Evelyn's POV 

The words wanted to rush out of me, I wanted to confess in detail everything my body, mind, and heart were telling me when I was around him. I had just remembered Jax's letter had been left in my drawer back at home. 

Tell me how you feel. 

I was now standing in between his legs, his chocolate-brown eyes looking up at me. It felt wrong, this moment itself felt like it shouldn't be happening between us like we were betraying the same person. His hand snuck up the back of my leg, making me take a sharp breath. 

"What're you worried about?" He whispers still eyeing me, still touching the back of my leg. I looked down at him, he observed my parted lips. 

"I fear we'd complicate everything. I'm scared people will judge me for wanting you because you're Ashton's best friend. I'm terrified of giving in to what I feel because I don't want to fall in love with you." I said, feeling a lump in my throat. 

His hand wrapped tighter around the back of my leg and gently pulled me closer as I spoke. Our bodies are not far from one another, not far at all. An urgent tingle below my stomach and the goosebumps on my flesh reminded me of how naked I was, metaphorically speaking. Jax closes the space between us and sits up straight, I grab his shoulders to balance myself. 

"You'd be my favorite secret," He whispers, I look at his rosy lips like they just said the most soul-crushing poem. 

He puts both of his hands on my hips, and I bite down on my lip, my heart beating out of this world. A petrified emotion in the back of my mind but as I buried it down all I felt were the desires he was instilling in me. 

"Jax," I whispered, unsure. What he had just said was an offer. 

We won't kiss and tell.

"It's no one's business but ours." He said, pressing his thumb above my hip bone causing me to gasp softly. 

I couldn't hold back the urgency I felt in my bones anymore. My lips struck his, and we breathed heavily as I fell on top of his body. His firm, calloused hands ran up my thighs as I straddled him. His tongue softly pushed against my lips; I invited him in as my own tongue explored his mouth. He was starving. But so was I. 

I pulled away for a moment to peek down at him, his fingertips digging into the spot above my knees. His eyes were dark and lustful but held a soft grace within them. He licked his lips as his chest rose and fell. It hurt to stop but I needed to know what it was we were agreeing on.

"What are we doing Jax?" I asked. 

"Each other." He smirked. I scoffed, rolling my eyes but then he sat up so that his eyes were leveled with mine. Jax grabbed the side of my face and sucked on my bottom lip lightly. 

"I don't want you to be a secret and frankly I don't want to be yours. But if you're that worried about what everyone else will think, then I would gladly hide you away in the depths of my heart for as long as it takes until you want to scream it out to the world." He proclaimed. 

It felt as if my heart would stop right then and there.

"We can't act like this around other people; you know that right?" I ask him, frowning a little as I try reading the lovesick sentiment in his eyes. 

"I'm very well aware of the definition of the word 'secret' you know." He half smiles. 

He places a hand at the nape of my neck, and I grab a fistful of his wavy hair as we push against each other. He bites my bottom lip, and a soft moan comes out of me. I run my fingers along his bare chest and then lower my head to place soft, wet kisses on it. I could practically hear him holding his breath. Our lips meet once more intertwining, and I pull away. 

"Let's go to sleep, I'm going to need an immense amount of rest to pretend I don't want to eat you alive tomorrow the whole day," I say as I get off him, a small groan escapes him, but he doesn't push. 

I'm scared this won't end well, but the adrenaline rush along with what I felt clouded my concern more than the fear. I then thought of Ashton and with the thought of him invading my mind came a readable pain because when Jax looked at me his smile disappeared. 

- - - 

The next day, the walk through the national park was beautiful and exhausting, after an incident where a monkey tried stealing the bag, I was carrying I was pretty much over it. Gianna and I had laughed so hard watching Ashton and Jax run after the monkey and try bribing it with an actual fruit. The monkeys here are really smart. 

Gianna spent the rest of the walk flirting with our tour guide and I avoided Jax's eyes like I would die if we made eye contact. Ashton kept bumping into me accidentally because the four of us were either walking behind one another or side by side. Jax and I agreed to keep our distance while we were with Gianna and Ashton today. 

After our walk, I got us all different types of snacks and drinks for our movie night. I can't even remember who or why came up with this idea. It was supposed to take place in the room Jax, and I were staying in. After Gianna and Ashton took their showers and Jax and I took ours (separately) they knocked on our hotel room. 

