---TRIGGER WARNING: DRUG USE--- 

Evelyn's POV

I woke up in a cold sweat, not knowing if it was night or day. I felt like the wind, going anywhere and everywhere, I did not stay in one place. It felt like I was shapeshifting under my sheets, I punched my legs repeatedly fore they felt like my bones wanted to break out of my leathery skin. I was trembling, fever or not it felt like my temperature had spiked. No, this was not a fever. This was an old friend coming to visit. I kicked my wall repeatedly as I lay on the floor of my bedroom. I screamed curses at the world and myself, I was my own worst enemy at the moment. My friend heroin was leaving my system, a rich girl addicted to drugs. I laugh bitterly, I cry, I curse, I scream. This was opiate withdrawal. 

- - -

A lot of the things we yearn for in this lifetime are usually things we shouldn't be wanting. But my God, isn't that the epitome of human desire? Regardless, of the way the world throws things at us, would we be content without the obstacles, or would we be bored? Lifeless? Lesson-less? 

- - - 

Three weeks after Jax's birthday. For three weeks Cody kept hooking me up with the blow, the oxy, and then the heroin. The texts didn't stop either, it's like there was this unknown force waiting for me to just off myself. If I stopped now, I would go into withdrawal by tomorrow, I was stuck. Today was the last day of the semester, and surprisingly enough I kept my grades at an all-time high. I would get high enough before class so that I wouldn't get sick and then after class, I would meet with Cody, he'd do his coke and I'd do my dope. We were spending so much time together, people either thought we were fucking or dating or both. I dismissed the rumors when asked about it by the girls, I had told them I was tutoring him. I was smart enough for them to believe it and stupid enough to lie. We were definitely not fucking or dating. 

*You're going to crack, I can see it in your eyes.*-unknown.

I had gotten a new phone since I had shattered mine to bits the night of Jax's birthday. After he went back inside the house, I stared at the baggy in my hand for about twenty minutes, twenty minutes too long. I should've flushed it in the first minute of finding it.

 My parents were currently on a trip to Bali, and my brother was spending a lot of time with Sadie, which kept them off my back. Hoodies had become my new best friend, and sweatpants once again. I hated having my hair down, so I kept it up in either a bun or a ponytail. The second my high wore off I would start getting so cold, no matter how many layers of clothes I had on, it felt like there was ice running through my veins. 

I feel a pair of strong hands pull me into a familiar closet. I've been here before, I got a case of Deja vu all of a sudden. 

"What the fuck is going on with you?" Ashton whispers angrily, he turns on the lightbulb in the middle of the closet and slams the door shut, locking it. 

I squint as he pulls the glasses gently off my face. His eyes searched my own for a response I wouldn't give. 

"What?" I ask defensively. I cross my arms, hugging myself and avoiding his intense gaze. 

"Evelyn, are you fucking high?" He asks grabbing my arms, his face full of concern and pensiveness. 

"Are you fucking drunk?" I retort sarcastically, pulling my arms away from him. His expression is pained and offended, but worried and soft now. I sigh, grabbing my shades from his hand gently and putting them back on my face. 

"I'm fine Ashton," I whisper. 

"You haven't been to the bonfires we've had in months, not even with the girls." He says quietly, lowering his head. 

"That's because someone is fucking harassing me through unknown text messages, and I don't trust anybody right now. Apparently, this person has been looking me in the eyes and reading every fearful thought behind them, just waiting for me to fall apart." I say repulsed. I take my hood off my head and take the glasses off again, being careful that my phone doesn't fall out of my pocket, since I keep the dope behind my phone case. 

"What? Someone's harassing you??" Ashton moves my chin up so that I'm looking up at him, but I look back down quickly, scared he'll see right through me and notice I'm not sober. 

I feel droplets of sweat start forming along my forehead and a slight chill runs through my body. I need to smoke some right now, I can't walk around withdrawing. I start getting antsy and tapping my foot on the floor. 

"Look, I have to go. It's fine, I'll figure it out." I start grabbing at the door, but he grabs my hand. I look at him and he's staring at my fingertips, and I realize what he's studying is the black hue on my fingers from smoking the dope on the foil. I yank my hand away harshly and storm out of the closet, bumping into Jax in the process. Oh, for fucks sake. 

"Woah, where have you been?" Jax asks looking down, his forehead creasing with worry as he takes in the state of me. 

"Yeah, tell us where the fuck and what the fuck you've been doing Evelyn." Ashton retorts behind me. He knows.

