H E A T H

On the morning of Christmas Eve, I had one lecture. Which seemed sort of shit. But the college doors closed and locked at midday and we didn't return until the second of January. Otherwise known as the day after Sarah's wedding. It was still weird. I couldn't process it. I was happy for her. So happy. But it was strange nonetheless.

Leonie was immersed in her role as the planner. She was loving every second of it. But it had been two days since I'd had a proper conversation with her. She'd sent me one or two brief texts to tell me that she misses me or something along those lines and I wasn't sure whether this was the planning that was keeping her busy, or something else.

Bianca sat beside me in our lecture. She exhaled a breath and looked exhausted. I really don't know how she managed to care for a toddler on her own and keep up with her studies. Not to mention she had just started when she fell pregnant. She'd been grinding this entire time and it was inspiring.

"Rough morning?" I asked.

She gave me that look. The one that told me I had no idea. I was sure that I didn't. "Liliana barely slept last night. She threw a tantrum this morning when I dropped her off at the sitter. Which is fine. The usual. But as soon as I stepped foot on campus, your friend was following me around and pleading with me to be his plus one to your sisters wedding."

I winced. "I'm sorry about that. I'll tell him to back off a bit."

She pulled her text books and pens and highlighters out of her bag. Mine were open and in front of me. "I gave in and said yes," she mumbled. "After I made it clear that I wouldn't be sleeping with him."

Damien wouldn't force himself on a girl who didn't want him. But he definitely believed that they all changed their minds eventually. He probably assumed the same thing would happen here.

"I'm just going because I could use a night off. And Liliana will be in Orlando with mom and dad."

"Are they still thinking about moving into Miami?"

She nodded with a small smile. "Yeah. But they have to job hunt and get a house and sort themselves out before they can leave Orlando. So it could be a wait. I hope it's not a long wait though. I could use the help."

"Yeah of course. And hey if you ever need anything, let me know. Leonie's awesome with kids. So if you ever need a sitter or whatever."

She laughed but it sounded a bit nervous. "Uh I don't know Leonie. At all. I mean, that's a nice offer but I don't leave my daughter with strangers."

"Oh right. Yeah."

"I mean, she told me that she likes my teeth."

I chuckled. "That's just her. She's a bit out of left field sometimes. She can be full on and super blunt but she has a huge heart. She's an amazing woman."

Bianca smiled.

"Yeah I mean, she'd met Sarah like once and she bought her an expensive wig and delivered it straight to our front door. She covered that entire trip to London that we went on last month. And she's arranging Sarah's wedding. She's done so much for us. Ya know? She's a beautiful person."

"Do your cheeks hurt?"

I raised a brow and Bianca grinned.

"You smile so big when you're talking about her. It's so sweet. And don't stress. You've told me enough about her that I know she's a bit out there. It was just different meeting her in person for the first time."

"She leaves an impression."

Her breathy chuckle came through her nose and she nodded. "Yeah."

"So what are you doing tomorrow? Christmas dinner? Lunch?"

She checked the time on her cellphone and then glanced toward the front of the classroom. The professor still hadn't arrived. "Bit of an in between actually. Mom and dad are here and then they'll head back to Orlando with Liliana for a week on the twenty seventh. Gives me a bit of a break."

"You must be looking forward to that."

"Yeah," she nodded. "I'll miss her but it'll be so nice to just have some me time. How about you? What are your plans?"

"Leonie's mom is here from London so mom, Sarah and I are going to their place for the afternoon. Which should be interesting considering Leonie's grandmother is here as well and Leonie seems to hate her."

"Couldn't be Christmas without a little drama," Bianca laughed.

"That's true."

About five minutes later, a woman pushed the door open, peered in and told us that our professor had been called off to an urgent personal matter and would send notes to our email. It was convenient to have more hours in the day. But I wouldn't have minded keeping on course with our classes. Never mind. I left campus and drove home to pick up Sarah from home and we went into town.

