Chapter 30

I jumped on the bed after getting a shower. After spending our time with Devin and Cely out in the streets of Vegas, it was exhausting, pero nanatili pa rin ang ngiti sa labi ko. As usual, iisa lamang ang kama namin ni Raj. He was on the side of the bed at nagbabasa lamang ng libro. Alam kong napansin niya rin ang kakaibang ngiti na nangingibabaw sa labi ko ngayon. Sino ba naman kasing hindi matutuwa kung sobrang ganda ng pagsalubong ng mga Carrington sa amin sa Vegas?

It was to die for.

"You haven't told me what you and Devin talked about," I initiated the conversation. I have been wanting to know what happened earlier. Nakakagulat lang na parang naging biglang tropa na silang dalawa which I'm not against with. Mas gusto ko pa ngang nakikitang magkaayos silang dalawa which happened to what I was hoping for! "Come on. Tell me!"

Raj giggled, closed the book he was reading, and put them on the bedside table. 

"How should I start?" he queried.

"Start when Cely and I left," I told him.

He chuckled. "Alright. We'll do it from the start. To be honest, I had doubts about meeting Devin. From what happened last time in Chennai, I thought he would close his perceptions about everything and wouldn't even listen to every explanation I said, but he did. Surprisingly."

"Oh, I see! That's a good start, right? What else?"

"He let me explain about my mom and the history of how she ended up in Mumbai with us. I wasn't able to show him the photos since they were still in my luggage, but I was able to show him some photos on my phone. He admitted he didn't know much about his aunt so whatever I told him, he believed it."

"He just believed it?"

Tumango si Raj sa akin. "Yes, the photos were enough evidence that I'm my mother's son. He confessed to me that he didn't want to believe me at first when we were in Chennai because there were a lot of people in the past few years who had done the same thing. They dismissed the idea of it and he felt so bad when he did that."

"He should be," I commented. "I mean, he didn't let you explain. At that moment, he quickly tried to overpower you so you won't be able to say anything. It looked like you were lying to us when he did that. What else did he say?"

"We go to his office," he said. "He showed me some photo albums of their family. My mom was in some of the photos, but never in most of it. When I told him about our grandparents wanting her to get married to someone else who was rich and got all the things in life, he got mad at it. He didn't want someone else to dictate who should we love and marry. He realized that at that point, maybe that was the reason why he knew only a little about his aunt and only got to spend with her on her death bed."

"Your mom's grave is here in Vegas, right?"

He nodded. "Yes, I thought about visiting her tomorrow. If you would like to come with me, it would be nice."

"Of course, I'll come with you!" sabik ko namang tugon. "I also want to see more attractions!"

"Yes, we can do that," Raj agreed, nodding his head.

"I'm happy for you," nakangiti kong sabi. "I shouldn't have really overstepped before and let you work on it."

Napangisi naman si Raj. "Well, if you didn't do it, we wouldn't be in Vegas anyway."

I tried to laugh it off, pero alam kong may kasalanan pa ako sa kanya at hindi ko pa sinasabi sa kanya 'yon. I'm still not sure what he would say about it. Pinangunahan ko na naman kasi siya sa pagdedesisyon. Sa tingin ko it was the time na rin naman aminin sa kanya ang ginawa ko. It doesn't look like he would get mad at me. Mukhang good mood naman siya.

"I have something to confess," panimula ko. Nagsalubong ang kilay niya sa sinabi ko. Humugot pa ako nang malalim na hininga. Para lang akong tanga sa ginawa ko, pero hahayaan ko na lang. Kailangan niyang malaman kung bakit ang bilis din ng mga pangyayari. "Before you told me that you have made up your mind about going to Vegas, I've already told Cely we'll be going."

Napangiwi ako. I was expecting him to get mad at me or what. 

"Okay," he said, caught me off guard. "I'm glad you did."

"Wait. You're not mad at me?"

"Do you want me to get mad at you?" he asked and I nodded slowly. Napangisi naman siya. "I won't be mad at you."

