"Is this death or rebirth?" - "Back To Earth" - Starset

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." - Ezekiel 36:26



"I always wondered about the drive in humans, Sir, to be better than you are currently."

"Not all humans strive to be better, Lars."

"Many, maybe I should ask, what drives you, Sir?"

He didn't have an answer. His jaw worked as he pulled his practice uniform off over his head, his thoughts running a million miles a second. He was the youngest Captain ever and he'd accomplished a lot of what he'd set out to do when he first joined the Neo-Tokyan Fleet. But no one had ever questioned his drive until now.

I have a position to maintain? What was he doing this for?

"What do you mean? What is it all for?" He gave voice to his thoughts as he tossed the uniform into a hamper. Sweat dripped off of his skin.

"Yes, Captain? Why do we patrol when we've never encountered anything out there?"

"This is as close as we'll get to it... I'm ok with it..."

"And the "it,"Captain?"

The "it?"

Red shook his head pushing the memory away. He stared out at the ship in front of them. It was everything they didn't need and yet he knew without a doubt this was the Vesper ship that they'd mentioned. Even the shaking ground didn't prompt Red to move any closer to it. The *eyes* were still visible on the outside, small cameras located on the outside of the ship. No other ship had those, they were literally a Vesper's vision when they flew. A small ball like attachment on the front gave them enough control to turn their "head" when they flew.

"I was kind of hoping for one of their warships." Dag's voice broke the silence. "Are you sure there isn't one here?"

"I'm sure there is one on back order," Red whispered staring. There was no reason whisper, there was clearly bombing happening back at the prison, and the ground shook beneath their feet.

The vessel in front of them was huge, but not the sleek Vesper warships that Red vaguely remembered seeing patrolling the perimeter. He would have dismissed it entirely if not for the hull, covered in millions of tiny nodes, each one a sensor just as sensitive as the nerves in the human body. Each one reacted just as quickly to the command of the Vesper pilot in charge.

"What do you mean?" T's small voice piped up from behind them. Red jumped at the voice forgetting they were there.

"Well, it's a commercial ship." Dag went on adjusting Ember on his shoulder as he cast the boy a glance. "I remember they had discussed the possibility of Vesper's going into commercial use when they retire. They can't be away from their ships for an extended period of time. It's a death sentence. Retiring them would have been considered inhumane at the time." He stopped and glanced at Red who had turned and was staring at Ember. "She's still breathing."

"This has to be it," Red replied. He moved and put a hand on Ember's face lifting it and placing his finger on her neck checking for her pulse. He found it, not as strong a he would have liked. Stay with us, Ember, we're close. She was trapped but alive.

He'd take that for now.

He turned to look at the ship as he straightened. A commercial vessel might move with less suspicion. But also with far less weaponry than he'd feel comfortable with.

You commanded a flagship once, remember? A Leviathan? This will be a piece of cake. He shook his head. His old life reared its head again and he pushed it away. He was ready to make Helion 7 part of his old life.

By an unspoken agreement, they all moved forward, glancing backward as if a scandroid was going to appear out of nowhere. He wouldn't be surprised if they were deployed here to search out survivors and he was in no hurry to go against one again.

A couple of scandroids by themselves would have been no issue but many at once, that was a different matter altogether. A memory surfaced again, one where he was impossibly outnumbered and Dag had grappled him into the ground in a desperate bid to get him to surrender...

He pushed it away before it could overwhelm him.

"Listen," Alt whispered, his voice barely audible interrupted his thoughts. The air was filled with dust but the bombing had stopped.

"We should probably get down there before they start searching for survivors." Red moved forward, eyeing the ship in front of them. "I thought only the elite could serve as Vespers," Red whispered to Dag. "Why would they give them a death sentence by making them completely dependent on their ships?"

Dag shrugged. "Control. Plus you only pick people you believe will keep the status quo. You know that. That's how they've always operated. There's always a catch."

"Yeah but," Red struggled for words for a moment. "These are their children..." Ember was theirs. And yet... She'd clearly chosen a different side.

"And we're their dogs." Dag shrugged. "I helped make the ships and the equipment, I'd recognize the sensors built onto those hulls anywhere. A rogue Vesper would have been a serious problem. I'm surprised this was the only fail-safe."

"Maybe it's not."

Dag shrugged. "Not everyone values children Red'."

Red shrugged as they moved closer and the size of the ship became more apparent. It could have flown fifty people comfortably. They only had five.

It had to work. They were running out of options. He was not a misguided Essandrien with their belief that ships had ghosts to be worshipped, or whatever their nonsense was.

