Chapterish 34
DAYLIGHT CHANGES THINGS, BUT DON'T BLAME THE SUN
I can count on my hands the number of times I've woken up completely reveling in a peaceful bliss. You know the kind. Where the sun feels warm on your skin and your heart feels full in your chest. Everything is OK for a second. OK forever like Texas forever.
That is hella not me right now. For reasons I don't even know.
Yesterday went... fine. Last night at the restaurant was fine. But the more I replay it all in my head, the word fine starts to lose its meaning.
The first thing I see when I open my eyes is my QoH tattoo, dainty and perfect on my wrist. I smile to myself and sit up, thinking maybe I'll go for my morning run in NYC. Just when I'm about to stand and slip away, Josh rolls over and grabs my wrist, tethering me to the bed.
"Where do you think you're sneaking off to?" He asks sleepily.
"No place in mind," I tease. "Thinking about a run."
"A run? On Vacation?" Josh frowns. "Stay in bed."
"It's 9:30 AM," I tell him.
"That's barely morning back home." Josh counters.
"Fair point." I lean down to kiss him.
My phone buzzes on the nightstand and lights up with a text flow from Trix.
Up?
Breakfast with our baes?
Need more time with Josh ;)
Meet downstairs at 10?
Trav knows this great bodega
"Hmm." I glance at Josh. "Up for breakfast with Trix and Travis? Just them."
"Up for breakfast with anyone you want," he answers. I know he means anyone. Ah, what a good sport.
"I guess no run then," I say yawning.
Josh and I are up, dressed, and headed down in the elevator 20 minutes later.
Trix and Travis are already in the lobby waiting for us. Hottest parents around.
"Morning," Travis greets us, but Trix is already walking with determination.
"Hey Trix–" I start.
"Come with please," Trix says, pulling me aside under the guise of using the ladies' room.
"Morning to you too," I laugh. We push through the large door and into the bathroom lounge.
"Yea, yea," she says, tossing her hair. "We didn't really get to chat last night. Spill."
"Spill what? All my cups have lids." I shrug.
"Stop. You know what I mean. How was yesterday? Are you okay?" Trix's bright eyes are full of genuine concern.
"Yes. I'm okay. I appreciate you checking, but no relapse. Cross my heart," I say, marking a tiny X on my chest. "I'm fine."
There it is again. That word. Except it's not even a real word anymore.
"Okay good. I was fully prepared to ask them to leave," Trix says, her spirit as fiery as her hair. "Perfect model and all."
"She is kinda perfect, huh?" I ask, hearing the tiniest of possible cracks in my voice.
"Meh. B list perfect." Trix smiles at me in the mirror.
This ladies' lounge is a safe space with Trix.
"I like her." I admit.
I catch Trix's eye in the mirror again and she rests her head on my shoulder, biting her lip a bit.
"Me too," Trix nods. "Not as much as I love Josh. Which leads me to my next Q... When are you getting your own rock?"
"Trix!" I laugh.
...
We ate breakfast in record time. Breakfast burritos for them and a granola fruit cup for me. Around noon we are dressed for the day and ready to meet the rest of the group and commence our time in Central Park.
I've never been to Shakespeare Garden, though I've crafted a sort of oil painting in my head of it. Low key wish it weren't a 1.5-mile walk, but it is New York after all. C'est la vie.
Trix, Travis, Josh, and I walk through Central Park together. Trix shoots me furtive glances every now and then, like she's still not 100% sold on my being okay with Brece.
But I am.
I am.
Really.
There is no residual romance leftover from last year. Zilch. Shakespeare wrote tragedies after all.
My face is melting 15 minutes into our walk. This New York City heat is some other kind of animal. I just keep thinking of that one episode of GG. You know the one.
We are the last to arrive at SG, which, as it turns out, is shadily like my imaginary oil painting: A sprawling staircase with wooden railing covered in overgrown flowers. English countryside vibes all over the place.
Lauren hugs me hello and I say hi to Brody, who is talking quietly with Brooks. I can't stop myself from stealing a glance at him. Not that it's just him.
"Hi Emmy!" Cece almost squeals.
Why.
No one is this bright and happy all the time, let alone to someone they most likely know dated their ex. Or are they? Is this adulting?
Fuck no. I say in my head, as I am bright and happy back to her.
"Hey!"
Outside, I'm feeling like a peppy athleisure ex-cheerleader with my white sneakers and matching Lululemon ensemble. Yes, athleisure was the recommended dress code for the day. Inside, I'm already dead.
Josh squeezes my wrist and plants a kiss on my head. I recognize this as something he's done 100 times over the last 10 months, as something that should feel normal to me.
But it feels foreign. Out of place, like all the sudden I'm seeing things differently in the natural light. Like maybe the daylight is changing things, but I can't exactly blame the sun, can I?
Maybe I can blame the lack of sake in me today.
Whatever is to blame, there is a sneaking manic panic building in me and I'm not sure a day in Central Park is the remedy I need.
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