"Hey, Abel."

I sat down in the dirt, pushing my hair out of my eyes so I could see every rose I had left on the grave stone for the last year and a half. I had made sure to buy most of them fake, so they wouldn't wilt and die, but a few of them had been real. Like the one from the day James was born.

"I know it's been a little while since I came out here, but James couldn't leave the house until he was at least three months old. And I couldn't come here without bringing him." I looked up, meeting Jeremy's eyes as he pushed up the blanket on the stroller and picked up my son.

It still seized to amaze me how much Jeremy had grown over the last year and a half. It hadn't been sudden, his growth spurt, but it had been quick enough where I was still caught by surprise. He was already almost as tall as Abel, who had been a little over six foot, so I could only imagine how much more he was going to grow.

"Here." Jeremy crouched down and laid the baby in my arms, bowing his head as he walked away with his hands shoved into his pockets. I felt James wrap his small hand around my finger, a whimpering sound threatening to leave his mouth.

"This is James Abel Hendricks." I said, brushing my hand against my baby's soft, rosy cheek. "He was born April 8th." I shifted him in my arms a little, fixing his onesie.

"It was funny, because I never found out the sex and I was still going to have your name in his or hers. If the baby had been a girl, I would have named her Gabrielle. Because your name is still in it." I laughed quietly, trying to stop myself from crying.

"He was born perfectly healthy, perfect. And I know you were there, Abe. I know you made sure he was." I grabbed James' bottle from the stroller and shook it a little.

"I was going to tell you that last night we were together. I was going to say it, I promise. But I. . . I got scared. I didn't know how you were going to react right then and I. . . I thought I'd have more time." I pushed my hair out of my eyes with my hand quickly, "I'm just surprised you couldn't tell. I was already two months pregnant at the time. I had already started to get the bump." I brushed my thumb along the back of my sons head as Jeremy sent me a smile from across the cemetery.

"And it took a year and a half, but I finished the list." I sat James up so he was leaning against my stomach, my arm wrapped securely around him as I took The List from the baby bag.

"Most of them I completed within the last couple months. Charlie helped me." I said with a quiet laugh, "You really are a sneaky bastard, Abel. I didn't think. . . I doubted I'd ever see him again after Vegas. But you called him, you explained what you could. But when he showed up a few days after the funeral, he didn't expect me to be pregnant. No one did. The only person who knew was Le." I set the list on the ground in front of me.

"Riding a motorcycle wasn't all that fun though. It actually scared the crap out of me." I looked at all the highlighted things on the list, smiling through my slightly blurred vision.

"I played Hide and Seek in IKEA with Jeremy. It was actually really fun, but they eventually kicked us out. We're not allowed back at the one for at least six months. But it was worth it." I whispered, laughing. James squirmed a little in my arms before opening his eyes, making my next words die on my tongue.

His eyes were a beautiful Emerald green, the exact same color as Abel's. I had been beyond shocked when he had opened his eyes for the first time, I had freaked out, then sat and cried for a good hour. But now, now all it did was take my breath away. We had made this baby, Abel and me. It made me smile every time I thought about it.

"I cliff dove too." I managed to choke out, nodding my head, "It was a small cliff, but I still did it." I tried to get James to drink from the bottle in my hand, but he kept pushing it away.

"There were a couple other things on the list, like the rest of pretending to be a celebrity for a day, that Charlie helped me with. He talked me up to all these thirteen year old girls until they asked for my autograph." I looked down at the ring I had slid on to my finger, knowing it shouldn't be there until I was married.

"I think he likes me." I confessed, "But he hasn't said a word, and I'm honestly relieved about it. He lives in a dorm a little further away from Stanford, and is going there with us. Lena, Adrian, and me." I honestly didn't know if he had gotten in before or after me, but I was happy he did. It was great to have another friend in our group.

"I don't want him to say a word." I shut my eyes, "And I think he understands that because he knows I need more time. It's just. . . he's willing to help raise James, and most guys wouldn't ever do that. He's such a good guy, Abe. You guys would have been great friends." I shook my head down at my son as he tugged at the hem of my shirt.

"Not now, Jamie. You have to wait until we go back home." I kissed his forehead, smiling down at him. God, I had spoiled the hell out of my son.

"Lena and Adrian are doing okay, too. Lena's been talking about wanting a baby after we graduate in a few years, but Adrian thinks they're too young. So Lena has been taking out all her inner Mommy and helping me with James." I laughed again, thinking back to my best friend.

