Evelyn's POV

     So much of this world is pain, so much of it is enduring that pain and turning it into lessons learned. At least that's what everybody says, but what if it's all for nothing? I pray every night for forgiveness, I pray for my family and friends, and I try not to be selfish when doing so. I try not to ask for money or "beauty".  I'm aware of how blessed I am but addiction doesn't discriminate. It made the worst parts of me visible to the naked eye. There was a point where I couldn't hide the withdrawals when I tried to stop. The cold sweats, the stomach cramps, the restless legs. I shiver just remembering not being able to keep food down. I thank God every day that I'm not stuck in that dark place anymore and to please keep me away from it for as long as I live. 

"Love is an irresistible desire, to be irresistibly desired,"-Robert Frost 

I put my book down and started getting ready for class, surprisingly I hadn't run into any trouble or heard any whispers. I guess college is just different from high school (thankfully) I had literature with Ashton today. I walk over to my closet and pick out some black leggings and a white sweatshirt that falls off my shoulder, I touch the necklace Ashton gave me absentmindedly. I put on the ruby earrings Jax gave me for my birthday and put on the bracelet I got from the girls as a present as well. I pick out some white sneakers, apply some lip gloss and concealer, and let my hair fall messily in waves. 

Once I get to the kitchen, I hug my parents and pat my brother on the head, he rolls his eyes at this. I grab an apple and kiss them goodbye since Ashton's driving me to school. 

- - -

"Why do you always look so beautiful, no matter what you're wearing." Ashton compliments me, I smile at him. My nerves are shot today for some reason, hence my hands trembling. He frowns because nothing gets past him. 

"Just pretend you don't notice Ash, it's nothing," I say quickly, moving my hair behind my ear. He places his hand on my thigh and starts the engine. 

- - - 

Ashton was walking me to class when I dropped the textbook, I was holding in my hand along with my notebooks. He comes here, I should've fucking known that. Oh my God, it's never going to stop. He's going to see me, and the rumors are going to start again. I need to go home. Ashton bends down to try and help me with my books as I'm fumbling them trying to grab them first. He sees how badly my hands are shaking now. 

"Evelyn, what's wrong baby?" He whispers. 

But I can't hear him, because he saw me. The guy that had raped me, was my boyfriend at the time. Elijah. He was fucking smiling at me like he knew the power he thought he still had over me. I hated him. 

"Evelyn, Evelyn!" Ashton repeated until I finally looked at him. I got up without looking at him again and just told him I had to go home. He looks back to where I was looking, and Elijah is staring at both of us now with a smirk on his fucking face. I grab Ashton's hand and tell him I'll Uber home and that he shouldn't miss class. I start making my way towards the exit. I can hear him follow shortly behind me. 

"Evelyn who was that guy? Eve stop walking away from me!" He says exasperated. I push past the double doors and the cold metal on my hands is the only thing reminding me I'm not in some fucked up nightmare. 

"Babe, I'll take you home just talk to me! You promised we wouldn't shut each other out ever again!" He yells. I turn around to face him with tears in my eyes. 

"Ashton just STOP. Just fucking stop. This isn't about you right now! I just want to go home." I yell back at him. He doesn't say another word until we reach my room, I reluctantly let him follow me upstairs. I turn on the water so I can take a bath and just calm down. I take my clothes off immediately, feeling as if I wait another second, I'll just feel dirtier and more suffocated by the clothes on my body. But in reality, no matter how much I scrub, no matter how much I shower or bathe there's this feeling of dirtiness that I just can't wash away. 

I ignore Ashton as he's standing there with his hand on his waist and another hand in his hair. I get in the bath and start scraping my skin almost raw with my towelette. I start rubbing the towel on my arm more aggressively until I literally make myself bleed and I almost don't feel the tears streaming down my face. Ashton runs inside the bathroom. He kicks off his shoes and gets in the bathtub fully clothed, he takes hold of my hands forcing me to stop washing my skin raw. 

"It's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay." He whispers inspecting my arm. He gets out of the bathtub and helps me out. I'm almost in a zombie-like state, wishing I was just in bed lying down. 

"I'm going to take care of you, nothing's going to hurt you anymore." He says, but I don't answer. I'm just staring blankly at the floor; I can taste the saltiness of the tears on my lips as I cry silently. He sits me down on a little bench I have in my bathroom and runs back to my room. He comes back with a big t-shirt of his that he left in my room weeks ago. 

Ashton dries me up and dresses me in his t-shirt, it's big enough on me that it stops right above my knees, it's comforting. I can smell the faint smell of the ocean mixed with his cologne. He walks back over, kneeling in front of me. 

"I love you; I love you so much." He says as he kisses my hands, his hazel eyes meeting my green ones. I see all the love he holds for me in those beautiful eyes behind those dark eyelashes. He wraps my arm with some bandaging he found in a first aid kit I had, I'm sure he saw the naloxone as well. Ashton picks me up and carries me to my bed as I lean my head on his chest, and he lays me down gently. Climbing into bed with me after he took off all his wet clothes and just stayed in his boxers. 

The exhaustion that came over me at that moment caused me to fall asleep right beside him. They say that you get really tired around someone if you feel safe with them. I fell asleep with that thought in my head as Ashton rubbed my back, and I dozed off. 

- - -

We woke up around dinner time, my God we slept the whole day. I stretch not wanting to wake Ashton up yet. I admire him as he sleeps looking at the curve of his dark brown eyelashes, feeling lucky that this beautiful man is mine. His high cheekbones, his full lips, and defined Cupid's bow. Ashton's lips were the lightest shade of pink and his cheekbones had a natural flush to them. His eyes begin fluttering open and it seems like it takes him a second to realize he's here with me. I give him a soft kiss on the cheek and start sitting up, but he pulls me towards him flipping me over on my back, I laugh at his impulsivity. 

