Abel pulled another one of his disappearing without answering his phone acts for the next few days.

I had learned that it was better to give him his space for a while, and when he didn't respond after a week, then I should worry.

He had been gone when I woke up the next morning on Monday. All that had been on the bed was locket with a picture of the both of us in it. Knowing him, it was probably an early birthday present since my birthday was in a little less then a month.

But now, as I paced around my living room, clenching the locket in my hands and waiting for a call, or even just a text back from Abel, I could feel worry starting to build in my chest.

Lena and Adrian sat on the couch beside Jeremy, watching me with worry as I nearly tore my hair out.

"He hasn't answered. What if. . . what if he did something stupid? Like ran off to live in Japan with Oliver?" I asked my best friends and brother. They shook their head, Lena smiling at the theory.

"Sweetheart, I'm sure Abel would have told you if he planned on going to visit Oli." She replied. I nodded, letting out a shaky breath.

"Do you think his parents-"

"I honestly don't know, Liv. Maybe. . . maybe we should go talk to them." I nodded again slowly, my breathing slowing back to normal again.

"Yeah. That sounds like a good idea." After making sure only one of my parents was home, I left Jeremy at home and let Adrian drive us to Abel's. I held my phone in my hand the entire time, hoping to get some sort of text or call on the way.

Nothing came.

"What the fuck?" Adrian muttered, pulling up to Hendricks manor.

I looked out the window slowly to see what he meant and felt my lips starting to part.

Mr. and Mrs. Hendricks as well as Cyd, Abel's older sister, stood on the front steps, Cyd collapsing to the ground a second later.

"Liv, wait!" Adrian tried to grab my hand before I could get out of the car, but I was gone before he could even reach back.

Cyd was on the first step, holding her stomach as her husband came out from the house, his eyebrows drawn in worry as he knelt down beside his wife.

"Abel!" I cried, my hands on my knees as I tried to catch my breath, "Where is he?" Cyd looked up at me, her green eyes pooling with tears.

"Olivia? Oh, God. You were the girl he's been with?" I didn't know how to respond, so I nodded slowly.

"Where is he?" I repeated, a strange feeling starting to set in my stomach as I looked back and forth between the Hendricks. Cyd didn't respond, instead she stood up and threw her arms around me, burying her face against my shoulder.

It had been years since I'd even seen her, let alone hugged her. So all I could do was stand there stiffly.

"Where is he?" My voice was rising now, "Someone answer me, please." Nobody answered me, instead Cyd's husband pulled his wife away and held out a pink envelope to me with my name scribbled in messy cursive on it.

I could feel Lena and Adrian come up behind me, one of their hands resting on my shoulder. My whole body was starting to shake as I pulled the envelope at, nearly dropping it.

He might have done something so stupid this time that he got himself seriously injured.

"Abel." I whimpered, slowly unfolding the long, typed out letter. I felt Lena lay her head on my shoulder as I read the letter to myself.

My Beautiful Olivia,

How do I even begin to write this? I guess. . . I guess I start from the beginning, right?

On January 4th, I saw Dr. Winslow. You know, that annoying doctor we always used to laugh at when we were little? Yeah, well he. . . he found some sort of growth in the back of my head. I didn't think it was serious, I just told him it was probably a bump from hitting my head during my parents fighting.

It was far worse then that. I went back to him later that month and asked him to check into it further when I started to get headaches, started throwing up, started passing out.

Olivia, baby, I had a tumor.

I couldn't find it in myself to tell you. My beautiful best friend, the only girl I've ever loved. I knew it was kill you as much as it was me, and I couldn't put you through that. I couldn't.

So I created The List. I created The List to do everything I wanted to do before I died . . . if I died. I lied, I told you it was all for you, to get you to live more. Baby, all I wanted was to spend the rest of my life with you and Oli. I never wanted to say goodbye.

I. . . I told Oli before he left for Japan. He told me it was going to be okay. But it got worse after that night in Vegas. Livvy, I didn't touch any alcohol when we were there, not even a sip.

