtier’s tall figure appeared in the hallway. She got up, greeting him quickly and he motioned for her to get in his office.

They say on their usual positions. An intimidating Galtier on his big chair behind the desk and an anxious Taylor on her tiny chair across from him.

“the win against Al Nssr was good. It seems things have started to work out.”

“I hope so.”

“The boys seem to get used to you.”

“Most of them, yes.”

“we need to talk about your salary.” She didn’t answer to that. Nothing seemed appropriate enough. “If you decide to stay.” Her eyes remained expressionless. Keeping any sort of emotion for herself. “PSG would be happy to keep you around.”

That was it. What she had been waiting to hear. To be one of the coaches or an analyst. Whatever position they decided to give her. She had made it through. It seemed almost like a lie. Too good to be true and yet, it felt like a theft too.

He passed over to her a document with her monthly salary, details of her hiring and her position. She could barely follow him. She was lost in her thoughts. The pros and cons. She had her ticket back in the game. But was she really in the game? There was this tickling sensation in her stomach. Happiness and fear mixed in one. Was the decision hers now?

“We can sign the contracts by the end of the week. I’ll need some time to speak with the big boss.” She looked at the document. There was a number on it, a long number with high digits… that couldn’t be hers. She’d never see that amount of money with her writings, not even if she worked on the highest paid sports magazine “Meanwhile you can think about it, run it over with your lawyers if you want.”

She nodded, taking the document in her hands “thank you.” She smiled, keeping in all the excitement, she had. Galtier smiled back at her and she took it as an indication to leave. Her steps, slow on the hallway. She checked at her watch, 10:30, it was. Kylian would be here soon.

“Excuse me, Ms. Wilock?”

She turned around, a woman, seemingly older than her. Long blonde hair and dressed like she had somewhere important to be. She was a journalist. Taylor knew by the way the woman held a notepad in her hand. She felt caught between two worlds. Who she used to be and who she could be.

“You are Ms. Wilock, right?”

“Yes. That would be me.”

“I’m Annette.” She shook her hand “I was wondering if I could ask you some quick questions.”

“About what?”

“How are you adapting on the team? With the boys?”

She smiled “There’s respect from both sides.”

“As it should. But I heard there was chaos in the beginning, between you and the players. And of course, there’s the question of your website that brought a lot of pain on this team and other teams as well. Are you ever getting back to that? With champions league coming up, are you loyal to Paris-Saint German? Is it worth everything you are giving up?” Annette smiled. Taylor was at a loss of words, she didn’t know what to answer first.

“I don’t have time for a one on one interview.” She said “Gotta get down at training but I bet I’ll see you around, won’t I?”

“From one journalist to another, Ms. Wilock. You know you will.”

Taylor stepped away, gripping on the document in her hand.

Kylian never gave her back the keys that day. She only realized when she went back to her house and searched her pockets. During the day, they exchanged a few words and mainly it was her yelling at him to stop playing around and laughing. Kylian would shoot her a knowing look, only her could translate and they’d go back to business. She had a meeting with Marquinhos, making several attempts to ignore the chaos in her mind.

“Is it odd that I’m having doubts?”

“No. Of course not. It’s a huge change. One month was a short time. Now we are talking about permanent.”

“Permanent is long.” She sighed.

“No matter what happens you should be happy and proud of yourself.” He said, shooting her a smile and getting up to leave.

All she wanted to do was go home and write. That always calmed her. So when she realized her keys were missing, she wanted to hit her head against a wall. She didn’t even think about calling him, she just grabbed an uber and went to his house. She stood outside, hands in her pockets. There were doormen outside of the building. That’s how you knew important people were living there. She couldn’t just walk in, she was scared they’d recognize her. So she called him.

“I was wondering when you’d notice.” He said as soon as he picked up.

“I’m downstairs. Can I come in from the garage?”

Silence, then a scoff. “Sure, go around the building, I’m coming.”

She hanged up and did as she was told. The garage doors opened and his figure appeared behind them. She walked closer, holding her hand out, waiting for him to give her the keys.

“Oh shoot.” He said “left them upstairs.”

