The smell of antiseptics hit your nose and your heart started racing, you were afraid to open your eyes to see where you were, but you were pretty sure just by the odor.

Your head was pounding and the last thing you could remember was you were skating with Jimin, but not how you ended up here or why. Everything was going so well and you were having such a great time, but of course something had to happen.

You hated hospitals, as a sickly child you visited them way too often and were poked and prodded. For some reason it was your fault that you ended up there, because then nothing serious came up, it was just you.

By the time you were a pre-teen and your disorder started developing, bringing up something that was worth having checked, your parents were sick of taking you in for nothing and you were more than happy not to have to see any doctors.

It was a given that tests results of any kind would come out all wonky because of your poor habits and while you were passed out, they probably had performed a bunch of them. You were not looking forward to having it rubbed in your face that you were destroying yourself from the inside out.

Tears fell down the sides of your closed eyes, not being able to be contained, and shortly after you felt warmth shielding you from the cold air of the room. Strong arms wrapped around your feeble frame, not too tightly, afraid to hurt you.

"Aegi?" you heard your boyfriend call you hesitantly, not being sure whether you were awake.

You weren't alone as you had thought, Jimin was here with you and your heart clenched. At least he was okay, it was just you who ruined the evening somehow. Was it even the same night? Your mind felt fuzzy, without opening your eyes you still felt woozy.

Dizzy turned into queasy and you pulled away from the hug urgently to retch out the opposite side of the bed. Perfect, what a pretty sight to see, you thought ashamed. Things couldn't get any better, but it was guaranteed they would get worse.

Jimin pressed a button to call a nurse on the headboard behind you and held onto your shoulders, afraid you'd fall over if you were weak, brushing your hair back from over them.

You were clutching the side of the thin mattress, face still facing the floor, and you didn't want to turn around or open your eyes.

He could feel you shaking as you sobbed quietly and he pressed his lips together with a frown. You'd probably hate him for being here to witness this, but he couldn't just wait outside.

It didn't take long for you to wake up, but when one hits their head, it's hard to be able to tell how severe the situation is until some time later, sometimes days, even weeks; so he refused to leave your side.

Thankfully you were only out long enough for the doctors to stitch the deep cut on your scalp shut without much of a problem.

By the time the ambulance arrived, your head wasn't bleeding any less and Jimin was panicking. The paramedic replaced his beanie for a sterile gauze once she made sure your skull wasn't fractured and instructed him to keep it pressed against the cut.

While she performed a basic check-up in the vehicle, she had to replace the cloth a couple times as the blood wouldn't stop soaking it. Just by looking at how the skin wouldn't hold together, she could tell it needed staples or stitches and she tried to reassure him.

Jimin was asked questions about how everything went down and he answered in a low voice, his words seemed to constantly get caught up in his throat. The adrenaline rush still had him shaking and his heart thumping against his rib-cage anxiously.

Your pulse had felt lower than normal and he had freaked out. However, after the quick assessment, she explained to him that this is a common sign of a contusion. They would have to do a more thorough evaluation, but for now she needed him to calm down as well.

After that he had sat quietly to a side, letting the paramedic do her job, then watching the doctors doing their job from the corner of the room they assigned you. They extracted blood, thoroughly checked your body, connected your arm to a bag of fluids and told him to call if you awoke.

There was no estimation of when that would happen and Jimin sat at the armchair for hours, unable to fall asleep as he was filled with worry. He had long lost track of time as everything happened so fast and now the pace seemed to have slowed down dramatically.

He wondered whether you would wake up soon, if you would wake up at all. How bad had you hit your head? Was it relevant where you hit it? Could it have affected any parts of your brain on that side? The skin was broken, not the bone, but a blow to the head is never minor considering it needs immediate medical assistance.

A doctor listed a number of signs to look out for when you regained consciousness: confusion, concentration problems, memory loss, drowsiness, disorientation, dizziness, nausea, vomiting, problems to communicate...the list seemed endless, but he'd rather be informed not to be taken off-guard.

"What happened?" you croaked out weakly, but didn't dare move.

"You hit your head on the railing at the skating rink" he answered and just then a nurse and a doctor came in the room and asked him to step aside.

While the first cleaned the floor next to your bed and helped you sit up, the other went through some papers. Test results, you assumed.

"Hello, Miss..." the man checked his notes to find your surname and then introduced himself.

"How are you feeling?" he made eye contact with you, but you felt like you couldn't focus your eyes well on his when you tried.

"My head hurts, I feel dizzy and I can't see well" he checked your eyes, which were abnormally dilated, and then moved his hand testing your sight and coordination as he instructed you to follow.

"Everything is as expected, unfortunately. As for the headache, it will last for a while. There's a slight inflammation of the brain or contusion. That's putting pressure on the skull, when that comes down it should get better, as well as your blood pressure which is high at the moment because of the bruising."

"Okay" you were tempted to nod, but you knew better with how you felt. You were used to dealing with light-headedness and the headaches of not really eating much.

"As for your blood test results..." he began and you swallowed nervously as he looked at them with furrowed eyebrows.

