Memory was always a funny thing. You either forget about something completely, or it's on your mind for eternity.

Some things you wish to forget, others you want to keep, but it's hard to choose what gets to stay and what doesn't.

Sometimes, I'm awoken by a random memory stored deep down in my mind, leaving me wondering why it decides to torture me at that specific moment.

I can't complain, though. That's how your mind works. What can you do other than remember it before it disappears once again?

But some memories are just so painful that I wish they would be forgotten completely.

I can't help but cry. I cry because there's nothing I can do. You can't change anything that happened in the past. You only have your memories to haunt you.

Now, I can't say that I haven't tried. I did. I tried everything. Everything that would help me forget.

Yet, I suddenly realized that I don't want to forget. How could I forget? The memory itself was painful but who was involved was the treasure I needed in my life.

I lost him, though.

That's it. I lost the most precious person I've ever met. I feel guilty about it, too. I couldn't save him.

"Sunghoon," people would say. "It's been a year."

So what if it's been that long? No matter how much time passes, I knew I could never forget.

They don't understand how I could be so upset when a year went by. Why don't they understand? A year is nothing. It does nothing to my pain. Time doesn't fix anything. It just makes you fall deeper into the hole you've dug.

I've never been at my lowest like this. Of course, it was hard in the beginning, but why does it keep getting harder?

Nothing feels okay. I am not okay and nobody cares.

Why are you so cruel? It's not fair and you know it. You only care about yourself and I can't believe you.

It makes me want to die, too. I want to be with you, Sunoo. Things are so bad that I don't think I can handle it anymore.

But how can I? I remember his letter. It's still here with me. You want me to live. I want to live for you. It's so hard.

I miss him. So bad.

Loss and guilt are the worst feelings in the world. It's only natural, but it makes me want to forget.

I remember when it first happened. I wanted to forget so much. I still want to. I'm pulling my hair out at this point.

It's driving me crazy.