After that very awkward exchange while you had breakfast, the rest of the morning was better. You played some board games until lunch time and surprisingly you all had the same thing, which was a typical birthday meal for your family, miyeok guk*.

Once you were done helping your mom do the dishes together with Jimin, despite her insisting he needn't stay, your brother suggested you play some video games together like you used to. Jimin let you go first and came to discover you were actually very good, he was surprised it had never come up before.

Feeling confident after beating your brother, he was determined to win against you. You let him pick a game bragging about your skills and he made sure to choose one he knew he was exceptionally good at. Being interested in the design and programming of these, your brother had a huge collection for him to pick from.

"Let's make a bet!" your boyfriend challenged you cheekily.

"Oh, bet! I'm going to win" you were instantly in, no hesitation, and it only fired his competitive side more. "If I win I want to go ice skating before winter is over!" you knew exactly what you wanted, you still needed to show Jimin how good you really were.

"Mm, if I win, I'm taking you to Lotte" he announced giving you a sneaky side glance and you pressed your lips together in amusement.

"And I thought there was no one else but you that got excited about going to the supermarket. A dork for a dork, I guess" your brother rolled his eyes and looked at you two funny. You just snickered at your inner joke and ignored his clueless remark.

"Okay, Jimin-ah. You are going to lose either way, there's these glitter gel pens I've been wanting for my collection there. I win or I win" only you could turn his insinuation into something adorable.

Jimin shook his head endeared with a wide smile and chuckled at your excitement. You both quit the playful banter and focused on the TV once the game loaded, holding onto your controllers tightly, eyes glued on the screen.

Jeonghun was having a blast watching you, Jimin was great at this and he truly put up a fight. He was a worthy opponent. You had years of playing against your brother though and he was quietly rooting for you. Your boyfriend didn't know what was about to hit him, the poor guy.

As the game got more heated, you were both leaning closer to the screen, feet tapping on the carpet nervously and frustrated screams filling the silence in the room when things didn't go as you wanted.

You kept reviving each other to keep fighting the enemy as a team, until you were sure you could handle the rest alone. Before Jimin could realize, he had been killed off a second time and he didn't even know how it happened. He was out for good this time.

"Aaargh" Jimin yelled frustrated pressing his face onto one of the cushions on the couch and fell on his side defeated. Both guys continued to watch you as your number of kills increased, intrigued to know whether you'd survive all on your own.

In the end you victoriously finished, with the better score too. Your boyfriend's confidence was crushed, but he felt strangely at peace with the outcome. You didn't just let him do whatever he wanted, you didn't tell him what he expected to hear.

You kept showing him sides of you that only made you more and more attractive in his eyes. Jimin truly felt fulfilled finally having someone next to him that was true to themselves and to him without reservations.

"How are you so good at this?" your boyfriend exclaimed in disbelief as he sat back down. You simply smirked.

"She's amazing at Warzone, I'm afraid you didn't pick the right game" your brother laughed amused.

"Let me tell you, Jiminie here doesn't make the best choices" you commented thinking about all the punishments he proposed on Run BTS and then had to go through himself.

"Yah, that's not true!" Jimin protested outraged as Jeonghun stifled a laugh while you didn't even hide it.

Just then your mom came in the living room with a plate of homemade mujigae tteok²* and some drinks. She placed the snacks on the coffee table in front of the boys and then set two glasses of soda on coasters for them. Jimin took the cup of tea she had and passed it on to you.

"Thank you, Jimin-ah" you muttered feeling embarrassed and looking down at your the steamy infused water sadly. You were so hungry, soup wasn't filling enough, specially not the small portion you had and breakfast was barely anything.

"You are still not old enough to be trusted with your own decisions, uh?" Jeonghun commented out of the blue according to Jimin's judgement and you sighed loudly putting the cup on the table and looking over at the plate on the other side of it.

Your boyfriend followed your gaze and held up the plate so you could pick a tteok, but you looked down at your lap and shook your head refusing to take one. There was a pout on your lips as you bit them from the inside.

You shouldn't, you haven't had a proper meal in days, maybe you should just keep going. Your mother was going to be watching you like a hawk all weekend either way.

Jimin could tell you were struggling as you bit your nails lost in thought, but he wasn't sure about what he could do to make you feel better. Was it your mother's presence that had you feeling off or was there something else on top of it that he was missing?

Your brother's comment didn't make sense to him, he'd have to pay close attention to whatever was happening around you, he decided. Just now you seemed to be having fun and all of a sudden were quiet and withdrawn when your mom showed up.

