"and I try to wash you away but you just won't leave."
- Halsey

**

I keep my eyes closed as consciousness washes over me, letting myself come back to my senses in their own time.

I seem to be passing out and waking up to not so great situations these days so this time, I force myself to keep my eyes shut, preparing for whatever it might be. I hear the beep of a monitor somewhere close by and hushed voices distantly.

"Luke?" I murmur incoherently.

Someone's weight shifts near my feet. "Sierra?" Adelaide's voice comes into focus as she touches my hand. I open my eyes a sliver and take in the dim room. 

"What happened?" I manage to ask groggily, dragging a hand over my face.

"You fainted so the doctors put you on a saline drip." She points at my forearm and I groan at the tube with the needle going into my arm. 

"Where's Luke?" I question Addy and she nudges her head to the left, and there, next to my bed is another bed with Luke's sleeping form in it. I rake my eyes over him, looking for any injuries automatically and see that his hands are bandaged but other than that, he seems to be fine and sleeping. I breathe a sigh of relief and shake my head.

Nothing is wrong this time.

"They knew if either of you woke up you would freak out without the other so we made them put you in one room," Addy explains with a smile.

"Thank you." I sit up and she hands me a glass of water, I drain the glass in one go and feel the cold liquid as it goes down my throat and into my stomach.

"Where's everyone else?" I clear my throat.

"They were all here but then I convinced them to go to my place and get changed and come back later. They've all been awake for three days." Addy brings all her hair to one side of her shoulder.

"You should get some rest too," I suggest, noticing the dark circles under her eyes.

Addy makes eye contact with me for a nervous second before she looks back down at her hands in her lap. "I can't leave you alone. I've done too much of that already."

"Addy—" I begin but she shakes her head.

"I've been meaning to...talk to you. I know so much has already happened but while I was sitting here watching over the two of you, I realised I've been distancing myself from you for nothing." A tear slips down her cheek and I quickly lean over, reaching for her hand.

A look passes over her face and she moves closer to me on the bed, tucking one of her legs under her other one. "Now is probably not the right time after all that has happened but I—I need to tell you, Sierra, I need to explain myself."

I search her face for any hints of what she is talking about but there is none. "Okay." I give her a slight nod.

"When you went back home in the middle of the tour, a man showed up looking for me at one of the shows—"

"...and?" I furrow my eyebrows, wondering where this was going to go.

"He says he recognised me in one of the papers with Ashton, that I looked just like his wife...He said that he is my biological father, that they gave me up for adoption to a British couple the very day I was born."

I blink rapidly, wondering if I really am fully awake yet or not. "He's bluffing obviously—I mean, your parents—we...we were together since we were babies our parents are best friends...we would have known?" I fumble with my words.

"I thought so too. I confronted my parents about it..." She drifts off, utterly tormented.

I lean in impatiently, encouraging her to go on.

Addy sighs, sadness in her eyes. "They said they never wanted anyone to know, not even me."

I push through my own clouded thoughts and search my head for words of comfort to give her. "I'm sorry I wasn't there when this happened. This doesn't change anything though does it?" I ask her, rubbing circles on her palms like I used to do when we were teenagers and her heartbreak was only consolable by me.

"They are good people, they live in California and they wanted me to spend Christmas with them but then we were stuck in Ireland."

"Oh..." I mumble.

Addy sighs again. "Yeah."

Addy was just like her parents, she even had her mother's beautiful blonde hair. No one ever had a reason to think that she wasn't theirs.

Addy is quiet and I want to tell her about Luke and his baby with Ana and the purple roses wilting in my living room at this very moment but I don't, it is Luke's secret to share one day.

"I'm sorry." I sigh instead, running a hand through my hair and cringe at how greasy it's become.

"It's just," Addy begins "—you never see something like this coming. My parents have been trying to get me to come home but I've been avoiding them, they are my parents and I love them but they should have told me don't you think? Am I being selfish?" Her bluish grey eyes are shining with unshed tears.

"You're not being selfish. You have a right to know, I'm sure they thought it wouldn't make a difference. You will always be their daughter." I lean forward and wrap my arms around her, rubbing her back.

"I have two families now." She snorts.

"Three, counting mine," I whisper and she pulls away, looking into my eyes sadly.

