a/n i got bored and i have 0 impulse control so double update 👀

ALSO DID YALL SEE KAIRIS TIKTOK AND HIS AND MATTIAS COMMENTS?

💀

20/3 8:41pm
jersey bois

slomo king:
Nah she ain't that cute

edgar allen HOE:
didn't know you were BLIND

robo the hobo:
amen 🙏

big boi:
eh

edgar graduate:
married boys don't get an opinion

cutest wasian:
oh cool you're all online

coolio

cool

big boi:
you good kai?

cutest wasian:
good minus the "ood" and add the "ay"

robo the hobo:
ayg?

edgar allen HOE:
ayyyy youre g?

cutest wasian:
im gay

big boi:
me too but only for you 🥺

edgar allen HOE:
SHES FINE AF WHAT ARE YALL ON

robo the hobo:
don't worry alv i gotchu bro

slomo king:
If that's "fine af" then sign me up for homiesexual with mattia

edgar graduate:
jfc

kai i guess i gotta murder the whole crew

cutest wasian:
brb.

robo the hobo:
why are you murdering ussss it's just an opinion and franKLY she's hot and that's that on that

edgar graduate:
shut the fuck up, rewind and go read kai's message before i hop over to kick your asses

slomo king:
Oh shit

Actually?

edgar allen HOE:
actually what?

robo the hobo:
???

big boi:
oH

wait

OH

@cutest wasian fr?

cutest wasian:
👍

slomo king:
I gotchu Kairi I support you

big boi:
me too obviously 💕

cutest wasian:
thx

edgar allen HOE:
ok maybe im dumb

robo the hobo:
me too??

edgar graduate:
he just came out to you morons

now say something nice before i gut you

edgar allen HOE:
OHH

robo the hobo:
OH OKAY

edgar allen HOE:
KAIII COME BACK ONLINE IM SORRY I LOVE YOU

robo the hobo:
PLEASE FORGIVE US FOR BEING STUPID MEN

cutest wasian:
all g

big boi:
love you kaiii

cutest wasian:
❤️

robo the hobo:
okay but why did it take me so long to get that. when you and mattia start dating i'll get it straight away i swear

cutest wasian:
wym???

robo the hobo:
you've kissed like tWICE

cutest wasian:
ACCIDENTALLY

edgar allen HOE:
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY KISS THE SAME PERSON TWICE

edgar graduate:
you be mattia and kairi ig

big boi:
it is what it isss

cutest wasian:
as if you guys haven't accidentally kissed someone before

slomo king:
Okay poll time: Alvaro, how many of the boys have you kissed

edgar allen HOE:
fat zero, as hard as mattia tries to change that

roshaun?

slomo king:
None as well

Robert?

robo the hobo:
nil over here 😔✊

slomo king:
Alejandro?

Ale???

edgar allen HOE:
uM @edgar graduate ??!

edgar graduate:
no comment

cutest wasian:
no comment

robo the hobo:
👀 EXPLQAINAN

big boi:
wait what the FUCK

when did this happen?????

edgar graduate:
like last year

cutest wasian:
okay but actually it doesn't count bc the question is about accidental kisses

big boi:
WHAT

edgar graduate:
kai ily but did you have to mention that,,,

cutest wasian:
🤡

edgar allen HOE:
HELLO??? CAN WE GET AN EXPLANATION

cutest wasian:
SOME OF US are DUMB and can't figure out their sexuality until getting help from a bro

edgar allen HOE:
"bro" oof rip ale ig

slomo king:
This happened last year? And you didn't know till now??

cutest wasian:
IM "SOME OF US", IM DUMB!!!

robo the hobo:
how did that even HAPPEN like "hey bro kiss me or youre gay"

edgar graduate:
it was more like "ale i'm confused" and me being a good friend

big boi:
we've kissed before how come you didnt ask me to help!!

