Chapter 21

After the fiasco I did back in Chennai, I still have the baggage now that we're back in Mumbai.

He was still talking to me, pero hindi matagal. Hindi rin namin napag-usapan 'yong tungkol sa nangyari sa kanilang dalawa ni Devin. It seemed like he doesn't want to talk about it anymoe so I didn't initiate any conversation that talks about them. I couldn't understand Raj why he didn't want to defend himself to Devin. Hinayaan niya lang pagsalitaan siya ng gano'n. Kung hindi niya lang din ako pinigilan ay mapagsasalitaan ko si Devin, but I'm also trying not to embarrass as I knew the power they hold.

Umalis si Raj ng bahay ngayon kaya naman inimbitahan kong pumunta si Priti. Nag-suggest pa ako na magkita na lang kami sa labas, pero nag-insist siya na pumunta na lang sa bahay ni Raj dahil dala-dala niya rin daw ang ilan sa mga gamit na naiwan ko sa bahay nila. Wala pa ring ideya si Priti sa naging agreement namin ni Raj. I don't think I would ever told her about it dahil ako naman ang malalagot sa lalaking iyon kapag nagkataon. Ayokong ipahamak ang sarili. Knowing Priti who could've slipped this secret to anyone wouldn't be wise kahit na pinsan ko pa siya.

Hindi alam ni Raj na pupunta si Priti sa bahay ngayon. He wasn't talking to me so quits lang na hindi ko rin ipaalam sa kanya ang pagbisita ng pinsan ko. Narinig ko ang tawag ni Areesha sa akin at inanunsyo nito na dumating na ang taong hinihintay ko. Tumungo agad ako sa living room kung saan ko naabutan si Priti na naghihintay. Her eyes were wandering around as if bagong-bago para sa kanya itong nakikita niya.

Nang makita niya ako ay agad siyang napatayo sa pagkakaupo at saka niya ako nilapitan at niyakap nang mahigpit. Minsan ay hindi ko rin alam kung anong tumatakbo sa isipan ni Priti, pero sa ngayon ay umaasa lang ako na hindi namin pag-uusapan kung ano man ang naging dahilan kung bakit ako nananatili sa bahay ni Raj.

"This is so beautiful, Kash. Why did you only invite me now?" sabi pa niya.

Napangiwi naman ako at bumalik sa pagkakaupo sa sofa. "I'm not even sure if Raj would like to have some guests in his house. I was only able to invite you because he left."

"Where did he go?" she asked and I shrugged. Naningkit naman ang mata niya sa akin. "He left and you don't know where he'd go?"

Tumango ako. "Yup. Areesha told me earlier that Raj left. I don't know where, but I think I don't even have to know it at all."

"You're his wife and how you didn't know where he went?" she questioned me.

Kailangan kong ilihis ang diskusyon ng pag-uusap namin ni Priti dahil kung patuloy niya akong tatanungin tungkol kay Raj ay baka madulas pa ako sa kung anong pwede kong masabi. I'm living in comfort nang patirahin niya ako rito sa bahay niya. I didn't have to do anything. Kain, pasok sa trabaho, at tulog lang din ang madalas kong gawin. To all the other things na kailangan gawin ay may gagawa no'n para sa akin. Someone could call that I'm living a princess life and I think that's cute, pero this wasn't forever for me. Only until Raj think he needed me to pretend as his wife, we would still be having this kind of setup, but once he change his mind, I would start packing my bags and find a new place for myself.

"Okay, I think he's mad at me," sagot ko at simula sa pag-iiba ng usapin. "Nabalitaan mo naman na nagpunta kami ni Chennai, 'di ba? It was work related, pero one thing happened there at nakita namin si Devin at Cely Carrington."

"For real?!" Priti said, surprised. Hinampas pa niya ako sa braso ko. "Why are you only telling this to me? Why didn't you tell me this when you were still in Chennai? I love Devin and Cely! I wish I could see and meet them in person, too. Okay, so what happened next? Did you meet them? Did you get to kiss Devin?"

"What?!" usal ko sa huli niyang sinabi. "No?! I didn't kiss Devin."

"You missed doing it, Kash," she said, shaking her head. "Okay, so what happened there?"