"I'm sorry for everything. All of this consumed me and I just couldn't see you anymore for who you were, my best friend, my sister."

"I will always be your sister, I always have been, you know that," I smile at her, the weight of missing her freeing me.

"I know. I just couldn't bear it. Every time I was angry at my parents for keeping this from me, you were always in the picture too, in my childhood and I just—"

"I understand. You don't need to explain." I pull her into an embrace again, letting her shed silent tears.

"Sorry. I shouldn't be crying over my problems right now." Addy pulls away quickly, sniffling and rubbing at her eyes furiously.

"It's okay. I'm glad you told me. We will figure this out okay?" I nudge her and her familiar bright smile comes back.

"Okay." She sniffles as a nurse walks in, a clipboard in her hands.

"Oh good! You're awake. How are you feeling?" She asks and I shrug. "I feel fine."

She shines a light in my eyes and runs a couple of tests on my limbs and takes the needle out of my arm. "I'm trusting you to go easy on yourself." The nurse gives me a look, moving over to Luke's bed. "His sedation has worn off now, he will be waking up anytime now and then you can both leave." She says with a smile and walks out, snapping off her rubber gloves.

"I'll call Dave and tell him to come get us." Addy walks out of the room after the nurse and I lean back into the headboard of the bed, looking over at Luke.

His eyes flutter and he opens them a sliver. "Are they all gone?" He whispers and I surprise myself when a laugh leaves me.

"How are you feeling?" I ask with a smile I can't help. He turns onto his back and pats the bed so I get out of mine and climb into his.

Luke moves to the side and pulls me into his body. "I feel like complete shit." He laughs into my hair and groans at his dry throat so I reach over and hand him a glass of water.

After he has gulped it down, we lay in silence next to each other while he examines the bandages around his hands with tired eyes. "You really need to stop punching things." I chuckle.

"You really need to kiss me." He moans and brings my head closer to his, brushing his lips against my chapped ones.

Luke pulls away an inch and I lean our foreheads together. "I'm sorry I wasn't there when they came for you. I should have been there with you, not running to her."

"Will you stop blaming yourself for everything? You are only human, Luke."

"Yes but I'm your human." My heart twists at this and I can't help but kiss him again. 

"I'm alive. You're alive. We are okay." I assure him.

Luke's eyes get distant at this. "She tried to take you away from me too." He scoffs like he can't believe her audacity.

I take his face in my hands, bringing his eyes to look into mine. "It's over now. We. Are. Okay." He nods slightly, kissing my hand.

Luke turns me so that we are spooning and we settle into the bed. I close my eyes but then the door opens and a worried Addy walks in followed by a looming Jamie. He looks like he has aged twenty years in the past couple of hours and he has a plaster over his nose.

Luke audibly groans and Jamie looks even more uncomfortable than he was a second ago. "I came to apologise. I really had no idea that she—"

"Where is her funeral happening?" Luke asks, cutting him off.

"What?" Jamie scrunches his forehead.

"You heard me the first time," Luke says arrogantly and I squeeze his hand in warning.

"Here, in New York," Jamie says, his voice hoarse.

"No. We are burying her in LA. I will arrange it." Luke states simply, sitting up and looking Jamie in the eye.

"I don't think that will be necessary..." Jamie starts but Luke stands up and walks around the bed. I scramble out of the bed quickly and position myself between them in case Luke starts another fight, Addy steps closer to me too.

"You know what isn't necessary for you right now? A lawsuit. So unless you want to mourn her death peacefully you will take her funeral to LA."

"Are you threatening me? About my dead fiancée?" Jamie steps closer and so does Luke.

"We are not fighting over this too, please," I say loudly and Luke's eyes flutter down to me for a second.

Luke grits his teeth. "I'm not threatening you. I'm simply requesting closure. I think I deserve that at least, after all that she has done."

Jamie stares at Luke for a long while, and then at me, down to the bandages around my wrists, and then back at Luke. His lips form a thin line as he runs a hand up his hair. "Fine. LA it is."

A/N:

My darlings I hope your holidays were absolutely amazing and hope you'll ring in the new year the best way possible. Hopefully, 2016 won't be as tragic as this year was.