*warning* a shit ton of unnecessary swearing. *warning*
Canada's POV:

I punched him.
I fucking punched that asshole Italian right in the fucking God damn shit fucking hole ass. You feel me?
Jesus.
Asshole.
"DID YOU FUCKING FAKE YOUR FUCKING DEATH?!!!!!!!"
"Sí." Romano shrugged, holding his bleeding nose.
I hope I fucking broke it.
"Why?!!!!" I tried to leap at him again, but Gil held me back by my waist.
"Just wanted to fuck shit up." He got up off the bed and put a robe on over his decorative panties.
"Do you have any idea how fucking depressed we all were?!" I cried. "Spain tried to..." I couldn't finish. When we made the announcement at that meeting and Spain took off to the bathroom...
But anyway...France and Prussia managed to talk him out of it.
"I'm sorry. I just needed some time to myself..."
"THEN FUCKING TELL PEOPLE THAT!!! DON'T JUST MAKE THEM THINK THAT YOURE DEAD!!!!!"
"Mattie! Calm down!" Prussia shouted. I took a deep breath and released the maple chi.
Relaaaaaaax.
And then I started to cry.
I shoved my face into Prussia's chest and bawled my eyes out. Gil stroked my hair with one hand and held me as tight as he possibly could with his other.
Romano just stood there stunned.
"I know I shouldn't have done it. But all the other times I wanted to be alone, Feliciano and Toni tried to track me down."
I pushed away from Prussia and moved in the Italian's direction.
"I'm sorry for shouting." I whispered.
"Don't be. I was the bastard in this situation." He gave me a bro hug. No homo. Even though we have, in fact, homoed. Many times. 
"Alvright..." Prussia nervously rocked back and forth. "Jou kinda ruined our date. I vas supposed to mate vith zhis cutie tonight."
"Gil! Don't tell people that!" Birdie blushed.
"Vhat? Isht not like he doesn't already know about jour sexual prowess." Prussia teased, sitting on the side of me that wasn't already claimed by an Italian. "Und it's kinda sad in a vay...how ve're engaged und he knows more about how jou are in bed zhan I do."
"I see you took my advice." Romano smirked. "I'd be up for a three-way if you're interested..."
Prussia coughed. "Vhat??????!!!!!"
"You know...I've never tried one...how aboot it, GilBear?" I turned to my flustered fiancé with begging puppy eyes.
"I-um....maybe some time..." He stammered. "But right now, Birdie is mine! I have to get him alone before I add on to the pile."
Romano nodded. "Alright. How does Sunday at your place sound?"
"We can't. Kumajirou and Panda have a play date and China needs to give Hector his check up." I scanned my schedule for more free time.
"Who's Hector?" Romano asked.
"Huh?"
"Hector? Who's Hector?"
Oh shit. Yeah...
"He's...well..."
"He's jour son." Prussia finished.
"What?!" Romano almost fell off the bed. "Mine and yours? How the hell..?"
"I dunno...but it happened. Had something to do with when you bit me." I explained. "His name is Hector Lovino Vargas and he represents the province of Nova Scotia."
"Also he looks nozhing like eizher of jou." Prussia added.
"Yeah. That."
"I'm a father..." Romano said to himself. "Holy shit. Can I see him?"
"Once I take zhe virginity of zhis little shit here." Prussia nudged his head toward me.
"Sorry Gil, Russia got there first. He's probably better in bed than you too."
"Oh snap. I'm gonna go talk to my Fratello and Spain now...have...fun." Romano pulled on some proper clothes and zipped out of the room before I could say "sparkly pink panties."
"Now...vhere vere ve?" Prussia turned to me.
I smirked, wiping the remaining tears out of my eyes and pulling him in for a deep kiss.
He pushed me onto my back and deepened the kiss.
Before he could claim dominance, I shoved my tongue into his mouth.
"Mnm!" Prussia exclaimed.