She'd agreed to help me find something for Leonie for Christmas. Apparently her group of friends had a tradition. A secret Santa tradition. The eight of them, including Sarah and Jade had put their names into some sort of app that gave them a name each and Martha, Jade's roommate, sent them each a message to let them know who they had to buy for.

Sarah pulled out Jess and of course she'd sorted her gift. But I was hopeless and had left it to the last minute.

Leonie said that I wasn't allowed to be involved because she wanted to get me something regardless of her secret Santa. Which didn't bother me. I'd have had trouble buying for her friends anyway. What did you get for teenagers that had more money than they knew what to do with? As it was, I had no idea what to get Leonie. She had clothes coming out of her ears, makeup, perfume. She didn't wear a lot of jewellery. I did consider getting her a deep fryer so that she could make her own fries. But I had a feeling that, that was too much effort for her.

"I have a suggestion," Sarah said from beside me as we wandered down Miracle Mile. The sidewalks were full of shoppers. Frantic Christmas Eve shoppers. I couldn't judge. I was in the same boat. Trees that were planted along the pavement rustled in the light breeze. Patrons sat at tables and chairs outside of popular cafes and restaurants while other people darted in and out of stores.

"What's your suggestion?" I asked, stepping to the side as a group of girls barged through with their enormous shopping hauls. I saw the longing look that Sarah gave them while they all giggled and let their shopping bags swing from their tanned arms. She didn't complain and smiled rather fast. But I still caught the glimmer of want that twinkled in her gaze. She wanted that sort fun once in a while.

She cleared the hurt from her features and grinned. "Lingerie."

I ran a hand down my face and sighed. "That's inappropriate."

"Na," she waved a dismissive hand. "It's normal between couples."

"Even so. That seems more like a gift for me. I'm not that obnoxious. And I definitely wouldn't be shopping for it while I'm with you."

She shrugged her shoulders and stepped around a mother, daughter duo who were moving through the crowd with efficient speed. I couldn't find the pleasure in shopping. It felt so frantic and there were people constantly hovering near the racks, forcing you to feel as though you need to be faster so that they can have their turn and flicking through the hangers. But then you don't have a proper browse and miss finding something decent.

Or if you do find something decent, it's never in the right size. The fitting rooms are full. The lines are long. It's even worse during Christmas. I don't know. Perhaps that's just me. What I do know though, is that Sarah was far better at it than I was. She didn't let the other girls who were trying to squeeze in, bother her. She took her time. Her walk was relaxed. But at one point, she did something so horrendous that I almost left her in town.

She picked up a pair of heels. I wasn't giving them a lot of attention until a girl beside her tried to snatch them right out of her hand. Sarah held onto them tight and I was about to step in until Sarah looked the girl dead in the eye and pulled off her wig. She just pulled it off and stood there, staring at this shoe thief with a bald head.

What sort of power move was this?

Sarah's stance was so bold that she looked like she'd just delivered the kill hit. A few other people watched with puzzlement as she stood there, hair in her fist, shoes in the other hand. The girl went rigid and dropped her grip, dashing off as fast as she could.

"What in the hell?" I mumbled quietly as Sarah laughed. She shoved the heels into my hand and pulled her wig back on.

"It's my cancer," she stated. "I'll do what I want with it."

"Yeah that was just a little more aggressive than you usually get."

"I could have stabbed her?" She shrugged and took the heels back from me. "Does my hair look okay?"

"Yeah. Now, what was so important about these heels that you had to flip the wig."

She looked down at the closed toe shoes. The fabric was soft. The heel was thick and they were a sort of nude colour. As far as heels went, they didn't look too bad to walk in. They weren't those super tall, sharp ones that could better serve as a weapon than footwear.

"They are the perfect wedding shoes," she smiled to herself and held them close. Perhaps in case someone tried to steal them from her again. "And they aren't too expensive. I mean, Leonie told me to let her cover it all. But I'll get these. I have some allowance."

"Is Leonie's mom really over in London, not the least bit concerned about how much cash her daughter is spending on this wedding?" I love my girl but she was doing a lot.