As I'm writing this, I know something's wrong and I'm scared. I'm so scared right now, Liv. I don't want to die. I wanted to live with you, to be there for your first day at Stanford. But I put off the hospital as much as I could, so I'm going to go.

But I wanted you to know that I love you more then the world. You are my world, Olivia. You always have been and God help me if the thought of you and me actually ending up together crossed my mind. I knew you were the beautiful star in the sky while I was that idiot stargazer that admired from afar.

You and Oliver were my everything my entire life. Cyd tried to help, to get me out of that house, but I couldn't go with her. I loved you guys too much.

Enough of that, though. I don't want you to dwell on what could have happened.

If you're reading this, baby, then I'm probably gone. I wanted to tell you before it happened, I wanted you to be at my bedside, but I couldn't. . . God Liv, I couldn't do that to you. I refused.

In the envelope is a ring. It belonged to my grandmother. I was going to use it, I was going to propose to you when you got home after your first day at Stanford. Beside it, that belonged to my grandfather. You're probably wondering why I'm not wearing it, and frankly, I probably ever won't. But some guy, some lucky bastard is going to marry you one day. And I want you to listen to me, listen clearly.

I loved you, Olivia. But if there comes a time when you feel as if you're ready to move on, then I understand. All I want is for you to be happy, Liv. Even if that means seeing you with another guy from wherever the hell I'm going.

I want you to have this big happy family, you deserve it. Don't let me. . . don't let me ruin that for you.

Don't cry, love. I know you are. Don't think about all this bullshit about death, think about the amazing fucking summer we had. All the laughs, the feeling of our bodies together in Vegas, your first tattoo and drink. I was there for it all, and God damn I'm grateful for it.

One day you can tell your kids about your crazy first boyfriend, Abel Hendricks. The guy that did the stupidest shit for a girl. The guy that dated nearly ever girl in school just to get his mind off of the only girl that really mattered to him, the one that was off limits. The guy that loved their mother more than the world itself.

I'll see you on the other side, baby. I love you.

Dream Of Me,

Abel

My whole body seemed to collapse at once. First it was my knees that gave out, sending me on to the concrete. Then it was my stomach as everything I'd eaten came out all over the dirt in front of me. I couldn't breathe once I had finished throwing up, everything in my body seemed to be racing, including my mind.

"Liv? Hey, it's okay." Adrian crouched down beside me, but I pushed him away, my whole body trembling.

"He's dead." I whispered, meeting Lena's tear filled eyes, "He. . . he's dead." She shook her head, Adrian catching her before she could collapse on the ground beside me.

I felt my teeth snap against each other as I forced myself to my feet and pointed at Abel's parents.

"Its your fault! It's you fucking fault!" I screamed, ready to launch myself forward. Cyd's husband grabbed me as I thrashed against him, screaming.

"You were never parents to him! He was dying and you didn't know or care! You never cared!" I could see Cyd crying even more at my words, "I hate you! I fucking hate you both!" I felt Cyd's husband's arms tighten around me as he tried to restrain me.

I buried my face against the strangers chest, clenching his shirt in my hands as everything in me gave out.

I didn't want to yell anymore, I didn't want to fight. I just wanted Abel, I wanted my Abel.

"Sometimes, sometimes the best kind of feeling is knowing that someone's always going to be there for you, no matter how far away they are." Abel had said when we were younger, after he'd taken a trip to Australia.

But where was he now? It didn't matter how far I traveled away from here. He was still be in my every thought, my every laugh and cry, every song I heard on the radio on the way to school.

"It's going to be okay." Adrian whispered behind me, but when I turned around to face him I swear I could see tears starting to pool in his eyes as he clenched Lena against his chest. I shook my head, falling to the ground again and wrapping my arms around myself as I rocked back and forth.

It wasn't going to be okay. It wouldn't ever be okay. Abel was gone, my first true and wonderful boyfriend. My best friend and the only person in the world that seemed to understand me half of the time. My brother's other half, his best friend.

Abel Hendricks wouldn't ever get to see his child born, he would never get to hold him or her for the first time in the hospital. Abel would never get to see our kid, and my child wouldn't ever get to meet his or her father.

***AN****

~ChasingMadness24