Luke gets out of the shower and I quickly stuff the letter back into my bag and wipe under my eyes with my sleeve. He walks out with a white towel wrapped around his waist and stops short when he sees me standing in the middle of the room, most probably looking lost so I smile at him.

"I'll—um—I'm gonna take a shower too," I mumble and start walking towards the bathroom so he can get dressed.

Luke reaches out when I pass him and takes a hold of my wrist. "Sierra."

I perk my head up as he steps closer to me. There are droplets of water dripping down onto his shoulders from his hair and I fight the urge to grab the towel from around his waist and dry it for him.

"I'm okay." He says in a reassuring voice but it's like he is trying to convince himself more than me. I want to tell him that I don't believe that he is okay.

Instead, I say "Yes. You are." He nods a little and let's go of my hand. I walk into the bathroom with my arms wrapped around my body and shut the door behind me, leaning against it I take deep breaths. The room is still filled with steam so I turn on the shower and let it run while I sit on the edge of the bathtub and cry into my hands. Heath's words and Luke's heartbreak consuming my mind.

We finally get dressed as the light outside starts to get brighter and Luke wraps a soft lime green scarf around my neck. "Early present." He mumbles into my ear and lifts my hair out from under the scarf.

"It's beautiful. Thank you." I say, kissing him on the cheek.

As we pass through the corridor Luke bangs on the doors to wake everyone up. "Wake up!" He shouts but everyone is already in the kitchen and awake.

"You guys disappeared last night." Michael wiggles his eyebrows, his arms around Georgia while she stands at the kitchen counter with a steaming mug of coffee in her hands.

"That smells good," I say and she pours me a cup too.

"Thank you," I take it from her gratefully, the warmth already spreading through my body.

"Where is Calum?" Luke asks the room.

"Morning." A sleepy Calum says coming from the general direction of the room he sleeps in, Montana follows him out and they join us in the kitchen. She comes to stand next to me and lays her head on my shoulder. "It's cold." She hums under her breath with a yawn.

"Yeah." I murmur, offering her my coffee cup. There is a comfortable silence in the house, everyone either too sleepy or lazy to say much.

The front door of the cottage opens and Dave comes in. "Oh good. You're all awake. Let's go, Fred has something to show you." He waves at us to join him.

"Uh oh." Georgia huffs, giving us a look as we all shuffle to pile on layers of coats and beanies.

"You look like a penguin." Luke laughs as I wad around the room in my sweater and two coats trying to track down my boots among the others.

"Is that why you're into me? I remind you of your true species?" I laugh and he pecks me on the forehead, handing me my burgundy boots.

I manage to slip them on without falling over and we step out into the snow. We take a pathway to the right that goes around the house and to the front.

"So the airports and roads are finally open." I hear Ashton tell Luke behind me in a slightly disappointed tone. No one really wants to leave this place. This is the most privacy they have had in years.

"We have off till New Year's ball?" Luke asks and Ashton must have nodded a confirmation.

New Years Eve Ball. So much had to be done and as much as I loved it here, I couldn't wait to get back to New York. I haven't been home in so long my chest tightens a little.

But would going back home mean I wouldn't see Luke for awhile? Will he go back to Australia or Los Angeles? Maybe I should ask him to come back with me to New York. I don't want to be without him.

Montana squeals and I look up from my snow covered boots as everyone comes to a stop.

A glint catches my eye and I notice the sunrise reflecting off the shiny surface on the ground. "Was that the pond?" Addy asks and Luke answers. "Yeah."

I look up at him and he mouths "Surprise!"

Dave reaches into a large cardboard box nearby that was probably dragged out of the garage and pulls out ice skates by their laces.

"No way. You did this? When?" I question Luke.

"I didn't. I brought it up and Fred said the neighbours owned a Zamboni." He grins from ear to ear at his genius plan and his baby blues shine for a second just like the ice.

"I love you," I whisper and a cloud of air rushes out of his mouth. He nods vigorously and takes a pair of white skates from Dave, pulling me down onto the snow to tie them on for me.

I vow myself to keep saying those three words until he stops looking flustered and scared every time.

We burst out laughing at Ashton who slips and falls the second he stands up. Addy helps him up slowly with a laugh and guides him along, eventually tripping again and falling over each other.

Luke ties my last skate and helps me stand. "Aren't you coming?" I ask and he shakes his head. "I'll watch."

"Come on!" I whine and tug at his hand but he shakes his head again. "I'll spare myself the embarrassment of falling."

I step onto the ice on wobbly feet and stand there attempting to steady myself. I haven't skated in a very long time but I eventually get the hang of it again. One foot in front of the other, glide, change foot.

I squeal as Montana passes by me in a fast blur, we all go in circles around the large frozen pond and Addy reaches out for me for a second too, forgetting that she is angry at me. We twirl and laugh and Georgia shows us tricks and I almost break a couple of my bones. The cold air pricks at my skin but I start to warm with the physical activity.

I wave at Luke who is leaning against a snow covered tree, watching us with a smile, Sally, and Dave at his side.

