"he kissed us, donghyuck. not just me but jeno too. he was disgusting, and he was... he was gay."

   donghyuck rolled over in bed, removing the pillow from under his head and covering his ears with it instead.

   regardless of his actions, jaemin's voice continued to ring in his head, over and over again. he could still hear the quiver of disgust in his voice. as if the whole event hadn't been surprising enough, jaemin told him who it was.

   "huang renjun."

   the sharpness in his voice, the eyes of betrayal, hurt, and anger—

   "make it stop," he whimpered.

   "make what stop?"

   time froze and donghyuck was brought back to reality. he removed the pillow and sat up in bed. a few moments later he heard the same voice again. "make what stop, donghyuck?" mark repeated, voice showing concern. donghyuck mumbled a quiet, "nothing, just a bad dream," hoping that he wasn't too obvious. "unless you have night terrors, that didn't seem like 'just a bad dream'. you've been restless all night, what's up?" mark spoke softly. "i'm fine," donghyuck forced out. a silence settled between them, giving donghyuck a chance to calm down by following the breathing sounds of his other roommates.

   he thought about his current situation and how yet again, mark was awake in the night. "are you an insomniac?" he asked, voice so fragile that mark thought it might break.

   the canadian chuckled, unable to speak about the real reason of why he was awake. "something like that," he responded vaguely. "but what about you? was it really just a bad dream?" donghyuck wasn't ready to share about his situation so he decided to use the same trick, "something like that."

   "touché."

   donghyuck couldn't ignore the grin on his face while he readjusted his pillow and sunk back into the bed comforter. 

   "you're aware that i know that you aren't okay, right?"

   "yep."

   "and you have no intention on telling me what happened either?"

   "nope."

   mark chuckled, "you're a funny person, donghyuck." the sun kissed male smiled before returning to the darker thoughts. "can this funny person ask you a serious question, mark?" "ask away," the older replied.

   donghyuck took a deep breath before speaking, "what do you think of gay people?" the pause between them was long, but it only felt longer to donghyuck as he was waiting anxiously for mark's answer. "i think someone's sexuality doesn't define them, and that anyone should be able to love whoever they want to without being judged or receiving discrimination," mark said.

   "and what would you do if you found out that one of your friends were gay and had feelings for you?" the younger asked. once again, a pause. "i would support them but respectfully turn them down, i guess," mark said, clearly concentrating hard. "it's a little hard to imagine without being in that setting, if you know what i mean."

   donghyuck nodded before realizing that mark couldn't see him. "yeah, i know what you mean." "is there a reason you asked me those questions?" mark asked. donghyuck thought about jaemin, jeno, and renjun. he thought about how jeno and jaemin weren't friendly with him in the slightest whenever they saw him, and how heartbroken renjun must've felt. it definitely took a lot of courage to come out to his friends like that. knowing the aftermath, donghyuck decided that if he were to ever become gay, he would try to stay in the closet for as long as possible.

   "no, i was just wondering," he lied, well aware that mark wasn't a dummy and didn't fall for his lies. he also knew that mark would take a hint and not ask about it anymore, so for now, he was okay with that.

   neither of them knew exactly how much time had passed, but at some point, donghyuck grew drowsy and pulled the covers up to his chin. "good night, mark," he said, seconds away from falling asleep.

   "good night, donghyuck-ah," mark responded. "sleep well."

---

   "jeno!" donghyuck beamed, walking up to the slightly older male. it was weird pretending that he didn't know about what happened with jaemin and renjun, but jaemin asked him not to mention it yet.

   "hi donghyuck," jeno smiled, eyes turning to crescents as per usual. "have you chosen a club yet? jaem told me that he showed them to you already," he explained, adjusting the collar of his shirt. "mhmm," donghyuck hummed, thinking of how he should put his current situation, "i guess i'm still considering all my options."

   "that's cool. take it slow as long as you don't miss the time limit," the older said.

   "where are you heading to?" donghyuck asked, struggling to keep up with the naturally quick pace that the athlete walked at. "just to talk about some of my grades with a teacher. why? do you need help with something?"

   donghyuck shook his head. he didn't know why he was following jeno honestly. maybe he just wanted to be in the presence of someone familiar after having walked around the school alone almost the entirety of the day. "no, i think i'm just feeling a little...," he trailed off, not sure what to say.

   "lost?" jeno offered. "yeah, exactly," donghyuck smiled. "well you're welcome to join me until i talk with my teacher. we could grab a snack from the dining hall or something," jeno suggested. "sounds good," donghyuck agreed without thinking twice.

   the two walked while donghyuck shared about his day and jeno did the same. when they reached the dining hall, donghyuck had expected it to be empty as it should've been at this time of day, but to his surprise, it held two large groups of people arguing who looked ready to start a physical fight at any given moment. 

   donghyuck paused exactly when jeno did, and they both took a moment to take in the sight. "what's going on?" donghyuck asked. "i don't know," jeno looked around (most likely to see if there was a teacher nearby), and that's when donghyuck heard it.

   seojoon

   he managed to hear that one name through the chaos and instantly noticed how jeno recoiled and took a step back. there seemed to be a moment where he debated his options before fully turning to donghyuck. "i'll see if i can break up the fight, so can you try to get a teacher or senior over here?" donghyuck nodded immediately and wandered into the hallway.

   for a few moments, he stood there, not sure what to do. he was yet to learn where the teachers stayed, so he prayed that his memory wouldn't fail him, and headed towards where he remembered to be the seniors' dorms. he walked speedily considering the current situation, and was almost ready to turn around and change directions if he hadn't bumped into someone. donghyuck squeezed his eyes shut and staggered backwards until a hand steadied him.