"I love you; we slept the whole day." He says hovering above me grinning, and lord could it be possible to fall more in love with someone each day? 

"I love you more, and I know," I say, forgetting about why I had that freak out earlier as we look into each other's eyes. My phone starts ringing like crazy, but I ignore it in a trance-like state as I look at Ashton's eyes. But then his phone starts ringing, after he ignores it once it rings three more times. The look of love in our eyes turns into confusion. We both pick up our phones and it's a bunch of missed calls from our friends and text messages. 

**Evelyn, don't freak out but Elijah sent out a video of you passed out and doing things to you, I think it's back from when you guys were dating.**-Sadie 

I see similar messages from Sophie and Gianna, I look at Ashton in a panicked state. He starts going through his phone and I put my head in my hands. That piece of shit, all the memories I fought off so hard to push away, all the fights my brother got in. I wanted the earth to swallow me whole at that moment. Why would he do this? Now? 

"I'm going to kill this piece of shit." Ashton practically growls. "He's not getting away with this, I'll kill him before he does." He starts putting on his pants which are now dry and his shirt which is half dry. 

"I don't know why he would do this! Why now?!" I cry, getting up and pacing around my room. 

"I thought it was over, but when I saw him in school today, he smiled at me like that...FUCK. It's never going to end." I cry. That's when my brother bursts through the door, if looks could kill we would all be dead right now. 

"You were a fucking minor in that video. We're going to the cops tomorrow morning and that's final. Ashton, we have a party to go to this weekend. That piece of shit is going to be there and this is the last time he's going to fuck with Evelyn, whether you come with me or not. I fucking knew he was the one that started all this shit." My brother says, his chest rising and falling from the anger he was trying to contain inside. Jesus, it didn't take long for people to see the video I gather.

"What the hell happened to your arm?" My brother asks wide-eyed. 

Ashton and I look at each other, and I revert to telling the truth. 

"That asshole happened. I saw him in school today, he was smiling like the lunatic he is." I say.

"I'm going with you," Ashton tells my brother.

Ayden rubs the sides of his mouth and then crosses his hands. "He's going to pay for what he did to you." He says, looking at me enraged.  

 Usually, I would beg and cry for them to not do anything dumb, I'd try to avoid the cops, but I am sick of this. He's tried to ruin my life so many times, well Karma is a bitch, and a beautiful one at that. I've been embarrassed, I've been humiliated, but nothing beats this. I run downstairs and run outside, I need some fresh air. 

I begin dry-heaving, my chest feels like it's getting smaller, and it feels like someone just cut off my oxygen. I bend over, hands on my knees trying to catch my breath. 

"Breathe, babe breathe. I promised nothing was ever going to hurt you again. Look at me, look at me." Ashton kneels before me, still giving me space so I don't feel more restrained. I look at him and try my hardest to take a deep breath and let it out slowly. 

"Just like that, you're okay. You're okay" Ash says. 

I hug him and wish the madness away. That's when we hear a car pull up to the house. I see Sophie and Jax making their way over to us. 

"We tried calling a million times, we didn't know what else to do," Jax says with an enraged expression that I've become familiar with, except this time there was something different about it. Ashton excuses us and asks if he can talk to Jax alone for a second, no doubt Ashton's going to ask Jax to come with him and my brother to the party Elijah will be at. I walk over to Sophie, rubbing my eyes. She pulls me into a hug and rubs my back. Her side braid tickled my face. 

"They'll take care of it okay?" She whispers, comforting me. 

"I'm going to the cops tomorrow with my brother. I've had enough." I say into her shoulder. 

"Do you want me to stay over?" She asks, and this time I can't help but let out a loud sob. 

"Yes.." I whisper. Grateful for her, grateful that these ugly things don't scare away the people I love and care for. She squeezes me tighter and I pull away from her as I see the boys walking back. 

"I'm going to stay with her tonight, I'm going with Ayden and her to the cops tomorrow," Sophie tells Jax and Ashton, I see Ashton start to say something but he changes his mind. 

"Alright, you want to follow me home?" Jax asks looking at Ashton. He nods and asks Sophie and Jax for a second. They head over to the other side of the pool and Ashton pulls me into a hug. 

He grabs my face in his hands making me look up at him. "We're getting through this together alright?? You don't have to deal with this alone." He whispers, placing a kiss on my lips. I press my eyes closed for as long as he lets me. 

"I love you, I'm sorry," I say. He shakes his head. 

"You have nothing to apologize for, don't be sorry. I'm the one who's sorry that this is happening. Nobody deserves that." He kisses me again. 

"Please, whatever you guys are going to do this weekend. Be careful doing it, and look after each other. How do you know he won't tell the cops you guys did whatever it is you're planning on doing?" I ask him. He looks beyond me for a second and then places his gaze back on me. 

"Don't worry about that, I love you get some rest and try to stay off your phone tonight." 

- - -

Back in my room, I have two options: 1) Tell my parents about the video and they can use their connections to get it off the internet but completely humiliate myself.  2) Tell my brother to talk to them for me and get it off the internet. 

Regardless, I'm not going to sleep tonight until I've chosen because I refuse to have it circulating online. I can't even bring myself to look at it, I won't. 

"How bad was it?" I ask Sophie, I was lying side by side on my bed wrapped up in my covers with a movie playing. 

"Eve, it was horrible to see. Once I realized what I was looking at I exited out of the video. I'm so sorry that happened, no one deserves that. If we would've known that happened sooner I think all of us would've killed him." She says, whispering the last words. I suck in my bottom lip and snuggle into her. 

"I'm here, we're all here. Come on, let's get some sleep." Sophie whispers.