Adapting to living in Tokyo was hard, you'd been there a couple times after you moved to Kyoto, but you hadn't really stayed in contact with anyone. Once again you were on your own and you missed Seoul, it felt like home, even more than Gwangju ever had with your parents there.

Life was hectic as you tried to make the most out of every day, determined to absorb all the information you needed to take over your new position. After a couple months of working alongside Mrs. Nakamura, she had finally left the company and introduced you to Tokyo's Director of Sales, Mr. Watanabe, for further reference.

The old man initially looked at you funny, you seemed to be too young to be an aspiring Director of Sales, but he trusted his old-coworker. He was strict and made sure to always keep you on your toes, this only worked to motivate you to prove him you could match up to him no problem.

People seemed to forget you'd been doing your old representative job for way too long and you were more than capable of taking on bigger and more complex tasks. Your co-workers' first impression was always shock, but when you told them about your story it all made more sense.

You were good at what you did, but you were not some gifted superhuman who learned incredibly fast. Sadly, you were a more than capable discriminated woman that was finally getting the recognition they deserved.

With the intense training during the day, you made it to your small apartment completely drained, but at least you didn't have too much time to be alone with your thoughts. You were so caught up with work that you forgot about food sometimes, but you made an effort to eat by setting reminders.

In the beginning it all worked smoothly, you talked to your therapist on weekly videocalls, consulted your doctor when necessary and spoke to Jimin on the phone every night. He managed to visit a couple times per month for the first few months and thankfully he had no major issues with charter flights.

Then things became more complicated. At the end of the year, the rap line would enlist and only Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook would be left to cover for the band. They pre-recorded a lot of content together, but they'd also have to keep up with their own schedule to keep people's interest.

Not only were Jimin's visits more spaced out, they became harder to pull off because people noticed he was traveling to Japan often. Rumors started circulating that he was seeing someone foreign and while they were baseless, they made taking flights on his own nearly impossible.

Jimin was full of different activities during the day, just like you were, but he was having a really hard time. It felt like you forgot him sometimes, being too caught up in your own things that you didn't get back to him until much later. You reassured him everything was fine, but he wasn't feeling it.

You were being honest, it was just that by the time you got home, if he didn't call you at the usual time or was delayed for any reason, you passed out. Your boyfriend kept missing calls with you by maybe an hour and that was enough for you to not make it.

*

Date nights were the easiest to stick to since you didn't work Saturdays, until the end of the year was close and holiday performances and award shows became more frequent. Jimin was utterly frustrated when not even that would work out.

Weekends were packed for you and you had failed to reschedule your date more than a few times. He felt ashamed of himself, but you seemed to be thriving in Tokyo, making friends and going to all these places and instead of being happy for you, he was jealous and even a little hurt that he wasn't part of that.

Unbeknownst to him, you actually filled your free time with plans not to have too much time to be alone with your thoughts. Things were overwhelming sometimes and all you wanted was to be able to stop and cuddle with your boyfriend for comfort, but he wasn't there with you and you missed him terribly.

Being left alone with too much time to overthink would more often than not lead to you going in a downward self-loathing spiral, so you made sure that every moment of your time off was dedicated to something.

With this strategy you didn't get to think too much about how much you needed Jimin or about how things weren't working as well as they used to when you left Seoul back in July.

On a chilly November night, you were both sitting in front of your laptops sharing dinner and watching a movie together. Jimin knew you were tempted to skip meals when you didn't get to exercise much during the week or felt like you didn't eat as healthily as you should have. This was one way to help you out and ease his own mind.

At times your boyfriend worried about you, you didn't have much time to cook for yourself, but also didn't want to eat just anything. Unhealthier choices you could get on the go when you didn't have a breather made you anxious and you ended up skipping them to avoid dealing with the anxiety that brought.

Eating something, anything, was better than not eating at all at this point. Your body would gladly take anything, you could focus on refining your choices once your food intake was more constant and your portions were normal. The goal right now was to simply eat something whenever you had to.

"Aegi, can we pause for a minute?" Jimin said putting his bowl aside and wrapping himself in the blanket once more. You were both in your pyjamas, comfortably laying on your beds.

"Yeah, sure. Everything okay?" you asked stopping the shared video player and letting the window of your videocall take over the screen instead.

"It's fine...well, there's something I've been wanting to talk about" he wasn't sure how to bring this up. For the longest time he had tried to tell himself he had no reason to feel insecure since you were constantly reassuring him. He didn't want to come across as needy or clingy, but he couldn't keep ignoring his uneasiness.

You bit your nails as you looked down at the camera waiting for him to make sense of his words. Had he been feeling like things weren't going as smoothly as they used to just like you had? Was there a reason for that that you ignored?