But he was starting to wonder if there was a larger hand in this. Something else at work.

What else do you think is out there, Captain?

Honestly? I've never given it much thought Lars, I mean it's not relevant to the job. Not relevant to getting out into the black...

It was stupid idea, especially for him, but a Vesper pilot, the deadliest fighter pilots in the galaxy and her ship? Not to mention someone had sent a satellite to them. It was coming together too nicely. He was suspicious... He would have questioned Ember right then and there except he was fairly certain she was the real deal. The beating she'd taken had been no act. Her state now was real... He'd killed her tormentor.

The feeling he had now was hope, although he didn't recognize it. It hurt and he didn't understand why he was feeling this way. His pragmatism told him they would more than likely die, but the yearning that they just might make it kept him silent in front of the others.

He always had his own way out.

She has to make it.

Dag laid Ember next to the ship in the shadow of a short broadleaved tree. Red after checking to make sure once again that she was still breathing made his way onto the hull after Dag. The man had climbed up onto the side looking for a door.

"Here!" Dag called. Red saw Dag disappear for a moment before he was at the opening himself. He dropped through and found himself standing on the wall.

The stark white finish on the inside was coated with a fine layer of dust. He sneezed.

"Will it fly?" Red whispered, wiping his eyes as Dag poked around.

"Oh yeah," Dag was moving through the side of the ship. "This is set up just like the warships only larger. We should find the room where we can hook her up..." His voice trailed off as he moved further into the ship.

"Guys?" T's voice floated down to them.

"What is it?" Red moved back towards the opening. T's anxious face looked down at him.

"There are a lot of ships moving around, coming this way."

"Shit." Red grabbed the opening and hoisted himself up. Getting a leg up he dragged himself up to the side. Both boys were sitting next to each other at the opening. "Get inside. I'll get Ember."

Without waiting to see if they complied he found himself running down the side of the ship. Ember was laying on her back still unconscious. He hoisted her up into his arms and turned back.

The boys had been right. Ships were flying across the surface in lines. They were slowly heading toward them which meant they hadn't been spotted. It also potentially meant someone else had escaped into the wasteland.

"Red, come on!" Dag's voice roared down at him. Red started running back, jumping up onto the ship and moving towards the door. Taking one last look at the wasteland before him he jumped inside.

Dag was standing on the edge, he reached down and grabbed Red's shoulder and pulled him forward. Together they moved towards the door. Dag dropped in and Red handed Ember down to him.

Down the hallway, they went with the boys running ahead.

"We should be shielded fairly well in here." Dag's voice penetrated the thick air. They kicked up dust as they went along. "This way."

Red eyed the interior. It was spectacular in a way that he understood would never have been made for the lower classes. He may have even been able to fly on it in a military capacity but never would have been one of the elites. Luxury had not been wasted here.

And they simply tossed it? He hated them all over again, for the things they wasted, the lives-- He paused remembering who he was carrying in his arms.

"Is this commercial vessel or luxury yacht?" Red asked when Dag suddenly stopped.

"A little of both," Dag said. "These guys have to protect themselves as well as their cargo. Naturally, they like to take home with."

He eyed a panel and turned to Red. "I need her hand for a second. It's not going to respond to any of our sensors. But it will pick up hers..."

"Can we fly it?"

"We might," Dag knelt and pulled Ember's hand down to a panel, he pressed her palm out and straightened her fingers. "But she has to turn it on."

A pulse vibrated through the ship. The lights suddenly flicked on, the bright light causing everyone to grimace. Slowly the ship started to tilt to the right. Red pulled Ember tight into his chest as he slid down the wall. The panel opened a door. They probably had attracted attention by now...

Dag motioned Red to proceed him into the room. "Boys remain out here."

"But—"

"You don't need to see this." Dag's voice was firm. The boys looked at each other but nodded.

Red carried Ember through the doorway. "What are we going to see?"

Dag pointed to a bed. "Place her face down on it."

Red put Ember down, noticed she was still breathing but her breath was so shallow, he knew she did not have much longer.

Dag had grabbed a large metallic cable and was coming towards the bed. "Pull up her shirt in the back."

Red blinked and then did as ordered. He'd almost forgotten the circular inserts Ember had up her spine. He pulled the shirt up exposing the silver implants again and stared. This was what connected Ember to this thing. Dag handed him a towel he'd found. "Wipe the bottom one out."

Red worked quickly and then proceeded to the rest. He expected to be filmy or wet but the inserts were amazingly dry. Mostly filled with a little dirt from the trip.

