Ashton's POV

**3 months later** 

I didn't understand much about love before I met her. I guess I still don't, considering the madness that went through my brain but if there's one thing, I've learned it's that you don't take advantage of the one who's willing to let herself be loved by you, she gave me her trust and I doubted it. 

I was in the middle of computer class, a ball of guilt swirling in my stomach. Three months had passed since Evelyn miscarried what would've been someone that would've bonded us forever. I was sick to my stomach about it. Three months without her love, three months without touching her, because of my poor decisions and lack of judgment, how could I have messed up this awfully? Again?

I would text Evelyn constantly to no avail, she wanted nothing to do with me after she got better, or at least that's what she made it seem like. But she couldn't hide from me forever, I wouldn't let her. She's mine, she'll always be mine and she knows it. I wasn't going to let anyone touch her the way I did, and the thought maddened me. I kept thinking of the way I would see Jax stare at her, the way I'd catch a new emotion in his eyes every time he was around her. I clenched my fists at the thought. I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and as I looked up, I saw ringlets of red curls. 

"Don't fucking touch me, Nicky." I spat, rubbing her hand away from my shoulder as if she was a pest. She scoffs, not expecting such constant rejection from me. She sits in front of me by the cafe and I start getting up from my chair not wanting to be around her when she and I were the reason I wasn't with the love of my life. 

"We helped each other Ash, you can't deny that." She says, crossing her slim arms. 

"No, the fuck we didn't. You're nothing to me and my brother is incredibly lucky he doesn't have to deal with you anymore." I say, through gritted teeth walking away. Immediately I felt like I had portrayed those words harsher than I meant to, actually, no I meant them how I said it.

I lack the distinction of someone who has the non-impulsive gene in their body. So, I text Evelyn once more. 

**Are you coming to Molly's party tonight** 

I text her, probably looking as desperate as ever for a glimpse of her affection. It was agonizing, knowing I'm the reason there's a drift in presence. Knowing her love and indulging in it, it's bliss. So once Evelyn rips it away and you experience her cold side, it makes you feel like you don't matter anymore. Her affection, her love, makes you feel like you're on top of the world it truly makes you believe you're special somehow in this blimp of time and space. I don't know if I've genuinely smiled for the past three months. Even when she was giving me a cold shoulder, she'd send words of encouragement to my phone when I would tell her I was hurting about the miscarriage. She was selfless in that way.

I pictured her dark brown hair almost reaching down to her bottom now, longer than ever. I pictured her slim, manicured fingers holding a cigarette and the smoke revealing her freckled nose. Those eyes, that looked so much like the ocean we'd gaze at together. 

**Maybe.**-Evelyn.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't excited to see her, it had been incredibly long since I last saw her, and she stayed off social media this whole time. I couldn't help but wonder if she would look different, sound different. Evelyn had stopped going to the bonfires as well, which weren't the same without her. I'd get resentful and jealous of Jax because I knew they were spending time together, never alone but with her friends. I know this because Gianna would post pictures of all of them together, that's the only way I knew that Evelyn hadn't changed that much in appearance, but still, I wondered. Like I said her lack of presence in my life was a melancholic experience.  

The guilt was eating me alive. I think back to the day I met her, all the time. The things we did together and all the memories we made when we first started dating, even before that I couldn't keep my eyes off her. When I slept with someone else that night, I couldn't even enjoy it, it was like I was forcing myself to detach from her, and for what? It didn't even work, all because I was being a coward. If I can't touch Evelyn, then I don't want to touch anyone else and I haven't. That was the most immature thing I've ever done in my life, and I haven't forgiven myself for it. I miss the way she feels when we're skin to skin, I miss being the reason behind her smile and not her heartbreak. I miss the way I made her heart race and the way her cheeks flushed whenever we flirted. Does she ever miss it as well? Does she ever miss me?

I realized I was crying silently on the drive home, cursing myself for my regrettable measures. I hit the steering wheel once, twice, a couple of times. 

*I hope you're doing well*-Evelyn. She texts me and it makes my heart sink, she has no idea, no fucking clue how badly I need her back.

- - -

Evelyn's POV

"God you guys are SO beautiful what the hell!? I swear I'd marry all of you right now." I yell at Gianna and Sophie. Admiring them in their high heels and short dresses, Sadie was staying in with my brother, but I was going out tonight. I took three months to myself, holed up in my room, and focused on my schoolwork, my best friends, and nothing else. 

I was doing a lot better. Of course, I still have a meteor-sized wound on my heart but I was better. I owe it to myself to have some fun and act my age. I look in the mirror as Sophie removes herself from my line of vision, as she finishes up my black, winged eyeliner. I add a hint of lip-liner to accentuate my full lips and I skip the foundation since I'll probably sweat it off anyway. 

When Ashton had texted me today, I thought my heart would burst. I thought I'd give it all up and tell him to come to me, that I miss everything we were before the inevitable fears of this world fucked our relationship. But I couldn't forget what he'd done.