He wrapped his arm around your waist lovingly and you looked up to meet his cute crescent moon shaped eyes and heartwarming smile. You couldn't help but return it, even if weakly. Laying on his side, you snuggled close to him and closed your eyes for a few minutes while he watched your brother play and chatted.

They seemed to get along well, they were the same age and you knew they had at least a couple interests in common. You grew up sharing many things with your brother and cousins which all happened to be boys, the girls in the family were much younger than you.

It was so nice to have Jimin right here, for once you didn't feel like you were alone in this. Like it was just you against your mother and your eating disordered thoughts. Your brother couldn't do much about it either.

Your were hopeful you could survive this weekend with your boyfriend looking after you, the thought was comforting. You hadn't realized how tired you were from the anxiety you had been feeling and the stress until you felt yourself dozing off.

"Aegi, wake up" Jimin said softly as he shook your arm. You opened your eyes to find his looking at you from above. It took you a minute to understand you had fallen asleep. He held a controller on his other hand, you figured he had been gaming while you were knocked out.

"I needed my hands, but I figured my thigh was much more comfortable than my hard shoulder either way" he raised an eyebrow playfully. Your cheek was pressed against one of his hipbones as you stared up at him and only then you were lucid enough to react.

At the realization, you sat up so quickly you felt dizzy and fell backwards. He giggled amused as he caught you reaching with one arm underneath you. You had gripped his thigh hard trying to catch yourself from falling all the way down and he winced at your nails digging into his leg.

Reaching for your free hand, he intertwined his fingers with yours and brought his face dangerously close to yours, his nose nuzzled yours sensually. The smirk tugging at his full lips tensing them just enough so that they didn't touch yours.

The fire in his eyes was way too provocative and you suddenly worried about your brother's whereabouts, he was too quiet if he was still in the room and Jimin wouldn't act like this around anyone. He was a gentleman first and foremost.

"Baby, how I'd like to show you how to do the tango" he breathed out shakily, taking your wrist and gently loosening your grip. Your pose was indeed reminiscent of the characteristic dip of the dance and you held your breath for a second feeling dizzy from how flustered you were this time round.

A cushion hit you two in the face and you pulled apart hastily, your hearts racing at the fright. The culprit stood there as your heads snapped back alarmed.

"My virgin eyes!" you brother shrieked dramatically and you glared at him, taking the cushion he had thrown at you and flinging it his way. You thought it could be one of your parents, but they wouldn't do something so childish.

"I didn't know you were a virgin still" you mocked his stupid phrase and he quickly denied it, feeling embarrassed about his silly wording.

"Eomma and appa are waiting" he said what he came for in the first place and left the room with flushed cheeks.

"Dinner's ready, your eomma just said so. That's why I woke you up" Jimin shared and you swallowed nervously. You wished you didn't have to face food multiple times a day, you knew it wasn't right, but you'd rather be hungry and keeping yourself busy with anything else.

You walked to the dinning room once more and took a seat in front of your food. For the first time Jimin noticed the clear difference between what you were having and what everyone but your mom was having. He looked down at his plate with furrowed eyebrows.

"Jimin-ah, darling, is everything okay? Do you not like it?" your mother asked worriedly as she saw the frown on his face. He quickly shook his head and apologized.

"Yes, I'm sure it's delicious, eomeonim. Thank you for the food" Jimin side-glanced at your plate. The portion was much smaller and the variety of food on it wasn't much in comparison to his hearty meal.

He tried not to judge and started eating, maybe that's what you wanted to have. You hadn't been eating much lately so ingesting a lot at once wouldn't be good for you, it wasn't a crazy thought. Nevertheless he kept an eye on you to be safe.

When you were done with your serving he still had half of his and he had had more than enough. He also wasn't used to eating this much, not with the weight he had to maintain as an idol.

"Do you want some of my food?" he offered after calling your name, he hadn't called you that in so long and you were confused for a second. It made sense though, calling you aegi in front of your parents might feel awkward.

Jimin's food looked much tastier than what yours had been and your stomach rumbled under your hand. You blushed at the sound and glanced at your mom briefly as she awaited your next move, you were filled with guilt as you considered the possibility.

It was like your conscience was represented in both of them.

On the one hand, your mother silently reminded you that you should stick to your diet, be proper, be polite, be accommodating, watch your weight, watch your looks, behave like a lady. All the crushing pressure that was connected to answering to your body's need for nourishment.

On the other hand, there was Jimin. You didn't have to worry about who you were with him, he wanted you to be happy, to be healthy, to have your own voice and speak up for yourself, he didn't expect you to keep up with an image and he didn't want any of it.

You had a sense of freedom when you were with him and he made sure to let you know it was okay. It was okay to be yourself, stripped of your make up, your clothes and your own self-judgement. No pretenses, just plain you was more than enough.

