"You are gone, and I do not know what to do with all these stories you have left everywhere inside me - they are under my skin, between my rib cage and inside my heart. During the day, they destroy my body from within as you-shaped cyclones. At night, they turn into fireflies and light up my bones."
- Stories You Left Inside Me | Nikita Gill

**

Luke sleeps on the flight to Los Angeles and I watch him, my eyes unwavering from his face. He was on the phone ever since we got out of the hospital and on the way home and as I packed a bag for us for the short trip. I had felt like ripping myself apart when I had to witness the look on his face when he handed me the clothes he would wear to Ana's funeral.

He holds my hand all through the journey, even when he is fast asleep, his grip loosens a little so I tighten mine. I have never felt more tired in my life either, but I just couldn't bear to take my eyes away from him.

How will Luke recover from this? Will he still be my Luke? I've only had him for a few short months. The idea of him spiralling back into the person he was after finding out about his daughter has me feeling even worse than before.

What if I can't help him this time? He seems awfully calm, but it is almost like he is holding his storm within.

When the plane lands, I brace myself for what is coming. We are driven straight to Calum's house here in Los Angeles where we are to get ready in the dreadful silence. Something in all the guys expressions tells me that this house is never usually this silent and filled with grief as I stand in the living room in my black dress with Montana and Addy at my side, waiting for Luke to come downstairs so we can leave.

He slowly makes his way down ten minutes later in the black suit, his shoulders bent and his face ashen. He tries to give me a weak smile but fails so he takes my hand instead and we walk out of the house in silence.

There are a few people outside the cemetery when we get out of the car and walk in through the iron gates. The security stops the people from following us inside, a few cameras going off. Luke doesn't lift his head to acknowledge anyone as someone shouts for him.

We walk up the tiny hill, amongst the graves and towards a large group of people dressed in black. We join them and make our way to the front, people offering condolences that I know Luke can't hear because all he does is stare at the black coffin in front of him like he wanted nothing more than to crawl into it as well.

I have been here before, and I'm here again, sharing his grief too. The number of times I've felt helpless in these few short minutes is uncountable and endless.

The funeral procession starts and Luke is silent at my side, gripping my hand. It starts to hurt after awhile but I don't dare move, he can break my bones if it means he releases some of the pain he is feeling.

Jamie, along with the male members of Ana's family, carries and lower her coffin into the ground. When they are done, her friends, family and the people who loved and adored her drop in things they've brought or the flowers they were handed, paying their respects to her.

Luke let's go of my hand as he steps forward to drop his in. I wipe the tears on my face but my efforts are futile as they are quickly replaced by the endless stream. I felt a bit strange amid my tears, almost like I was being ridiculous for crying over someone who wanted me kidnapped. But she is gone and she has left a void in the person I love.

When Luke is done, he walks back to me and takes my hand again, moving us away from the crowd and sitting on the grass nearby. I sit next to him, not caring about the dress and open my mouth to say something to him but nothing comes out.

We watch in silence as people start to walk away, no one approaches us and I am glad. I see our group of friends waiting for us nearby but I signal at them to go as well when a wrecked Jamie is finally coaxed away from his fiancée's grave by a couple of men who I believe are his family or friends and Luke and I are the only ones who are left in the cemetery nearby.

"Luke," I say softly and his gaze flickers to me, his lips a hard thin line.

He searches my face for a second and then stands up abruptly, looking down at me and reaching for my hand.

"Come on." He says hoarsely and I stand up quickly, thinking he is ready to leave but then he walks us back towards Ana's grave. He must want to say goodbye.

He stops, a few feet away from where Ana's casket was just buried and kneels in front of another tombstone. There is a small dirty teddy bear placed against the slab of rock and a couple of dried flowers.

"I pay them to put fresh flowers, why can't they do anything right," Luke mutters angrily, sweeping away the dry petals and I watch him, my eyebrows furrowed with confusion.

He straightens finally, tugging a little at my hand and I drop to my knees next to him as well. A sense of deja vu hits me as I remember the day I took him to Heath's grave.

"This is my daughter," Luke whispers so softly that I barely hear him as my eyes finally drift to the letters that are carefully etched into the grey stone.

Sierra Riley Hemmings

I give you all my hope and love to keep, keep it safe for me.

I draw in a sharp breath, my hand flying up to cover my mouth with disbelief.

Luke looks at me, tears steadily streaming down his face now. "I got my tattoo the night I buried her here with my own hands."

"Why...why does it say, Sierra?" My widened eyes flicker from the tombstone and back to his face, searching for a plausible explanation.

"That is what we had decided to name her. Ana and I first met at...at the X factor. It was the year Alex and Sierra won. We fell for each other on that day while they were singing to us." He recalls, touching the little dirty teddy bear.