"Stop thinking about him. You are looking better than you ever have, which to be completely honest I didn't even think would be possible. You're going to have a blast tonight and that's final." Gianna tells me, cocking her head to the side and touching my glitter-sprayed shoulder gently. 

Sophie smirks and agrees with her. Sophie had been talking to Cole for about a month, they seemed completely infatuated with each other. I was happy for her, she deserved it. I think she made Cole a better person, she told me that he stopped going out the way he used to and that he treated her like a princess. As he should. 

Jax and I hadn't been alone in a room together since our little sleepover, he respected that I needed space from everyone. I was so close to falling off the edge, but my family and friends got me through it and so did God. I was back to praying every night, without fail, and waking up knowing how blessed I was. 

You see life has a way of turning the ugliest experiences into something good. Everything bad that's ever happened to me only ever brought me closer to God, to not lean on my own understanding but on his. 

"Alright, come on girls please. Let's go downstairs, take two shots, and be on our way." I say, that familiar feeling of excitement and thrill bubbling up in my chest again like an old friend. Hello there, I've missed you.

- - -

When we get to Molly's house, the word mansion is probably a better word to describe what lies before us. A ginormous house made out of stone, with dark, wooden floors and a huge pool table where I thought the dining table would be. It was dark in the house except for the flashing lights that changed colors every second making a sea of bodies glow red, green, blue, and purple. 

There were people playing beer pong inside the house, and others dancing on couches and coffee tables. Girls making out with their boyfriends or lovers or other girls in different areas. I make my way outside with Gianna as Cole and Sophie damn near tackle each other with kisses and hugs. 

"Wow, it's almost as nice as your house," Gianna mutters, grinning from ear to ear. 

"Looks like everyone is too drunk to judge anybody else so that's great. Come on, they're serving dirty martinis past the pool!" Gianna squeals as she grabs my hands and drags me to the outside bar. 

"Two dirty martinis for my wife and I sir," Gianna tells the bartender batting her long eyelashes, he was wearing a suit and had a mischievous smirk on his face.  

I roll my eyes and thank him, telling her to have fun since she's already distracted. I walk past the outside area and back into the house. I down my martini in one gulp and eat the two olives. My mother always told me to be careful eating fruit or anything that had been soaking up in an alcoholic drink, because it makes you drunker apparently. 

- - -

There was no denying I was a bit tipsy; I swayed my hips to the beat of the music with a couple of other girls who were dancing. I moved my hair to one side, it was getting ridiculously long and making me hot in the crowd of people. 

Jax's POV

God, she looked as beautiful as ever. I came to the party with Ashton, and he was looking at Evelyn in awe. The same admiration I had for her, in his eyes. He'd been a mess ever since the breakup, he resented me for being around her when he couldn't be. I knew it, I felt it, and I understood it because I would too. 

The way Evelyn's dancing, the way her body moves reminds me of a story only she can tell. 

"Fuck, she's everything Jax, everything. I'm going to grab a beer and find Damien and Cole; I don't want to just bum rush her." Ashton says, rubbing his face with both of his hands as he walks away.

I'm left standing there, gazing at Evelyn as if I'm under a spell until her eyes meet mine and she smiles at me with a seductive look on her face that makes me forget my morals. She walks over to me in her nude-colored, sparkling dress with a slit that runs up her thigh. Just as the song changes to one that's matching the way I feel looking at her. 

"Jaxie, let's smoke a cigarette." She smiles. Jaxie was her new nickname for me, I smirked at her amusingly because she looked like trouble tonight. 

"No not outside, too many people." She says. She nods her head, and we make our way up the stairs, shoving past groups of people lingering everywhere. Where is she taking me to?

Once we're upstairs we finally enter an empty room where the music and people's conversations are muffled enough through the closed door. She pulls out a gold-rose-colored metal case and takes out a cigarette from it. 

I pull one of my cigarettes out and light hers up, lighting up my own after. The lit cherry at the end of the cigarette reminded me of her tonight. A fire I hadn't noticed in her eyes, a gleam of playfulness. She inhales slowly, elegantly, and then blows the smoke out.

"Are you having fun?" I ask her, walking over to the balcony that leads to a view of the pool and the rest of the backyard. 

"I am, are you?" She smirks, and I match the expression on her face. 

"Honestly, I'm thinking about leaving early and heading out to dinner. I know this hole in the wall that makes the best pasta and serves exquisite wine." She says, one of her eyebrows raised implying she wants me to come. I take the hint and smile at her, my eyes giving away what my mouth won't. 

"Sounds great, what time are we leaving?" Ashton says, popping up unannounced by the door I hadn't realized was cracked open. Her smirk drops and her eyes go wide at the sight of him. They hadn't seen each other in months. My stomach started hurting as their eyes met and I felt as if I was the only one left out of a joke, they both knew. Until her eyes flicked back from him to me and back to him again. 

Evelyn's phone rings once and she laughs as if someone just told her a bad joke. 