"They seem to be normal* for the most part. You do seem to be anemic though and your cholesterol levels are off. Tell me, miss, have you felt dizzy or passed out recently?"

That was a common occurrence for you, but how could they evaluate the situation if you couldn't tell the difference between what you caused and what happened?

"I'm not sure, sometimes?" you replied and even if you couldn't see well, you thought Jimin looked your way.

"Can you remember what happened?"

"My boyfriend said I hit my head, but I don't remember exactly. I was skating one minute and the next I was here" the doctor nodded at your words, not being able to tell if you had lost consciousness before or after hitting your head.

"You did indeed hit your head, we had to stitch the wound shut. Do you have issues with hair loss?" he inquired and you were surprised he asked that.

You touched your scalp to feel the bumps on the skin and a small bald spot. Lovely, I must look amazing, you thought mortified.

"Uh, yes" you answered shyly and he took your hand without a warning and observed your brittle nails. Then briefly looked at the blotchy skin of your face. Your eyebrows were knitted together fearfully as he meticulously analyzed you.

"We noticed as we had to shave some of the hair to tend to the cut, miss. Have you been eating a balanced diet?" you could feel the drops of sweat running down your back as your anxiety increased with every question that seemed to be less about your head and more about your body in general.

"I am trying to" you replied truthfully and Jimin smiled sadly, but he was glad you were not just blatantly lying even if your answers were doubtful and vague.

"We went ahead and performed a series of tests to check your vitamin and mineral levels to see if we could determine whether there was anything that might be causing it. You seem to have multiple deficiencies that are a cause of concern" the doctor commented and you looked up at him helplessly, not saying a word.

"Your platelet levels are very low, this would explain the bleeding, in part, because of a vitamin B deficiency. They usually contribute to forming blood cloths and scabbing" the man explained and you simply said 'okay' once more.

"Low magnesium, low vitamin D, C, low calcium...have you ever been diagnosed with hypothyroidism?"

"I don't think so, no" you answered not knowing where the questions were coming from and why they were weirdly getting more and more specific*².

"There are several signs of it, I'm afraid. I would suggest booking an appointment with the doctor you see regularly to have your thyroid checked. Do you usually have low blood pressure, miss?"

"I don't know" you really didn't know your healthy body all that well to be honest, you couldn't even remember what that was like.

"How long has it been since you had your last general check-up?" he asked looking at the tests on your liver and electrocardiogram.

"I don't remember" you muttered nervously, it certainly had been years and years.

"Are you periods heavy, miss?" he asked trying to determine the root of the anemia and dizziness that you said you sometimes felt.

"No"

"When did you last have one?" you felt overwhelmed by the amount of inquiries being thrown at you. The answer to everything was 'I don't know' and you just wanted him to shut up. However, you had nothing to reassure him so he would.

"I don't keep track" you lied not being able to nonchalantly say you hadn't had one since you were a teenager.

After the doctor gave you directions on how to treat the pain and care for the stitches, he insisted you have yourself fully checked at least once a year and encouraged you to see a nutritionist to make sure your diet could make up for the many deficiencies to begin with.

Jimin walked up to you when they left and you looked down at your hands on your lap, feeling humiliated and way too vulnerable to make eye contact. He placed his hand over yours and you shyly wrapped your fingers with his needing some sort of comfort.

"I want to go home" you whined pitifully, you wanted to get out of here as soon as possible.

"I have to tell you something, aegi" his voice sounded jittery and you worried. You raised your eyes to look at him from under your eyelashes, not really wanting to face him.

Jimin met your gaze concerned, but you didn't say anything, so he assumed you were waiting for him to talk. He definitely had your attention at least.

"There's going to be people outside" he announced cautiously.

"Regretfully, and I look like trash" you replied thinking about anyone seeing you in this state on your way out and he sighed somewhat relieved.

Jimin thought you understood what he was trying to say, your reaction wasn't as bad as he had expected though. You would think about your looks and what people would say, that much was not surprising.

"I sent someone to pick our stuff up from the hotel, I have a change of clothes for you and I figured I could help you with your make-up if you need me" he commented and you nodded softly, testing the waters as the pain-killers started to kick in and you didn't feel as dizzy.

"Okay, that's good. Thank you for thinking of that, Jimin-ah"

"I have an extra pair of sunglasses and a mask too, if you would rather cover your face for the cameras instead of bothering with putting make-up on" Jimin offered calmly, being glad you had taken this so well.

Your eyes widened, you were most definitely slow from having hit your head, but up until cameras were mentioned, you hadn't thought he was talking about anyone in particular. On a daily basis you didn't go out without looking less than presentable so it had all sounded very natural.

"Cameras?!" you raised your voice shocked and startled your boyfriend.

"Aegi" he breathed out and proceeded to inhale deeply to try to remain calm. It had been too good to be true, of course you had not understood at all, he should have figured considering the situation.

"What happened, Jimin-ah?" you asked again warily.

You didn't know how you had ended up in hospital, but for some dumb reason you had assumed Jimin had brought you here in his car after you hit your head.