I grabbed ahold of his shirt and pulled him as tightly against my as I could get him.
He had a zucchini in his pocket. There was no doubt.
But I decided to not release it yet. Because I'm a total asshole.
You'll have to fight through your uncomfortable boner, loser. Hahaha.
His hands worked their way along the buttons of my flannel shirt, parting the front delicately.
I worked his suit jacket off and tossed it over the edge of the bed. Now his arms were bare. Mmmm. Sexy arms.
He broke the kiss for a second, taking a deep breath before speaking. "Ve should turn on some music." He suggested.
"If you play Stompin' Tom I'll probably cry and this whole night will be ruined." I told him. He snickered and got up from the bed, heading toward the stereo in the corner. He pressed a button and a song that was neither Canadian or German came on.
There's a room in a hotel in New York City
That shares our fate and deserves our pity
I don't want to remember it all
The promises I made if you just hold on

"Fall Out Boy? Really PruPru?"
"Kesesese~ fuck me, Birdie!"
I laughed as he did this little dance toward the bed. I pulled him down beside me and climbed up to sit on his waist.
"Oh, no vay. I'm not letting jou top!" Prussia objected, trying to push me over.
"You will submit to me, Senpai!" I leaned over and kissed him between his eyebrows.
"Never!" He continued so struggled against me.
"How aboot we Rock, Paper, Scissors for it?" I kissed his jaw.
"Fine." He rolled his eyes and pushed me up so we could hold out our fists.
After three shakes of out arms I came out with a flat hand and Prussia with a fist.
"I'm guessing this is your first time. I'll be gentle." I smirked seductively.
"I'm totally divorcing jou vhen zhis is over." He sighed.
I slid my fingers down his shoulders, his biceps, his forearms, and finally room a hold of his wrists, lifting them and pinning them above his head. I then pulled his t-shirt up and tossed that on the floor with his jacket his body was just as I remembered it from all those times I'd seen him fresh out of the shower.
The only difference between then and now was that he wasn't wet. But don't worry. I'd have him soaked in sweat soon enough, as well as another substance I dare not mention. Okay it's not like I haven't said it before.
Jizz.
My pure Canadian cum made up of free healthcare and a lack of gun crime.
I stripped out of my shirt the rest of the way and started to work at kissing his neck.
I heard him make a "Nhn." noise and started to suck at the place I was on. He let out a soft moan as I started to work my hands around his nipples.
I adjusted my position to chew at his collar bone softly. I didn't break the skin. No more babies in my house.
Especially if it ended up being Alberta. Fucking Alberta.
My mouth worked at his skin, gliding down to his chest and then his stomach. I took a few seconds to do to his belly button what Newfoundlanders would do to a cod. Kiss I mean. Them newfies and their weird traditions. Gotta love 'em.
He moaned loudly. You like that? Don't you, bitch?
I continued to lick at his belly button while I undid his pants...slowly...because I'm a total asshole. Finally, his buttons were undone and I started to pull his pants of, leaving his boxers behind.
"Aren't those mine?" I asked, inspecting the Pooh Bear pattern.
"Ja.~" Prussia smirked. I rolled my eyes and threw his pants across the room before stripping out of my own pants. My own boxers were covered in the Doctor Who logo. Don't be like that. They're mine. Dad bought them for me for Christmas because I'm the favourite child and I think they're rad.
"Make love to me, Vögelchen!~" Gil begged. "I wanna feel like a woman again."
"What the fuck?" I lifted an eyebrow. "Okay fine."
I bit the top of his -my- boxers and slowly began to pull them down with my teeth.
"Mm.~ Birdie.~" Prussia purred. I smirked as I got a good look at his penis.
"It looks like the one me and Alfie made out of snow when we were teenagers..." I pointed out.
"Don't mock mein albinoness. Isht awesome."
"Still...you're whiter than a chick at starbucks." I teased.
He lifted an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed.
