Canada's POV:

"So do jou have a stock of beer for him?" Germany asked me while I cooked that night.
"Um...well, it's not German...but I do have a case of Molson in the fridge."
"Molson?"
"It's Canadian beer."
"Canadians have beer?" The blonde German lifted an eyebrow in confusion.
"Oui. Like I said, it's not German, but it's better than that watery American shit, Eh?"
Germany blinked before nodding. "Und he has his own room?"
"Yep. I even made America sleep on the couch when he visited so Gil didn't have to."
"Good. Good." The younger nation nodded. "Is he cleaning up after himself?"
"I think he even cleans up after me sometimes." I shrugged, taking the home cut fries out of the deep fryer and letting them set while I prepared the gravy.
"Zhat's great! I'm glad to see he's doing vell."
"If you zhink I'm doing vell, jou should see Mattie!" Prussia strutted into the room wearing grey sweatpants and a black tank top with his little Prussian cross necklace hanging from his neck.
I had to admit, he looked surprisingly attractive.
"How do jou mean?" The Prussian's brother asked.
"I mean he's doing everybody and he's doing them vell!"
"Why the hell would you bring that up?" I growled at the albino as he sat down. The smirk disappeared from his face but I knew he wouldn't stop.
Eventually I finished making dinner so the other two could have something in their mouths other than words. Germany left soon after he finished eating, having been called by Italy to help sort out an unpacking dilemma. I sat down on the couch with my book while Gil sat silently in the armchair across from me.
I could feel his Crimson eyes on me, but I didn't want to react.
Until he started to get annoying.
"What?" I asked snarkily.
"Did jou...have fun at zhe meeting? I lost track of you zhree qvarters of zhe vay in."
"I had a make out session with Ukraine. It didn't go any further than that." I answered seriously.
"Did she turn jou down?"
"No. She just didn't have much steam to blow off." I flipped the page of my book even though I had barely processed the words.
"Is zhat all jou are? A therapeutic fling?"
"That's a good way to put it." I shrugged.
"How many countries have jou slept vith, exactly?"
I sighed and put my book down.
"My first was Russia. It was supposed to be an ongoing thing until I realized he only remembered me when he needed sex. That when I realized that my purpose was to be used by all the others. So I worked hard to carry through."
"Vow." Prussia whistled.
"From there I bedded Spain after one of Roma's rejections, Greece when one of his cats ran away, Poland when he was feeling less fabulous than usual and having issues with his gender, Ukraine once or twice when she was feeling lonely, Moldovia once but I don't know how I got in that situation...and then one time America left Tony at my house...and...well...aliens aren't fun when they're in heat."
"Schieße." Prussia swore.
"I've also done Britain a few times when he got stressed from waiting for the new seasons of Doctor Who and Sherlock and tea just wasn't enough to calm him." Why was I even going into this. "Also...Romano is even more of a bottom than me, Lithuania likes to do it with the lights off, and Japan can't even get a hard on without watching Boko no Piko."
Prussia choked on the last one. "VHAT??!!"
"I was kidding. I haven't slept with Kiku. I've bought Gerita dojins from him though..."
"Vhat are dojins?"
"You don't wanna know."
Prussia chuckled lightly, his face lighting up. He stood and walked over to me slowly, dropping onto the couch by my side. He placed his hand on my head casually, having to stretch because I was slightly taller. "Jou are truly a riot."
Suddenly, I felt a pinch on my ear. I yelped, falling off the couch and squinting at the yellow blob hanging in the air.
"Gilbird!" Prussia scolded the yellow thing. He caught it and cradled it in his hands. "Looks like somebody's jelly."
I rubbed my sore ear but couldn't help but smile. "Jellbird." I punned.
"Donkay! Jou made a funny!" The albino kesesese~ed.
"I bet you thought the jokes were all ogre, didn't you?"
This made Prussia smack his own face.
Look! I made the notorious lord of the meme actually facepalm! Probably my greatest achievement.
"Vell...I best be getting to bed." Said memelord got up, placed his bird in his pocket, and stretched. I watched him leave, not realizing at first how focused I was on the sway of his hips and the shape of his ass under those grey sweatpants.
When I did, I fell backwards so that my head hit the floor softly and I was staring at the ceiling in shock.
"Fuck."

Well hello. It's been a while. *awkward laughing*
Je ne pas désolé pour bringing shrek into this.
For those who didn't have to tolerate six years of french class, what I just said was "im sorry for bringing shrek onto this."
For those who did tolerate french class, you know I was lying.
I am never sorry for my sins.
I don't know what I ate but somehow I'm hyper. You can really see that in my writing. Hey, you want more hetalia? Check out my Vine. @shickzander.
My edits are simply (one hell of a butler) splendid.
I was originally gonna say Norway couldn't get an erection without watching Harry Potter but....
Also I haven't felt sinful enough to watch Boko no Piku but I've heard things...terrible things. I'm not sure if I'm ready to commit to satan that much.
Well, I'm rambling and this chapter is long enough. See ya later!
-shick