Zelda's POV

Journal Entry - July 3rd

As I reflect on my fourth week in Japan, I realize it has been quite the emotional journey. From hanging out with Link's ex at a bar to receiving unexpected texts from Karusa on Instagram, there have been ups and downs that have kept me on my toes. 

Despite my attempts to find out why Karusa is texting me, he insisted on speaking in person, which only added to the anticipation. He said it was important, but he took a long time to respond, making it difficult for me to believe in the urgency of the situation. And after a few more texts, he stopped replying all together.

While I didn't receive the answers I was hoping for, I am trying not to dwell on it too much.

Fortunately, Link and I have some exciting plans to look forward to. We are heading to the mountains to visit his father and uncle, who own some beautiful land up there. I am thrilled to spend time with Link's dad, who has a good grasp of English, and to escape the hectic pace of Kyoto for a few days.

With Link's busy work schedule and my feelings of homesickness, some time away in nature sounds like the perfect remedy for our mental health.

Overall, this week has been a wild ride and I hope the rest of our trip won't be as emotionally draining.

PS: Speaking of wild rides, I will finally meet Epona and see Link's riding skills. Horseback riding is one of the few things we have in common.

"Whatcha writing about?" Link asks, noisily leaning closer to take a peek at the pages of my journal. I shut the notebook at once and mask the guilt I feel for keeping Karusa a secret with a hardy smirk.

"Wouldn't you like to know," I tease.

"Obviously. That's why I'm asking."

"You're cute," I admit. 

He leans in closer, looks at my lips, and tempts me with a confident smile. "Yeah?"

I create some space between us. We're on a public train, we really shouldn't be rude by displaying our intimate relationship in front of others. Especially in Japan.

The train ride from Kyoto to Nagano Prefecture takes a couple of hours. I spend my time reading and Link spends his time napping. As usual.

When we arrive in the village, I get a first glimpse at the place we'll be living at for the weekend. Tsumago is located in the Kiso Valley, an area known for its well-preserved post towns, which were once important stops along the Nakasendo, an ancient trade route connecting Kyoto and Tokyo.

As we get off the train, I tell Link about the information from the articles I read on the ride: "Tsumago is known for its traditional architecture, with many well-preserved wooden buildings dating back to the Edo period."

"Cool," he says but he doesn't seem to be interested in the history of his uncle's village. I, on the other hand, am more than fascinated by old towns. Who knows what history may lie beneath this land? All the old relics that could be unearthed. If it hadn't been biology, I would have majored in archaeology.

"Tsumago is also a great place to enjoy nature. The town is surrounded by mountains and forests, with plenty of hiking trails and scenic spots to explore," I continue. "One popular hike is the Magome-Tsumago Trail, which connects Tsumago with another post town called Magome, and offers stunning views of the surrounding countryside."

"You sound like a tour guide," Link mocks and I roll my eyes at him.

"I'm just interested."

"No, you're acting like a tourist," he counters. "Why don't you stop reading random articles and let your boyfriend, who grew up in this well-preserved town, lead the way and show you all the best hiking trails?"

"You'd do that?" I grin.

"Yeah, of course. I used to explore these mountains and forests day and night as a kid. I know all the best places."

I follow him up the tight, old roads while I take in the view. Lots of old houses and an utter lack of population and stores. But the articles were right, there is a lot of beautiful nature that surrounds the village.

When Link tells me that we have to walk all the way to the uncle's house, and that it will all be uphill, and that it will take "an hour or so" to get there, I decide to call a taxi. Not only to escape from the heat and avoid the potential calf strain but to arrive at the house before bears eat us alive. 

The sun is already setting when we get out of the taxi. We're almost at the top of the mountain now and unfortunately, this is as far as the taxi can take us. It's another 5-minute walk to the house, which I don't complain about. 

The walk is short and relaxing, accompanied by the melodic sound of crickets. The scent of pine trees fills my lungs and the rustling of leaves beneath my feet echoes in the stillness of this calm evening. I look up, past the tree crowns, where scattered stars are embracing twilight. It's mesmerizingly beautiful. 

Neither Kyoto nor LA show a lot of stars thanks to light pollution. This town is so isolated that the stars rise earlier and more vibrantly. I can already spot some of the constellations I learned about in my astronomy course last year. The last time I looked at the Big Dipper was on Link's birthday, actually. We had to distance ourselves from the city in order to get a good view of the night sky. 

My eyes glued to the scenery above, I notice that the constellations appear to be upside down in Japan. Interesting. This makes me think of Pik. He has so much astronomy knowledge, he'd probably point out every constellation in the sky and tell me compelling stories about their origins.