cutest wasian:
maybe i got sick of kissing your crusty ass

big boi:
take that back 🥺

edgar graduate:
chill you're still the #1 kairi smoocher

#1 kairi smoocher:
DAMN RIGHT

slomo king:
Kairi's the CEO of kissing the boys

CEO of kissing the boys:
and what about it

#2 kai kisser:
i'll take my place as second then

#1 kairi smoocher:
bow down to your king bitch

edgar allen HOE:
@CEO of kissing the boys quick accidentally kiss me three times to make mattia look like a fool

robo the hobo:
me first 🔫

CEO of kissing the boys:
fam lemme book yall some appointments damn

#1 kairi smoocher:
say sike right now

CEO of kissing the boys:
mattia you know you're my main hoe

everyone else is my side piece

slomo king:
Everyone went from "imagine kissing your homies" to thirsting over Kairi real quick and honestly? I can get behind that

#1 kairi smoocher:
STAY IN YOUR LANE

#2 kai kisser:
sorry mattia but kairi's on the market and we're all swerving

#1 kairi smoocher:
not for LONG

robo the hobo:
do it. you won't

edgar allen HOE:
we've waited too long and now it's our turn! i want my accidental kisses

slomo king:
Why travel when I'm right here

Pros: Mattia doesn't beat you into a pulp

Cons: socks must be worn at all times from now on

#1 kairi smoocher:
when me and my bb kiss the socks are OFF

CEO of kissing the boys:
ale wore socks he's safe

for now 👀

#2 kai kisser:
keep joking like that and i won't be bc mattia will slit my throat

#1 kairi smoocher:
🔪

robo the hobo:
hm if only there was a way to claim kairi all for yourself

edgar allen HOE:
yeah imagine if there was something you could do to make you and kairi exclusive

slomo king:
Guess we'll have to keep kissing Kairi!

#1 kairi smoocher:
you guys are BULLIES who dont understand ROMANCE and yall need to stfu

it's a slow process

robo the hobo:
🐌

#2 kai kisser:
*flirts for months* mattia: wHY WE GOING SO FUCKING FASTTT

#1 kairi smoocher:
if it were up to me-

edgar allen HOE:
kairi really be pulling another "no comment" huh

CEO of kissing the boys:
no comment

edgar allen HOE:
ale we might need to plan another intervention

#1 kairi smoocher:
oh hell nah you guys are banned from "intervening"

#2 kai kisser:
it's not my fault that you can't make a move!! im just trying to motivate you!!

CEO of kissing the boys:
intervening? motivate? what

edgar allen HOE:
hey kairi lets go out sometime-

#1 kairi smoocher:
jfc FINE

kai bb. you, me, arcade?

CEO of kissing the boys:
ye sure!! also alvaro when did you wanna hang out?

robo the hobo:
phat F

slomo king:
F

#2 kai kisser:
F

edgar allen HOE:
f

kairi dw about it, mattia's finally stopped being a little bitch

#1 kairi smoocher:
GUYS I DONT KNOW HOW I CAN BE ANY MORE FORWARD THAN THAT

#2 kai kisser:
ig you could accidentally kiss twice-

slomo king:
Make a few tiktoks about being gay for each other-

robo the hobo:
make comments about how he's your baby-

edgar allen HOE:
have you tried asking him on a date-

#2 kai kisser:
huh okay

edgar allen HOE:
maybe kairi's the real little bitch?

robo the hobo:
oh, so kai was the dumb one all along!!!

CEO of kissing the boys:
dumb? 🥺

#1 kairi smoocher:
ignore them bb. see you tomorrow?

CEO of kissing the boys:
see youuu <3

#1 kairi smoocher:
<3

#2 kai kisser:
my job here is done

-

a/n im making kairi a dumb bitch bc when girls flirt with me i need to consult 7 different lesbians and compile a 100000 word report listing evidence and discussing possible theories for why they said that thing

don't you just love young love? hehe it'd be a shame if something were to happen to it- 😏