"We always said we would name our children after them. When I met you a year later, it felt like the world was playing a cruel, twisted joke on me." His body wracks with sobs and I force myself to push my shock down, pulling him into me.

"It was like they were trying to replace my child with someone else with the same name and I hated it. It wasn't the Sierra I wanted or expected and I felt like I needed to take revenge from you. But all you did was heal me, you made me better and you loved me when no one else could."

"I'm so sorry." Is all I can manage as I stare at the name on the tombstone.

"This is why I wanted them to bring her here," he says after awhile. "—so she can be with her daughter. I know she wanted her, just like I did." The sun sets as Luke mourns their loss, gripping onto me for dear life. I stamp down on my fear, shock, my pain and my sorrow and pull at all the energy I can muster in the hopes that it will save him this time.

---

We finally manage to leave the cemetery after its dark and Dave drives us back to the house. Luke half leaning on me like he doesn't trust his feet, leading the way into a bedroom and ignoring everyone who is sat in the living room still in their black clothes.

His daughter's tombstone will forever be etched into my mind now and I shudder, shutting the door behind us. "How are you feeling?" I walk to him, cupping his face in my hands as he sits on the large bed in the middle of the room. I wanted to keep him talking, no matter what.

Luke is stolid, his face expressionless when he simply shrugs. "I don't know."

Those three simple words leave me feeling helpless yet again. "We should—change." He murmurs, unbuttoning his suit coat mindlessly with shaky hands.

"Okay. I'll run you a bath. How does that sound?"

I kiss him on the top of his head and make my way to the bathroom without waiting for his reply. He doesn't need to see my crying again, it will only make him feel worse which at this point, I doubt is not possible for either of us.

I blink away the tears and look around the bathroom, seeing the massive tub right in the corner. I turn on the tap and let it fill up as I rummage a nearby cupboard for something to put in the bath.

I hear footsteps, Luke silently padding into the bathroom, still in his clothes. He stands in the middle of the bathroom like he is lost, staring blankly at the rising water level of the bathtub.

I find a bath gel and pour some of it into the tub, the scent instantly spreading into my nostrils.

When the tub is full, I turn off the tap and turn to Luke who is still staring at the soapy water. "Baby." I murmur and his eyes snap out of their trance, his gaze moving to me.

"Get in with me." He says a little plead at the back of his voice.

I move towards him and unbutton his shirt, sliding it off his arms gently. "Okay." I agree and he takes his pants off along with his boxers, climbing into the bathtub.

I pull down the zipper on the side of my dress and drag it down my body, stepping out of it and leaving it on the floor, my underwear joining it. The fact that this is the first time we are completely naked in each other's presence doesn't worry me or embarrass me like it would have on any other occasion.

I get into the large bathtub and sit across from him as shivers run up my spine and goose bumps raise on my skin at the temperature of the water. The soapy white bubbles pop against my skin and Luke takes my arms, gently tugging at me to come closer so that I am straddling him, our naked bodies flush against each other, leaving absolutely no space between us. Water laps over the tub at the movement and I run my hands up his strained shoulders and to the back of his head, tangling my fingers in his hair.

He groans faintly and his strong arms hold me close against him. Luke looks up at me, his eyes puffy and rimmed with red and the light blue of his irises turned to a much darker shade now and I know even after everything in my life, after everything I have experienced, my heart has never felt this much devastation. "I love you," I whisper, deflating into him, moving his head to rest on my chest and resting my head on top of his.

"Don't ever leave me." He murmurs. His words jab at my heart and I pull away a little so I can look into his eyes.

The short few months I've spent with him has made me a new person, a person who is less afraid of herself and the world, a person who is strong enough and capable enough to pull us through this without giving in. I just pray that one day, he can say my name without it haunting him.

I place my fingers under his chin and lift his head, "You listen to me mister, and you listen to me very carefully," I swallow the lump in my throat. "You have put steel in my bones and sucked the poison out of my blood. No one did that for me but you. You have cleared the ashes in my lungs and breathed life into me. You loved me when no else could too and I will never, ever leave you. You can fall apart in my arms and I will glue you back, this time, I swear to you, I will never leave you. Do you understand?"

Luke looks absolutely stunned and my heart soars because I know I got through to him, he heard me and now he knows, he knows that he is not alone. "Thank you." He chokes out and his mouth crashes into mine. Lips, tongue, and teeth and all of his pain, loss and raging anger, mixing in with my own as we give each other silent promises with every touch and kiss.

I wouldn't be surprised if the world was set aflame by our grief as together it passed into the air between us and out to the world that made us this; broken and bleeding creatures who belonged to each other.

A/N:

Two more chapters left and then the Epilogue. It'll take awhile tho because my most important exams are this month, bare with me fam.

Oh and, Happy New Year, lovers.