Dag inspected the bottom one while he worked and then pushed the large cable into her back. Red watched him meticulously, entranced. There was a loud click as it locked into place.

"What happens next?" Red was anxious, his hands were balled into fists at his sides.

Dag eyed him with a lifted eyebrow.

"What?" Red snapped. He ran his fingers through his Mohawk as he waited for some sign of life from Ember other than her labored breathing.

"You've come a long way from not caring, that's all."

"I don't--"

"Save it, Red." Dag turned away. "IF this works, she'll power through her systems first. I'm going to go check on the boys. The normal pilot's seat is just outside to the front."

"Pilot's seat?" Red looked towards the door. I don't exactly need to fly this thing...

"Well I'm not a pilot," Dag muttered. "But I know you are. And if she doesn't make it..." He let the sentence trail off and placed a hand on his shoulder. He shot Red a tormented look before turning away from him.

Red felt the hand drop off of his shoulder and his heart sank at the same time.

Time was of the essence and yet Red couldn't drag himself away from Ember to hotwire the ship. He knew the others were waiting out there but he couldn't move.

Red turned back to Ember not seeing Dag leave. His entire focus was on the woman laying face down on the table. He reached over turned her face towards his and wiped her face with his hands. Her skin was still warm, she was still in there...

"Come on, Ember."

There wasn't much hope for her return. He knew that's why Dag had left the room. To give him some privacy, maybe even time to say goodbye. It was stupid. They barely knew each other and yet he was sure his heart was going to drop out of his chest if she didn't wake up. He leaned in and pressed his forehead against hers. As he did so the past came screeching out at him again, this time he let the memory go on...

"What's really important in life Captain?"

"You tell me, Lars, I'm pretty content with how my life is going at this point."

"Are you? You are one of the lucky ones I guess."

"I don't believe in luck. I've worked my ass off to get here..."

"I too, it's been a year since my 'birth' Captain. They say I am one of the few to bear the curiosity trait."

"...and maybe one of the few AIs to own a cat?"

"Companionship is a trait it seems common to all with a sense of self."

"Not me," Red had responded. "I enjoy my work, I love waking up to the stars and doing my job. It's not really work when you love it."

"But Captain, you spend all this time talking with me inside a spaceship..."

Red shook his head forcing the memory back. That life was gone, but he felt a pang at the words. It was a loss he was feeling, he hadn't allowed himself to touch that part of his memories in a long time. He stared at Ember's face, briefly remembering her words to him. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone you're really not an asshole.

He sat down on the floor in front of her face, cupping her cheek with one hand. "You're wrong about me, Ember. I really am an asshole. I saw a lot of shit in there. I tried to save a few and you know what? They turned on me... I killed them." He hesitated as the words burst forth. "I tried to save a few, organize them... I mean I was a leader, I captained the damn flagship for the Neo-Tokyan Naval Space Fleet. I should have been able to stop this... And no one listened, no one cared. They weren't..."

He let his hand drop. "They weren't you, they were... lost I guess. I saved a kid in here, you know? His first week, and he turned around and raped someone. I tried saving a kid, he died... After a while... You get used to it. And..." He shuddered from the sudden chill he felt running down his spine. "I really want to save T, and you, you've gotten us this far... It's not fair. I know you're Neo-Tokyan, but none of these people there, none of them give a shit. And you come along... And for what? An asshole like me? Someone who didn't care? I don't get you, I really don't understand why you even tried to save me, but damn Ember. I just want you to make it. Please..." He stopped talking and listened to her labored breathing. His eyes watered and he rubbed them.

Dag had said her systems would power up first but he had no idea what that would look like.

Was it really only a week ago that they'd met?

He waited and listened, hearing nothing but her breathing evenly. His nerves were shot and he closed his eyes and stood. Anger coursed through him so strong he shook with it. His fists balled up and he attacked the one thing he could... The panel where Ember's wiring jutted out. The pieces that were supposed to make her well again.

"Son of a bitch!"

He struck the wall with his fists. Blood dripped off of his knuckles but he took no notice. He punched it, again and again, putting all of his grief into the swings. "Do you hear me?" He found himself yelling at the room. "Lars questioned whether or not he had a soul, whether a higher power existed? And Dag believes in... something... and here is someone... and you are just silent? You aren't there... no way... fuck you... this is all just a big fucking cosmic joke." He punched the wall again and again, as the rage poured out of him.

Lights slammed on blinding him. He stopped shocked at what he'd done.

Behind him, on the table, there was a hiss and then Ember started screaming.