Pride.

It was something Ravan learned to dose.

There was nothing worse than someone who didn't know how to step down. Sorells' words were hard, but Ravan didn't hold it against her. The man realized he tried to impose his feelings when he fully knew emotions took time.

Sorell was no longer a teen. Whatever sentiments she had for him longer might have shifted. She had the means to treat herself to anything Ravan could offer. The man acknowledged he took the wrong route and failed the primary task of being her friend.

It was time to rectify.

Sorell frowned at the caller's name and wondered why she hadn't erased his number since. Her resolves were usually without a call, yet she let the man's number linger.

She ignored the call. With a bit of luck, the man would stop. Her phone had the time to wobble to the edge of her coffee table, thanks to his persistence. Sorell put her phone on silent and continued to plan her vacation. She hesitated between Punta Cana and the Emirates. Perhaps she could do both. It was time to take a break. Regie's words hit hard, and Sorell needed time away. She knew it wasn't the moment to back down, but she didn't see how she could combat Kwan without Regie.

The woman gasped two hours later at the number of calls on her phone screen. She barely had time to swipe their dismissal that the phone rang again.

Enough was enough.

"What do you want, Ravan? I thought I made myself clear."

"Hi Sorell, I'm good too."

"Ravan."

"Okay, Sorell, I got you. You don't want to be romantically involved with me. I understand, but we're friends, right. I mean, this embarrassing situation for me shouldn't impact our friendship; ㅡI hope not because we're adults."

Sorell sighed; the man had the hack for dropping in at the worst moments. She wasn't in a mood to tackle him, but Ravan was one heck of a stubborn man when he desired something.

"Ravan, I'm not in the mood, okay."

"I hear you."

Everything that erupted in life finished by cooling down. Almost three weeks had passed since Sorell rejected him. Seeing her with Kwan pushed the man to test the waters. As usual, Sorell plunged headfirst in her work. The woman didn't forget him; she just slipped Ravan in one of her mind's drawers for a sunny day when she wished to reminiscence on the one time she felt her heart flutter like a teen.

"All I want is to call and speak to my friend Sorell," Ravan said and hoped he sounded sincere.

The man tried to convince her when he was the one who needed persuading.

Ravan wished to know if the tale told by Twitter was work-related or if Sorell had the intention of getting involved with Kwan. Ravan knew he had no legitimacy to inquire, so he tried to refrain from asking to avoid speaking to the dial tone once Sorell hung up on his face.

Sorell slid her head away from her phone and scratched her bald scalp.

What was this nonsense?

One minute, the man offered roses and made big declarations, and the next he went, I'm good with being friends.

That's not how things went. Which fairytale reinvented the concept?

"Sorell?"

The man's words phased the woman.

"Yes."

"Did you hear me?" Ravan asked.

"Yes, friends, perfect, it's all I want."

Why was her head heating up in such a manner?

"Good, I'm glad we can start over," Ravan said.

The man spoke, but inside he wallowed and wished to sob on his pillow.

Karma.

Ignorance and youth made him blackout and chose Petra when he should have guessed Petra didn't have the words.

The past was the past. Ravan decided to cross out the memories and live in the present as the Sorell he desired resided there.

"Great, if were good can we hang up because I've got work," Sorell said dryly.

"Ah,ㅡeh, sure, I'll leave you to it. Good night Sorell, take care.

"Goodnight."

The woman hung up and began to pace. What was this?

A friend.

Ravan gave it a lot of thought. Love wasn't a priority in Sorells' agenda. He was unaware of what she wanted, but he decided to be that listening ear for now. He wished for Sorell to know he was there. Ravan refused for them to lose sight of each other.

If he had to choose, Ravan preferred to remain by her side even as a friend than to live in her absence.

He read all the comments on her social media. The few good reviews got sunk by the negative ones.

An avalanche of comments and a few more photos of Sorells' past popped up after the picture of her and Kwan trended. Ravan found it odd how anytime Sorell made headlines for something supposedly positive, depending on what angle one looked at things, she immediately got her past thrown in her face.

Ravan didn't pay attention at first, but it was as though someone tried to send Sorell a message. It seemed almost personal.

Sorell was strong, but how long could one support standing without having someone in their corner. Ravan decided to make Sorell's well-being a priority. Ravan knew she didn't speak to her mother and her friend circle was non-existent. Sorell wasn't the lousy person media portrayed. She was exacting with herself and perhaps even too much.

It was time for Ravan to be the person he should have been for her.

Being her friend wasn't diminutive. Even if it stung a little, Ravan was more than okay with it.

Ravan felt it was the best way to go about it if he wished for the woman to see him with different eyes someday.

Sorell suddenly found herself in front of her tv. She never vegged out on her couch to eat popcorn and watch a movie.

To eat?

Sorell tried to remember the last time she ate something that was taste buds-popping. The image that came to mind was when Ravan fed her. 

Sorell had a great time on that date; she was happy with him. Now she was sad and alone.

Regie was wrong. It wasn't that she didn't introspect; Sorell couldn't. She could only focus on one thing at once. The lack of nutriments made everything a strain.

The food complements her gynecologist prescribed at her last checkup allowed her to hold, but they couldn't do their job if Sorell didn't follow up with nutriments.

Sorell saw and felt how her body weakened, yet her resistance galvanized her.

"You're suffering from body dysmorphia."

"I beg your pardon," Sorell said.

She finally got the courage to face her gynecologist again; she had no choice. Her prescriptions had expired.

"Sorell, you promised you'd make efforts to eat more. Here we are with a mass regression, and you are weighing 35.7kg for 1.75cm."