She cocked her head, annoyed “are you fucking serious?”

He smiled. She groaned and walked past him to the elevator. He followed behind her.

A couple snarky comments, unnecessary touches and a few minutes later they were on his bed. Wrinkled sheets and their bodies tangled like one because she couldn’t control herself around him. Not when she felt his touch on her body, not when he gave her that devilish grin and leaned down so slowly, that only made her want him to go faster. Because when he did all these things, she’d forget even her own name, her past, her doubts, her injuries.

Their routine didn’t change. After sex, they were silent, just like all the times before, words couldn’t explain why or how they ever got in this situation but she was in his space now. He had control.

She tapped on the space between his breast, her fingers making a walk up to his neck. The neck that she had left her kisses on, her smell, her touch.

“what did Galtier want with you today?”

“I’m hungry.” She said suddenly, completely ignoring he inquiry. Kylian narrowed his eyes, confused but she was out of his arms and dressed in his grey long hoodie before he could stop her. He rushed out of the bed, putting his pants on and chasing behind her on the kitchen. She was inspecting the fridge already, taking out things she needed. She’d let out gasps whenever she found somethings she could use. He watched as she laid out the ingredients on the counter. “can you get me a recipe for carbonara?” He was baffled by her. The way she moved around like she had been on his place more times than ones. Like she lived there. He looked around for his phone, finding hers first on the counter where she left it after he picked her up to take her to the bedroom. He opened the screen, a pretty picture of her, a little girl-which he imagined was her sister- and her father.

“what’s your passcode?”

“I’m not gonna tell you my passcode.” She said, while bending down to get a pan from the lower cupboards.

“Is it 1 2 3 4 5 6?” he asked, while typing it out. The phone opened to his surprise and he started laughing. She stood up, chewing on the inside of her cheek but saying nothing. “god that’s dumb.” He mumbled and she really wanted to hit him with the pan in that moment.

“Find the recipe!” she said.

“you need milk for carbonara!” he commented, googling searching for it.

“No you don’t.” she shot back and looking at him.

“That’s how I like it—”

“my god! You really suck at following orders! Don’t you?” she snatched the phone from him and placed it on the counter, looking at the recipe he had found. “it literally says, no milk!” she looked back at him “all this time I thought it was just me but god you really suck a following orders, don’t you?” she asked but he waved her off, opening the fridge, the light filling the otherwise cozy darkness. He grabbed a water bottle and closed it again.

“Do you always cook in darkness after sex?”

She didn’t answer him, just made one of her silly face and started cooking according to the recipe. He jumped on the counter of the kitchen, sitting there as she cooked. He smiled, because there was something very calming about seeing her in his space like that. He took a sip from his bottle, his eyes following her every single movement.

Kylian made sure to point out hoe he’d like for her to not burn his kitchen more than ones and taylor ignored him every time. He got of the counter when she asked him to get plates, he left them right next to her, his hand ghosting on the small of her back while she was stirring the pasta.

“I still think it needs milk.”

“I still think you are an arrogant asshole but I don’t make a big deal out of it every five seconds!”

He lowered his head to her neck, taking a big bite on her skin while she laughed and shook him away, elbowing him slightly so he’d get back.

They sat on the kitchen top, across from each other. Talking about everything and nothing, while they ate. The night would grow longer, their figures would move like shadows, tiny secrets that no one ever had to know about.

“My father always blamed himself. I got the condition from him, so he was convinced it was his fault when I had to give it up. Truth is, he did everything right.” She smiled “wouldn’t have want to spend the worst years of my life with anybody else.” She opened her phone, pointing at a picture of little Lily. “She’s my little monkey.” She said, her entire face beamed when she was talking about her, so many of her walls crumbling before him.

“is she as loud as you?”

“she’s louder.” She laughed “but that’s why I love her.”

“you miss them?”

“’f course I do.” There was bitter sweetness in her eyes now, the smile lingering in her lips but falling just a little. That melancholic look reminded him of his first question of the night.

“Gonna tell me what Galtier said?” The smile faded away completely. She shut her phone off, staring at the table. “it couldn’t have been that bad.”

