S H A W N

Almost a month had extended since the death of Nancy Green when Berrington University finally allowed itself to welcome back a slightly more cheerful atmosphere, by hosting a game of rugby as planned.

The match was going to start at seven o'clock, and the audience stands were already full by six-thirty. Most of the seats were taken by the Berrington students, though many people had shown up from the St. George's university as well to watch the game. The weather couldn't have been better, the sky a clear color of blue.

The Berrington team was in the locker room, Shawn among them. The music of the marching band could already reach them, the sounds of trumpets, clarinets, and tubas mingled together, and the cheering of the audience also being heard in the background.

Nervousness flowed in the deep of their eyes, visible on all their faces. All, except for Shawn's. His face was aglow with life and exhilaration, brightening more and more the faster his heart beat.

"Hey, Anderson!" Shawn turned around at the voice of Thomas — their team's captain — walking into the locker room. "There's someone outside who wants to see you."

Thinking that it had to be his parents, Shawn walked out of the room, but he was surprised when he found Luca standing there.

"Well, well, well! Look who it is!" Shawn smirked, walking toward him. "And to what do I owe the pleasure?"

Luca smiled. "I actually came here to wish you luck. I know we're not exactly the best of friends, but I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you. I-I mean, we all are ..." he was saying, but Shawn stopped listening when he saw someone approaching them from afar.

His grin widened, cutting Luca's words off and saying quietly, "That's my new girl over there. Isn't she foxy?" Shawn then clapped a hand behind Luca's shoulders. "Talk to you later, mate."

With his handsome smirk stretched over his lips, Shawn walked over to Betty who was already in her cheerleading uniform. Before she could say a word and greet him, Shawn wrapped an arm around her waist and brought her into a deep kiss. The girl sighed against his lips and Shawn's grin widened in satisfaction.

When he finally pulled away, she was out of breath and was red in the face, holding back a giggle.

"You look nice in that skirt," Shawn said smoothly, his eyes devouring her.

Betty smiled, leaning into him and whispering seductively into his ear, "Trust me, I look better without it."

Shawn felt a burning desire flicker within him, and so he leaned down to kiss her again. He pulled back at last, though his lips still brushed against hers as he whispered huskily, "I'll see you after the game, love."

He leaned down for one last peck on her lips before she waved him goodbye and turned on her heel to leave.

Shawn watched her walk away with a grin. When he turned around to get back into the locker room, he saw that Luca was gone. He forgot what Luca had come to say to him, having gotten distracted by Betty.

Shrugging to himself, Shawn walked back into the locker room, where the coach had now gathered the team to go through their game strategies one last time.

Eventually, the team walked outside, welcomed to the field by the loud cheering and chanting of the audience. Shawn's eyes travelled through the large crowd in search for his family, and he smiled when he saw his parents there, cheering him the loudest.

Not far away from them, Shawn spotted his friends, chanting his name dramatically. They had even written Shawn's name on their foreheads in capital letters. But the next moment, he realized that Luca wasn't among them.

Shawn had never been one to let guilt take over his mind, but he couldn't help but to tackle on the thought that he had made Luca upset.

With the sound of the whistle, the game began. Shawn most certainly was not his best tonight, tackled to the ground each time the ball landed in his hands, not making a single score. He was way too distracted.

After what felt like hours, the last whistle of the referee announced the end of the match, bringing loss to the Berrington team. Shawn could feel the heaviness of his teammates' gaze on him. He avoided looking up at his family and friends as he returned to the locker room along with the rest of the team, afraid of catching their eyes.

Shawn took off his shirt, feeling as though even the thin fabric was suffocating him. He was restless. Breathless. He just wanted to change his clothes and get outside for some fresh air as fast as he could. But the universe had other plans for him.

"Thanks for screwing up the game, Anderson. We owe you a lot." Shawn recognized David Wilson's bitter voice without having to turn.

He clutched onto the shirt in his hands, doing everything he could to remain motionless, to hold onto his silence.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat.

"What? Got too distracted by your Mamma here tonight?" Wilson snapped, a sneer spreading across his face.

Shawn ground his teeth. His breaths became more rapid.

"Leave it, Wilson. It was just a game," said Thomas, his dark auburn hair wet from sweat. There was a small wound that ran across his sharp cheekbone, which Shawn hadn't seen until that moment. Thomas must've gotten it during one of their practices.

"I suggest you stay out of things that aren't your business, Thomas! Or have you not learnt from your past mistakes yet?" Wilson spat the words out grudgingly before turning his glare back on Shawn. "You don't belong in this team, Anderson. You don't even belong in this country! Not you, and certainly not that mother of yours —"

The words hadn't been fully out of his mouth that Shawn suddenly turned around, punching him across the face with all the strength he could muster in his fist.

Wilson fell over to the floor, his eyes wide in shock as blood started to run down his nose. But Shawn didn't stop. He kept hitting him. The other boys rushed over to help, trying to hold Shawn back.

Even as the boys pulled him back, Shawn's deadly glare burned down on Wilson. He tried to ignore the sweltering pain in his knuckles, but it was nothing compared to the growing fire in his heart.

***

Wilson was taken to the infirmary, and Shawn was summoned to the Dean's office after changing into his formal clothes. His parents had been asked to go with him as well. He was almost sure that he was going to be expelled, but he was only banned from playing rugby and was kicked off the team.

As they walked out of the office, Mrs. Anderson placed a gentle hand on Shawn's shoulder, her dark eyes glimmering in worry.

"What happened back there, Shawn?" she said quietly in his ear in her sweet accent.

"I just lost control for second," Shawn mumbled grimly, avoiding her eyes. He wished she would yell at him. It would've made it easier. There was something in his mother's voice that took him back in time. He had only been a boy of five, and yet the memory still bled in his heart.

Through the sirens and the horror, amidst hiding and waiting in the underground shelters, his mother's voice was all that kept him calm those nights. The ground had shaken above them with bombs. Shawn kept crying, so his mother held him in her warm embrace. She tried to remain strong for him, and for him only.

"Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat. That's all it takes, my brave little boy," she had whispered in his ear with her sweet accent, tightening her arms around him as they sat in a corner on the dirty ground. "Can you do that for Mamma? Can you do that for me?"

But now, as Shawn left the dean's office with his parents, he felt far from brave. He just wanted to disappear into the night. And so, mumbling a small goodbye, Shawn walked away from his family to leave the campus, ignoring their calls after him.

No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, he could never kill his demons. They were survivors, just like him. They came back each time, stronger and deadlier than ever before.

But then again, at the end of the day, maybe he was still just a boy with a stunted soul, who had refused to grow up.