Self-love was not even close to what you felt, but you had been trying to be kinder to yourself and you knew you had at least someone's support, so you listened to your heart. To the weak voice drowned in between your mom's, your eating disorder's and other people's opinion of you.

You had a choice to make in front of you. Yes or no was a simple answer, yet this wasn't easy at all. This time it depended on you, you decided if you mattered and, for once, looking over at Jimin, you thought maybe you did.

"Yes, please, Jiminie" you answered in a small voice that your boyfriend heard loud and clear, it drew the biggest smile on his face. His chest swelled with pride for you, you were finally accepting something to eat.

He'd been worried sick that you were spiraling down, helplessly watching without knowing what he was looking at or what he could do to reassure you you were strong enough to get through it all.

Only a few spoonfuls was what Jimin put on your plate, it was far from an excess, but it was certainly more than your carefully measured portion and your mom observed your careless actions with a frown now. Had she not taught you well? She wanted the best for you, she had been trying to help you.

Your mother had no idea you actually cared more about yourself than she had ever imagined, your actions were sickeningly calculated. There was no inch of your body that you hadn't carefully analyzed, poked and prodded. There was literally nothing you hadn't done to be up to the high standards you were raised watching.

Was it your fault for not being able to handle the pressure? Was it your mother's for showing you the ways that worked for her? The blame couldn't be placed anywhere. All you did was make one bad decision when you didn't know better, to skip that first meal.

That was enough for the dark thoughts to thrive, to feed you lies to keep you full and give you the illusion that things were going to get better. They took over under the disguise of getting a grip of the situation, of being under control, when in reality you were giving it up to a disturbed mind. You didn't choose for it to take over your life.

Despite feeling better initially, when you noticed the little changes, with time it wasn't enough. At some point you stopped losing weight and you were stuck, no matter what you did, you were never satisfied. There was always something more you could have done, somewhere further you could go.

It would never be enough. The idea of admitting that you weren't ever going to get to a moment when you were happy sticking to this was terrifying. You were scared of gaining weight, you were scared of not being enough or anything at all without all what you knew so well most of your life.

Who were you? You didn't know anymore. Were you anyone without all this? Was there anything beyond this? The uncertainty and the darkness ahead were daunting and you didn't feel capable of taking the first step.

You had to try though, the pitch black ahead was more promising than the familiar dread of your obscure thoughts. What could be worse than the hell you lived in? At this point you had nothing to lose, you were losing yourself as is, beating up your body and slowly damaging it beyond repair.

You chuckled at a sudden realization, more of a silly thought than anything else. Jimin pulled back the fork he was holding as he offered you some of the birthday cake you had decided to share, much to your mother's displeasure.

"What is it?" he asked looking confused. The familiar euphemism of the angel and the devil on your shoulders had come to your mind. All along your boyfriend had insisted he was an angel jokingly and there was some truth to it beyond his kind and caring nature in fact.

You shook your head dismissing your thoughts as unimportant and your mother's voice snapped you out of your engrossment. Your eyes raised to meet hers, her gaze was severe and you could instantly feel the knot in your stomach forming. You had been doing everything wrong all day long.

"Could you help me in the kitchen, dear?"

Your head turned and you stared at Jimin pleading for him not leave you alone. He knew from earlier when you helped with the dishes that you wanted him with you at all times for reassurance. Your boyfriend was your shelter, he kept you safe and made you feel secure.

When he went to get up to help you, your mom held onto his shoulder and kept him in his seat as she motioned for you to follow her. Jimin looked up at her and then at you, feeling like he had his back against the wall.

"Please, Jimin-ah. Stay here and enjoy the soju. We'll take care of it" she insisted with a sweet smile that he found sinister in that moment despite it being genuinely sweet. It was hard to see it that way with the way you were looking at him.

Jimin nodded and rested back on the couch, but his eyes were trained on you as you walked away. He didn't have a good feeling about this, his hunches were often wrong, but he couldn't help the uneasiness in the pit of his stomach.

With a firm nod, lips pressed together and his hand closed in a tight fist, he raised his arm slightly to cheer you on without catching your dad's or brother's attention. Sending you a silent encouraging message. He believed in you.

You are strong, you've got this. Hwaiting*³!

-

*Seaweed soup. Korean mothers used to eat it when pregnant because of the vitamins; therefore, this represents a mother's love.

*² Rainbow colored variant of rice cakes served at parties.

*³ An approximation to the English word "fighting", commonly used by Korean people as a word of encouragement or as a cheer. It can also be a good luck wish before an endeavor of some kind.