I swallow nervously looking up at Jax and just start speed walking away from them. The nerves aren't helping, and it's already been almost 8 hours since I last took a hit. I need to get to a bathroom or home right the fuck now. 

I look back and I see them both making their way towards me. Oh hell no. I start sprinting towards the parking lot. That's when I had screwed up, my phone fell out of my pocket. I squat down scrambling to pick up the piece of folded-up foil, the tiny straw, the little baggy. 

"Oh, you got me fucked up." I hear Ashton say behind me. 

"Evelyn. no, no, no man." Jax whispers. 

Ashton yanks the piece of foil from my hand, and I don't panic until Jax's eyes meet mine. He looks down at my clenched fist. 

"Give it to me." Jax whispers, "You can't even drive like this."

I shake my head, now I'm sweating, and my hands are shaking. I'm starting to feel sick to my stomach. "I need to go," I say quickly turning around. 

Jax reaches for my keys, and I yell at him to give them back. "I'll take you home, there's no way you're driving like this Evelyn you're fucking high. This isn't fucking cocaine it's fucking HEROIN." He half yells, whispering the last word. 

I see Ashton's eyes watering behind Jax, his nostrils flaring slightly with anger and sadness. My own eyes are watering, but I can't tell if it's because I'm sick or sad or both. What frightens me the most is knowing I can get more, but not if they drive me home. They won't fucking let me out of their sight now. 

"How long?" Ashton whispers. Jax turns to face him, perplexed. 

"Since the night of his birthday party," I answer, hoping the sooner I get the questions out of the way the sooner I can take my fucking hit. 

"I need to fucking go right now," I say through gritted teeth. 

Jax runs a finger through his hair not knowing what to do. Looking back and forth from Ashton and I. Then I see Cody walking up to us and I curse under my breath at his timing. 

"Yo, what's going on?" He asks me, looking at Ashton and Jax frowning. 

"They know, I'm getting sick and I'm about to start kicking because they took my shit," I say flatly. 

Jax looks at me astonished through narrow eyes; he looks as if he'd just been slapped in the face. I wince, wishing the moment away. Ashton looks at Cody with his head cocked to the side. 

"You knew?" Ashton asks, Cody laughs feigning shock by putting his hands in front of him. 

"A little party never hurt anyone, relax guys Jesus," Cody says. 

Jax punches him in the face and Ashton's jaw twitches continuously. "She's a fucking addict you idiot!" Ashton yells at him. Cody pinches his nose to stop it from bleeding and I start growing more impatient than I already was. 

"Fuck this, I'll call an Uber," I say turning around and walking away. I was starting to cramp up, I searched my contacts for my old dealer's phone number. 

"No, Evelyn hey, hey look at me for one second." Jax pleads, catching up to me. 

"Jax man, she's gone. The only way you're getting through to her is once she detoxes because right now the only thing, she's thinking about is making whatever she's feeling go away. I saw my brother withdrawing once, I couldn't bear it. He would've done anything to get rid of that feeling, he would've said anything." Ashton utters to Jax as they both follow me. 

I stop walking to face them. "Just take me home," I say, terror filling my chest with what's to come.   

- - -

When we got home, I eyed Jax's hand to see if he would put the baggy down, but he was clutching it for dear life. I drop to the floor in an episode of unbearable cramps. They look at me in horror, not knowing what to do. 

"Give me the bag." I manage to say. Jax clutches his fist tighter but drops down next to me as Ashton paces back and forth. 

"Take me to my room I don't want my brother to see me like this when he gets home," I say, shaking. There was sweat dripping down my stomach under my hoodie, but I was shivering under my sweater.

Ashton picks me up and I can hear his heartbeat increasing as he makes his way up the staircase. I dig my face in his chest as I tremble, i should not be having to feel like this right now. I start thinking of hiding spots around my room to see if I can sneak it past them, maybe I left another baggy somewhere around here. Usually, my blinds are open so I can see the ocean but for weeks they've been closed. There were half-empty water bottles all over my dresser and I remember the foil under my bathroom sink with some substance still on it. 

My mind is parading a million miles an hour and I can't seem to slow it down. They won't follow me to the bathroom. Ashton puts me down and I walk over and grab one of the water bottles to take a tiny sip from it. I look at Jax, who now has his head lowered between his knees as he sits on my bed. Ashton's jaw is jutted forward, his jaw locked in place as he gawks at the foil in his hand. 

"I need to use the restroom-" I begin saying but my empty words are compromised as soon as I see Jax get up and walk to the bathroom, he ransacks everything until he steps out with more foil in his hand. I feel the withdrawal-fueled rage ignite me. The foil is between two of his fingers as he stands there looking at me in a disapproving manner. Ashton gapes at him and his eyes dart back to me. 