My smile falters and falls into a frown when I realize how wrong I am. Pik would not point out the constellations because he is no longer able to see them. I lower my head as I follow Link on the pebbled path. I hope Pik is doing alright. I want to check in with him, but with the stuff that happened with Ruto and Karusa, it might be wise to lay low for a bit and focus on my relationship with Link above all. Once I'm back in California, I will check in on Pik.

"I love the sound of grasshoppers," Link sighs with a smile. "It's nostalgic to me. This is how I grew up."

"Japan is quite amazing," I smile.

"It's good in some ways and bad in others. Making money is hard and the workload is messed up."

"The only downside I see are the mosquitoes!" I slap my arm but I think I missed it. "They're eating me up!"

"Because your blood is so deliciously sweet and irresistible!" he laughs.

"Why, thank you, Jeffrey Dahmer."

"Who?" I open my mouth to explain my reference but Link cuts in, "We're here!" and points out a small minka house in the middle of a meadow.

It resides at the edge of a slope, overlooking the breathtakingly beautiful hills of Japan. As the sun begins to set behind the horizon, the entire landscape is painted in a warm orange glow, casting long shadows across the valley. Smoke is rising from the chimney and I can hear the distant sound of laughter and conversation. It's so peaceful and remote. I can't help but feel a sense of envy for the people who call these minka houses their homes.

As the last rays of sunlight disappear behind the hills, we approach the house. The paper shoji screen door is slightly open and the soft light of a lantern spills out onto the wooden deck.

We step up onto the deck and Link slides open the door to announces our arrival: "Tadaima!"

I take off my shoes and follow him inside. The tatami mat floor creaks beneath my feet as we make our way across the room. There isn't much decor but maybe that's the charm of it all. Simple wooden furniture, woven baskets, and a low table with a tea set is what makes this home so inviting and welcoming.

"Rinku!" A familiar voice calls and his father steps into the room. "Zelda, how are you my friend!"

A smile unfolds on both our faces and without much thought, I bow to him.

"Genki desu," I use my limited Japanese skills to reply to him. "Genki desu ka?" I ask him back and his smile widens even more in pride and shock.

His response is long, "Anata no nihongo ga jouzu ni natte kimashita ne, mou neitibu no you ni hanasemasu yo!" I understood, you guessed it, none of it.

"He said your Japanese is getting better," Link pats my shoulder, sharing his father's pride for me.

"I totally understood that," I shrug with a shy nod. "Arigatou Gozaimasu."

Another man joins us with a broad smile. He is big and strong, with wide shoulders and short legs, a white beard, wearing a bandana on his head. His voice is deep and roars in excitement when he greets us. Effortlessly, he picks up Link and squeezes him tightly before he lets go to introduce himself to me. Pointing at himself, he say "Rinku no oji desu. Yoroshiku onegaishimasu!"

I recognize that phrase! It means nice to meet you! I repeat the phrase with a bow of respect.

"This is my uncle," Link tells me.

"I take it he doesn't speak English then?" I ask and Link shakes his head.

We drop our bags off in the room next door. There is no furniture other than two folded futons on the floor and a lantern in the corner that gives the room a warm atmosphere. The walls are made of wood and paper, with sliding doors that grant us direct access to the backyard. While I take a bath to freshen up, Link helps his father and uncle prepare dinner.

We sit down on the cushion placed in front of the table and dine together. Although I don't speak Japanese, I am interested in the conversations they are having and am entranced by the joy and laughter that Link shares with his family. It is heartwarming to see him so happy and I wish he could always feel this way. I know hard times are awaiting both of us and it won't always be this nice, but for as long as he is willing to put up with me, I will try my very best to give him this kind of joy and happiness.

I really do mean that... I want to be a better girlfriend. I know that there are some things I have to deal with and figure out regarding my insecurities, but as long as Link is patient with me, I will work every day to better myself and be the partner he deserves.

Revali opened my eyes on Christmas Eve last year when he told me I am incapable of accepting love. I think I do sabotage our relationship sometimes, thinking I don't deserve to be by Link's side. I always end up regretting my actions when it's already too late. I should stop focusing on all the negatives and start putting more effort into seeing the positives. Link has been through a lot of hardship and I should be the one to uplift him, not drag him down.

I notice how bright his smile is tonight, and how genuine the laughters are. His family truly cares for him, and I can see he feels the same way. This shouldn't come as a surprise, but to me, it's something foreign and new. I haven't experienced this kind of relationship, not with an uncle, and certainly not with my father. Maybe that's why I'm so fascinated by the love and care these people share with each other.

Link's uncle seems really friendly. He reminds me a bit of Daruk. Big and hearty, loud and caring. It feels like I've known this man for years, which is probably why I feel so comfortable and relaxed right now. I'm content just sitting here, watching the relationship I've wished for all my childhood.