Nakahinga naman ako nang maluwag sa sinabi niya.

"Have you got anything else to say?" he wondered.

Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya. Sa pagkakatanda ko ay wala na dapat akong sasabihin sa kanya. Kakahinga ko lamang nang maluwag dahil hind siya nagalit sa akin sa pangungunan ko sa kanya, pero meron ba akong nakalimutang sabihin?

"Thank you?" patanong ko pang sagot.

He chuckled. "You're welcome, but that's not what I wanted to hear."

"Huh?" I was so confused. Umayos ako nang pagkakaupo. "Wait. Wait. What are we talking about? I don't think I've got some things left unsaid, but that's all. . . Do you want me to say anything? I'm sure that's all I have to say to you."

Napangisi si Raj saka ito tumango.

"There is and I'm waiting for you to confirm them."

I squinted my eyes as if that would help me think about what he said. He crossed his arms and grinned at me. Wala pa rin akong ideya sa sinasabi niya. If he would say thing randomly, paano ko naman malalaman 'yon? It was hard to understand him, but whatever he was trying to tell me, I think I should've understood it by now. Masyado lang ata akong nagising slow. Wala pa naman akong maayos na pahinga simula nang lumapag kami rito sa Vegas.

"Tell me what it is, Raj! If you won't tell me, I won't be able to sleep."

He laughed. "Sure, but I hope you're ready."

"Whatever it is."

"Well, this was a long time ago, but I'm not sure if you still had it. But someone told me you had a crush on me."

Para akong nabato sa pagkakaupo ko nang sabihin niya iyon sa akin. "Was that someone named Priti?" 

Natawa ito saka siya tumango. Agad kong itinago ang sarili ko sa unan at hindi ko na hinarap si Raj dahil sa sobrang hiya. Bakit naman kailangang sabihin ni Priti sa kanya 'yon? Kailan 'yong a long time ago na tinutukoy niya? Alam kong good mood si Raj ngayon, pero hndi naman niya kailangan i-drop sa akin ang bomb na 'yon. I could still hear him laughing at my situation. Itinaklob ko pa ang sarili ko sa kumot para hindi niya ako makita.

"I would be confessing something, too," he said. Namintig naman ang tainga ko sa sinabi niya. Nakataklob pa rin ang unan sa mukha ko pati na rin ang kumot sa buo kong katawan. "Did you think about why would I brought you up in this situation? If you haven't ask, I thought you're the best person for me to do this."

Nakikinig lang ako sa kanya. He got me. I got interested in whatever he would confess to me.

"You're really pretty, Kash. We might never had a close interaction before and most of them were casual talk, I found you very beautiful and I couldn't say those words to you because I'm sure you won't look the same way to me."

Dahan-dahan ko namang inalis ang sarili ko sa pagkakataklob at sinilip ko siya. Nahuli naman niya ako dahil nakatingin na siya sa akin. Napangisi na naman siya sa akin.

"I liked you, Kash," he said. "There's no lie to it. . ."

Natahimik ako at hindi ko alam kung anong isasagot ko. He only looked at me and patted my head saka siya pumunta sa banyo. Nang mapag-isa ako sa kama ay napahugot ako nang malalim na buntonghininga. I wasn't expecting for him to say those words at all. Bakit may pag-amin? Bakit niya sinabi 'yon? Ginugulo lang ba niya ang isipan ko? Was he trying to do something else? Alam kong hindi ko naman dapat pag-isipan iyon nang malala, pero ito pala feeling na crush ako ng crush ko? Why did it take too long para malaman ko rin 'yon? 

And so, what is the real deal between us now? Are we still in an agreement pa ba or we would be able to make it real this time? Para sa akin, imposible na mangyari. Kahit na gusto niya ako, he would only do this with me for take sake of whatever he was trying to protect from his father. Isa lamang akong accessory sa buhay niya ngayon. I've got nothing against it since I was able to take advantage of what he offered me. As long as it doesn't affect me, I'm good with it.

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