He didn't talk much about what went through his head and your conversations mostly consisted of apologizing to each other lately. For not being available to take a call, for not answering messages on time, for having to cancel dates or having to cut conversations short because one thing or another came up.

The phrase 'we need to talk' always sounded intimidating no matter what and you couldn't help but think something was wrong. You felt bad leaving him hanging, you never meant to, you only hoped he wasn't getting sick of it. Finding balance between your new life, career and keeping up with your treatment was proving to be a challenge.

"I know this might sound, dumb, I'm sorry" he tried to justify himself as he kept going over phrases in his mind that only made him sound silly.

"I'm sure it's not, Jimin-ah. You can tell me anything"

"Everything's fine, you've said it yourself, but is it really?" he asked hesitantly and you looked at him concerned.

"What do you mean?" you asked in a low tone and he looked down at his lap and rubbed his neck embarrassed. You didn't know what to think, but you were scared of what he was having difficulty bringing up.

"I miss you and I really want to talk to you and see you more, but things have been really complicated for the three of us here. I've done my best to be around when it's possible, it hasn't been easy. I see you are doing all these things though and you have so much going on. I wish I could be part of that"

"Aw, Jimin-ah. I also wish you could be and I miss you too. I don't pay much attention to my phone when I'm at work, as usual, and I'm trying to make friends and leave a good impression on my colleagues in and out of work. Then there's the gym and meal planning, it's exhausting"

"Sometimes I'm not so sure, I can't be there for you when you need me and I keep letting you down. When I have some time I try to let you know, it never seems to work out though and I end up feeling like I'm just bothering you. I don't want you to unlock your phone to all the missed calls and unread messages and be annoyed"

"I could never be annoyed by you, Jimin-ah! I'm sorry I can't get back to you sooner! I don't have a breather to even get a proper meal sometimes, you know that"

"I do, that's why I feel dumb saying this. I want to be close to you, but I can't be there and I'm not sure how to let you know I'm here without coming across as pushy. I'm not sure how to show you without being able to physically be there, it's hard to put everything into words"

"You are not being pushy at all, you are doing better than me. I'm never around and I don't know what to say when I am. Sometimes all I need is to have you here with me to hang out, but I don't and so I don't know what to tell you. I'm really not trying to ignore you and I don't find any of it irritating, I promise!"

"It's always been easier to channel what I feel into what I do, you know? I need you here, aegi. I'm not good at this. It's difficult when we don't hear much of each other, when I don't get to see you..." Jimin's words became softer until he trailed off.

"I'm sorry, Jiminie" you said with a little pout as he rubbed his nose with the back of his hand not knowing what to do with himself. His flushed cheeks made you aware of how self-conscious he was feeling talking about this.

"I know you are the more physical, affectionate kind*² and I'm...I would give you all my love and attention*³ if you were right here with me. I'll try to be more responsive"

"We are not the long distance type*⁴, I guess. But for you I'll try, aegi" he answered sincerely and smiled sadly.

"I'll try harder, Jiminie, we are not going down without a fight. You know I love you, right?" you did, with all your heart, and you didn't want to lose him. It was hard to see him struggling like this.

He giggled at your phrasing as he nodded in agreement and made you a promise.

"You and me. On Christmas Eve. I'll be there for our anniversary" he said resolutely, holding his pointer finger up to the camera with a little smirk.

"I can't wait" you said smiling brightly. "Don't forget to rehearse the song you promised me. I'm looking forward to it" you teased him.

"Huh, what song?"

-
I'm case you're not aware, the title is, hangul for "I miss you, my baby."

* Based on Jimin on Weverse the other day, poor boy: https://twitter.com/BTStranslation_/status/1477019861263867904?s=20

*² Jimin's love language requires a lot of direct contact, being physical or just present:

https://aminoapps.com/c/btsarmy/page/blog/the-boys-love-languages/qkwD_qkLFRuGnb4K5xK4Qz05aeaY1zRQ2m

https://twitter.com/1995slmts_arcv/status/1259208041024630784?s=20

*³

*⁴ In these two Japanese interviews for Haru Hana vol. 25 and 30, Jimin talked about how he felt when it came to long distance relationships:

https://kimmy-trans.tumblr.com/post/121029282256/haru-hana-vol-25-bts-personal-question

"On the opposite end of the spectrum is Jimin. Jimin will be restless because he would want to meet the other person so badly" couldn't find the source of this translation (other than Koreaboo), but this is an alternative translation that I thought made more sense

https://jinayong.tumblr.com/post/122928476193/trans-haru-hana-vol-30-bts-interview/