"Well the most expensive part so far has been the wedding dress. But I have this hunch that Leonie didn't pay full price for it. The girl at the store was giving me that look. The sorry-that-you're-going-to die-but-you-look-super-beautiful-in-that-designer-dress look. I don't know. I think she swung something. She wouldn't let me see the receipt."

We wandered through the racks of shoes which soon turned into clothes and then bags and makeup and whatever else Macy's sold. "Might as well take whatever perks are being made available," I said, smiling because I could picture Leonie going toe to toe with some designer store retail girl to negotiate price and killing it.

"Yeah," Sarah seemed happy as she placed the heels on the counter. "It's not like it'll be lacking. She'll make it perfect. No matter what. I know that."

I knew that too. Which reminded me the reason that we were here in the first place. I couldn't find a single damn thing that I felt was good enough for Leonie. I leaned on the counter while the sales clerk ran up the shoes. "We still haven't found something for Lee. I need ideas. You're my ideas person."

She handed over her debit card and stared into the distance with thought. "What about a dildo?"

The sales clerk sounded as if she'd just choked on her own tongue. I stood up and gaped. "Dude?"

"Or a vibrator? Or some handcuffs."

"I'll be waiting outside."

We looked around for a while longer and I eventually found a book series to one of the television shows that she watched. The Vampire Diaries. "What about this.?" I asked Sarah.

She gave the books a long blank stare and then moved her sights to me. "Aren't you like, in love with this girl?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just seems a bit. . . dull."

A young girl that was browsing through the Teen Fiction book section peeped up at Sarah and scowled as though my sister had just offended her entire existence.

"Well," I slid the book series back onto the shelf. "Nothing seems good enough. I don't know what to do."

"There's always something photo related?"

My brows raised with interest.

"Yeah it might seem sort of easy and cheap, but--"

"Leonie loves photos," I mumbled and started walking off with an idea in mind.

When we pulled up at the house at three, I saw Leonie's Range Rover in the drive. Which was weird. I knew that she was having a pre Christmas event at her house tonight. She wanted me to come but we were going to be together tomorrow. So I told her to spend it with her friends.

"Huh," Sarah smiled and unbuckled her seat belt. "I get to show her the shoes. She'll love them."

We climbed out of the car and wandered into the house. It was quiet. Mom must have been in her room. She must have let Leonie in though. I half expected to find her on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and a movie on. If she was hiding in my room, there might have been a reason for it.

"I'll tell her to come out and see you," I said to Sarah with a nervous laugh as she set up her shopping on the table and started for my room. I didn't want her strolling on in if Leonie was waiting for me, naked.

Which she'd done once or twice before.

The brass door handle was cold and quiet as I twisted it open and pushed inside. It was a relief, but I guess a slither disappointing to find that Leonie wasn't naked. She was dressed in a hoodie and jeans. Her hair was tied back and she had dark circles under her eyes. She smiled from the bed but I could see her exhaustion.

"Hey," I closed the door. "You okay? I thought we were—"

"Not doing weekday sleepovers," she nodded and stood up. "Yeah I know. We're not. But we have to talk. It's— important."

If it was possible, she looked even smaller than usual. It was her restless shifting and quiet voice. It was the way that her smile didn't touch her eyes. It was the nervousness in them. I walked forward and stood in front of her.

"What's going on?"

She exhaled and tipped her head back to look at me. "Do you think that this is working? Us? Do you think that we're stable and that we'll. . . go the distance?"

My heart sped up and I felt this feeling of unease in the pit of my stomach. "Of course I do. You mean everything to me, Leonie." Was she about to break up with me? I wanted to tell her that I love her but I was scared that she'd think it was a tactic. I cupped her jaw on either side and lowered to look at her. "I— I love you, baby."

Her breath hitched an her gaze watered. She was being so damn serious right now that it terrified me. She wasn't kidding around or laughing that loud song that wrapped around my soul.

"Leonie," I pleaded, my forehead touched hers as I held her tight. "Talk to me. What's goin—"

"I'm pregnant." Her voice broke with a sobbed hitch and I felt as if I'd been punched in the stomach. "I'm pregnant. I'm sorry."