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO RIGHT NOW? I'm already fucking withdrawing. What's your plan huh? Do you two think you can detox me or something? Like, give me a break." I yell, quite agitated now. 

"Yeah, it takes about five days, right? You can do this Eve, please. Please, do it for us. Do it for your parents so they don't have to see you like this when they get back." Ashton supplicates. A sob escapes my lips. 

"It's too much. I can't go through that again." I cry. My eyes brimming with tears as I look at Jax and Ash. 

"You can, you can do it we'll take turns staying by your side you won't be alone in this room for a second. We'll help you if you let us, please." Jax braces. 

I start pacing back and forth, I'm shaking uncontrollably now and sweating just as bad. I can feel the goosebumps coming up along my skin and the sweat sneaks its way down my neck. I consider my parents for a moment and curse my addictive personality under my breath. I gaze at Jax hazily as he stands there with what I need, knowing if he would just hand it to me, I would cease to feel the symptoms consuming me physically at the moment. 

"Okay, Can I use the bathroom now? My stomach really hurts." I lie, in reality, I'm going to rummage through every crevice of the bathroom to see if I find anything that can help me. Ashton and Jax look at each other for a second and then nod, I try to calmly walk towards my restroom. 

Once I'm inside I lock the heavy door and start investigating thoroughly. My hands are shaking unfavorably, and I can't fathom the icy feeling coursing through my body mixed in with a cold sweat, I feel the bile rise and I forcefully swallow it back down. The dry heaving will be the end of me if I start throwing up now. 

Jax knocks three times on the door and asks if I'm okay. "Yes, I'll be out in a second. Can you um, give me some privacy." I was attempting to make my voice sound steady, but it betrayed me terribly with a constant shake. 

I search in my little drawers, in my nail polish bag, under the bathroom mat. That's when I remember, the little jewelry box I have behind all of my hair products. I open the cabinets frantically looking for the little black box. I let out a whimper when I feel the restless legs settle in, this has to be the worst symptom of them all. I extend my arm into the flat surface of the cabinet, my finger fiddling with a square-shaped item. 

I grab it and look in the mirror, the soft spot under my eyes a purplish, discoloration around them. I open the black box and see the ruby earrings Jax had gotten me for my birthday. I run my fingers over the red stones. I place the box down gently on the countertop and put the earrings on with shaky hands. I let out a cry and clutch my stomach I can't take any longer or they'll knock down the door. 

"Evelyn open the door." Ashton orders. 

"I'm coming out now," I say quickly as Jax and Ashton continue knocking louder and louder making my heart race and my anxiety thicken. 

I removed the mesh-like texture from the jewelry box and under it was a piece of foil and inside was a brownish, powdery substance. That was a full hit, bingo. I fumble quickly trying to grab the lighter from inside my pants and I rip a piece of magazine from the pile in my bathroom. I rolled it into a little straw and put it on top of the foil on the spot where the powder subsided. As soon as I felt the familiar burn in my throat from the smoke I was hit with a wave of euphoria. The cold sweats vanished and my muscles instantly relaxed, it was like a warm hug by the fireplace. It was like an embrace from your favorite person on a terrible day. When I had first done this years ago, I never knew it would have me in a chokehold like this. 

I slide down to the floor by the wall next to the bathroom door, eyes closed, and head back. Finally. That's all it took, one hit for the sickness to go away, for the withdrawals to be gone. But in the back of my mind, I knew one hit wasn't enough to keep me right for the rest of the day. I nod off for I'm not sure how long. 

I come to, once I hear a loud crash and crack beside me and Jax is tapping my face lightly to wake me up. "I fucking told you," Ashton mutters.

My eyes flutter open and I feel the anxiety building in my chest once I spot the first aid kit and I see that the Narcan (naloxone) has been used. I'm up on my feet in less than a second, shaking my head no. 

"You didn't," I whisper. Jax frowns, eyebrows knit together in confusion as he towers above me. I look at Ashton and his face is in his hands and he's crying. 

"You fucking Narcan'd me?!" I yell, furiously. I was about to feel so much worse than I felt earlier. When someone is hit with Narcan, the way it works is by blocking the effects of the opiates and restoring breathing... if you're lucky. But the person will definitely not be feeling lucky. I feel the muscles in my legs and arms having spasms as of right now and I start throwing up violently. 

"How long is this going to last?" Jax asks Ashton quickly, his breathing heavy as he holds my hair. 