I shrugged and lowered myself over him, clamping my mouth around his member. I sucked lightly, making him release a little pleasurable breath.
I started to bob my head up and down, hearing him let out small pants with every stroke. When they got too rough, I slowed down and came to a stop. Don't want him finishing before I ever got started.
I moved up and went back to kissing his lips, letting him slide me boxers off as I did. Once I was free, I broke the kiss and let my fingers graze my mouth.
He watched me with hunger in his eyes as I sucked on my own fingers, really putting on a show before I moved them to his maw.
I let his tongue explore every inch before I pulled them out and slid my middle finger, covered in our shared saliva, into his ass.
"Ung." He closed his eyes. He was tight. I was correct when I assumed he was an ass virgin. I was go glad that I chose top.
"Sorry. Do you need a safe word?" I whispered in his ear with concern.
"Nein. I'm awesome enough to handle jou. Jou can't be zhat big..." He opened one eye and glanced at my iron hard dick.
"Holy schieße! I can't take zhat!" He whimpered.
"Are you a man or aren't you?!" I asked, putting on my best drill sergeant voice.
"Okay. Just be gentle!" He closed his eye again and turned his head, bracing himself.
I added another finger and began to move it around slowly. I scissored him a few times, causing him to let out a small whimper.
God. What a baby.
No. Not a baby. I would never fuck a baby.
"Ready?" I asked.
"I zhink..." He answered.
I added a third finger and started pumping them gently. He bit his lip but gradually got used to the feeling.
"Alright. I vant jou zhis time." He moaned. "I'm ready."
I nodded and pulled my fingers out one by one, wiping them on his face.
"Hey!" He hissed as I giggled.
As revenge, he reached up and gave my curl a good pull.
"Ahhhhh~" I screamed, my entire body getting hot, pain and pleasure taking over. I swooped down and roughly kissed him, panting heavily. I adjusted the position of my pelvis and quickly entered him, my blind horniness overpowering my promise to be soft.
"Aah!" Prussia cried out. He clutched my shoulders tightly, leaving red marks.
"Sorry." I winced.
"Go, Birdie. Im ready." He consented. I nodded and began to thrust into him.
He let out little grunts that only turned me on more somehow.
"M-more.~" he begged. I pushed into him even deeper, giving him my full length.
"Birdie!~" he moaned. "I'm gonna c-cum."
"Hold it. Two. Seconds." I said with every thrust. I was building up too, but I wasn't yet full.
"Will do...ugh~"
After a few more thrusts I let out a harsh moan and spilled my seed into his ass. His sprayed over the two of us a millisecond before I gave out.
I rode out our orgasms before pulling out and collapsing against him.
He wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my hair. "Being bottom vasn't so bad after all." He whispered. "I feel like I should be smoking a cigarette right now."
I giggled. "You're even better than Romano." I admitted.
"Is it because I didn't get jou pregnant?"
"Pretty much." I snickered, kissing him softly.
"Ich Liebe dich, Birdie. I could never say zhat enough."
"Je t'aime aussi, GilBear." I closed my eyes, letting my body absorb hit heat. "Do you promise to never forget me?"
"Ja." He said without hesitation. "I promise."

I lied. There was smut. Really kinky smut. But don't worry. This story is NOT over.
I'm thinking Shower Sex and swimming pool sex and igloo sex and sex in a cabin on a bearskin rug. A lot of sex. And there's also that threesome. I don't know if I'll actually write out the prumanocan because I get my knowledge of sex from Fanfics and I have never read a fanfic where the writer was chill enough to do something like that. But I will definitely try.
If my mom knew what I was doing on here go knows how she'd react.
Probably with a concerned look and then get over it because my mom is pretty awesome. Not Prussia awesome. But nobody is amiright?
She's mostly cool because she brought this demonic sin machine into existence but whatever.
Anyway. This is long winded enough. *moonwalks out of the room*
-shick