After laying in the dark for a while, silently seething and sulking as you went over all the feelings that this day had brought up, you were so done with everything. All you could focus on was the pounding in your head that was becoming unbearable.

You got up from the bed to get some pain killers, sleeping wasn't going to happen any time soon with how worked up you were and this killer migraine. As you washed the pill down with a Chimmy plastic cup you had brought along, you pouted and stared at it through the mirror.

This is what you meant when you said you were toxic, you weren't dumb, you knew you had lashed out at Jimin and he didn't deserve any of it. You weren't good at handling feelings, when something bothers you, you cope simply keeping yourself busy with something.

Like killing people. You just sit and play games after work, unload all your frustration eliminating virtual humanity in the form of an alien, for instance, and then are able to get some sleep and start over the next day.

When deeper, more emotional talk comes up, you just panic and try to change topics, sending a clear signal that that is not what you want. However, Jimin had insisted you needed it and your anxiety had gone haywire.

You both struggle bringing stuff up and you knew he had your best interests at heart. He knew today had been a really rough day for you, but you needed space and to be alone with your thoughts and emotions.

Being angry when your mother brought all that stuff up fueled you to defend yourself, but all those things she mentioned were hurtful and difficult to hear. It's not like you hadn't thought about them, but you had shoved them to the back of your head not to deal with them.

Once you had cooled down and were thinking more sensibly, you were distraught. Your boyfriend had left and he hadn't come back, that's what you asked of him and he listened, but it hurt a whole lot. Of course he would stand by his decision, how would he not? He could only tolerate you for so long.

Eventually he had to get sick of you and realize it was not worth it if you were going to just treat him like this. It was heart-wrenching to think you had suggested to end things yourself when that was the last thing you wanted. You were right that it was best for him, but you selfishly wished you weren't.

This was all your fault, he was gone because you demanded he leave. Yet you didn't really want him to go, it was hard to think straight when your anxiety got out of hand. All you wanted in that moment was for him to leave the topic alone and you freaked out.

Now you needed him, but it was unfair to him. You had needed your alone time, but now you needed the attention. You didn't know what you wanted, you didn't make sense and Jimin was not to blame. He was too patient with you, way too tolerant. An actual angel.

You grabbed your robe and went looking for him, but he was nowhere to be found. Maybe he was sleeping with Hobi upstairs, it had been an hour since he had left. He couldn't have gone far in his pyjamas, but as soon as he could, he would, because that was what you had wanted of him.

Jimin sat on the steps right outside of the house, cursing as he couldn't even cry without being in physical pain from having done something as childish as eavesdropping. He deserved to be hit in the face, but not your cruel words.

He had known his feelings for you were strong for some time, but he had been too scared to say the words. It was hard to read you sometimes, to understand what was going through your head and he had needed to gather the courage to bring it up. Did you feel that deeply about him?

Then he exposed everything he had been keeping in his heart and you stomped all over it and denied there was any truth in it. He had thought a lot about how to make you feel loved and he believed he had done a good job.

It was always hard for him to express his feelings in a satisfactory way, he was often left feeling disappointed for not having been able to put them all into words. For not having been able to demonstrate what he felt and coming across as unaffected.

It was getting chilly and the blanket Jimin had found on the couch was not keeping him warm enough. So he walked back in the house, took off his shoes and headed to the living room once more. He curled up on the cushions, it wasn't that bad, they were rather comfortable.

As he struggled to find the right position with his swollen face bothering him when laying down, he couldn't seem to fall asleep no matter what he tried. His phone lit up on the coffee table and the flash made him open his eyes. There was a message from you.

"Where are you? I don't want to be alone" your text read. He put his phone back on the table angrily, that's not what you said over an hour ago.

"I didn't want you to leave, I just needed space" he couldn't resist checking the notification. You needed space and now you wanted attention, right? You hurt him though and he couldn't just pretend nothing happened.

"Can we talk? Please" you sent your last message hoping he was awake.

Right after these things is when you were too exhausted to care, when you were most open. You couldn't afford to resist or even keep your guard up.

Fifteen minutes later, after giving it some thought, Jimin walked into the room quietly and got in bed. You looked over your shoulder when you felt the movement and saw him get comfortable with his back to you.

For a moment you both laid there awake in silence, facing away from each other and not saying a word. He didn't intend to start this talk, so you would have to if you really wanted to. He felt you shifted and your arms wrapped around his waist as your pressed your face to his back.