"Well, it's just us three so I guess it's a date. What's that saying? Three is better than two?" She smiles at both of us. She then said that Sophie and Gianna were catching a ride home with Cole and Damien tonight.

I can't help but laugh at how serious Ashton's face is and at her lack of knowledge when it comes to phrases. 

"It's two is better than one, but I guess we'll make that work tonight," I say, laughing as I rub my eyes just to make sure I'm not in some weird fever dream and this is happening. 

- - - 

Evelyn's POV

As soon as I hear Ashton's voice my body goes into a state of shock. My attention snapped on him, but I didn't forget the way Jax was right there, so close yet so untouchable. Why had I been thinking so much about Jax lately? Was it because he healed a heart he didn't break or was there throughout the process? I was incredibly confused, but this night just got a lot more interesting. 

"So, whose car are we taking?" I ask. 

"I only had one beer, I've stopped drinking the way I used to so I'm good to drive and Jax and I came together, we'll take you home after dinner," Ashton answers, hands in his pockets looking relaxed and confident. He looked as perfect as ever, as gorgeous of a man as ever. 

- - -

The car ride wasn't that awkward.... except you could cut through the tension with a knife. I was stuck in the backseat like I usually am in other people's cars. Ashton kept looking at me through the rearview mirror and I was trying so hard not to make eye contact with him, but I couldn't help it, he looked so fucking good. I missed the way he felt inside me, the way he'd pull my hair and talk me through it. But I didn't trust him anymore, he fucked that up.

The other half of my brain was fantasizing about Jax and how his love would be a soothing balm for my scorched heart. I won't lie, I thought about how the sex with Jax would be more often than I'd care to admit. 

The three of us ordered pasta and two bottles of wine, Ash was babysitting his first glass of wine through most of the dinner. We spoke about our grades and what our life had consisted of over the past three months. Jax and Ash had bonded over a family trip they went on together with Ashton's parents and I thought about how nice that must have been for them. 

The restaurant had very dim lighting and there were candles in the middle of every square-shaped table, the tables were covered in elegant, cream-colored cloths that covered all of our legs. You can't see what anyone is doing under these tables, I thought. Hmmm. The walls were a deep, dark red with intricate patterns on one wall and dark wood on another. 

I was sitting from across Ash and Jax and I could deny no longer the unspoken words that threatened to spill out to both of them, although I would've asked them each two very different questions. 

Jax's lips were tinted the color of the red wine we were drinking, and Ashton's eyes gleamed with love and desire. I'm sure my own lips were tinted red and I'm sure my eyes gleamed with something resembling desire, for all the wrong reasons. Something told me this night was going to be extremely strange and extremely fun. I wasn't thinking about our past, I was thinking about the moment, but there was no ignoring my feelings for Ashton and the confusion that abided in my bones for Jax. 

"Let's play a game." I offered, taking a sip from the wince-inducing wine. Ashton sucked on his bottom lip when I said this, curiosity lurking on his face. Jax's eyebrows ascended a bit at these words. 

"Oh, come on, I'll make it friendly," I said, a smirk forming on my lips.

- - -

Ashton's POV

The look in her eyes, I know that look, I've seen that look when I would make her lose her composure in bed with me. Everything we did, everything we were came rushing back when I saw her in that dress at the party tonight. There was no way in hell I was letting her come to dinner with Jax alone, not if I had any say in it. The way her gaze fell on me when we saw each other let me know there was still something there for her, something I'd fight for. 

Now she was talking about playing a game and we didn't have the best track record with those. But there was a dauntless emotion in her eyes, a risk that she wanted to take tonight. But what was the risk? I knew her enough to know that, but I couldn't read her well enough to know what it was.  

"What game?" Jax asks. I see her look at Jax's lips for five seconds too long and then her eyes meet mine and she holds the contact for what feels like ten long seconds. She looked as breathtaking as I expected her to look, and her poise and elegance were nothing new. Her eyes looked greener tonight rather than the blue that usually appears in them. Her skin had a dewy look to it and her hair was straight tonight, it suited her. I feel like she's playing at something right now but what the fuck was it? 

- - -

Jax's POV

I have a feeling she wants something, and I know Ashton and I want something, but I've turned greedy being around her. I want her to myself and I'm slowly not caring that Ashton had her first, because she's not property. Evelyn was always beyond anybody's grasp, but I understand Ashton's need for her. Once you have her that close, you can't get enough. 

I caught the way her eyes lingered on my lips and fluttered back to Ashton. What is it Evelyn, what do you want?

AUTHORS NOTE:

I hope this chapter made your heart beat as fast as it did for me as I wrote it!! i hope whoever reads this chapter is asking ALL the good questions and thinking all the naughty things and all the possibilities for what could be happening  next. What is Evelyn getting at? What could this chapter possibly lead to and what do you guys want it to lead to? How do we feel? ......Thank you to all the readers that take the time to read this book, I'm reading many of your stories and I must say I love that I have something to read every chance I get. I appreciate you all so much. -ingryd.