Jimin held you close for a while, until you could finally cry it all out. He didn't know what to say or what to do so when you told him you should put on the movie you were planning to watch, he simply agreed.

For the first time, you cuddled while you watched. The most Jimin had done was wrap his arm around you or nonchalantly drape it along the back of the couch. If you ever held hands, it was for a short time, not all throughout the movie.

When you snuggled up to him seeking the closeness, he didn't think to push you away. He told himself it was fine because you had had a rough week and you'd just opened up to him.

It had come as a huge shock to him. You hadn't ever talked about your issues with food, not even the day he found you passed out in the bathroom at the dorms. He hoped that now that you had let him in, he could help you more actively.

You were glad that Jimin hadn't pushed you to share more after you told him about your eating disorder. You still couldn't believe what you had done, it just happened. Talking feelings was not something you liked to do, again, you hated feeling exposed.

Jimin was understanding and sweet, you had felt that you could share that with him without being judged or risking getting hurt. He had been through his own struggles with food in the past and he was capable of relating more than anyone else you knew.

Just hugging him was nice, you sneakily got close to him and he gladly wrapped his arms around you and pulled the blanket you had over both of you. You were warm inside in your heart and outside, smiling to yourself.

He tensed when he felt you place your hand on his thigh, you ran it up and down it, your fingers barely touching him, sending shivers down his spine. He just remained frozen in place. Finally finding his hand, you wrapped your fingers around his and held it tightly.

Jimin sucked in the air and relaxed, that's what you wanted, his hand. What had he thought? He was enjoying having you close way too much, but he couldn't do anything, he wouldn't let himself. It's for her own good, he reminded himself he had to do what was best for you.

He could still feel his thigh tingling from your touch and he chuckled nervously, so little and he was worked up. Holding back for so long clearly did things to him. You turned to him when he laughed and looked at him puzzled, horror movies were not funny.

"What was that about?" you asked curiously and he cleared his throat as he covertly fixed his pants underneath the blanket. He gave you that very much fake surprised face he frequently did when called out in some way.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, turning his head to look you in the eye. You just rolled yours and shrugged it off. He exhaled relieved once more. This is serious, he encouraged himself mentally to chill.

Your phone started ringing on the coffee table and you glanced at it for a second and ignored it. Jimin saw the name on the flashing screen and turned to you.

"We can pause, I don't mind," he said so you'd take your mom's call.

"That's fine. I'm not picking up" you said without taking your eyes off the screen.

"You should talk to her. Did you tell her about how she made you feel?" his tone was thoughtful, you turned to him with raised eyebrows.

"No, and I won't" you replied dryly and turned your head back to the movie not wanting to have this conversation.

"Maybe she would be more careful if you let her know what made you uncomfortable" Jimin insisted and you huffed frustrated. You heard him inhale to keep talking and you raised your hand.

"Just drop it, Jimin-ah" you let go of his hand and crossed your arms over your chest annoyed at his insistence. You didn't like being told what to do.

He grabbed the remote control and paused the movie, making you gawk at him irritated. Handing you your phone hopefully, he expected you'd take it and talk to your mother. What you did was grab it, press the 'ignore call' button and throw it on the couch angrily.

"Noona" he said seriously and you felt like a child being scolded.

"I told you to let it go, why did you do that? We were getting to a good part!" you shared exasperated and he furrowed his eyebrows. He couldn't care less about the movie at that moment and so should you.

"This is more important, baby" Jimin commented sweetly, trying to soften you, not liking the way you were minimizing what had made you so upset.

"What would you know?!" you raised your voice at him like you never had before and he clenched his teeth.

"I'm just trying to help you feel better!" he also answered with a slightly louder tone, trying to remain firm in his stance.

"I didn't ask for it, Jimin-ah! I just told you one thing, it doesn't mean I want you to fix it all" your angry tone didn't change, only got more heated with every word.

"Maybe she means well, like people had good intentions when they talked to me, but didn't know what I was feeling" he offered trying to remain calm and you just growled incensed.