I gave a quick glance to Jax and before he opened the door, he grabbed my face and crashed into my lips with such force I had to keep myself from stumbling when he pulled away. Now why would he do that to me right now?

"Is everyone ready to piss themselves?!" Gianna greeted, I grimaced jokingly, and she put an arm around me. 

"Why would you say that??" Ashton asks shaking his head. 

"She only says that when we're about to watch a horror movie." I chuckled nervously. 

When Ashton's head was turned to me, and Gianna was busy with the remote Jax was busy looking at my thighs. I swallowed and started overthinking about who was going to be sitting where throughout the movie. 

Of course, naturally, I ended up between Jax and Ashton like I have in the past. Gianna was on the other side of Ashton. 

 - - - 

After 40 minutes and various screams and jumps from Gianna and me the movie was close to being done. I felt friction against my arms anytime Jax or Ashton adjusted themselves. I tried not to look on either side of me because no matter where I looked it would evoke some type of emotion. 

When the credits popped up on the screen, I let out a sigh and shook my head, that movie was disturbing and gory, but I loved it.

"You guys screamed every five seconds." Ashton chuckled lightly.

"Did we watch the same movie?! That was disgusting, especially the part where the guy had part of his leg missing and ugh the blood!" I gagged. 

"It was SO gross, what a success." Gianna nodded. This caused Ashton and Jax to look at each other and laugh, causing me to smile. 

"We're leaving the day after tomorrow so what do you guys want to do when we wake up in the morning?" Jax asked nonchalantly. I observed his mouth as he spoke and waited for Ashton and Gianna to respond. 

Ashton looks over at me, studying my face. Stop looking at me like that Ashton. What would he want to talk about with me personally that we haven't already spoken about? 

"We can take a dip in the beach or swim in the hotel pool. Unless you guys want to look for little souvenirs we can take back home to our friends and family?" Gianna offers. 

"Let's look at the little stores and then take a dip in the pool?" I suggest. 

"Let's do that." Ashton agrees as he stands up. I stand awkwardly, waiting for Gianna and him to go to their room. I'm a bit startled when he pulls me in for a hug, wrapping his arms around me briefly and his hand placement is questionable. I hug him back and look at Jax for a moment who is shooting daggers at Ashton's back. 

I see Gianna's eyes flutter from Jax to me and I clear my throat. Ashton wraps his arm around Jax, and I move next to Gianna; my heart beating rapidly. 

"You ready to go back home?" Ashton asks Jax. 

"No, not at all," Jax exhales. 

Ashton smirks, I hug Gianna goodnight and she throws a half-hearted wave up to Jax as she walks out before Ashton. Ashton shortly follows but pauses midway to turn around and look at me. I swallow nervously as he gazes over at me. 

"Don't forget what you promised me when we get back home." He says with a wink, before walking out of the room. 

Why did he just wink at me?...

I turn around and see a grudge in Jax's eyes. Ashton you little fucker, he knew what he was doing or what he was trying to do anyway. Jax walks up to me, his jaw clenching as he presses his lips together. He looks down at me but doesn't say a word. I look at him timidly but then fix my posture as I take a deep breath. 

"What'd you promise him?" He mutters as he caresses the side of my face with his thumb. 

Every time I look at Jax's eyes I get lost in the warmth of them, his big and gorgeous eyes, his dark lashes. His messy, wavy hair. I bring my attention back to his question. 

"I just promised that we'd speak about whatever he wanted to talk about when we got home. He wanted to take me somewhere to talk while we were here on the trip but I told him it wasn't the best idea." I explain, his hand still holding the side of my face gently. 

He brings his other hand to my cheek, moving a loose strand of hair from my face. He watches me and studies me like I'm his favorite pop quiz. I can tell he's thinking about what to ask me next and if it's worth it to him to hear the answer. 

"Are you still in love with him?" He asks, searching my eyes as if I were to lie to him. I look up at him as I feel his warm breath on my face, he smells like caramel. 

"I- I don't know." I breathe. 

"I know you love him, but are you in love with him?" He revises. The look in his eyes reminded me of summer waters, not the storms I used to love listening to when I was younger. His eyes reflected every peaceful evening I used to luxuriate in. 

His lips are brushing against mine now and my eyes flutter closed thinking he's going to kiss me, but he doesn't. We stay like that for longer than I would like without moving. 

"Answer me," He whispers. 

"I don't know Jax," I breathe him in. 

"Then lie to me," He pleads.