"We were skating and you did a few jumps. You didn't land well after your last one and fell backwards, hitting your head and knocking yourself unconscious. The cut was really bad and you were bleeding everywhere, I had to throw out my beanie, it was covered in blood."

"Oh god" you said breathlessly, you were horrified.

"People were gathering around you even before I could get to you. I skated as fast as my legs would allow, but they saw everything. They saw my face when I asked for someone to call an ambulance, there was whispering as they recognized me."

"Some people like to watch the world burn" you dead-panned being completely serious.

Jimin looked at you with wide eyes for a couple seconds trying to process what you had just said. Had you really just...?*³ He couldn't help but burst out laughing when it dawned on him, naturally falling off the chair as he doubled over.

-

Disclaimer: I am NOT a doctor, this is my research and while I consider it to be accurate from my own knowledge of eating disorders, it is not to be taken as a professional review. Please do consult a doctor if you have any doubts on these topics.

* Surprisingly, routine labs results are relatively normal, even for people engaging in severe eating disorder behaviors. This occurs because the labs are mostly just ensuring that there isn't currently a shut down of the different organs. They just let you know if one is stable enough or if hospitalization is required.

Source: https://www.mirasol.net/learning-center/but-my-labs-are-normal.php

*² Malnutrition and starvation often lead to an abnormally low platelet count, vitamin deficiencies (D which causes hair loss, C causes brittle nails, B12 causes cutaneous lesions), anemia (iron deficiency), abnormally low glucose/wonky hormonal levels (a sign of hypothyroidism), decrease of heart rate/hypotension (low blood pressure can lead to cardiac complications), slow pulse, hypothermia, dehydration, dizziness, light-headedness and fainting spells.

Source: http://www.maudsleyparents.org/images/lab_tests.pdf

All the signs of an eating disorder are there, but doctors all around the world are generally not properly prepared to diagnose the various food-related illnesses and will come to alternative conclusions. It's a sad reality, but even some professionals underestimate these behaviors and believe they are a choice.

Many sufferers are misdiagnosed as having stomach problems or other ailments before at last being referred for psychiatric help.

*³ ...quoted The Dark Knight (2008)?" I feel like that's where Jimin would know the phrase from considering he enjoys action movies. However, it seems that the phrase was around way before this meme started. I can't seem to find its true origin though.

Researchers are seeking to learn more information on how specific beliefs and customs in the South Korean culture are associated with eating disorder development.

A phenomenon that they believe has perpetuated the "thin ideal" is the K-pop scene, which promotes an "extremely thin body shape and skinny-obsessed society among k-pop celebrities." Many of these stars are known for their extreme diets.

Korean culture is also one in which commenting and even bullying others about their size, shape, and appearance is not taboo as I have previously shared. Social media has also influenced the way that we communicate and internalize beauty and appearance beliefs globally.

Many articles have noted the "denial" of South Korean culture to face the internalization of the "thin ideal," commenting on weight and appearance, and relationships to food and socializing as potentially contributing to an increase in eating disorder behaviors.

A barrier to individuals receiving eating disorder treatment in South Korea is related to cultural beliefs regarding mental health such as these issues should remain within a family, that they are shameful or indicate weakness, that showing emotions is a burden on others, etc.

Treatment centers are increasing in South Korea and the hope is that those that need help will seek it out despite the barrier of cultural stigma to mental health treatment.

Source: https://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/blog/eating-disorders-in-south-korea

South Korea is perhaps the most interesting case study since, until the 1970s, full-figured women were seen as more sexually attractive and more likely to produce healthy sons. But standards of beauty have changed dramatically in the 1990s with democratization, allowing in a flood of foreign and foreign-influenced programming, information and advertising.

Dieting by growing teenagers often leads to inadequate calcium intake and weaker bones. The dieting will also result in weaker physiques and lessened resistance against disease.

It is not only trendy, it's a necessity for many women who want to fit into the most fashionable clothes (some of which are made in only one small size so that only skinny girls will wear them).

Women in their 20s in South Korea worry that employers and prospective spouses will pass them by if they are plump. Some eating-disorder patients started dieting after being nagged by mothers to lose weight to find a husband.

Most of the anorexic patients tend to be serious, studious, obedient young women who do not think there is anything wrong with them and who usually are dragged into the clinic by frantic parents.

South Korean psychiatrist Dr. Kim Joon Ki, who spent a year in Japan (where the first case of anorexia was documented, also #1 country affected by EDs) studying eating disorders, said the increase in such pathologies over the past few years has been phenomenal.

"Before I went to Japan in 1991, I had seen only one anorexia patient," Kim said. "In Japan they told me, 'Korea will be next, so you should study this now.' And sure enough, they were right."

Not only the media are to blame for the increase in eating disorders, but underlying problems. These can include low self-esteem, sexual abuse, academic failure, difficulties with parents and conflicts between women's traditional roles and the growing demands that they achieve educational and career success as well.

Source: https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1997-oct-18-mn-44049-story.html