"Maybe I shouldn't have told you anything!" you spat getting anxious as he wasn't giving up his efforts. This time his eyes widened in real shock.

"Noona..." he tried to get you to calm down as you were nearly yelling. He was looking at you like you were broken.

"I don't need you to fix me, Jimin-ah. I don't need fixing!" you hated the look on his face, it made your stomach twist in a knot. You had let him get too close and it hurt to think he expected you to change, just like everyone else.

"Saekki*..." Jimin said with a little pout as he heard your voice break a little.

"Stop calling me that, we are not that kind of close, I'm nothing to you!" you yelled at him and he was taken aback. You meant a great deal to him, he did feel close like that to you. It really hurt to hear you say that.

"I'm sorry, noona" he said, looking down at his lap for a second and then back at you, "you mean a lot to me, I didn't mean to offend you." You laughed humorlessly at his statement.

"No, I don't" you said curtly, looking at him with a flaming stare that showed just how angry and hurt you were at his words, "not like you used to care. And I get it, I do, I'm just so fucked up in the head. I wouldn't want to be with me either. I'm toxic with a capital T."

"No, that's not true" he started, but you raised your voice not letting him talk over you.

"That night...that night you tried to kiss me, you never did after what happened. I know I'm disgusting and not worth it, but that hurt. I thought you liked me, I got my hopes up, but of course that was the outcome. It always is, it was stupid of me to think you wanted anything to do with me" your eyes burned, but you couldn't let your guards down. You needed to be strong, to not cry, to not show weakness.

"But noona, I do" you cut him off yet again, throwing your arms in the air not knowing what to do with yourself anymore. He wanted to talk feelings, he might as well be honest.

"You don't, you're just saying that out of pity. How could you?? What was I thinking?? Someone fat and ugly like me could never have a chance" you felt like you could have pulled your hair out, how could he keep lying to you so shamelessly? You were giving him the words, he didn't have to pretend not to feel sorry for you anymore.

"No, noona, I really like you. It's just that-"

"Why are you even here?? You don't care anymore. You're free, Jimin, I'm sorry you've felt responsible for me since I fainted."

"You don't understand" he reached with his hand and you just stood up and took a step back.

"Just go, Jimin" your voice was lower, but your tone was of someone who is hurting. You didn't want to be hurting right now, the pain was really bad and it was your fault for having let it get this far.

"I don't want to" he insisted hoping you didn't really mean it. You needed someone, you needed him.

"But I do! Go away! I'm a hot mess, you can't fix me. I didn't mean for you to carry the burden that I am, I'm sorry I was so stupid"

"You are not st-"

"FUCK OFF, JIMIN. I DON'T WANT YOU HERE! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?!" your blood boiled as you screamed at the top of your lungs. Your anxiety was out of control. You needed him gone. Now.

Without another word, Jimin got up from the couch and silently walked to the door with his head hanging. Sliding his shoes on, he opened it weakly and stopping himself from looking back not to upset you further, he saw himself out.

Now in his car, he drove breathing heavily. Nostrils flaring, jaw clenched, tight grip on the wheel. He thought that now that you were open to him, things would be different. It wasn't as easy as he had thought, he never thought it was to begin with, but he figured he'd be able to handle it.

Once he parked, he got out of his car, walked in the building as if it was his home and made his way to the elevator. When he was in front of the apartment, he rang the doorbell impatiently and waited for someone to open.

He threw his arms around the person on the other side of the door, letting all the tears he had been holding back fall freely. He, who was wrapped in a robe, sleepy and confused, couldn't begin to understand why his best friend had shown up in the middle of the night.

"Taehyung-ah, I'm so so sorry" Jimin sobbed, tightening his hold on him and bringing him as close to his body as he possibly could.

-

*Saekki is a term of endearment that means something like "baby", it's not the same as the one couples use. It's representative of closeness, parents to children and good friends call each other this way. Literally it's the offspring of an animal, its baby.

Jimin has used this term to refer to both Taehyung and Jungkook on separate occasions. Surprisingly, it can also be used as an insult so the meaning depends on the context.