"And Oli. . . well, Oliver's been pretty good for himself. He got hired on permanently to that publishing company there, but he was trying to see if he could draw and write the Manga back here in America." I mumbled, "Although, I think he's finally found a girl to keep him grounded. Her name is Sonny, and she's so sweet. You would of loved her too." I looked back over at Jeremy, only to meet his surprised eyes.

Could he hear me?

"They have this cute little memorial for you at our High School, and they even made one for you at UCLA." I felt my eyes starting to sting with tears again, "They said all kinds of things about you. Like how great of a person you were, that you were too young. But most of it is bullshit, because they didn't even know you, Abel." I changed the subject before I could start crying.

"Your parents finalized their divorce. Your mom has been trying to get me to let her see James, she said it's still her grandson. But she was never a mother to you, so she sure as hell isn't going to be a grandmother to our son." I could hear James starting to whimper again.

"On the funnier side of things, Oliver lost it when he came home from Japan to find me seven months pregnant. He started laughing, then crying, then screaming at how stupid we were, then cried again when I told him we did use protection." I picked James off my lap and laid him against my shoulder, my hand rubbing his back as I kissed the side of his head.

"So, that's pretty much what's been going on the last year and a half." I finished, forcing myself to stand up and laying James back in his crib, tickling his stomach and watching with a smile as he laughed.

"I know someday it'll be no more then a dull ache, thinking about you, Abel. But you were the best thing that ever happened to me, to Oliver. And every time I look at our son, I'll be able to see you in him." I knelt down in front of the tombstone, kissing my hand and laying a rose down before resting my hand against the cold rock.

"I love you, Abel Hendricks." I choked out, my voice finally cracking. I quickly wiped my cheeks and joined Jeremy behind me, wrapping the blanket back around James so Jeremy couldn't see how much I wanted to cry.

"You okay?" Jeremy whispered, his hand on my shoulder. I shrugged, slipping the bottle back into James' baby bag and walking back over to Abel's tombstone.

"Thanks for giving me the best summer of my life." I set a copy of the list under some of the roses, smiling through my tears.

"You ready to go, love? Your Mum and Dad are waiting to see Jamie." I looked over at Charlie as he jogged over to us, his blue eyes filled with a mixture of sympathy and curiosity.

"Yeah. I think I'm ready to go." I watched in silence as Charlie ruffled Jeremy's hair and took the stroller from him, pushing James through the cemetery with a small smile.

"Come on, Liv." Jeremy wrapped his arm around me, kissing the top of my head as we followed behind Charlie, seeing nothing but his dark hair flying with the late monsoon wind.

"It'll get better." Jeremy assured me, squeezing my hand. "It won't hurt as much soon." I nodded, hoping he was right.

Once I was back in the car, I decided to sit in back with James. Charlie had turned his car seat so it was facing the seat, the way it was supposed to be. I couldn't help but admire how much he had adjusted to life with a baby, it was amazing.

"Til' next time, mate." Charlie said, but it took me a second to realize he was talking to Abel. Jeremy reached back and took my hand, offering me a small smile.

As we drove off, I laid my hand against the window, my lips tugging up into a smile.

"Thank you, Abel." I said under my breath, watching his tombstone disappear into the bank of fog that had started to form around the cemetery.

But I didn't need to see the rock to know that he heard me. I knew that Abel was far beyond laying in the ground rotting away, that he was probably having the time of his life in wherever it is we go after we die.

I knew he was probably looking down on me right now, smiling when he heard me thanking him. I had thanked him for being my brother's best friend, my best friend, for our entire lives. I thanked him for giving me the best present anyone could have asked for. I thanked him for being there for me when I needed him the most.

I thanked Abel for giving me the most unforgettable summer of my life, one I knew I would never forget.

***AN***

Hope you guys enjoyed! 

Let me know what you thought!

Thank you all for taking this journey with me, sorry to those who hate me for what I did, but it was always the plan. It wasn't just some spear of the moment thing. 

Love you guys so much and thanks for so much support. 

I planned on doing a sequel for this, but I honestly don't really know. If I did, would you guys read it, and what would you like it to be about?

Anyway, thanks so much again, my loves. You guys are amazing. 

Signing off of Never Have I Ever for the last time (probably) 

~ChasingMadness24