19 February 2020

Score: Lords of the Boards - Guano Apes
Mark

Of course, I was right in my predictions of how this vacation is about to happen. Alex and Nate lock themselves in the boys' designated room the literal instant the Baby Lord's footmen search and clear the chalet. Lydia and Gloria share smug smiles and go to their room to unpack and gush over what their friend must be going through in the boys' room right now, and I am left with the fucking Baby Lord himself in the common area.

It is more of a hallway, than a seating area, with the doors to the two rooms opposite each other, and a couple of leather armchairs and a desk next to a crackling log burner. The rooms are pretty decent-sized, each having a living area with sofas and armchairs and an en suite bathroom with a jacuzzi. It is called the chalet for a reason. The furniture is very alpine-style, and the slanted roof and log burner give it a very cabin-esque vibe.

It'd be pretty nice if I didn't have to share it with a couple of horny bunnies, my two oldest female friends, and the fucking Baby Lord.

It'd be pretty nice to bring a girl here, or have a proper brocation, but, here we are.

"So, Patrick..." I try to break the awkward silence. A loud thud, followed by giggling and muffled moans from the room, where Alex and Nate have retired to, make us both let out stifled laughs.

Ah, young love!

"Do you want to get out of here?" I ask him, giving in. Anything would be better than this. "We can go grab drinks."

"I'm sixteen," Patrick says, shaking his head.

Just as I am about to offer to buy him booze (I've reached a new low point in my life, I know), the door to the girls' room opens and Lydia walks out, clad from head to toe in her orange and blue Never Summer snowboarding gear, carrying her all-mountain board under her arm. Gloria is following in her footsteps, wearing a bathrobe with the hotel's logo embroidered at the front. Her hair is wrapped in a towel and she is wearing flip-flops.

Jesus, I should have become a fortune-teller.

"I'm thinking about skipping dinner and hitting the slopes instead," Lydia says with a wide grin.

"Ooh, a little night ride! This sounds fun!" I say, rubbing my hands together.

"Fucking psychos..." Gloria walks past Patrick and I, shaking her head. "I'm going to the spa before dinner, mum and auntie Lizzy are already there. Don't get killed out there, OK?" She yanks the door open and exits dramatically.

Gloria, never going to change...

"I'm gonna catch some corduroy," Lydia says, walking past me and the Baby Lord. "You guys coming, or what?"

Fifteen minutes later, Lydia, Patrick, and I are fully equipped and outside the hotel. Turns out the Baby Lord's into snowboarding, as well. Who would have thought...
He's dressed in Burton, head to toe, his neon yellow snowboarding jacket and pants a stark contrast to my all-black gear.

"I'm going for the cruiser run." Patrick nods his head in the direction of the smooth trail lying to our right. There are just a few people, mostly skiers, cruising in a relaxed manner, and a few children, taking advantage of the time before dinner.

"I knew you were a gaper," I say, walking towards the lifts.

"I just don't like night rides. And I'm not very familiar with these runs." Patrick shouts my way.

"Whatever you say, mate! Whatever makes you feel better!" I wave my black mitten-clad hand in the air. Patrick smiles and shakes his head, heading slowly towards the cruiser.

Lydia and I make a bee line for the lift, and I take the chance to take a look at the slopes. A black diamond is looming ahead of us, now completely deserted, with the exception of the groomers, sweeping from left to right, leveling the snow after a whole day's worth of skiing, leaving behind only crisp, fresh corduroy, shining under the flood lights. It has started snowing, which means that, by the time we do a second lap, we'll be waist-deep in powder.

Perfect!

Even though it is dark, there are quite a lot of people in line for the lifts. The lifties are letting through only two people at a time and the line is moving slowly. The conditions tonight are perfect, there is no wind, at least down here, and my feet are itching for a good ride. I haven't snowboarded in a year.

At last, it is our turn and we mount on a seat for the top of the black diamond. We ride in silence most of the way up, as the wind is gradually picking up, stealing our words away, as we travel up the slope.

We dismount the lift at the top and sit down to fix our binders at the start of the run. It is winding ahead of us, steep, wide, and perfect, the fresh snow glittering like jewels under the floodlights.

"Like good old times, eh, Lyds?" I say, adjusting my goggles on my helmet. I taught Lydia how to snowboard when she was fourteen and I was sixteen, on a family vacation in St. Moritz with our parents and Gloria's family. She got so hooked that she went on snowboarding camp last year in France, and, has apparently become a pro. Or so she says.

"Only this time you'll be breathing my powder, Carter." She says, straightening up. "Race you to the bottom?"

"You don't stand a chance." I laugh.

"We'll see." She says, and, the next thing I know, she's flying down the hill.

I let out a loud, exasperated curse, but I am off after her. The feeling of the crisp snow under my feet and the wind, whipping at my face, momentarily trigger a shot of adrenalin, rushing through my veins. I play around, taking a few sharp turns, and getting some air, warming up for the steep descent ahead. I'm not simply riding the run. I'm fucking flying.

