Oliver walked beside me, his eyes on the mud smearing the bottom of our shoes.

The crowded funeral seemed like it was miles in front of us, seemed like it was so far away, yet so close.

I reached up and wiped my wet cheeks, feeling Oliver's eyes burning into me.

"What?" I snapped, feeling a little guilty when he winced.

"I. . . nothing." I continued to walk, occasionally glancing over at Oliver's pale and scruffy face. My brother, the guy that had always seemed to be perfect and clean cut, looked as if he had just stopped caring.

"Liv, hey." I looked up at Gina, Abel's only other long term relationship. She looked like crap. Her hair, despite it being hid under a hat, looked ratty and tangled. Her face was just as pale and sick looking as mine was.

"Hey." I whispered, my chapped lips trying to pull into a sad smile.

"You look great." She whispered, sniffling, "I can see why he loved you." The last time I had seen her, she had been ready to bite my head off. But that had been almost four months ago, and I guess a lot has changed since then.

"Thanks. You do too." I sat in the seat between Oliver and Adrian in the front row, wiping at my eyes before my mascara could smear. I could hear my parents talking behind me, and when I turned, I found Mom hugging a crying Jeremy against her, Dad rubbing his back.

I turned away before I could start crying myself, my eyes on the casket in front of us, my stomach churning.

I didn't want to be here, I just wanted to sit at home and curl up on the couch. I wanted to hold my stomach, my baby, the only true thing I had left of Abel.

I'd known a little after we had gotten home from Vegas. I had missed my period, and when it didn't come that entire month, I had forced myself to buy a test and see. My parents had told Oliver and me, when we were kids, that even condoms weren't always a sure thing. That they were plastic and could break, could be faulty. I hadn't been on the pill when we did it either, I had been so trusting with his protection that I hadn't even thought about it.

"Liv, you okay?" Oliver whispered, squeezing my hand. I could feel my stomach starting to churn once again, but this time I was sure something was going to come up.

I stood up and rushed away from the funeral and toward a tree, kneeling down before I threw up the little I had eaten today.

"You feel any better?" Oliver whispered, sitting down a few feet away so he was facing me. I laid my hand on my stomach, avoiding his eyes.

How the hell was I supposed to tell my family about this, I could barley even comprehend it myself.

"I know this is a lot to take in. I'm surprised I haven't done the same. I. . . it just makes me sick that everyone sitting over there thinks they knew him, thinks he was some sort of God now that he's dead." I nodded in agreement, tears burning my eyes.

"I wish. . . I wish he would have told me." I said, meeting my brother's bright blue eyes. It was then that I saw his mask crack, saw the tears starting to glisten in his eyes.

"He wanted to, Liv. He. . . he didn't want to tell me either, but he knew I'd handle it better. I just didn't think. . . I didn't think it would happen so fast." I wrapped my arms tightly around myself, shivering despite it not being very cold.

"I don't want to be there." Jeremy whispered, sitting down beside me and laying his head on my lap. I shook my head, looking up so he couldn't seem me crying as I ran my hand through his hair.

"It's okay, Little Man. No one wants to actually be here." Oliver said, patting our little brother's leg.

"Did you know?" My little brother asked me, "That he was sick." I opened my mouth to say I didn't but surprisingly found myself nodding.

I had known deep down something was wrong. That first night, when I had realized I might like him as more then a friend, I had seen how pale his wrist was. How his veins were protruding. Or when we had been sitting in the living room and his nose had started bleeding. When he had been hunched over the toilet in Vegas, and he had said he hadn't drank anything. Even when he would disappear for days on end and not come back.

"Yeah. I think I did know. I just. . . maybe I didn't want to think anything of it." I saw Oliver looking away, letting a blade of grass slip through his fingers.

"I never got to tell him that I loved him. That he was a good big brother." Jeremy mumbled, sniffling below me. Oliver shook his head at that, a stray tear slowly sliding down his right cheek.

"The last thing I said to him was to not be stupid. To protect you guys. I didn't even say goodbye." Oli reached up and wiped the next tear from his cheek before I could see it.

"I told him he was an asshole." Adrian said from a few feet away, watching us with his arms crossed over his chest.

"The last thing I asked was why he got Liv's name tattooed across his wrist." Lena sat down beside Oliver, resting her head against him. He wrapped his arm around her and squeezed her shoulder.

"It was too sudden." Jeremy went on. "If we knew, if we did have a chance to say something to him, would we have said different things?" I thought about what he said for a second.

"No. Because it was Abel. He hated it when people took pity on him, when people looked down on him for being a certain way." I replied. Nobody said anything, but my friends and brothers nodded in understanding.

"It's been a month, and you know, it's really funny. Because I remember his last words to me." I said, "He said "'My beautiful Olivia'" in a whisper, almost as if he didn't want me to hear it." I saw Lena smile a little through her tears.

"I told you he'd hurt you in one way or another." Adrian whispered, avoiding everyone's eyes on him, "But I didn't think it would end like this. I thought we'd fight, make up, and then it would all be left in the past." I saw Lena turn her smile to her boyfriend, her head bobbing up and down at his words.

"Here." Lena pulled a few water bottles out of her purse and tossed them around to us, then pulled a smaller one out and tossed it to Jeremy.

"How the hell did you fit all of those in there?" Oliver asked, looking into her purse. She shrugged, taking the cap off her water.

"Don't drink yet." She snapped, her eyes dark as they drifted around the small circle we'd made.

"Le, what are we doing?" Adrian asked, his eyes filled with curiosity.

"Making everything go full circle. We're playing Never Have I Ever." She said, then looked at Jeremy, "The kid's got a smaller bottle because he probably won't be drinking very much." She met my eyes, sharing a silent knowing look.

She had chose water instead of alcohol for me, because she had been the first and only person I had told. I couldn't help but give her a grateful look.

"What's Never Have I Ever?" Jeremy questioned.

"It's a drinking game." Oliver responded, cracking a smile, "Abe and I used to play it all the time. He forced Liv to play with us on the night he came up with the idea for the mini-bucket list thing."

Lena went through a few of them, earning a sip out of water from most of us. Adrian eventually sat down beside her, nudging her every time she said something, as if he knew she'd done every one.

Jeremy moved so he was sitting in between Oliver and me, looking back and forth between us and drinking when we did, even if he hadn't done any of it.

As the sun started to peek through the clouds against the horizon, shining a light on the casket that everyone had gathered around, I felt my lips slowly pull up into a smile, my hand falling on my stomach again.

So when Lena looked directly at me and held her half full water bottle in the air with a smile and said;

"Never Have I Ever been so in love that everything else in the world seems like a blur."

I took a drink.

***AN**

So that's it, guys! This is the last chapter. 

After this, is of course, the epilogue. 

Did you expect Abel's death? Did any of you catch on earlier in the book? And your thoughts on Olivia being pregnant?

I'd love to hear your thoughts!

~ChasingMadness24