---

Luke's Point of View

I heard her crying in the shower. She thought I didn't and I didn't let on that I did. Every time she says that she loves me, my lungs refuse to work and my mouth goes dry. Last night was horrible and I wish she didn't see it but a part of me is glad she did.

The girls glide on the ice and their laughs resonate through the trees and disappear into the snow. Calum and Ashton have given up on the skating already and is sitting on the ice, watching their girlfriends skate. Michael is half freezing himself to death while attempting to make a snow angel on the ground.

Sierra twirls and comes to a stop, her eyes finding me. She waves happily and is distracted again a second later when Calum blasts some music on his phone.

"She is lovely," Sally says. She has stopped talking Dave's ear off and has turned to me.

"Yeah, she is." I agree with the old woman.

"How long have you two been together?" She questions me

"Not long." I murmur, furrowing my eyebrows. How long have we been together? I'll have to do the math later.

Sally pats my hands with her gloved ones. "She loves you very much. I can see it." She smiles.

I search the old woman's face, wondering how she knows this. "It is not confusing. It is not hard to see, the way she looks at you. People used to say I looked at my dear Fred that way. We were inseparable. I cannot imagine a life without him."

I look over at Sierra again, she is seated on the ice now, laughing at something Ashton is saying. Her brown hair blows softly in the wind around her. Her cheeks and nose pink with the cold.

"I don't deserve her love," I tell the woman without thinking and drag my eyes back to look at her, too late to take back the words.

"And why is that?" She asks and her caring voice makes me miss my mother all of a sudden.

"I have nothing good to give her. She deserves good. She has had enough bad handed to her." I tighten my coat around me as the wind picks up a little. The snow is starting to cover the frozen layer of the pond again.

"It's not about giving good or bad. It's about how you help her fight it. No one can give her good or bad. It is only the person up there—" she strains her neck up and points at the sky. "—who decides who gets what. We are all only human my dear." 

She touches my shoulder. "All you can do is pay attention to how people love you, it will all become worth it then." She smiles warmly at me and pulls me into a hug.

"Thank you," I mumble into her coat.

"Don't let her go because you think you aren't enough. That is the worst kind of self-destruction. Believe me, my dear boy, I have lived it first hand." She squeezes my arm one last time and walks back towards the house, the freezing cold too much for her frail body to handle any longer.

I wonder what she had lived through, I want to hear her story, what it was like but I don't ask.

Self-destruction. That is my greatest strength and even though I'm the only one that knows it, I feel humiliation and shame running through me as if I have just announced it to the entire world.

Pay attention to how people love you.

"Luke!" Sierra calls and I snap my head up to find her, thinking she is in trouble but she is waving at me with a smile on her face.

"Come see this!"

---

After the initial shine and the smoothness of the pond made by the Zamboni are gone and covered with snow, we finally get back to the cottage to warm ourselves.

We spend Christmas Eve at the Rayners house again, baking some more and watching movies and singing carols. When the clock hits twelve, everyone cheers and we decide to open presents at that moment instead of waiting for the morning because Sally says "Nonsense, by now I'm sure you all know Santa doesn't exist." Michael frowns a little at this.

I give everyone my presents that I bought one by one during the tour but have nothing to give the Rayners since I didn't know we would be with them for Christmas.

They wave away our concerns and say that our presence itself is all that they need. Sally gives us all a Christmas sweater that she herself made for us. Mine is purple with green trees and red reindeer. I put it on immediately and almost cry at the softness of it.

"Thank you so much." I hug her and miss my own grandmother who passed away a couple of years ago. She used to make my sweaters too and bought me socks every year for Christmas.

I pull out the last gift box from my bag and step through all the plates of food and wrapping papers on the ground, making my way back to Luke who is seated on the floor next to Ashton.

He pulls me down in between his folded legs and I fall with a yelp. He tickles my sides and stops me from wiggling out of his hold. "You look so cosy in three layers of sweaters I want to take you to bed." He murmurs in my ear over the chatter and music in the room.

"It was made with grandmotherly love. Mind your mouth, Hemmings." I giggle and hand him the rectangular box. The champagne in my belly warming my body.

"What's this?" He asks quietly.

"Your present," I say.

"You shouldn't have."

"But I did." I huff and he wraps his arms around my waist, opening the box on my lap.

I help him with the tape and he lifts the lid of the box. For a second, I think he won't like it but then his head drops onto my shoulder.

"Oh...my god." He whispers, a strain in his voice.

I start blabbing nervously. "I didn't know if you would like it and I—I didn't know what to get you so I thought I'd do something like this...do you like it? We can change it if you don't."

He takes the chain out of the box and runs his hand over the silver tag attached to the long black chain. A smaller version of the tree and the birds on his back look up at us.

"How did you get my tattoo on it?" He asks softly.

"I drew it for the person and he etched it on the tag for me," I explain.

Luke moves it closer to his face so he can inspect it and I turn my head to look at him. His eyes glaze over as he reads the inscription on the back.

I had the store stamp the words I will carry you on the back of it, an alteration to the words on his back.

He looks at the necklace awhile longer and then slips it over his neck. "It's the best gift I have ever gotten in my entire life." He says and kisses me like the world is ending.