Even though I don't push myself very hard, I reach Lydia and level with her.

She's a goofy rider, and I'm regular, so we're facing each other, as we are flying down the run, and I can see her bright smile and her cheeks, flushed from the cold and the effort, peeking under her goggles.

Cute.

Lydia carves perfectly, picking up speed down the slope with each turn. I watch her technique, as I speed just a notch behind her. I can definitely tell she's got skill and that camp was well worth it. Her stance, her legs, her back, everything in her form is just pure perfection.

Suddenly, a neon yellow spot flies by me, spraying snow all over me from the side.

It cannot be! It's the same attire, but there's simply no way...

I put more pressure on the outer edge of my board and I sink lower, bending my knees, speeding up, chasing the show-off...

It is him! The fucking Baby Lord. I can't believe it! I fucking saw him head for that cruiser trail!

Lydia seems to have noticed him, too, because she speeds up right behind me, and I can hear her laughter, which gets picked up by the wind and carried my way.

Patrick's technique is absolutely flawless and his board is top of the class. I recognize the model from this year's catalogue.

Fucking show-off!

I pick up even more speed, the wind whistling in my ears, but Patrick's evading me still...

Suddenly, we reach a narrowing of the run. The trees on both sides get thicker and squeeze the run in between, forcing me and Patrick closer together. There's a side hit to the right, separated from the main run by a thin row of threes, that the groomers haven't been able to reach. Someone's built a jump there, and I decide to go for it. Of course, I'm not the only one, who's noticed it...

Patrick reaches the jump first and does a backside 360 in the air. I swear I can see his smirk under the goggles and buff.

I lower myself over the board, aiming for the jump. I feel the board vibrating under my feet, as I speed down the narrow strip of snow between the trees.

I reach the jump and take off the ground, determined to wipe the smirk off that asshole's face. I jump off the man-made obstacle and I flip upside down, so that my board is up, my legs straight in the air, my body under. And then I spin 180 degrees, and, patting myself on the back for pulling off such a trick, I prepare to set up the landing. I turn in the air, to land on my feet again...

....And then... I fall face-first in a snowdrift to the side.

The shock from the fall, along with my protective gear, absorb most of the impact. Thankfully, the fresh snow that has been falling since we left the hotel makes my landing way softer than it would have been, had it not been snowing. However, my helmet hits the frozen snow beneath the fresh powder and I feel the impact in my neck. I slide to the side and slump in a pile of powdery, soft snow that engulfs my torso halfway through, leaving only my waist and legs sticking out.

Jesus, when I thought I'd be waist-deep in powder, I didn't mean this...

I dig myself out of the drift with my hands. I manage to grip my board in the snow below and straighten myself, but then, the board slips under my feet and I fall on my ass, facing the jump.

I just sit there, trying to catch my breath and spitting snow, humiliation, and anger ringing in my ears, replacing the deafening silence of the winter mountain at night. I clear the snow off my goggles and look around, still panting. Patrick's nowhere to be seen.

That bastard! I'm going to teach him a lesson, once we reach the bottom...

I hear the telltale swooshing of a board or ski over snow. I look up and see Lydia, who has fallen behind in the crazy race Patrick and I set up, speeding down the main run, under the floodlights. She also notices the side hit and the jump and gets off the main run, aiming for it. I don't know whether or not she can see me, sitting here, but she speeds up, reaches the jump, and lifts off, flying high into the air, grabbing the front edge of her board with her back hand. I watch in absolute awe, as she flies right above me and lands softly just feet away from me, facing me.

That's my girl!

Her cheeks are on fire and her smile is threatening to split her face into two.

"Sucker!" She laughs, before she turns around and disappears down the hill.

"Fuck!" I yell, getting up to my feet.

But I can't help the smile on my face, as I replay Lydia's perfect trick in my head...

When I finally reach the bottom, in what seems like hours after my little incident, but is, in fact, less than twenty minutes, I see Lydia and Patrick chatting on the side of the line to the lift. They are clearly waiting for me, so that we can do another lap together.

I don't think so.

I reach them and glide past them in silence, sitting on the snow next to them, unbuckling my binders.

"What are you doing?" Lydia slides and sits next to me.

"Going in." I say, my face scrunched in a deep frown.

"Why?" She asks, leaning forward. Her scent suddenly fills the air between us.

"Because" I begin, standing up to my feet and picking up my board. "I just had a near-death experience up there, and I'm done for tonight." I turn towards the hotel.

"Don't be so dramatic!" Lydia says, following me.

"You don't have to come with me. Go have fun with fucking Lord Camelot!"

"You're being ridiculous!"

"No, I'm not. I nearly shat myself after that jump. Now, I just want to go inside, have a hot shower and order fucking room service!"

"We're all going back inside." I hear Patrick's voice behind my back.

Great! How long has he been there? Did he hear me call him fucking Lord Camelot?

You know what? I don't give a fuck!

I clench my jaw and start walking faster, Lydia and Patrick trailing behind me.