   "donghyuck?" the voice asked. the sun kissed male glanced up, and immediately relief flooded his senses. "doyoung," he smiled. 

   "what are you doing over here?" doyoung asked, arm waving in the direction of the rooms to specify. "what am i doing over he-, oh right! there's a fight going on in the dining hall. they're arguing about something or even possibly someone i think...? anyways, jeno told me to come find someone that can help break up the fight," he explained.

   doyoung frowned, looking taken aback. "a fight in yongsan international boarding school? this has to be something important," he decided. he pulled donghyuck's arm and the two jogged to the dining hall. when they arrived, doyoung looked ready to take on anything and donghyuck needed a moment to catch his breath and calm his heart. 

   how is everyone here so fit? donghyuck thought before shaking his head and focusing on the matter at hand.

   now jeno stood in the middle of the groups, holding two people back by the collar of their shirts. his eyes lit up when he noticed donghyuck and doyoung. "a little help please!" he shouted. 

   doyoung told donghyuck to stay in his place while he rushed over to the others. "this is student body director; kim doyoung. any of you lay a finger on another person and you're all getting a week's worth of detention. do you understand me?" the group broke up a bit and doyoung smiled proudly as donghyuck watched in awe. 

   "explain yourselves."

   jeno reached over and whispered something in doyoung's ear before they both looked over in donghyuck's direction. they quietly spoke back and forth before jeno hurried to donghyuck's side and doyoung gave him a grateful wave. "what's going on?" donghyuck asked. "don't worry about it, it's nothing important. doyoung has it all under control," jeno reassured him, dragging them both out of the dining hall.

   while donghyuck wanted to argue that that many people wouldn't fight about something like that if it hadn't been important, he wasn't in the mood to start something. a small part of him also guessed that it was a piece of a secret that most likely everyone in the school knew. why he was left out if the loop, he had no idea.

   if he had known that it wouldn't be the last time someone brushed off what seemed to be a serious matter and deemed it as unimportant, maybe he would've fought for his opinion more. unfortunately, at the time, he still didn't know. 

   donghyuck bit his tongue and plastered on a bittersweet smile.

---

   the ravenette walked around the school towards the dining room. it was late at night and everyone was sleeping already. he wondered why he had such a hard time staying put and falling asleep since the problem had never occurred before. 

   he left the kitchen switch off and tiptoed to grab a glass from the cabinet. goosebumps covered his skin when he thought he heard the sound of a door creaking, but when no sounds followed up, he figured that he had imagined the whole thing. hesitantly, he reached his arm out and opened up the cupboard, pulling a tall glass out. then he opened the fridge and took out a carton of milk.

   after pouring himself a glass, he stood in the cold and empty kitchen, wrapping an arm around himself. he had been taking small sips of the drink when he heard the sounds of footsteps across the floor. donghyuck set the glass down and took a step back, tensing up. what were the chances that another student would be up at this hour and on his floor?

   "shit," he heard someone curse quietly before the footsteps grew closer and suddenly the kitchen light was switched on. 

   donghyuck held his breath and slowly looked up at the other person. they both stared at each other blankly, taking in each other's presence, clearly surprised.

   "yang yang?" donghyuck asked, voice barely over a whisper. "donghyuck?" the other male asked in as quiet of a voice as donghyuck did. yang yang's pajama buttons were undone at the top and his hair was all messy. "what are you doing up at this hour?" yang yang asked. donghyuck lifted his glass of milk from the counter and took a sip as if to prove his point. "i don't know. i guess i just wanted a quick glass before going back to bed."

   "what about you?" he asked after a moment of silence came over them. "oh, yeah. same.. i just got a bit thirsty and a little too warm maybe," the younger replied, quickly buttoning up the top of his shirt.

   neither of them spoke while yang yang grabbed a cup and filled it with tap water, gulping it down pretty quickly and filling it up again. donghyuck had been watching out of the corner of his eye but stopped when he realized that it might be weird. instead, he finished his drink and washed the cup before setting it to dry.  "i'm about to go on back, should i wait for you?" he asked.

   yang yang looked up at him and donghyuck was suddenly very grateful that the lights were on, so he could finally notice the dark eyes bags he had. "no it's alright, i was thinking about taking a walk in the back for some fresh air. thanks though," the chinese male said. 

   "okay then," donghyuck said awkwardly, stiffly waving before shuffling out the kitchen and back into the dark hallways. as he walked through the juniors' dorm hall, he didn't miss the way room 323's door suddenly shut closed right as he walked past it. ignoring it, he shook his head and continued.

   while he held his hand on the door to his dorm, he turned his head and looked back down the hall.

   hadn't that been jeno's room?

-----

word count: 2135

february was hella busy (by busy i mean i spent a lot of time on discord, was playing a lot of fortnite, and trying repeatedly to download valorant to no avail)

my apologies

✎ ---- dreaminghyuck⤾