"I don't think I've ever mentioned this to you, but Raj told me he's Devin's cousin." Nanlaki ang mata ni Priti matapos kong sabihin 'yon. "Yup, that's the same reaction I had when I found out about it. His mom was a sister of Devin's father."

"Was?"

I nodded. "Yeah, he told me she's dead. . . Do you also believe that?"

Napakibit balikat din naman si Priti. I'm not sure if I should believe it or not, but because I don't know anything about Raj's family so I can give him the benefit of the doubt. Does Devin know about that, too? That they were cousins? Have they even met each other?"

Muli naman akong tumango. "Yes, they have met each other. Raj didn't even know about it until he saw them. I was talking to Cely and we agreed to meet just because I told him that Raj and Devin were cousins and you know what surprised me? Devin said he wasn't aware that his aunt had an Indian family. If it was true, his father should've known it, too."

"Oh my gosh, that is a messy family history," komento ni Priti.

"Do you believe in it?" tanong ko pa sa kanya.

"Hm. . . I'm fifty-fifty, to be honest, but I don't know the whole story so I can't say I should believe it all and don't believe it at all. So that was the reason he wasn't talking to you?" Dahan-dahan akong tumango sa kanya para kompirmahin iyon. "I think your husband is trying to hide something from you."

Hindi ako makasagot sa kanya.

"Is your marriage even true?" Umangat ang tingin ko sa tanong niya. Naningkit pa ang mga mata niya na para bang binabasa niya ang reaksyon ko. "If it was true, there should've been some ceremony or any other stuff that would happen. You should know that. You know how our traditional marriage works and it doesn't seem like it happened to both of you guys. If you're making everyone believe you were married just because you've got rings on your fingers and staying at the same house, I think you should think about it again and see what you were trying to do."

"We're married," paninidigan ko naman. "It all happened on a private setup."

"With whom?" she questioned.

"With some private people," sagot ko pa.

Napangisi na lamang si Priti sabay napabitaw nang malalim na buntonghininga. "Okay, if that's what you want me to believe. Anyway, I brought here with me all the stuff that you left at home. There are some shirts, underwear, and pants. I don't think you even need all of these when Raj can give you anything you'd ask."

"Thank you. . . Well, yeah, he bought me some stuff, but I often told him not to because they were all so expensive, and I can't have them."

"Why not? You're his wife and he should be spoiling you with love or something." Muling naningkit ang mata niya sa sinabi ko. "What aren't you telling me, Kash? Is he hurting you?"

Agad naman akong umiling sa sinabi niya. "No, no! He doesn't hurt me. I don't think he was capable of hurting me in anyway."

"We don't know about that," she said. "I'm not sure how long have you known Raj, but all I can tell, even if he is your husband, don't trust him with all of your life. I was just saying this because I care for you, Kash. You're my cousin. I hate Raj for not telling me before and why do I have to know you were married to him afterward? That's like some bullshit."

"I will keep that in mind," tipid kong sagot sa kanya.

Saglit lang ay dumating si Areesha sa living room kung saan ay may dala-dala siyang tray ng pagkain at isang pitchel ng juice. She offered all those food and drink for Priti who didn't waste a single second to get them on her hands.

Kahit anong mangyari ay hindi ko pupwedeng sabihin kay Priti ang deal namin ni Raj. It was still too early to do so. Wala pang isang buwan matapos kong pirmahan iyon. Kung ano man ang mangyari sa mga susunod na araw ay sana hindi na kasing bigat nitong mga nakaraang araw na pinagdaanan ko.

Life shouldn't be this so hard. Siguro minamalas nga lang talaga ako at hindi ko alam kung paano ko aalisin iyon sa sarili ko. I'm not sure if leaving Mumbai would make me feel better and have a good life outside of this country, pero kapag ginawa ko 'yon ay babalik muli ako sa umpisa at mawawala ang lahat ng pinaghirapan ko ngayon. I'm already at the phase of my life na kailangan ko lamang pagbutihan kung hindi pati ang pangarap ko ay susunod na babagsak kapag sumuko ako.

I only got myself for now and if lying was meant for me to get a good life then it is what it is.

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