RaeJae's POV:

I watch the therapist storm out of the room leaving Jungkook and I alone. Honestly I'm thankful for her disappearance because I'm convinced she only make things worse.

All she's ever done during therapy is make me feel guiltier and guiltier. As if that is even possible.

"Rae, Guilt is toxic,"

I blink a few times at Jungkook's words. Can he read my mind or something?

"Forgiving yourself is just as important as forgiving others. I get that you won't accept that none of this is your fault, okay? I get it. But trying to relive it to punish yourself is only letting Hobeom get what he wanted in the first place. So let's stop this right now," Jungkook hugs me tightly to prevent me from running away.

I stare at myself in the mirror on the opposite side of the room. Jungkook's arms are around me but I can't bring myself to put mine around him. However, for the first time since the incident I actually contemplate putting myself first.

There are many people in this world who are worse off than me, and would even possibly want to be in my place. So maybe, just maybe, I'm being way too selfish for once in my life.

He pulls away to look at me, "why do you always insist on making things harder for yourself? Why do you always insist on taking the hard road?"

"But-," my voice is quiet but there in the least.

Jungkook's eyes widen.

I find the courage to continue, "why do you assume I see two roads?"

His jaw goes slack. Possibly because he's wondering whether or not to address my question or the fact that words just spilled out of my mouth for the first time in weeks.

I watch him stutter for a bit before finally saying, "It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply,"

This time it's my turn to contemplate his words. The young, immature teenager I once knew seems a whole lot grown up to me now. Perhaps I look the same in his eyes.

"Rae?"

"Mm,"

"Are you done staying in the quiet?"

"I hope so," I whisper honestly. Silence is a scary thing, but also very powerful. It's darkness wavers over you like a cloud before rain and in the moment you wonder if it will ever go away.

"It's all up to you. If you hope so, then I guess you're back?" A small smile decorates his face.

"Yeah..." I trail off, but my heart still hurts.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Jungkook looks to me with eyes as bright as the sun on a summer day.

"What?"

"How it all hurts but we never give up,"

I furrow my eyebrows out of pure confusion. How is it that every time I feel something he feels it as well? Could it be because we've known each other and spent countless hours together? That could be the only possible answer...

"Come on, let's go home," He helps me into my jacket, taking my hand before guiding me out the door.

We start down the stairs and in the direction of our dorm. It's been awhile since I haven't dreaded the thought of having dinner with the boys. Before I only wanted to sit in my bed and let memories roll down my cheeks, but now I want that to be over.

Sure. I can't forget what happened that day, and maybe I have to accept what I did. But I also need to accept that there is a difference between me and a murderer.

"RaeJae?" Jungkook asks when we've almost made it to the floor of our dorm.

"Yes?"

"I just wanted to make sure you're voice would still come out," He says bashfully, opening the door. We slowly walk in, the boys voices already filling the room in what seems to be a serious conversation.

"Okay but what if we just tell her how it is? If she doesn't talk then PD-nim will kick her out of Bangtan. Simple," I hear Namjoon say.

"Simple?" Yoongi replies as Jungkook and I turn the corner into the lightning room to see all of the boys discussing this situation.

"It's a little ignorant to think of this as a simple fix. She's not some robot. You can't exactly fix human emotions," Yoongi continues, his eyes trailing off until he makes eye contact with me.

"Don't worry too much about it..." I reply in a quiet sigh, the sound of cars driving by outside filling the room.

"Wait," Jimin finally appears from behind J-Hope with blood shot eyes.

For the first time I feel guilty in a different sense. By focusing too much on trying to disappear from reality I've punished one of my friends instead. Jimin has probably been going through something similar to what I've been yet I've done nothing to help him.

"I'm so sorry," I say to him without a second thought. This time my words are louder than anything else I've said today. Probably because they're actually what need to be said.

Jimin's POV:

I stare at here with Jungkook at her side. I can feel the shock radiating from the other boys bodies as we somehow try to grasp what we cannot. It's been weeks since we've heard her voice and I almost think I forgot what it sounded like.

Tears fall down my cheeks in the place of words I cannot say. This entire time I've been trying to hold myself together since everyone has been so worried about RaeJae when really I wanted to be consoled so bad.

"Why are you sorry," I choke out the best I can, even though I know what she is sorry for. I just want to here it to cure my guilty conscience.

She shakes her head with a shrug, walking over to me and offering a proper hug. I wrap my arms tightly around her, putting one hand on the back of her head and the other around her lower back. I don't even care that she didn't give an explanation, this gesture is enough.

"RaeJae...?" Yoongi causes her to pull away and look at him.

"Hyung?" She replies in her soft voice.

A huge smile makes it's way to Yoongi's face, a contagious one at that. Because just after he smiles so does everyone else in the room. Everyone else except for RaeJae.

However, her expressions can sometimes be confusing because I can never tell when her smile is genuine. But in this moment I can be sure that she isn't so fragile anymore.

"Oh my god I thought I was actually going to lose it if I went another day without hearing you speak," Yoongi breathes out while engulfing her in a huge hug.

"What? You were the one who was like 'just give it time' blah blah blah," V chuckles lightly.

"Yes because I didn't know what else to do," Yoongi holds RaeJae's face in his hands giddily, "can you say something again,"

"Yoongi Hyung let go of my face," She answers.

"AHH sorry," he jumps away in a fit of happy giggles. He can be really smol sometimes.

"What made you decide to speak again?" Jin asks the first serious question.

She shrugs a bit, "Jungkook's persistence isn't something that can be ignored,"

We all laugh, even RaeJae.

Jungkook walls over to her, putting his arms around his shoulders, "neither can my looks,"

"JUNGKOOK NO!" Hoseok falls to the ground while cringing.

"Is that why you don't have a girlfriend," RaeJae cocks her head allowing all of us to laugh even harder.

Thank the heavens that the day ended this way. If it hadn't I don't think I could've gone on any longer listening to the monsters inside my head.

For a brief moment I thought my guilt would consume me.

Hopefully things will be able to lighten up after all this darkness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'M BACK!

Sorry for making all of you wait far too longgggg

I'm on a 3 week vacation from school ((: so that is plenty of time to write some updates.

Also I'm dating the Korean boy (; he asked me out on Valentine's dayyyyy