I help the family clean the dishes before Link and I head to our room. His uncle and father are headed to bed as well. A long day of work is awaiting for them tomorrow and although we are on vacation, Link has offered to help them in the morning.

"If you'd like, we could take the horses for a ride tomorrow," Link says as he is preparing the futons for us. "Also, there's no bed, so you'll have to sleep on the floor today. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I smile. "I get to sleep next to you. No Californian King bed in a five star hotel could ever top that."

"What if I'm sleeping in the king bed too?"

"Well, darling, that's just called heaven," I say with my most flirty expression.

"I really wanna cuddle you right now."

"Well then," I start and mutter the rest, "could we push the futons together?"

"You want to push the beds together?" he smirks. "Why of course we can, sweetheart," he mocks and closes the space between the two futons with an even bigger smirk. "Will this suffice, my dearest of all who are dear?"

"You're such a dork," I say and throw my shirt at him in the process of changing.

"The dorkiest of all dorks," he says proudly. "Also, this room doesn't have a lock."

"I didn't think it would," I say. "But your father and uncle are in their room and I don't expect them to barge in here without some sort of warning. Am I correct?"

"If there's a fire, there's no time to knock."

"If there's a fire, I think we have bigger worries than them seeing me in a bra."

"What about no bra?" he grins.

"Are you asking a hypothetical question or are you implying something else?"

"Hey, if you sleep with a bare torso, so will I."

"That seems a bit unfair, don't you think?" I laugh.

"Make an offer that is fair then."

"Well there is only one part of you that I haven't seen yet," I joke.

"Which is?"

"You know which part I'm talking about."

"No, honey, I have absolutely no clue," he innocently shakes his head. "I haven't got the slightest idea which part you might be referring to. Do you mind elaborating on that?"

"I think you know exactly what I'm talking about."

"My ear lobes?" He asks.

"I've seen your ear lobes," I roll my eyes at him.

"My toes?" He asks, perplexed.

"No, I've seen those too."

"My thighs?"

"Getting closer," I say with a smile.

"My knees!"

"Try the other direction."

"What's in the other direction?"

"I don't know," I give him an exaggerated shrug. "You tell me, Link."

"Ohhhh," he nods like an intellectual. "You mean my belly button!"

"I give up," I sigh with a smile. I'm done changing and take a seat next to him on the futons.

Link and I are pretty exhausted from the long train ride and decide to turn the lights off early. Tomorrow should be fairly relaxing, at least for me.

We lie on our backs, and while Link has his eyes closed already, I stare at the wooden ceiling, contemplating our relationship. Ever since the thing with Karusa, I've had this ball of guilt in my stomach. I thought I could let it go and pretend it never happened, but something tells me that it's not going to go away. 

Karusa may have stopped responding, but that doesn't mean no harm has been done. I went behind Link's back and texted the one person he didn't want me to talk to. I promised I would stop and yet I risked my own happiness and everything I care about... for what? A jackass who traumatized me and ruined Link's career?

I couldn't help it... I was so curious. And I still am. Despite knowing how wrong it is, all I want to do is pick up my phone and text Karusa to find out what he wants and why he did all the things he did. Why am I like this? What's wrong with me?

It brings tears to my eyes knowing that no matter how many times I make mistakes, I won't learn from them. Something inside of me is screwed up and hindering me from having a healthy relationship. All I want is to make Link happy, but somehow the only person in the way of that is me... 

Link doesn't deserve this. And even though he told me plenty of times that he loves me, I can't help but think that anyone else is more fitting for him. Mipha may be taken by Revali now, but maybe Ruto could finally make him happy the way he deserves. Or any other girl really. What do I have to offer him other than drama?

I want to be better. It's what I want most! But what if I keep failing? What if in the process of learning, I keep hurting him? He will never leave me. He's made it clear to me that he will stick around and fight for us, but why? What do I have to offer him? Why is he so loyal to our relationship? Why does he like me with all my flaws?

Maybe I'm just as sick in the head as Karusa. Maybe deep down I like to mess up, just to see if Link will really stick around or if he will leave me like my parents did...

But that's just not fair for him. For anyone. And I want to work hard on getting over my father issues... Maybe imagining a perfect relationship is hard because I have never experienced one myself, but if I improve just by 1% each day, then we can get there over time. Each day moving forward, I want to do something nice for Link, even if it's something small. And each day, I want to let something go that bothers me because our relationship is more important to me than my issues. And if I don't act now, then our relationship is about to shatter into irreparable pieces.

"Link," I whisper into the darkness.

"Mh?" He moans half-asleep.

"Are you awake?"

"Mh."

It's so quiet that I can hear my pulse throbbing in my neck. I exhale a quiet breath and speak in earnest. 

"I think we're at the brink of breaking up."