"Yes, andㅡ."

The doctor Levi, sighed. There was nothing worse than a person in denial, "your IMC is below average. You've been experiencing nausea, and you're unable to focus. Do you experience memory loss?"

"Why are you speaking to me like I have Alzheimer and what's this about dysmorphia?"

"How do you see yourself, Sorell? I'm only talking about your body."

"I'm good, I had put on weight, but I'm fine now."

The doctor lifted his brows in confusion, "you're fine now?"

"Yes."

"Sorell, you're anorexic."

"Oh, please don't exaggerate."

"Sorell, it's not a remark but an affirmation. You are anorexic. When was it the last time you had your periods?"

"I had my periods."

"Really, when?"

Sorell shrugged and tried to recall the last time she bought protection. She had the impression the packets hadn't budged. She realized she hadn't had her periods in the previous six months.

"Sorell?"

"Listen, it doesn't matter. I don't plan to have children."

"Okay, Sorell, listen. I want you to see a friend of mine. She's a nutritionist."

"Doctor Levi, I'm good."

"It's not an option, Sorell. If you don't see her, I will rule you as a danger to yourself and have you admitted in psychiatric."

Sorell already saw the headlines where tabloids would swap her condition for something sensational like a rehab admission for alcoholism or drug use.

"Excuse me," she exclaimed.

"Yes, Sorell. Both your mental and body are attaining their limits."

Sorell adjusted her position," doctor, let's not panic here."

"I'm not panicking; I'm doing my job and trying to save your life."

"Wow, doctor, why are you inflating things this way?"

"I'm not inflating. It's the truth, Sorell. The facts are in front of me. And since you've been fleeing me, I didn't see the evolution. We could have started to work on this months ago."

"Doctor."

Doctor Levi saw her despair. He saw how the woman rose to fame and her drastic transformation. Like many, the doctor imagined her obsession with weight would fade as she gained confidence in her new body, but the womans' phobia grew with time.

"Sorell, please, you've been consulting me for years. Trust me when I say no job or promotion should come before your health. You need rest."

"I'm on holiday soon," Sorell hurried to say.

"When?"

"In a week," she replied.

"For how long?"

"Two weeks," Sorell answered.

"You should take them now."

"Doctor," she exclaimed.

"You're exhausted. You need to rest, relax and eat. I'm giving you a sick notice until then. It should allow you to disconnect. Please meet my colleague to discuss your regime."

The doctor's friend was also a psychologist; thus, there was no need to have Sorell consult separately.

"Doctor, there's no need. I'm fine."

"Sorell, you told me you have chest pains and shortness of breath. Do you know what that means?"

Hearing the silence, doctor Levi pursued. "Your heart is suffering, and you risk a heart attack."

The doctor confirmed what Sorell already knew but hearing it from someone else's mouth hit differently.

"Sorells' ears shut down to the rest of the explanations. She took the subscription and left the office.

Why was everything a blur?

The tears afraid to spill in public awaited the moment Sorell climbed in her car to trickle free.

Her heart ached with a different kind of pain, one deep within that came from her soul. Everything seemed to crumble at once.

Sorell didn't have time to release more tears as her phone buzzed.

The persistence of the vibrations gave her an idea of who the caller was.

She preferred to cut short right away and replied.

"Hey, Sorell."

"Eh, hi Ravan, we push back the daily catch up for another moment."

What was this he heard?

It wasn't the first time she spoke like this. Sorells' voice triggered a search in Ravans' memory bank. Suddenly Ravan saw the image of a crack-open door where Sorell took in her homework and only showed half of her face, usually the side that didn't take a blow.

Back then, Ravan was a child who didn't know better, but now things were different. Again, the amount of aid he could give depended on Sorells' will.

"Sorell, are you okay?" Ravan asked.

"What does it matter, do you?" Sorell spat.

"It matters."

Sorell sniffed, "why? Because fat girl Sorell helped you once or twice. Forget it, Ravan. I free you, here and now of any debt you think you have towards me. You may go in peace."

The man took a deep breath; he knew this mood too. Sorell switched on her passive-aggressive mode every time she felt vulnerable. "Stop it, Sorell. You don't need to keep up your firewall with me."

"Why not? Because you think you're someone special who can waltz into my life and do as he pleases. Why do you keep bugging me? Leave me alone. Go and sell your peddler swindling-miracle-hair-growth products."

There was a short moment of silence before Ravan replied, "I can't leave you alone because I care." The man got up from his office chair and paced, "I'm unable to leave you alone because you matter to me. I'm not talking about Sorell, the kid. I care for Sorell, the woman."

Silence.

"Sorell?"

"Why Ravan? Why are you like this?" The woman said between her sobs.

She cursed the man who chose the worst timing for her to unleash his thoughts.

"Where are you, Sorell?"

The woman wiped her nose, "I'mㅡ." 

She stopped. What was she doing? Even in this situation, the woman tried to rationalize. She wasn't in her right state of mind. She couldn't let spontaneity take over her, could she?

"Please don't shut me out, Sorell."



Hi everyone,

Okay, I gave New Growth a lot of focus this week, but I have to take care of the other stories now. I still have chapters to write for Rebel Grained, Let's Happen, Hemes, Never Sin, Princessed, Sobar Love, and my ONC project, which hasn't been updated this month.

By the way, I made the first round for this year's ONC, it's a first for me, but I want to see if I make the second round before bragging some on my wall.

Anyway, enough of me; our girl Sorell is in quicksand. Any thoughts?

Do you think she'll open up to Ravan?

As always, thank you for reading.

Take care