Jimin didn't move, but he didn't push you away either. You took this as a good sign, but more time passed while you tried to gather the courage to say something, anything. You were scared to talk, to put your feelings out there, to be hurt because you hurt him.

"I'm sorry, Jiminie" you muttered against him and he simply hummed to let you know he had heard you. You'd need to say more than that to get an answer from him.

"I know I hurt you, I didn't mean what I said" you added nervously when he didn't say anything.

"I was scared, I didn't mean to. You didn't deserve it, I shouldn't have. I just don't know how to handle feelings. I don't want to suffer anymore" you got the last few words out with a shaky voice. You were terrified of hurting so you pushed him away before he had a chance to do it himself.

Jimin furrowed his eyebrows at your words, at how open you were right now. It was unlike you to dig deeper. You were clearly making an effort, you were really trying and he appreciated that you truly cared after all the things you said.

He decided to turn around and face you, his eyes met yours and he stared for a second before he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close. Holding your head, he brought you close to his chest.

"I understand, I forgive you" you started crying at his words and he held you tighter. "It's okay, aegi" he said softly as he stroked your hair trying to soothe you, however, you were only partially relieved.

Did he love you after how harshly you treated him? You couldn't tell him, what if he had changed his mind? You were a handful, you were well aware. Who would put up with you indefinitely? It could only last so long. But he didn't leave, he came back and you wanted to be loved.

"What are you scared of?" Jimin asked trying to encourage you to talk.

"I don't want you to get tired of me, you are so patient with me, there has to be a limit and I keep pushing it,"

"I shouldn't have pushed you to talk either, I wasn't very patient. I didn't know how to comfort you and then you got more and more upset. I made it worse" he felt guilty about that. You had told him you needed space sometimes and he didn't give it to you despite you saying you didn't want to talk.

"I know you meant well, you were trying to help and I was mean" you answered sadly.

"Good intentions don't always bring about good results, just like I told you" he commented and you nodded.

"Tell me again. When I'm like that I get so upset I say all these horrible things and it's all in the heat of the moment" there comes a point when you are not listening, you are too caught up in what you are feeling and you want it all to stop. Then all you can think of is how horrible you were to the person on the receiving end.

"People might think they are helping you, but they aren't. I wasn't helping you by forcing you to talk and I was in the wrong. I was trying to comfort you, but that doesn't excuse me from my behavior. I still hurt you, even if I didn't mean to."

"Will you unbutton your shirt for me?" you asked out of the blue and he looked at you, eyes widening in utter confusion. Was the talking over then? He obliged curious about what you wanted to do and when he opened it you poked his ribs.

Your fingers traced the letters on his side carefully and he looked down at you with a small smile.

"Never mind that their intentions come from a good place," you rephrased his words and he nodded.

"Never mind whatever anyone says about you or me. About us," he added and his heart started racing, afraid that bringing this up again was another mistake.

"I'm scared it will matter when you are fed up with it. Is it really worth it when it's so much trouble?" you certainly didn't feel like you were reason enough for anyone to stick around.

Sooner or later they left and all that remained was pain and suffering. You were the common denominator, which meant you were the problem, at least that's how you saw it. It was you who was the toxic person and that made for a toxic relationship.

"I wouldn't say it's trouble" Jimin commented with a little smirk, "nothing is easy in life."

"Right. I told you though, I'm a hot mess, that's what you signed up for. Don't you want to get off?" you commented seriously and he smiled amused at the way you phrased that.

"Get off the hot mess express?" he asked teasing you as he recalled your expression and you nodded. Jimin shook his head no and cupped your cheek to angle your face to lock his eyes with yours.

"I love you, aegi. I'm not going anywhere" your heart jumped at his words and before he could take them back, you hurried to reply.

"I love you too, Jiminie" there was fear in your eyes, he could tell, but he meant what he said and he was ecstatic you felt that strongly about him as well. The wide smile that spread across his lips couldn't be helped.

He was in this for real and he didn't plan on leaving your side. Leaning in, his lips met yours in a gentle kiss to which he cursed and pulled back abruptly as he was reminded of the fact his face was bruised when your noses bumped. You both chuckled at the awkward moment.

"Just so you know, you are stuck with me now. No take-backsies" he laughed and shook his head in amusement, yet he knew you were more than serious about it.

He'd like that, actually.

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