“it wasn’t…” she admitted “it wasn’t bad at all.”

“Then?”

She looked at him “he wants to finalize my employment.”

“wasn’t that already settled?”

“Not really. I was given a month as a test run. If it wasn’t for the articles that leaked, psg wouldn’t have told the world until they were certain.”

He nodded, looking at his plate, playing with the last bit of pasta that was left there “and now its certain?”

Dawn wouldn’t come for hours yet in matters of the sky, but it was slowly creeping up on them both in matters of their future.

“yeah.” She whispered. The feeling of guilt had already began fueling in her chest, just like all the times before. Any normal people would talk, clear things out before it was too late.

“that’s good.” He smiled, looking up at her again.

Cause they weren’t normal people and this wasn’t a normal situation. The longer they spent not talking about it, the longer they could pretend it was alright. Whatever ‘it’ was.

She tried to leave right after they finished their food. She wanted to go home, breakaway from him as soon as possible but he was leading her to the bathroom before she could protest. And how could she protest when his aroma dripped from every corner of the bathroom, when he helped her in the tub and she laid on his chest, both of them naked and bare.

She played with his fingers absentmindedly while he marveled at the size difference of their hands.

“you were right” she whispered

“about what?”

“the rushing out part.” He brushed his nose on her hair. “I’m afraid if the sun finds us together. Like this. I’ll have to explain myself and I wouldn’t know what to say.”

“you don’t have to say anything.”

She grinned at his attempt to make her feel better, nuzzling closer to him and closing her eyes. Then it slipped out of her mouth, like air, like it was always meant for him to know. “I’m scared.”

To that he didn’t answer. Although he could relate a bit.

“And it’s not just because of you. Back then I lost football because of matters of the heart. Then I had to give up writing because I thought that I could get football back. Being away from my family, losing parts of my independence and now… now I could lose football again because of matters of the heart. A different kind. ” the last one was referring to him, he knew. “but what’s worse is that I don’t know what I want. I haven’t for a while. For years actually. I remember what I wanted before everything and I think is till want that… but sometimes I’m just scared of wanting.” Her voice trailed off. Realizing she had said too much.

“tell me something the world doesn’t know about you.” He lowered his eyebrows, thinking. It was difficult for him to come up with answer. She pinched on his arms, lovingly. “there has to be something.”

“I love my nieces and nephews, a lot.”

“everyone knows that!”

He laughed “I mean I guess it obvious but, they’ll never know how much. You will.” He stroked her arms, resting his head on hers while she played around with the bubbles. After a moment of silence he said “I love them so much I fear for them. My problem is similar to yours” He looked at the wall while speaking “I see it with Ney and his boy and the public relationships he has had in the past. It’s scary. To think that you will always bring discomfort to the ones you love. Sometimes it stops you from loving them enough.”

Their honest words echoed in the bathroom, only for them to hear and then sank on the water under them.

She twisted her body, so she could look in his face. Her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms settled on his shoulders. She smiled at him.

“you have to start by loving yourself first.”

“I think I’m pretty cool.” He joked, smiling. She cocked her head, her thumb brushing on his cheek.

“you admire yourself. That’s different. You’re full of yourself.” She shrugged “also different.” He scoffed, pinching the side of her stomach. She ignored it “I’m talking about loving your insecurities. All of it.” Her eyes examined his entire face, everything. Like she was memorizing it. “I’ve said it before. You’re worth it without having to prove anything.” She smiled.

And if he wasn’t so hypnotized by her beauty, by the moment itself and her words, he would have kissed her already. But she kissed him first, like she was making a promise. That she saw behind his façade. He kissed her back, like he was promising her he’d do better.

If they weren’t so afraid of loving each other, this could have been a love story.

AHHHHHH!!!! So many things to think about, so many emotions. So many choice. Such broken people. And the way to the end is near. Ones again thank you for being patient with me, these weeks are the hardest and updates will be slower but i promise I’m not giving up. Like always i can’t wait to read your thoughts and comments. This chapter was supposed to end more dramatically butttt i guess 11 is where the peak is gonna happen. I love you all, forever and ever!!