"Well, we just saved her from being sick for days, now she's going to be violently sick for two hours at most." 

I start crying loudly, punching my legs over and over again, my breathing quick and painful. They must've done sternum rubs on me at first because my God my chest hurts. I want to quite literally jump out of my window. I run out of the bathroom and out of my room, fuck this I'm not staying here like this. I'm immediately picked up by Jax as I kick, scream, and hit him, yelling for him to let go of me. 

"I'm sorry Evelyn but I'm not letting you possibly die, again," Jax says loudly. Ashton seems as if he's about to pull his own hair out and I feel the 'goose flesh' on me which causes me to not want to be touched, I rather claw my own eyes out than be touched right now. 

"LET GO OF ME." I shriek insistently. He drops me in the middle of the room as Ashton closes my room door. 

"You sent me straight into precipitated withdrawal, you should've let me just fucking die!" I whisper. I walk over to my bed and take off my hoodie, not knowing if I'm hot or cold I wrap myself in my comforter and lay on the floor in fetal position. 

- - -

Jax's POV 

Ashton and I take turns bringing her water, trying to make her eat something but she won't touch anything. She looked anguished and I couldn't help but feel guilty, I knew something was wrong that day of my birthday and I still walked away. 

One of us stayed in the room with her while the other sat by the outside of her room door. It's been two hours and she's still sick. I look at her in horror as I see her kick her wall repeatedly as she lies on the floor, tossing and turning. 

"There's got to be something that can help Evelyn, you don't have any meds here that can help you get through this?" I ask her softly, the corners of my eyes creased with concern. 

Her hair was almost matted together, and the sweat on her skin was extremely visible from far away. Her eyes met mine as I kneeled next to her on the floor, and I saw the loads of pain in her jewel-like eyes. 

"I-I don't kno- know." Evelyn starts crying, swinging from side to side and hitting her forearms against the floor now. I put my hand down on the floor and told her to hit it on my hands instead of the floor, fearful that she'd break something. 

"Hold on, just hold on I'll ask Ashton maybe he knows," I whisper, wanting to rub her hair away from her forehead but knowing she'd probably freak out if I touched her right now. I make my way to the door and open it finding Ashton sitting by the wall, he looks up distraught. 

"Are there any meds that can help her right now? So, she can sleep through it maybe?" I ask desperately. He ponders on the question for a moment before getting up and meeting my gaze. 

"I mean valium, any benzo, the gabapentin will help with the restlessness and cold sweats. I'll check the kitchen drawer just stay with her; I'll know what I'm looking for." Ashton spoke in a defeated tone. I sighed and went back in the room walking over to Evelyn's small figure curled up on the floor. 

"Hey, why don't we get you on the bed? Ashton's going to bring you something so that maybe you can get some sleep okay?" I whisper. Evelyn keeps her eyes closed but nods, still trembling on the floor engulfed in her sheets. 

- - -

Ashton had managed to find a bottle of valium and we gave her two of the little pills with some water, in thirty minutes she seemed to stop shaking as badly as she was. When Ayden got home, we had locked the door, not knowing what to say to him. Luckily, he was hiding in his room with Sadie, and they were not talking from the sounds of it. 

"I thought you said we had speeded up her detox with the Narcan?" I whisper to Ashton as Evelyn sleeps. He rubs his chin before responding. 

"Yeah, I thought so too man." He mutters. 

- - -

Evelyn's POV

The next three days were agonizing and incredibly embarrassing. The times I would get up to shower I needed Ashton's help, the warm baths with salts would help a little. The valium helped me get a couple of hours of sleep before it would wear off and I'd wake up cursing, yelling, and hitting my feet against my wall. 

Ashton would leave to get Jax and himself a change of clothes and Jax would stay with me, so I didn't run out of the house to cop dope. By the fourth day, I was starting to feel better. The anxiety was easing up and the cold sweats were slowly disappearing. I had to force myself to eat the smallest of things, a little bit of soup here and there from my brother. My brother had no idea what I had gone through and for that I'm grateful, luckily, he was always at Sadie's house. 

Jax and Ashton had watched me almost tear my room apart, there was a hole in my wall from kicking it with my foot repeatedly, Jax said he would fix it one of these days. 

"Thank you, both of you," I say to them, sitting by the ocean now. Sand enveloping our toes, the breeze felt good, and I was wrapped up in a cleaner blanket now. 

"I think you should start going to narcotics anonymous meetings, we'll go with you once in a while. But do something so this never happens again, I beg of you." Ashton says. 

I look away from him and back at the water, I nod my head. "I'll do that," I say quietly.